After becoming a mother, I experienced hesitation, anxiety and even depression. I'm worried that no one will take care of my children. I want to take care of them myself, but I am forced to make a living. I must try to find a balance between family and work. This year's Double Eleven, I spent a lot of money on a lot of books. Most of them are parenting education. I want to learn parenting knowledge from now on and take fewer detours on the road of parenting.
I recently read a book "When I Meet Someone". The subtitle of this book is "Mother-child relationship determines all the relationships of children". The author is a psychologist Sydney who has been engaged in psychological research for nearly ten years. From the perspective of psychoanalytic psychology, she elaborated on the influence of mother-infant relationship on a person's life character and destiny.
This book is divided into five parts: consciousness, attitude, relationship, internal and external. From these aspects, the importance of establishing mother-infant relationship and the influence of mother on baby are expounded. I have gained a lot, so I will share it with you here.
The first part talks about the intimate state of mother-infant relationship, children's night crying, sleep training, delayed gratification, regression and other related contents. What impressed me most was the chapter "Sleep Training". The author believes that the baby's crying needs parents to respond in time, so that the baby can feel the existence and care of parents. She disapproves of the idea that "babies need to be corrected" and the sleep training based on this idea. I agree with you very much. As a treasure mother, I always hope that my child can grow up with love and feel my love for him. However, I have made such a mistake. When the child was 6 months old, his night milk became very frequent, sometimes as long as four or five times, and I felt very tired. So I want to cut off his night milk by artificial means. One night at two o'clock, the baby cried and cried very sadly. He needs milk. But at this time, I just picked him up and made him cry, without giving him milk to drink. In this way, he cried off and on for an hour. Later, I saw a message in other places that crying for a long time would damage the brain, so I felt deeply guilty and guilty about my previous behavior. Fortunately, I didn't give any sleep training to my children, and I didn't forcibly wean them at night. When he cried, when he needed me, I picked him up, comforted him and responded in time. Later, the situation of children eating night milk gradually improved, and the frequency changed from many times to once or twice. I can sleep better, too.
In the second chapter "Attitude", the subtitle given by the author is "Let go of judgment and see completely". In this chapter, the author talks about children's growth, respecting children's feelings, developing intelligence from experience and the relationship between children and society. I especially like the section "The development of intelligence comes from experience rather than knowledge". Many times in life, we often hinder the development of children. The author believes that parents should give their children the space to feel and experience all kinds of things freely, and don't use our parents' narrow minds to limit their children's possibilities. I recall that when my baby was eight months old, when he was playing with toys or exploring new things, I often interrupted him to avoid his danger, regardless of his feelings, which led him to lose interest in exploring new things. In fact, as long as parents ensure the safety of their children and can watch them at any time when they are playing, they can keep them away from danger and in a safe state. So if children explore things by themselves, let them go, and don't interrupt or stop them. Because it is not knowledge that can really develop intelligence, experience is the nutrition that nourishes children's mental embryos.
In the later part, the author goes on to talk about the communication mode of childhood, a person's internal and external growth. Parents' responses can bring different feelings to children. Positive responses can make children optimistic, while negative responses often make children depressed. Mothers play a more important role in parents. She not only undertakes the work of gestating life, but also establishes a good mother-child relationship with her children. Therefore, the mother's education method is particularly important in family education. Our parents don't need to be perfect, but they need a very valuable quality, that is honesty. When the child wants a new toy very much, you are reluctant to buy it for the child because you have no money. But on the surface, you dare not admit it to your child, but tell him that his behavior is unreasonable. This is the dishonesty of parents, and such dishonesty will bring certain harm to children's psychology. What we really should do is to be honest and be honest with our children. If we can't afford a new toy because of lack of money, we can tell our children that we can't afford it for the time being because of lack of money, not because the children's own desires are unreasonable. The child may be disappointed for a while, but it won't hurt. As time goes on, he will understand his parents.
We often say that "the poor raise sons and the rich raise daughters." Often refers to the economically poor and the rich. The real enrichment is to enrich the child's heart. Don't restrict children's freedom or hinder their development. Give help to children when they need it. Don't deny any decision made by children. Give correct guidance on his growth path, and I believe that your child will become more and more excellent and will become your pride.