Many times, children are confident around their parents. Once you leave your parents and encounter difficulties, you will shrink back. The change of children's "hero at home, bear outside" often gives parents a headache. So, what can be done to make children face difficulties and become real heroes?
In fact, children love to show off and have heroic feelings. When they want to attract others' attention, they will do some "heroic acts". Once things go beyond their scope, they will become hesitant, afraid and have no confidence to solve the immediate problems. Why is this?
The answer is still on parents. When children initially flinch in the face of difficulties, parents' impatient attitude makes them more afraid of facing difficulties. Sometimes, parents will worry that their children will be injured, and they will forbid their children to do some dangerous things and let them run when they are in danger. Parents even plan every step of their children's growth, so that children have no chance to "struggle" with difficulties. Moreover, sometimes children encounter difficulties and want to solve them, and parents will blame them. Over time, when children encounter difficulties again, they will be at a loss, eager to escape or shirk their responsibilities, and become more and more "bear-bear".
Xiaotian is a boy who has just finished junior high school. Clever as he is, it takes three minutes to do things. When he is in trouble, he will flinch.
When Xiaotian knows, his parents will praise his behavior and praise him for staying away from "danger" for safety. But as time went on, when Xiaotian grew into a big boy, his cowardice and evasion worried his parents.
In that hot summer, Xiaotian said to his parents, "Can I learn to swim?
Mother thought about it and thought that her son really should learn something, so she agreed to go swimming with her father three times a week.
But when he reached the swimming pool, Xiaotian got cold feet. He is always worried that he can't float in the water.
"It's okay, have a coach and dad to protect you, what are you afraid of? Dad encouraged.
But Xiaotian remembers that when he said that he would learn to swim when he was a child, his mother once scared him and wouldn't let him play with water, so he didn't have the courage.
"Classmate, it's okay, the water is very shallow, there will be no danger. The coach said with a smile. Xiaotian is still afraid to go into the water, just hiding behind his father and afraid to take a step forward. Xiaotian's father is a hothead. Seeing that my son is so timid, I dare not face this little difficulty. He suddenly got angry, grabbed his son's arm and dragged him into the water, which made Xiaotian cry.
A teenager was scared by the water and cried loudly. Xiaotian's father felt that he had lost face. At that time, he was very angry and hit Xiaotian. Now, Xiaotian is crying even harder.
There are still many children learning to swim in the swimming pool. Most of them are younger than Xiaotian. Seeing that Big Brother is so timid, not only can't swim, but also dare not go into the water, everyone laughs.
"Big brother is useless, a few difficulties can't be solved, just a pool of water, what's to be afraid of! '
"Is that I dare to play with water at the age of five, big brother really shameless.
"This father is not good. Parents who beat their children are not good parents. Others pointed to Xiaotian's father and said.
Xiaotian's father also felt that his behavior just now was a bit inappropriate. Usually, even if he is worried about the child's character, he will try not to let himself. He made it himself. Why didn't he hold back today?
"Xiaotian dad, I think you'd better go home today. Will you come back after the child's mood calms down? Coach is a little worried, too. If the father and son continue to make trouble like this, he won't be able to take swimming lessons.
Dad had no choice but to take Xiaotian home.
As soon as he got home, Xiaotian threw himself into his mother's arms like a child and began to cry again. Mom quickly asked, "What's the matter? '
"Dad hit me. Xiaotian said with grievance.
"How did you hit the child? Mom asked.
Dad sighed and told what happened in the swimming pool. After listening to this, my mother sighed again and again and said, "He didn't dare to go into the water. Why did you hit him? "
"I coax him? I think he is such a bear now, and you are used to it at ordinary times! I will never care about him again. You can teach him yourself. Dad slammed the door angrily and left.
Although my father said that he would leave Xiaotian alone, he secretly cared about his son. No matter what he does, he always thinks about how to correct the problem of children escaping from difficulties.
Family education in the study tour of Qingcheng's spiritual growth (image source network)
One day, he saw a report about the disabled in the newspaper. He was very moved after reading it. He called Xiaotian to his side and said to him, "Look at this report. Although these people are disabled, they never give up hope for life. When they faced difficulties bravely, they not only lived themselves, but also lived better than us normal people.
Xiaotian was also very moved after reading it, thinking, if only I could face the difficulties bravely like them.
