There are too many parenting books, and every parent has his own version. But what the parents of the winners do is still like a "black box" to outsiders who are not on the scene, only seeing the winners with outstanding output results.
Ronald Ferguson, an economist at the Kennedy School of Harvard University, spent fifteen years interviewing more than 200 successful people and their parents with the journalist Tatsha Robertson, opened the black box, extracted a parenting equation "purpose+autonomy+intelligence = complete self-realization", and gave a clear explanation of "parents".
The two authors found that the sophistication of their interviews has one thing in common: success lies not in whether they can be admitted to top universities, but in whether they can find the purpose and meaning of life, whether they can exert their potential to the extreme, keep exercising in their studies and keep pace with the times.
Even if the characteristics of each family are different, parents' external conditions are different, and even children's behaviors and interests are completely different, in the process of overcoming difficulties, the same basic story and the same parenting principles appear again and again. Regardless of class or race, their parents play the following eight important roles: early learning partners, aviation engineers, rescuers, enlighteners, philosophers, role models, negotiators and global positioning systems. They try their best to help their children live their best lives, instead of being their own copies or making up for their failures.
"These eight characters will appear in due course," Ferguson said in an exclusive interview with "":
"Just like when you travel by car, you will have a destination first, and then you will see how to get there ... The destination symbolizes what kind of person and characteristics you want your child to be. You may not be sure how to go at first, but if you have a destination, you will try to go, and even if you take the wrong road, you will turn back. 」
Long-term concern about education does not seem to be the mainstream of economics and public affairs? Ferguson's own family experience has aroused his great interest in "how parents' parenting roles affect children's development" He is the eldest of five brothers. He was noticed by his grandmother and became a professor at Harvard University. His two younger brothers are struggling with alcoholism, drugs and financial difficulties.
He said in an overseas interview with ""that he wanted to know why there is such a big gap between children growing up in a family since he was a child. The core ambition has always been "solving problems and making people's lives better", and it has not changed from urban planners to economics professors. Later, I found that the most basic reading and computing skills can accurately predict children's future, and I became interested in education. Later, it crossed into psychology, sociology and politics. "As long as I can solve the problem, I don't care which field it belongs to, because this is the meaning of my life. 」
Ferguson, who has three children, suggested that parents should also find their own passion projects and sense of purpose in life, so as to set an example, give their children the autonomy they need and go their own way. The following is an excerpt from the interview.
Dr. lonna ferguson, the host of the achievement gap project at Harvard University. File photo
Q: Parents of successful people have to play eight parenting roles, which sounds very difficult and stressful ... Robertson (hereinafter referred to as Luo): These eight roles do not happen at the same time, but are produced with the growth of their children. Except for the two roles of early education partner and aviation engineer, there is no certain time sequence. The parents we interviewed were not hardcore parents. They are just students of their children, always pay attention to their children's situation, know how to play different roles at the right time, and are willing to help them do their best. Before the child is born, they are already imagining the qualities they want the child to have, such as intelligence and sense of meaning, but they are not expecting the child to become a doctor or lawyer in the future, so they will not panic, but are excited about the birth of the child.
Ferguson (hereinafter referred to as Christopher): Parents unconsciously played these eight roles. Because they have an idea of helping their children, knowing their preferences, they will try their best to help them, even at the expense of themselves. Just like you in go on road trip, you will have a destination first and then see how to get there. You may not be sure how to get there at first, but as the journey progresses, you will decide where to turn or how fast to drive, which is influenced by your destination in mind. If you have a destination, you will try to get there, even if you go the wrong way, you will turn back.
The destination symbolizes what kind of person you want your child to be, what kind of characteristics, such as curiosity and persistence in difficulties. The success equation we wrote in the book: purpose+autonomy+cleverness = complete self-realization. If you want your child to grow into a fully self-fulfilling person, parents should find ways to help their child in this process. This book presents other parents' ways of thinking. To our surprise, in the process of our visit, investigation and writing books, these eight roles appear constantly. These eight roles are not decided by parents at the beginning of the parenting journey, but by parents in the process.
For example, the parents of philosophers treat their children as adults to answer his questions. They respect children's questions and thinking, answer their questions seriously, and don't leave until they simply answer them. Although we are dealing with "children", we are actually talking to the adults they want to be. So they spend time communicating their ideas with their children.
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