Some time ago, Li Xueqin got angry because she participated in a talk show. People like the way she mourned, like a joke with a northeast flavor, and like a philosophical joke after that boutique.

After careful study, Li Xueqin's jokes are full of sadness. This reminds me of many movies in Stephen Chow in the early years. 1 I didn't understand it for the first time. I smiled for the second time and cried for the third time.

Zhang Wei said that Li Xueqin was a genius, and Li Dan said that she had a gift. I think behind her funny but philosophical jokes, there are not only profound knowledge of Peking University, but also interesting life that others don't have. This may be because she used to be a hypochondriac.

Li Xueqin, now an interesting genius, used to be a hypochondriac. He was diagnosed with depression when he was in the fourth grade of Peking University.

She said that she was under great pressure, but her boyfriend was more pessimistic than her. When she was depressed, her boyfriend couldn't save her. At that time, it was like putting a rope around each other's neck and dragging each other to strangle each other.

When Li Xueqin was in the worst depression, she said that knowing nothing would make her sad, and she didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. At night, she often suffers from insomnia. I can only sleep when I am particularly sleepy, and I often have nightmares every night.

Later, Li Xueqin graduated from Peking University and went to new york University for postgraduate study, but she had to drop out of school because of depression.

At the worst time, Li Xueqin once scratched his wrist three times and then bandaged himself, feeling that he should not waste his time on suicide.

At the same time, Li Xueqin said a phenomenon, that is, many schoolmasters suffer from depression, and many people saw depression at the end of Peking University. Li Xueqin is treated in the Sixth Hospital of Beijing Medical University, the best psychiatric hospital. Students from Peking University can get a 10% discount for treatment there, more than 200 yuan at a time.

Why are excellent people more likely to get depression? Excellent, demanding people have a much higher chance of getting depression than ordinary people. For example, Cui Yongyuan, a well-known host, Pu Shu, a singer and Ren, an entrepreneur. They are all rare talents in the eyes of others, and they all need to look up, but they all have different degrees of depression.

Take Li Xueqin as an example. Many people think that the reason for her depression is related to her parents' divorce. It is true that this has some influence, but many children whose parents are divorced are not depressed. Why did Li Xueqin get it?

We can find the reason from her words. "I brought up my mother." My sister said that my mother was very unstable after her divorce. She often wipes her tears outside the door and then goes home to take care of her mother. Li Xueqin also said that in order not to let her parents feel that divorce has affected her, she can only study hard and keep herself in the position of 1.

Judging from these two points, Li Xueqin is a person with high self-demand, a sense of responsibility, or a little perfectionism. It is this perfection that makes her life particularly stressful, which can easily lead to depression after long-term accumulation.

If we look at the experiences of celebrities such as Cui Yongyuan and Pu Shu, we will find that they are all perfectionists.

Therefore, excessive pursuit of perfection will indeed make a person excellent, but it will also bring some negative effects.

As parents, don't ask too much of your children. Someone asked: What kind of children are more likely to get depression?

There can be many answers.

1, sudden changes, such as the sudden death of a loved one.

2, parents divorced, or parents often quarrel, the child's mind is traumatized.

3. Being subjected to violence, whether it is physical or verbal cold violence, may increase the risk of depression in children.

4. Neglected and depressed, such as having multiple children at home, children who are not loved, and children who have been depressed and depressed for a long time.

All these are easy for many parents to notice or take preventive measures. The reason why I want to talk about Li Xueqin's example today is to tell parents not to expect too much from their children during their growth, but to be alert to their perfectionist tendencies.

And children's "ideal self" is often produced under the unconscious influence of parents. If parents always send a signal that children should be excellent, strong, independent and even kind, and must be considerate of others, the result of these long-term infiltration is that children set high demands on themselves. However, everything goes too far and there are no shortcomings. The perfect child is a "problem" in itself.

You know, perfectionism is a double-edged sword. If it is not used properly, the child may become a depressed person in the future, even if he is a schoolmaster, celebrity or entrepreneur, reaching a high position in life.