Dad continued: "In fact, the difficulty is not so terrible, mainly because we spoiled you too much when we were young, and finally hurt you, alas!" If I knew today, I would exercise you well: in that case, you must be a little hero now. "
"In fact, I am also quite a hero." Xiaotian whispered.
Dad listened to his son's answer and said happily, "How about we face the difficulties together?"
"But there are a lot of things, I really dare not ..."
"I tell you a secret. In fact, my father was a coward when he was a child. He runs when he encounters difficulties and cries when he encounters setbacks. "
"Then how did you correct it? Xiaotian asked.
Dad said, "At that time, your grandfather said that children should not be afraid. Difficulties are like springs. If you are weak, it will be strong, and if you are strong, it will be weak. Later, after listening to your grandfather's words, I got up the courage to face it and found that it was really like this. Since then, I am no longer afraid of difficulties, but hope to encounter more difficulties, because I think this is a test for me. Only by overcoming difficulties can I feel like a hero. "
Xiaotian said nothing, and his father suggested, "Well, let's go to the swimming pool tomorrow and see for yourself if swimming is really that difficult." ? This time, dad promised not to get angry or hit anyone! "
"Well, ok, I'm leaving!" Xiaotian finally nodded his head.
Put it in the water, and gradually the whole person is immersed in the water. When the fear completely disappeared, he found himself floating. Swimming turned out to be such an easy thing.
Family education in the study tour of Qingcheng's spiritual growth (image source network)
What's the difficulty? It is like a spring. Strong is weak, weak is strong. Therefore, parents should educate their children not to escape from difficulties, to face them positively and try their best to solve them. In the story, Xiaotian's parents are a pair of stupid and clever people. When Xiaotian was young, they loved their children too much, which made them afraid to face difficulties. When they grew up, they first expressed concern about Xiaotian's character and made severe criticism and abusive education. When it was found that it didn't work, Xiaotian's father found the right education method, changed their views on difficulties with real examples in life, and told their childhood performance, which resonated with them. Finally, with the help of his father, Xiaotian realized that facing difficulties was not terrible.
In children's eyes, parents are their own heroes. Parents can do anything and are not afraid of anything. Therefore, when children know that their parents used to be "bears" but become "heroes" through hard work, they will not only look down on their parents, but also want to change themselves and become "heroes" like their parents.
In the process of children's growth, if parents regard difficulties as a test, teach children how to face difficulties, overcome difficulties and let them experience the joy of solving problems, children will be more frustrated and brave to face all kinds of tests in life.
In addition, parents should cultivate their children's awareness of "difficulties" in daily life, so that children can understand that life is not smooth sailing. When encountering difficulties, we must face them bravely and calmly and try our best to solve them. No matter whether the final result is success or failure, children can learn useful knowledge from it and pave the way for his later life. Parents should let their children know that difficulties are actually opportunities. Overcome, there will be unexpected gains. If you give up halfway, he will lose a lot.
In fact, children are very vague about difficult boundaries. What parents think is difficult, children may find it difficult. Therefore, when parents cultivate their children's awareness of difficulties, they should not worry too much for fear that their children will be hurt, but should make good use of encouraging words to motivate their children to face difficulties. For example, "You can do it", "Dad believes in you" and so on. These encouraging words "You are the best" can improve children's self-confidence in the face of difficulties and give them a positive and optimistic attitude towards life.
The trick of discipline
When a child is young, parents should not deprive him of the opportunity to "struggle" with difficulties because he is worried about his injury.
When a child encounters difficulties and wants to solve them by himself, parents should not discourage him with a bad attitude, but encourage him and give him some help. Don't be stingy with your praise when he overcomes difficulties.
Parents should cultivate their children's "difficulty consciousness" and let them experience the happiness of solving problems, so that children will not be afraid of difficulties. (Source: "Good children are not punished-the educational methods of excellent parents" Guo Zhigang)
Qingcheng, China's first youth spiritual growth study platform. Through the measurement and evaluation of psychology, advantages, personality and emotional intelligence, we can gain an objective and comprehensive self-cognition, and help teenagers accept themselves, awaken their inner strength, get a breakthrough in thinking and change their behavior patterns through guidance, training, consultation and study tour. Committed to making every child the best of himself! Strive for the sustainable competitiveness of China teenagers and China!