Start by changing your life.
Adolescent children will have all kinds of psychological reactions due to the sharp changes in physiology, most of which are manifestations of self-awareness awakening. It is normal for them to try to break through the constraints and disciplines, and even make some mistakes is the price they need to pay for their growth.
For adolescent children, parents should pay attention to making their children independent, fully tap their self-care ability, and let them develop their own habit of dealing with trivial matters. Otherwise, everything is done for them, which contradicts their self-awareness. Secondly, from the influence of authority to objective analysis and guidance, because of the rapid development of society, parents often appear amateurs when they open their mouths, and their authority gradually loses. To avoid compulsory "education", children only need objective analysis and guidance from their parents after encountering difficulties, problems and setbacks. Moreover, this kind of analysis and guidance should also be friends.
Thirdly, we should patiently and persistently do what we like with our children, get close to them, find advantages, give encouragement, learn to "show weakness" and create opportunities for them to surpass their parents. We should praise the things that children do well (not limited to learning) and further guide them to learn. We should not only pay attention to study, but also pay attention to the fact that many parents have paid a lot, and their demands on their children have increased, resulting in persistent and serious dissatisfaction and affecting all communication with their children.
Let children learn to take responsibility.
Adolescent children have the ability to recognize things themselves. If parents don't notice the change of their children, but blindly lead them along their own designed route as in the past, it will naturally cause their children's dissatisfaction and deliberately oppose their parents. To get along well with children, parents must correctly understand their children and let them learn to take responsibility.
When children are young, their cognition of things is not strong, and they need parents' reminding and help. When children grow up, parents get used to their dependence on themselves, turn a blind eye to their growth, and still tell their children what to do, which will of course make them bored.
So parents should let their children learn to take responsibility, especially adolescent children.
Parents should be able to ask for "love"
On the issue of "love", many parents only fulfill the obligation of "giving" and don't talk about "taking". In this way, over time, a concept will be formed in children's minds-parents' love should be. Therefore, we should love our children and let them learn to be grateful. Parents generally have too low requirements for their children. If children help themselves with food at the dinner table, they will be moved. In fact, parents can ask more of their children. A clever mother might as well be spoiled and let her children feel the hardship of their parents. Of course, you can ask more of your children, and they will naturally return more.
Don't give orders without asking.
Adolescent children are particularly sensitive, so parents don't speak, just give orders, "You should …" and "You can't …" In this way, in children's minds, you are just a leader. In fact, adolescent children are eager to be treated as adults so that they can feel respected.
Sign a "confidentiality contract"
Eavesdropping on a child's phone, peeking at a child's diary, or reading a child's message on the Internet, in the name of knowing the child's behavior, never. In fact, this is the primary killer who destroys children's trust in their parents. Sign a "confidentiality contract" with your child, write down what parents can know, what secrets your child has, and what will happen if both parties violate the rules.
Don't repeat the same mistake.
For the same mistake, don't "repeat the same old tune", which will cause children's boredom. Criticism should be to the point, point out the problem in a few words, and avoid "cheap" praise. Too much praise will make children lose their sensitivity to praise, lose motivation and even doubt the authenticity of praise.
What should boys pay attention to in adolescence? Don't shout when you change, protect your voice.
Take part in outdoor sports as much as possible.
Be mature inside, don't be impulsive because of small contradictions.
Try to control your emotions and don't have conflicts with your parents.
As for the physiological part, a proper understanding of sexual knowledge is enough.
What should we pay attention to in adolescence? Learn more about adolescence and be mentally prepared. Restrain all impulses. Don't overdo it, don't overdo it, stay calm. Divert attention, such as study, sports, making friends, group activities, etc.
What should boys and girls pay attention to during adolescence? Pay attention to study hard and don't be distracted. After this period, you will almost know your future life!
How to educate a boy 15 years old 1 in adolescence? Play the weak trick-let the children act as "little adults". Parents often complain that children nowadays are indifferent to their parents and lack a sense of responsibility. They don't know that children's sense of responsibility should be cultivated from an early age. If you always act fearless in front of children, children will think that parents don't need their care. Therefore, parents may wish to pretend to be weak occasionally and ask their children for help. You will be surprised to find that their children have become sensible "little adults" and you can get a lot from their help.
Second, strengthen the plan-let children change from inferiority to self-confidence. James Doblin, Ph.D., California, put forward the "reinforcement rule". When a person's behavior gets satisfactory results, this behavior will be repeated. Therefore, when a child is recognized, his (her) self-confidence will be aroused, and he (she) will continue to repeat the satisfactory behavior until he (she) gets rid of inferiority and becomes a confident good boy.
Third, the induction plan-to help children cross the quagmire of learning weariness. Almost every child is more or less tired of learning, which is understandable, but it can't be left unchecked, because this kind of emotion will hinder children's enthusiasm for learning and bring immeasurable influence to their growth. However, it is not a good idea to force children to study, which will only deepen their resentment. The smart way is to induce children's interest in learning and let them learn spontaneously.
Fourth, the indifference plan-let the children have a little self-control. Today's children are mostly only children, who are cared for and taken care of by their families. However, this kind of life makes children develop wayward habits, which will lay a huge hidden danger for their later life. Experts suggest that children may wish to try cold treatment when they are willful, which will make them automatically restrain their temper because they are not noticed.