Depression is like catching a bad cold. When he came, the patient just couldn't help thinking (sneezing), and when he saw the window, he would have the urge to fly down (fever). When depression strikes, these are difficult to control. Not exactly. Say a few words, you are already excellent. If you are depressed, you can solve it immediately.

We always say "nip in the bud", and psychological problems are often delayed reactions. It may be too late to adjust when the child has a problem. Therefore, if parents want their children to grow up healthily and happily, they must create a better family environment and make correct guidance for their children's growth path.

I hope our children are really happy, not "funny geniuses" who see through everything after depression, because not everyone can experience the process of depression. In my opinion, the funny Li Xueqin who lost her life is protecting her heart with "sadness". The melancholy "core" has not changed, but she has gained a lot of power to calm herself down. I hope she can heal herself more while healing others.

Let me talk about it. After all, this is the most likely situation in my career. As a doctor who deals with depression, especially adolescent depression, there are indeed some group similarities, and these similarities are often the potential causes of depression and even suicide in children.

What are the improper behaviors of parents? There is no way to judge whether others are good or bad, but I can infer the answers you want according to some common problems among patients with minor depression I have contacted, and what improper behaviors have an impact on children's depression and suicide.

1. Parents have emotional disharmony, especially divorce.

This is my deepest point. How can I put it? Last year, I treated several young depression patients who were still in junior high school or high school. Several little girls have a completely consistent common feature, and their parents are at odds. One of the little girls' parents quarreled all the year round and often scolded the girl loudly. Other girls are single-parent families, and their parents separated early because of emotional disharmony, or followed their father or mother. Although parents take good care of their daughters, obviously they can't give their children all the emotions they need.

I remember a little patient whose father didn't believe that she was depressed and didn't agree to take her to see a doctor. She ran to her mother's city and asked her to take her to see a doctor, but her mother refused her daughter's request on the grounds that she had to take care of her remarried brother. As a result, the little girl almost found a short life in a strange city.

Depression? Not depressed? With what? Just like my parents' own flesh and blood. Even if a bowl of water is uneven, it shouldn't make much difference, should it? Some unbalanced people can tolerate this unfairness, while some people have a deeper memory of this sense of helplessness and become more and more negative and pessimistic, resulting in depression and persistent depression.

3. Negative childhood experiences

In the pathogenesis of depression, there is a point called childhood negative events, which refers to the painful events that left a deep impression on patients in childhood. Such as childhood domestic violence, trauma or family integration. However, negative childhood events may not only lead to the occurrence and development of depression, but also cause the occurrence and development of most mental disorders including schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and separation and conversion disorder.

Negative childhood experiences may not only lead to diseases, but also often affect the formation process of personality, and also easily lead to material dependence, such as alcohol dependence or drug dependence.

4. Emotional support from parents

In the example mentioned above, the patient had a strong desire to seek medical treatment after suffering from depression, but the father didn't believe or admit the so-called depression at first, and the mother refused her daughter to stay in a foreign land on the grounds of taking care of the younger brother of the remarried family. When the girl needs the emotional support of her parents most, both parents choose not to support her daughter, so the girl has a strong sense of helplessness and despair, which in turn leads to impulsive suicide.

Therefore, in the absence of emotional support from family members, diagnosed patients are prone to despair and suicide.

In recent years, adolescent depression has an obvious growth trend, which is related to our society and of course to family background. Should our parents make some changes in order to make our children have a healthy childhood and a healthy mental state? I study social work in the direction of teenagers and have seen many cases. The psychological and physical growth of a teenager is closely related to his family background. The first place for children's socialization was in family of origin. Parents have a great influence on their children.

In childhood, if parents always abuse and beat their children unreasonably and belittle them in front of outsiders at will, children will lack self-confidence and think that nothing they do is right, and they will feel inferior and doubt themselves more and more in the process of growing up. When they grow up, their self-esteem will gradually be insufficient, and their inferiority complex will be shrouded in depression or suicidal tendencies.

