"The greatest education is not any kind of books, but nature."

? -Rousseau

Rousseau, a French educator, said that nature wants children to look like children before they reach adulthood. An important task of education is to make human nature develop healthily.

So what should parents do?

0 1 Don't rush to run, let nature take its course.

Rousseau, a French educator, said that nature wants children to look like children before they reach adulthood. An important task of education is to make human nature develop healthily.

"The best education is to let nature take its course": Are you the parents of a carpenter or a gardener?

Education should follow the natural nature and require children to take the initiative in their own education and growth, rather than being indoctrinated and suppressed by adults.

Simply put, it is to let children do something at what age.

Don't ripen, and don't pull out the seedlings.

Children have their own growth rules. For example, at the age of 3, they have intuitive thinking, and at the age of 5, they have image thinking. At the age of 8- 12, memory develops fastest ... It is often counterproductive to educate children against the laws of their physical and mental development.

Let imaginative and creative children memorize Chinese characters and recite multiplication formulas within 100. Although he doesn't understand, he can do it. What are the consequences? His imagination was squeezed.

Only 8-year-old children can observe copying from the perspective of adults. Before that, children's painting was only the self-expression of intuitive thinking.

If parents are too anxious, sending too young children to learn painting skills will not only waste money and time, but also stifle their creativity.

Another example is roller skating, ballet and other specialties. Many children are sent to practice at the age of three or four, but at this time, the children's bones have not developed well, which is easy to cause irreversible physical harm. ...

It's embarrassing to see the degenerate reflection of a "runaway" genius.

The road of life should be taken step by step. Trying to let the child run away will only kill his desire for knowledge and exploration.

The Ministry of Education issued the Guide to Learning and Development for Children Aged 3-6 to warn parents and schools how to raise their children according to the law of children's growth.

For example, a 5-or 6-year-old preschool child only needs to "add and subtract within 10" and only needs to "be interested in writing symbols in reading and living situations and know that words represent a certain meaning". ......

The correct education is not to let parents replace children, but to let nature take its course and follow the law of children's development for scientific education.

Be a gardener and refuse to be a carpenter.

Alison Gopnik, an American psychology professor, pointed out in the book Carpenter and Gardener that there are two kinds of parents in life:

One is a carpenter's parents and the other is a gardener's parents.

What are "carpenter" parents?

Carpenter is a job, making tables, chairs or bookshelves according to the carpenter's own ideas, tastes, techniques and blueprints.

The closer the product is to the drawing, the more successful the carpenter will be.

By the same token, "carpenter parents" regard their children as raw materials, thinking that as long as parents work hard enough and have strong technical and professional abilities, the final job will be what parents imagine-to become a smart, successful and happy adult.

For example, in order to prevent children from losing at the starting line, accurately calculate the birth date of children, have clear plans for their growth, what kind of primary and junior high schools to attend, what kind of high schools to attend, how many universities to attend, and set career directions.

In Little Joy, Song Qian, an impressive mother, is a typical carpenter-like parent.

Her goal is clear and precise, and her daughter Eiko must go to Tsinghua or Peking University.

In order to complete this "product", Song Qian did not hesitate to quit her job, worked meticulously on all aspects of her daughter's food, clothing, housing and transportation, and even built a soundproof study with glass windows for her daughter at home.

But children are not wood, they have their own thoughts and personalities.

If parents always achieve their educational goals through control, children's self-assertion and personality development are constantly suppressed, and children have no sense of existence and self-worth, or become empty "works" created by parents, or fierce resistance leads to tragedy.

Eiko ended like this. In order to escape from her mother's control, she chose to jump into the river to commit suicide in despair.

The gardener-style parents do not control their children, but regard them as a living seed.

The growth of seeds needs fertile soil, enough patience and moderate endurance. What gardeners need to do is not to completely control, but to provide conditions for seed growth and prune when there is a deviation in growth.

Different seeds grow into different shapes. Some seeds will become a flower and some seeds will grow into a tree. "Gardener-style" parents will only follow the growth law of seeds and let them grow into suitable shapes.

The writer Liu Jirong once wrote about his daughter, who always took 23 exams. Her study is average, but she has no special skills. So, anxious, she enrolled her daughter in an advanced class, invited a tutor and bought all kinds of materials ... Her daughter is also sensible, and she doesn't read comics or sleep late. She shuttles between cram schools in her spare time.

But no matter what, the result is still 23.

Liu Jirong continued to be a baby, adding nutrition and material stimulation ... Finally, her originally happy middle-aged daughter suffered from anorexia and insomnia as soon as she heard the exam, and her grade dropped to 33.

After this fight, Mr. and Mrs. Liu Jirong finally gave up encouraging their children to grow freely.

They also found that in addition to poor grades and lack of ambition, the daughter's advantage is so obvious:

This forever 23-year-old child is liked by all the students in the school. When evaluating her, all people did not hesitate to praise her, saying that she was "helpful, trustworthy, not angry, easy to get along with, optimistic and humorous". Even the teachers who have taught for more than 30 years praised her as an excellent person.

Liu Jirong also understands that some children are good at studying in exams, while others are good at getting along with others. The seeds are different, there is no need to force them.

For children, as long as they are healthy and optimistic, know how to love and respect, and can freely choose what they want to do, education is successful.

Many parents want to educate their children to be what they want, but they never think:

When educating a child, do we educate him to be a person who conforms to his own nature or a person who conforms to the norms of social success?

Do children want to be what their parents expect? There is such a passage in Emily:

Raising a child is quite difficult. What exactly should I do? In fact, what we have to do is to do less. If we are sailing against the current, it is enough for us to grasp the direction and make a detour; If the wind blows suddenly, the only way for us to stay where we are is to break down.

Simply put, parents should be gardeners, refuse to be carpenters, stay out of it and let their children grow naturally.

Being able to grow into what you want may be the best gift parents can give their children.