Bai Shitong education
Introduction of Zongda
Expert in the expert database of the State Council Women and Children Working Committee Office;
Vice Chairman of the Professional Committee of Safety Education and Safety Management in Primary and Secondary Schools of China Education Association;
Vice Chairman of the Professional Committee of Home-school Co-education of China Family Education Association;
Vice President of Beijing Sex Education Association;
CCTV psychological interview and other column guests.
Two misunderstandings in education. mp3 00:00 12:06
What kind of education method to adopt for children has always been the focus of debate among parents.
Some parents are strict with their children, and some parents carry out stocking education for their children. People often compare these two ways of education, arguing whether the tolerance of cat mother or the strictness of wolf father can win the future of children.
Let's read a short story together.
Both parents are university professors and knowledgeable, but they have made great mistakes in their son's education.
As an old child, I have spoiled my son since childhood.
So that when my son grows up, he doesn't study hard, doesn't go out to work, stays at home all day, and has a particularly bad temper. He often beats and scolds his parents, and outsiders feel sorry for the old couple.
The son also sold the house that his parents had worked hard for decades, leaving no money for his parents to pay the rent. The old couple avoid their son like debt dodgers every day.
In the end, the old couple couldn't stand their son's unfilial behavior and took his son to court.
From the above story, we can find that the old professor and his wife adopted the way of loving education, but the children they eventually cultivated were indifferent, violent and selfish.
Why do parents who love their children so much teach indifferent, violent and selfish children?
Because parents ignore their children's feelings in the education process, they don't know or understand their inner thoughts.
Simply impose your will on your child and let the child gradually become selfish and indifferent.
As the saying goes, "there is no fixed method for teaching", and there is no fixed model for education.
Every family has different ways to get along with each other, every parent has different expectations for their children, and every child has different temperament.
Therefore, the tolerant education of mother cat can not adapt to all families, and the punishment education of father wolf may not be able to send the children to Peking University.
Zongda chose two different educational cases from fan submissions for detailed explanation.
Letters from fans
I have a best friend who gave birth to a lovely baby after several years of marriage. When I went to her child's birthday party, she said to me seriously, "I want to take care of this child myself." I want him to be the happiest child in the world and give him the most love. "
I can understand her feelings very well. Because her parents were very strict with her when she was a child, she always had almost strict requirements for her, so she wanted to be the first in the exam; Do housework by yourself at home; You can't spend money carelessly. ...
So her childhood was very difficult under the pressure of her parents, and she didn't want her children to experience this kind of pain.
For this child, she devoted 100% energy, from the baby's milk powder and clothes to the baby's toys and school.
In addition, the children's grandfathers, grandmothers, grandfathers and grandmothers all love their children in every way. The child is like a little prince, and six adults in the family take turns to show their love. It's really "afraid of falling in your hand and putting it in your mouth".
With the growth of children, they are accustomed to this responsive life. Faced with the infinite satisfaction of their parents, children gradually become arrogant, lazy and selfish.
At home, I don't know how to respect my parents and elders Often outspoken, making many unreasonable demands on parents. If I don't meet him, I will start to lose my temper, throw things around and even hit people at my parents.
At school, I often fight with my classmates, rob other people's children, and talk back to my teachers. I have been dropped out of four kindergartens, and now I play mobile phone at home every day and don't want to go to school.
Faced with this situation, my best friend worries about his children every day and thinks about whether his education method is wrong or not. He should not spoil his children like this.
Zongda's eye-catching
Rousseau, a French educator, said, "Do you know any method that can definitely make your children unhappy? This method is to be obedient to him. "
The mother above, in her heart, is like a child who has not grown up, angry with her parents. She regards her children as another self.
But sometimes we need to understand that we are by no means born qualified parents who are fooled by physiology. Parents are a big business that needs lifelong learning.
Mother's doting is a gentle trap. On the surface, it gives children a kind of love, but in fact it is the biggest poison to children.
At the same time, doting is also the laziest love, because parents don't have to consider what is right and what is appropriate for their children, but only need to meet their needs mechanically.
In this way, the children eventually cultivated will become their own enemies.
Because spoiled children are self-centered and are good at bringing many unnecessary troubles to others.
They are used to selfishness and only consider their own feelings, so at school, teachers don't like him and classmates don't like him.
Every parent loves his children very much, but everything should be controlled within a certain range.
Letters from fans
I am a high school student, and I want to share a story of my good friend.
My friends and I are neighbors. She has been lovely and gentle since she was a child, like an escaped princess. Everyone likes her very much.
She lives in a relatively wealthy family, and she has been well-fed since childhood. She has many beautiful clothes and lovely toys, but she has a nightmare childhood.
Her father is a grumpy and face-saving person who often compares his daughter with other children to show his genetic Excellence.
Since my friend was sensible, her father began to enroll her in various interest classes. After the start of school, she is strict with her, and she is required to be excellent in learning, talent and etiquette.
If her exam results are not satisfactory, or her father is not satisfied, she will start to scold her, and sometimes she and her mother will be beaten when she is angry.
In order not to be scolded by herself and her mother, she studied hard and tried to live the life her father wanted.
She once said to me, "Living in such a family is depressing every day. I must find an exit, or I will go crazy one day. "
However, she chose a wrong way to vent.
In the eyes of the teacher, she is a bully and a good student. But in the eyes of some students at school, she is a bully and a bad boy.
The classmate who was bullied by her said that she didn't understand why she, a perfect child in others' eyes, would do such a violent thing. Sometimes a little thing doesn't suit her and she starts bullying people.
In fact, I can understand her becoming like this. She vented the pressure and pain from home on her classmates and got psychological relief and satisfaction in a wrong way.
Zongda's eye-catching
The father's behavior in the story is a typical authoritarian education, which regards his daughter as a tool to show off and never explores her inner feelings.
Autocratic parents are characterized by strong subjectivity, high standards and strict requirements. They expect their children to obey and respect themselves and not listen to their children.
They usually don't explain their reasons and behaviors, thinking that children will understand and children must obey. Set rules for children with your love.
This kind of parents always think that being strict at ordinary times can make their children obey and reduce the chance of making mistakes. Doing so may see the effect in a short time, but it will bring many negative effects and invisible injuries to children.
Every child is an independent individual. They have their own emotions and things they like or dislike. If parents ignore their children's inner feelings for a long time, children will feel suffocated.
When she left the depressed environment, she began to rebel, looking for a breakthrough to vent her inner depression and anger.
No one is a born bully. The girl in the story is gentle and kind, but the pressure and indifference given by her father crushed her heart and made her want to find happiness and confidence from the pain of others.
Some parents created their children with love, but they shaped them in the wrong way.
There is a good saying: only failed parents, no failed children. A child is a blank sheet of paper from birth. They are immersed in different family environments and grow up slowly.
Wise parents will provide high-quality growth environment for their children, adopt scientific education methods, and accumulate strength for their children's future.
However, some parents will take some extreme ways to discipline their children, so that they will bear a heavy burden and step by step towards irreparable failure.
Just like overindulgent and autocratic parents, such parents will gradually push their children into the abyss.
Spoiled parents should learn to let go and let their children grow up independently. Parents can't take care of their children all their lives, nor can they have the ability to meet any needs of their children.
Therefore, before children grow up to be selfish, lazy and afraid of things, let them go early and let them grow up according to their own needs.