Adolescence is an important period of people's socialization. At this time, the world outlook, values and outlook on life are gradually taking shape and need the support of families and schools. In the family, parents always compare with others, fail to see the advantages of their children, and put too much pressure on their study. Children don't feel the love from their families, or they don't trust or care about their children. The existence of parents has become a source of unhappiness for children, and family is gradually dispensable for children. This will make the growing teenagers feel inferior gradually, lose hope in life, become more and more depressed, and gradually tend to be depressed or commit suicide.

Parents have four behaviors in upbringing, which can easily lead to depression or suicide. A while ago, the Internet was full of videos of parents yelling at their children to do their homework, and the comment area was also full of echoes. Some parents even said that if children watch closely, they will have a good future. It is difficult for anxious parents to raise mentally healthy children. Don't bring your emotions to your children. They haven't grown up yet and need more patient care. Life is a one-way street. You and your child grow up only once, and there is no chance to start again. The highest price of trial and error is the wrong upbringing. Unfortunately, in any family, parents can't bear this kind of pain.

The following four main behaviors of parents can easily lead to children's depression. In severe cases, children will hurt themselves and give up their lives.

This epidemic is the longest cold period in history, and children spend a lot of time with their parents. Families with good parent-child relationship are more likely to cherish this rare time. If you feel particularly painful in the process of raising children, it must be because of the wrong educational methods. A harmonious family and good parent-child relationship are the best gifts for children's childhood.

To the extent of depression or suicide. I haven't studied medicine, so I can't teach others how to teach axes. Think of it as small talk.

I personally experienced a relative who chose extreme behavior to end his world trip last year [tears] [tears] [tears] which we didn't expect. Later, our relatives analyzed that his long-term illness was a factor. The problem is that his relatives used to be China People's Liberation Army. According to my father, it is impossible to take this road after being influenced by the army, which is equivalent to desertion. Then why did you do it? We keep thinking back to his past lives and find that the family cold war is the biggest factor. Because of various complicated reasons, he has become a marginal person at home, has no sense of existence and may suffer from depression for a long time. In fact, we went to the hospital several times and he was the only one lying down. Only the nanny happened to see a person depressed to the critical point. What is that kind of physical pain? If he is afraid of survival, then ending himself is called liberation. Sadness is more terrible than heart death.

Back to this topic, the relationship between parents and children is so much. The immediate problem for children is the control of freedom. As for the future, schools and so on are all parents' hopes. In fact, we don't know much about ignorant teenagers. Our adult minds can't replace them when they are young. Therefore, when guiding them back to the only way, we must follow the trend, not bully the weak and fear the hard.

So ask God to invite parents to discuss what behaviors lead to depression or suicide. I think parents have gone too far and forgotten the nature of minors. Make a study plan according to adults' ideas, set goals, stipulate the implementation framework, and follow up closely, forcefully and strictly. Children in this family atmosphere have been living in a "balloon" since they were sensible, blowing all the time, and they don't know when it will explode, because even their parents almost forgot to stop blowing. And their children regard family happiness as a luxury. It's sad [face] [face] They feel that they are not themselves, just living for their terrible parents, just like the cartoon "Nezha" they watched when they were young, and they can't carry their parents back in the end. They daydream all day, don't want to stop, and can't stop. Parents haven't finished so many plans, how can they stop? Long-term high-speed head movement is followed by various physical obstacles, sweaty palms, arrhythmia, sensitivity, despair and so on. At first, I held a little hope, maybe my parents would be happy to take me to the park or something, but the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment, and the more I felt that I didn't have a sense of existence. Then I hurt myself with self-mutilation, taking pain as a fact of existence. This action is often done by my relative. His wife and son actually said "pervert" and didn't pay attention to it.

