Many parents will reflect an important problem in the process of raising their children. My children don't respect me. When they were young, they lost their temper when they were unhappy. When parents talk to older children, they are often ignored, have difficulty in communication, often talk back to their parents and ignore what their parents say. .....
This makes many parents really wronged. I love my child so much and give so much for him. Why can't I change my children's basic respect for me?
In fact, the problem is not the children, but the parents. The reason why children become disrespectful to their parents is actually caused by their parents' wrong upbringing, which also reflects the failure of education to some extent. What kind of education is a failure? Let's take a look.
1. Spoil unprincipled children
There is a kind of parents who can give their hearts to their children, but they can't get their respect. They meet children's various requirements without principles, and there are no rules to regulate their words and deeds and give them various special treatments. In the end, children's status is getting higher and higher, and parents are getting humble. Such doting and overprotection will not only make children remember their parents' love and dedication, but also make them think that they are the center of the whole world and can call the shots. Most of these children are selfish and overbearing people, and there is no one else in their hearts.
I have seen such news.
A boy of 12 years old in Jiangsu province broke the articles in the teahouse and asked his mother to pay for it. When the mother said something about him, the child put his hand on his mother on the spot and grabbed her neck in public.
A boy in his 10 s hit his grandmother in the street and kicked her with his feet. He was quite disdainful and even swore at the accusations of passers-by What makes people angry is that this grandmother did not say a malicious word, but also protected her grandson.
We should know that overindulgence of children will lead to the imperfection of children's personality and personality defects, which is harmful to their own growth.
When children grow up, they will inevitably meet what they want, but they can't get it. This is a link he must go through, from which he can feel disappointed and frustrated. Parents don't have to be sad about it. They should guide children to learn, understand and adjust their emotions in setbacks, so that children can gradually understand that they are not omnipotent.
In this process, children will break the all-round narcissism in infancy and move towards a sound and mature personality. He will gradually understand the boundaries between people, understand that others' contribution to himself is not taken for granted, gradually develop empathy, know how to respect adults, and learn to cherish gratitude and return love.
2. Don't know how to respect children
Many parents don't realize that their children are as equal and independent as themselves. They think that children are their personal belongings, and they can make their own arrangements and treat them as they want. In fact, this is an ideological misunderstanding. In this cognitive way, it is easy to have some wrong educational methods, such as ignoring and denying children's feelings and ideas, not paying attention to children's needs, not meeting children's needs, and laughing at children. I promised my child that I didn't do it. I couldn't listen and answer what the child said carefully. I arranged everything for the child and controlled the child according to my own ideas. ...
Obviously, these educational methods are contrary to children's self-esteem and independent needs, and respect is mutual. If parents lack respect for their children's education, then children will not respect their parents.
This is why when many children reach puberty, they obviously become fond of contradicting their parents, ignoring their parents, and even starting work. A very important reason is that children's self-awareness is enhanced in adolescence, and they are psychologically eager for independence and more free space. I often get lost in thought.
When parents don't understand these psychological characteristics of children, they will feel that children have been disobedient before and always deliberately opposed to themselves.
If parents don't adjust their education methods in time at this time, there will be more and more contradictions between parents and children, and the distance will be farther and farther, and parents will gradually lose their children's trust.
Therefore, no matter what stage children are in, they need the respect, understanding and appreciation of their parents.
3. Didn't set a good example for children.
Mo Yan said: Everyone received family education as early as birth, which is also the most affected family education. This kind of education has words and deeds, and even I think example is more important than words and deeds.
Many parents always use double standards to demand their children. Don't let children watch TV and play mobile phones, but chase dramas and play games every day to brush short videos. Children must go to bed early and get up early, but they can go to bed late in the morning. Children love reading, love reading, but never touch books. ...
Parents who can truly win the respect and trust of their children must be parents who strive to be themselves and have a positive impact on their children with their words and deeds. Parents with children should pay more attention to their words and deeds, constantly strive to improve themselves, and convey excellent qualities such as diligence, positivity, strength and never giving up to their children.
So what kind of family education is successful?
1. Have authority in front of children
If parents want their children to listen to their own words and be willing to receive their own education, they must improve their self-cultivation and learn how to be strict with themselves as parents, so as to educate their children. At the same time, we should actively learn to supplement our own shortcomings in time, establish a tall image in children's hearts, let parents speak with weight, and establish prestige in children's hearts.
Only by teaching students in accordance with their aptitude can we be targeted.
When educating their children, parents must understand their children's psychology and inner world, and teach them in accordance with their aptitude, so as to be targeted. At the same time, we should also respect the reasonable needs of children and don't impose our opinions on them.
I often put myself in others' shoes,
Parents should put themselves in their children's shoes, often change their psychological position, and understand their children's distress more deeply, so as to understand their needs more deeply. Only when parents share their worries and joys with their children can children feel their love, be willing to be close to their parents, be willing to listen to their parents' teaching, and the educational effect will be greatly improved.
4. Educate children to be witty and rational.
When parents criticize their children's mistakes, they pay attention to ways and means. Instead of directly beating and cursing, they let their children realize their mistakes first and then encourage them to correct them.
Family education is based on perceptual education, parents influence infected children with their own actions through words and deeds, and school education is based on systematic rational education. Whether it is the truth of being a man or the study of many subjects, we should guide students to know not only why, but also why, so as to truly lead students into the hall of science and improve their ideological quality, humanistic quality and scientific and technological quality. Both are indispensable and both are very important. As parents, we should constantly improve our educational methods so that our children can grow up healthily and happily.