What is cold violence? Baidu Encyclopedia said: "Cold violence is a kind of violence, and its manifestations are mostly through indifference, contempt, laissez-faire, alienation and indifference, causing mental and psychological violations and causing harm to others. Cold violence is currently recognized by the society as an act that will cause psychological and spiritual harm to the other party. "
Personally, I think cold violence is actually an activity that hurts children's hearts under the banner of being good to children and educating them.
? Those behaviors belong to cold violence? Of course, there are many kinds. Let me give you a few practical examples, all of which are my personal experiences.
? First, I am indifferent to the topics that children talk about, and even "shuffle".
? I remember one day in the third grade, after the tutorial, my classmates and I ran and played on the road, and something funny happened. Of course, even in the third grade, you should learn to relax. After returning home, I told my mother the interesting things that happened on the road, and my mother was very happy. However, she wouldn't listen. Instead, she replied, "If you don't want to hear it, do your homework quickly!" This is cold violence. There must be a reason for what children think is funny, and what children say makes sense. However, if parents take an indifferent or even "shirking" attitude, it will do great harm to their children.
? Second, never think from the child's point of view. When I was in junior high school, my physical and psychological development was very slow, and my hobbies and specialties were different from others (I like track and field and read historical geography books; My strengths are history and geography, not math and physics. I'm worried in my heart. I talked to my mother, and she never understood my feelings and always said that learning is better than anything else. I would like to ask, learning is important, but can academic performance represent everything? !
? Children are also thoughtful, not dreamy. Therefore, parents should go into their children's hearts and understand their feelings. Although I was admitted to a junior college after graduation (the same as a full-time undergraduate course), got a bachelor's degree and a CET-6 certificate, and participated in an exchange program at Emporia State University during my undergraduate course, I will never forgive what my mother said.
Third, always compare your own children with other people's children.
A series of famous sayings such as "There are no two identical leaves in the world" and "When God closes a door for you, he will open a window for you" all clarify that people are incomparable because everyone is different. However, my mother always compares me with my colleagues' children and always says, "Look, so-and-so wears two bars. Why are you nothing? " ! "I will not list them one by one. Doing so will only make children feel that they can't do anything and have no status.
Now I can say that I didn't wear two bars, but I also got a CET-6 certificate and participated in the American exchange program, even better than my classmates who used to wear two bars.
? Fourth, deny children's hobbies.
? Children's hobby is the Eden in their hearts, so this is a very sacred place and can't tolerate any pollution. However, my mother always slanders my preferences. In junior high school, I like Altman, historical dramas, war computer games, track and field sports, singing and so on. But my mother is very disdainful of these things. She always said that these things I like are useless, and they are only useful if I learn math and physics well, and my academic performance is as strong as others. At that time, I couldn't stand it, because these are the most sacred places in my heart, and no one is allowed to slander them! I don't care if my classmates slander me. Anyway, after three years together, we went our separate ways, but my mother is my closest relative. How can you slander me like this? !
Fifth, cold violence against children is carried out under the banner of frustration education.
Frustration education should not be excessive. Always remember that home is the last harbor for children and the warmest and happiest place. Parents should give their children warmth instead of always hitting them. I am a single-parent family (I grew up with my mother). I remember when I was in college, my father thought my psychological endurance was too poor and wanted to educate me and exercise my psychological endurance through criticism. Every time we meet, he criticizes me and even insults me without knowing the cause and effect of many things. After a long time, I feel that this is not educating me, but constantly denying and wronged me. Outside, people deny me and wronged me, but at home, even my family doesn't trust me. What's the point? !
Later, I never contacted my father again. It happened that he and my mother divorced and couldn't play. Today, I found and understood the truth of being a man, which I taught myself after leaving the system, and was not educated by him at all.
In short, parents should consider the problem from their children's point of view, rather than from their own point of view now. Only by empathy can we avoid the occurrence of cold violence. Always remember, "I don't pay so much attention to talking to my family" is out of date now!