If a person is dull and abnormal to some extent, it is estimated to be a sign of depression. If the giver is not careful, the balloon will eventually explode. Then depressed people will be relieved. In their depressed philosophy, they see through life and death and surpass themselves. What's the use of letting people around you live only with regrets? Blowing in the wind, a pessimist who has passed away, even if he is alive, disdains to see the sadness and tears of the living, alas!

The topic is too heavy, so be it.

So I met such a child. She is already suffering from severe depression. When chatting with me, she always mentions her parents with disgust. She always wants her parents to get divorced. She especially doesn't want to go home and live with her parents.

Later, I chatted with her and found that she didn't like her parents. It turns out that her depression is directly related to her parents.

She told me that she had little say at home. Her parents are very bossy. Growing up, as long as her parents said it, she had to do it, and she couldn't refute it. She can do it as long as her parents let her do it. She will never do it if she is not allowed to do it. After doing it, it's wrong.

She gave me an example. In the year when she is about to enter high school, her parents have already started to design and plan her future life. She told her parents that she was going to an art school instead of an ordinary university. Her mother said that she would go to a normal school as a teacher when she came out. Her father wants her to go to a foreign language school and become a translator when she comes out. Because of this problem, her parents have been quarrelling endlessly, and because of this problem, they have been quarreling and fighting all the time.

For this reason, she was embarrassed. She didn't adjust until senior three. Finally, she was admitted to a normal college. But after four years of school, she is not happy at all and is not interested in anything. She always finds her life boring. Finally found himself suffering from depression.

Sometimes when she chats with me, I can feel that she is abnormal, either depressed or sad, with a negative expression.

Because we are friends, I will also persuade her to relax, but she told me that she would not be happy unless her parents were gone.

It seems that sometimes parents' words and deeds do have a great influence on children, especially their thoughts, which will have a subversive effect on children's life. Don't deny children easily, don't use your own way of thinking to guide their lives, and don't impose your wishes and preferences on children. These are the root causes of children's depression.

what do you think?

Parents prefer sons to daughters, and their harsh words will directly lead to children's suicide.

My junior high school classmate, Qiu Hongxia, is a docile girl with a bad temper, but she is friendly to people. Because she is a daughter, she is not valued by her parents. Every year, she tries to pay her own tuition. Her father said, why can't a girl learn so much at home and eat as a meal?

That year, she failed in the college entrance examination, and she begged her parents to let her repeat one year, but her stubborn father refused, saying that it was better to save money to build a house for her brother and marry a daughter-in-law, and to drive her out to work. She refused, and her violent father swore at her and even punched and kicked her. Although the mother loves her, she is afraid of her husband's arrogance and can only secretly cry and persuade her daughter not to find trouble with her father.

One night in the midsummer of that year, the weak students packed all their luggage. When my father saw that she finally obeyed, he breathed a sigh of relief and showed a rare smile. He told her that you can't spend much money outside, send it back when you get paid, and save it for your brother.

She nodded silently and told her parents that she wouldn't spend a penny at home. Seeing that she was so sensible, her parents went to rest.

Wait until the next morning, my mother didn't get up yet, so she went to call her. At first glance, she was frightened: her daughter's head tilted to one side, her mouth was foaming, and she cried out loudly, but it was too late and her hands were cold!

Poor and honest girl, how can you be so stupid? Mom cried and shouted, but she couldn't hear anything!

Life is precious, no matter what, you can't be suicidal!

"Lucky people are cured by childhood all their lives; Unfortunate people have been healing their childhood all their lives. "

According to my personal experience, I summed up three "Don 'ts" and share them with you here:

1, try to solve some things and shouldn't quarrel in front of the children.

When parents and family quarrel, the child is still young and can't tell right from wrong, but he will be emotionally biased towards the one who is usually good to him. When the children are a little older, they will realize that the weak are worthy of sympathy. This is a process of leaving a shadow.

In this process, the child's body and mind become depressed, rebellious and even distorted with the noise.

