baby
I often go out to play at ordinary times, as if I think that my mother should take care of her children alone. Husband doesn't take children or hug them, which makes the children cry shyly when they hug them. I have encountered many such problems. I used to wonder, doesn't the new father like children? Why don't you want to take care of the children?
Let's analyze it step by step:
First of all, China is a patriarchal society. There is no doubt that even if the slogan of equality between men and women is shouted again, it is empty after all. Men are superior to women, men are superior to women, and the concept of women is deeply rooted in many people's hearts. I'm not criticizing this idea here, but many men. They are used to the idea that fathers and men are responsible for making money and women have children at home, so this mindset has been formed. They think in their bones
Secondly, from the beginning of pregnancy, my father can't personally experience the feeling that the fetus is connected with the mother's blood in the mother's womb after ten months of pregnancy. Except for some people who like children very much, most men only know this child after birth. Compared with their mother, they spend less time together for ten months, so it is inevitable that their feelings will take time.
Moreover, after the newborn was born, the soft, small, fragile and all-hands novice dads held him carefully for fear of breaking his little hands and feet. For an instant, Optimus Prime seemed omnipotent and strong, holding a rickety piece of tofu in his hand, which made him feel scared and panicked.
In addition, sometimes he will change diapers or nipples according to instructions and requirements. Because his posture is not in place or the effect is not good, his mother-in-law and wife will say something. Subconsciously, he didn't want his cowardice to show, so he chose to escape.
Besides, every man is actually a big baby at heart. When he is pregnant, his wife takes care of him, and the fetus will not spend too much time with her. After giving birth, everyone focused on the newborn. His wife is tired of taking care of the children, and she doesn't pay attention to this big baby who has fallen out of favor. He will be jealous and frustrated. This is a father's postpartum depression that everyone rarely hears.
Also, the dependence is too heavy, with a mother, a mother-in-law, a grandmother, and a bunch of people around the baby, where do you need dad to accompany you? And I was suppressed when I was pregnant and couldn't go out to take care of my wife. Now that I'm finally born, I can live a good life alone, miss my lost youth and enjoy the feeling of being single. Someone will take care of the children anyway, don't worry.
Finally, as the baby grows up day by day, there is not much participation and emotional training is slow. He feels very strange and doesn't know how to deal with the same children every day, so he doesn't want to spend time and energy taking care of them.
This, of course, is just my psychological analysis. As for accuracy, it depends on the individual. After all, children are the crystallization of two people's love, and the lack of either side is unbalanced. Moreover, the mother takes care of the children at home all day, and the pressure is too great to vent and no one helps. It is easy to quarrel and lead to emotional injury, so fathers should be encouraged to participate in the growth of their children. How? Personally, I have the following humble opinions:
1. Indoctrinate him with the advantages and benefits of his father's parenting, encourage him to take care of the children, as long as he does it, be sure no matter what the result is, and then gently point out how he can do it better. In this way, he not only cultivated feelings with his children, but also won the recognition of his family, and his psychology will be satisfied. In addition, let him interact with children and teach him how to play with them. From the most basic toys to tease them, the child likes it more and more, bringing out feelings, and he gradually likes the belt.
2. Arrange the baby's work and rest according to her husband's commuting time, and try to let him see the cute side of the child, not the crying side, just like talking about friends. Who likes to meet the crying object and the smiling object? Let him contact slowly and cultivate feelings slowly.
3. If you are taking care of your children with your parents-in-law, parents or parents, you must emphasize to him that what children need most must be their parents' love, more companionship and more getting along. Children have enough sense of security to live better.
long hair
Education. Instead of leaving the children to their mothers and elders to take care of them, they should be shopkeepers themselves.
A family of three go out to play on weekends and often take care of their children at home. Everyone will be a little depressed, go out of the house and get close together.
travel
, not only cultivated feelings, but also eased the mood.
5. Take a photo or video of your baby every few days and send it to your father. Usually tell him more about the cute baby, and tell him dad in front of the baby to make up for the lack of time when he can't see the baby at work.
6. Do not separate the room from the bed. Many mothers, in order to be considerate of their fathers at work, are afraid that their children will wake up at night and disturb their husbands, so that they can have a good sleep before going to work. However, there is an old saying in China that no matter how good the relationship between husband and wife is, if there is a lack of communication, it will slowly fade away. Once they quarrel after separation, it will be difficult to make up. The continued cold war is not conducive to the feelings of husband and wife, nor to family harmony.
7. Don't neglect your husband because of the arrival of children. You know, children will grow up after all, and husband and wife are the most important relatives. While taking care of the children, you must also communicate with your husband and care about him to avoid the emotional imbalance between husband and wife.
In your family, have you always been the only hostess who cares about children's life and study? Where did the father of the child go? Why doesn't he want to care more about educating children, but he puts all the pressure and problems on you?
16 Xiaoyan, a junior high school girl, was sent to a special training school with closed training because of her indifference and rebellion.
When talking to the school psychology teacher, I burst into tears: "I miss my father so much!" " I wonder where dad went. "
It turns out that Xiaoyan's father has been working outside for many years, and her mother usually dotes on her, sometimes becoming the emotional object of her mother who lives alone.
Over time, Xiaoyan formed a cold and rebellious character, and was finally sent to a special training school by her helpless mother because of her puppy love and truancy.
Judging from so many families I have come into contact with for help, most of the problems of children in modern families are due to the lack of fatherly love.
Where's Dad? 80% of fathers were silent after listening.
I have two sets of data here:
Of the 45 students in Class One, Grade Two, a middle school, 25 have fathers who work outside the home all the year round. The other 20 fathers spend less than half an hour with their children every day on average, and many of them become "pseudo-parents" families.
Among the parents who choose the best platform to consult their children's education, mothers account for 80%.
Knowing these two sets of data, we can't help asking like children: where did dad go? Are there really more important things to do than to accompany and take care of children?
The father's long absence makes the children lack fatherly love and strength, tolerance and perseverance.
Fragile, impulsive, easy to give up, personality will change over time, forming a cold and rebellious character.
Where's Dad? When I found my father, I found my child's personality confused.
Two pieces of advice for fathers:
1. The father at home puts down entertainment and mobile phones and spends at least 1 hour with his children every day to make up for the lack of fatherly love.
Watch TV with him, watch him do his homework quietly, and get together with him to discuss what happened at school.
2. The father who is away from home remembers to answer your phone every night, so that your children can feel that you care about TA all the time and make up for the lack of companionship caused by distance.
Family education is not only about how to educate children well, but also includes parents' understanding of children's education.
If you, as the father of your child, have never cared about everything about your child, please take good care of your child from now on. Ask yourself, is work more important or children more important? Is it the wife's duty to raise and educate children? Hurry up!