1 That stupid child was scolded.
Murray Strauss, an American sociologist, began to do research from 1969 to investigate the influence of corporal punishment on children's IQ. The results show that the average IQ score of children who have not been punished by corporal punishment will be 5 points higher than that of children who are often punished by corporal punishment. In other words, the more children are beaten, the slower their intellectual development, even if they are beaten rarely.
Strauss said: "Children who often grow up under violence and threats will have a fight-or-flight response mechanism. This aggressive or evasive psychology will impact children's creativity and imagination, and creativity and imagination will affect a person's IQ. " The wounds that hit children may be easy to heal, but if we yell at them, they will all fall into their hearts and leave a lasting mark.
Children who are often beaten and scolded have defects in character.
Every cruel word we say to our children is like a nail nailed to a board. Even if all the nails are finally pulled out, those nail holes will stay there forever, and the harm to the child is incurable.
(1), children who are often beaten and scolded are sensitive and feel inferior. Someone in Zhihu asked, What will children who are often beaten and scolded by their parents look like when they grow up?
Some people say that they have become sensitive and inferior, leaving a shadow. Some netizens also told their own experiences: "I can't remember what my mother praised me from childhood. Because I am fat, I always say that I am as fat as a pig in front of outsiders. I wear my favorite clothes, but my mother says that kind of clothes look like clothes with tens of dollars picked up in the garbage. My mother loves to hit me since she was a child, thinking that hitting can inspire me, but the effect is just the opposite. I will cry with the quilt in my arms late at night because my parents don't understand, and I will be sad for a long time because of my mother's irony. To tell the truth, it's really hard for me to be confident now. I was just pretending to be confident outside. "
If we accuse and scold a child when he makes a mistake, then the child will only be afraid of making mistakes and will want to escape after making mistakes.
They don't believe that they can do things well, and they dare not try what they haven't done. They don't want to explore anymore.
2. The shadow of being beaten will accompany the child for life.
The harm that parents do to their children will accompany them all their lives. Even from the initial victim to the perpetrator.
"The parent-child relationship model and parent-child relationship model in family of origin will continue to affect children's future interpersonal relationships, especially in intimate relationships, and people will tend to copy the relationship model established in the early family of origin." Many children who have been scolded and beaten by their parents since childhood have become what their parents used to be when they grow up, and apply their parents' educational methods to the next generation. Children can easily copy the behaviors they have seen or experienced and use them on others. When I grow up, I will become you, which is both lucky and unfortunate.
Teach children in another way.
Fan Deng once said, "Educating children is a wonderful thing. If you feel pain in educating your children, then your method must be wrong. " In the process of getting along with parents and educating children, we should avoid it to the maximum extent and simply use this simple and rude way of beating and cursing as the main means of educating children.
So, what should we do?
1. Speak well and don't take emotional venting as an education for children. Some educators have said that educating children is nothing more than talking to them well, and don't get angry in a hurry. Do this, and you will succeed 80%. It is true that we will face all kinds of pressures in our lives and workplaces, and our repressed emotions need to be vented. But this exit is definitely not on our children.
If we communicate with our children and educate them with emotional venting, our focus will only be whether our emotions are released, and the focus of our children will be whether my parents' emotions are caused by me. As a result, everyone's focus is not on the main problems, which not only fails to achieve the educational effect we want, but also aggravates the tension between parents and children. Therefore, when we feel that we really can't educate our children in a gentle way, we might as well confirm with ourselves first. This is a serious attitude towards the problem, not a simple self-emotional catharsis.
2. Children also need empathy. Every child should be an independent individual, not just an accessory of his parents, or even a tool to realize his unfulfilled wishes. We should not simply use the thoughts and feelings of adults to limit or even replace the feelings of children.
Children's emotions are simple and direct. Parents' empathy will make children feel respect and love, so they will feel more secure.
3. Respect children and keep them confident and motivated. Many parents plan what they think is beneficial to them: interest classes, college courses, work arrangements, marriage and even the future education methods of their children ..... However, it is easy to ignore their children's real feelings and needs.
If a person realizes that what he has done is very valuable, then his self-evaluation level will be very high, which is the so-called self-esteem level. A person's self-discipline comes from his self-esteem level. The higher the level of self-esteem, the stronger the self-discipline. Therefore, when we educate a child, we should give him more positive encouragement and evaluation, help him build up a high degree of self-esteem, instead of hitting him.
The more he accepts the affirmation and encouragement from his parents, the more confident and active he will be. When you encounter all kinds of setbacks and challenges, you will show fearless courage and confidence.
Without love, it is passed on by beating and cursing. No educational achievement can be achieved by beating and scolding children, just like a live reality show, with only the start button, no pause button and no replay. My parents are the directors and producers of this live broadcast, and everything we say and do affects the outcome of this live broadcast. How gentle the parents are, how beautiful the children are. How violent parents are, children will only get worse. If we don't love him, how can he love others?
May every child grow up healthily under the nourishment of spring breeze and rain.