If you notice that your child's words and deeds are different from those of normal children, please intervene in psychological assistance as soon as possible. Because the role has not been finalized, it can be reversed in time.

At this time, parents should avoid quarreling, create a peaceful family atmosphere, and let their children feel calm and warm.

Parents should remember that quarreling will only increase contradictions, and discussing how to solve problems is the key.

You shouldn't let your emotions affect your family.

Many parents work hard, they are not angry when they go home to talk, and their families are uncomfortable, so the contradiction escalates.

We often say mutual understanding. What is understanding? People at home understand the hardship of going out to make money, and those who make money understand that people at home have to face many complicated and trivial things.

Each has its own difficulties and hardships. Long live understanding. In this way, the atmosphere at home can be better.

Don't think that children are young and don't know so much, no matter how young they are, they have the ability to perceive. Don't believe it? Try to make a scene in front of a few months old baby, and the baby will definitely cry instead of laughing.

The child's mind is sensitive and fragile, and the superposition of panic and fear will cause inexplicable anxiety. If you want to escape from the atmosphere that scares you, you will be depressed over time.

When a child does something wrong, don't beat and scold at the first time, but understand the reason and find out the truth to guide.

When a child does something wrong, he must be very scared. At this time, if parents know the reason before deciding whether to punish, the child will be convinced.

If you don't ask the reason, the child will have a rebellious mood in his heart: if you want to fight anyway, just say nothing. So as to form a habit, you can get through it by being beaten, and you won't think it's a big deal next time you make a mistake.

This is the reason why some children insist on teaching and get more and more solid.

To educate a child, you must be a reasonable person before you can teach him to understand reason. It is parents' fault to vent their emotions before education.

Some parents are used to putting on airs and not being close to their children, but this is the biggest tragedy. Parents and children can communicate with him like friends and understand the child's voice.

There are many examples. Children educated by gentle parents are often sensible, while children in noisy families are generally emotional.

Many times, we can put ourselves in the other's shoes, and don't do to others what you don't want us to do to you.

Here's my personal experience: I grew up in a complicated family, and my mother and my grandparents didn't have a good relationship. Every time there is movement at home, I hide and tremble, helpless and afraid.

At that time, I was not happy, only scared; There is no encouragement, only scolding, and every day is like a year. I envy the birds flying in the sky, free and without quarrels. ...

Gradually, I lost my smile. At that time, I should be depressed and often want to leave this world. I tried to cut my wrist with a blade, and then I got scared and stopped bleeding. The scar is still very clear.

When I was eighteen, my first love died unexpectedly. The last straw disappeared and I felt lifeless. I ate a bottle of sleeping pills and lay quietly ... My life was exhausted and I was diagnosed with severe depression. Then go to the doctor to take medicine, now.

I know that the first love is just the fuse, and I have been depressed.

My words and deeds have influenced my children. She told her good friend that she was unhappy. After I learned that, it was unfortunate to deeply reflect on my childhood, and I couldn't let my children suffer. Now, she is a happy and healthy child.

This is the truth of a person who has been there: parents who pass by can have a look. I sincerely hope my advice can help you and make your children grow up happily.

Conclusion: Children are not only the continuation of life, but also the people we are willing to give everything for. It is our greatest wish that children grow up healthily and happily. When you feel that your emotions are about to explode, it is a compulsory course for parents to think about the original intention and consequences and learn to control their emotions. I want to talk about what behaviors of parents can lead to depression or suicide of children.

If a child is lively and lovely from birth, then the child must be a sunny child. In life, no matter in study or other aspects, he has gradually developed his own ideas. Because the parents of a family member are too strong, the child has to interfere in everything and impose the idea of strong parents on the child. In such a family atmosphere, it is bound to cause serious pressure on the child's heart over time. If the child's thoughts are not suppressed by his parents, the child's heart will gradually become depressed and even commit suicide.

Therefore, parents should stand in the children's perspective, listen to their ideas and encourage them. Parents should also learn to let their children realize their dreams when they are old. Only in this way can parents avoid the tragedy of depression or suicide.

Without self-motivation, it is easy for parents to get close to their children in various languages or actions, which will easily lead to depression.

Girls are smart and diligent since childhood, but they are timid and somewhat inferior.

The girl's parents are ordinary farmers. Although the family conditions are not particularly good, they are above average in the village.

The girl has only one younger brother and should be a very happy family.

But the girl's mother is so fierce that she can't lose anything. If someone says anything about her, she will definitely reply ten times.

What about the girl's father? Because he grew up alone, he had no brothers or sisters, and his parents died early. Before he became independent, he always ate a hundred meals.

To this end, he has always been particularly sensitive and self-abased. He feels that he is inferior to others everywhere, that he is inferior to others, that his family is inferior to others, that his wife is inferior to others, and that his children are inferior to others.

In our memory, every time we meet the girl's father, we never see him smile. He always sighs, which puzzled his neighbors. Obviously, their family is doing well, which is even harder than theirs, but few people are so sad every day.

I have often seen this girl working since she was a child. Similarly, I often hear quarrels at her house, which are nothing more than quarrels between the girl's parents for some trivial matters.

Her mother is always provocative. As long as the girl's father mumbles a few words, her mother can argue loudly for a long time. When her father gets tired of eating, he will start to smash tables and bowls. I heard that several cans were broken.

Girls usually clean up very carefully, but whenever something annoys her father, her father either scolds her with vicious language or kicks her directly.

From time to time, the girl's mother will launch a new round of abuse against her and her father.

When the girl was in the third or fourth grade of primary school, she once walked and chatted with a male classmate in the village, talking and laughing. Unexpectedly, her mother saw it. Her mother yelled at her at home and called her shameless. From then on, the girl had an inexplicable fear of the opposite sex, and no longer had any communication with any opposite sex, which directly affected her future marriage.

And her father scolds her almost every day. For example, if her brother and she rob things and she doesn't give them to her brother, his brother will start crying, and her father will directly scold her for bullying her brother and outsiders.

When I was in middle school, girls entered adolescence and didn't like dealing with people very much. Every time someone passes by the door, when her father sees that she doesn't say hello to others, he will mercilessly scold her for being stupid and she can't speak.

The neighbor borrowed her hoe and never returned it. The girl's father was embarrassed to ask for it, so he let the girl ask for it. When the girl didn't want to go, her father pointed at her nose and scolded her: "It's better to keep a dog than a daughter. When other children are a few years old, they will know to borrow things and return things. "

The girl's academic performance is getting worse and worse. Every time her grades come down, she is afraid to go home, because her grades have dropped a few points and she will be beaten several times. Several times in winter, neighbors saw the girl hiding in the straw at the door with the test paper, and they were afraid to go in.

Probably in high school, girls were almost reluctant to go out. I heard that she doesn't talk to anyone at school, and her face is numb. At home, her parents scolded her again, as if they didn't hear her at all.

I saw that the teacher in Grade Two advised her to quit school and let her parents spend more time with her before going to school, but her father directly drove her and the people in the village to go out to work.

Later, she worked outside and hardly went home. Her parents told her neighbors every day that she had no conscience and didn't call for half a year.

By the time she was almost 30 years old, the girl seemed to have only been home for no more than five times, and she could still hear the voices of family quarrels every time. The difference is that the girl will quarrel with her parents instead of tolerating their quarrels.

I seem to have married my husband's family outside in recent years, but I still don't go home very much. I heard my son say that her circle of friends wrote a paragraph on Mother's Day, probably because she didn't have much affection for her mother, and she was always depressed when she was with her parents, and now she just wants to escape and so on.

Depression should be caused by many reasons. I think affection is the most direct and deadly. Parents and children should not spoil love, nor kidnap each other in the name of love.

For parents, the last thing they should do is to force their children to do what they can't do, and let them complete the mission that adults can't do. How dare you?