Fifth, give children a chance to experience failure. Carol Carl Sandberg, an American educator, said: "Prosperity can certainly make talents, but adversity can also make talents. Moreover, children who have grown up through setbacks and hardships in adversity are more competitive in survival. " In other words, in order to enhance children's resilience, parents may wish to consciously create some moderate frustration for their children. This kind of frustration education is of great benefit to enhancing children's psychological endurance.
Sixth, let go of the plan-train children to do their own things. Don't do everything for the children. Parents should try to let their children do it by themselves. They may not do it well at first, but they will do it quickly and well in the future. Don't be an arranged parent, let go, create opportunities and platforms for children to do things, let children stand on their own feet, and parents will have less troubles. -
Seven, connivance plan-let children develop their potential in "naughty". Some parents complain that their children are "too naughty" and "destructive" In fact, these children are often very smart, curious and have stronger willpower than ordinary children. Therefore, smart parents should try their best to "indulge" their children's naughty and destructive behaviors, take the opportunity to tap their potential and cultivate their interests. Maybe your child is another Edison.
Eight, the punishment plan-let the children face up to their mistakes. Educating children should have clear rewards and punishments, and children should be rewarded for doing well, but children must not tolerate mistakes, even minor ones, so that children can face up to their mistakes and correct them in time so as not to get deeper and deeper in mistakes.
Nine, refrigeration meter-"pour cold water" on conceited children. Egoism refers to self-evaluation, which is extremely unfavorable to children's growth. Therefore, once the child is found to be conceited, parents should use "cold storage" to pour some cold water on the child in time, so that the child can learn to evaluate himself rationally and know himself correctly.
X. tolerance-let children feel the unconditional love of their parents. Children may not be smart enough and may have many shortcomings, but as parents, you must never be biased, humiliated or disgusted with children. Be tolerant and confident about your children, and what kind of children you will get.
Eleven, simulated rice-parents should be the children's first teacher. Parents are role models for children, and children are parents' mirrors. Parents' words and deeds will affect their children. Therefore, parents should be strict with themselves, set an example for their children with their correct words and deeds, and guide their children to grow up healthily.
12. Encouragement plan-give children the power to make continuous progress. It is easy for children to lose confidence in themselves and give up their efforts because of difficulties. Therefore, parents should constantly encourage their children, give them the courage to advance and the confidence to win, and let them correct their shortcomings and make continuous progress under the expectations of their parents.
Thirteen, listen to the meter-seriously understand the child's feelings. Every child has his own voice, so parents must listen patiently in order to truly understand their children's thoughts and feelings and treat their physical and mental problems and changes in a timely and meticulous manner. With this foundation, parents and children can communicate well and establish a good and harmonious parent-child relationship.
Fourteen, reward a good plan-let the children progress in praise. Educators believe that reward is a more effective way to educate children than punishment. Therefore, they suggest rewarding rights instead of punishing mistakes, affirming advantages instead of denying shortcomings, which can not only avoid harm to children, but also make them make better progress.
Fifteen, dial rice-cleverly remind children to consciously take the right path. Speaking of preaching, what parents do for their children is what children dislike the most. Smart parents will only give their children some guidance and help them solve problems when they encounter problems or make mistakes. In this way, children understand the truth, and parents also achieve the purpose of education.
Sixteen, virtual rice-let children feel "I am great." Japanese educator Ichiro Suzuki said: "With the feeling of genius, you will become a genius. With the feeling of hero, you will become a hero. When a child finds the feeling of being a good child, he will become a good child. "Create a self-feeling of" I am great "for children by virtual means, and he will gradually become" great ".
Seventeen, tolerance-let children learn more from mistakes. In life, children will inevitably make some mistakes and mistakes. Some are unintentional, and some are intentional. If the nature of children's mistakes is not very serious, then parents may wish to give tolerance and understanding, so that children will not only correct their mistakes more seriously in guilt and self-blame, but also form a good tolerant attitude.
Eighteen, admonition plan-let children know their mistakes and turn over a new leaf. Children are children, and there will be all kinds of problems and mistakes, some of which are tolerable and some of which are intolerable. Children must be criticized reasonably and effectively to ensure that they will not make similar mistakes again. Even generous parents can't let this reasonable discipline be absent.
Nineteen, edify-give children a good life influence. Family is the first class for children, and the influence of family education on children is far-reaching and enormous. Therefore, if parents can cultivate their children's healthy hobbies and interests in family life by telling stories, then they can make their children grow up healthily.
Twenty, the diversion plan-let the children change from opposition to cooperation. The success of Dayu's water control lies in "dredging" rather than "blocking", and parents can also be inspired by this method. Being too autocratic in educating children will only lead to children's rebellion and make them "against you", but if you adopt a wise and open guidance strategy, children will be willing to cooperate with you happily.
Twenty-one, respect for children-let children and parents stick closer. Conflicts and contradictions between parents and children are often due to parents' disrespect for children, which makes children feel afraid and dissatisfied and alienates them. In fact, children also need respect, so they will definitely become the most popular parents for children.
Twenty-two, peer-to-peer-to achieve good communication with children. The premise of good communication with children is to treat children equally and be their good friends. In this way, children will be willing to tell you the truth, and parents can help their children get rid of various problems in time. If parents always put on airs and ask their children to obey themselves authoritatively, the door of communication between parents and children will slowly close.
Twenty-three, the attack and defense plan-first give the child a "vaccination" According to the art of war, the best defense is attack. The same is true of educating children. Instead of disciplining and getting angry after the child has problems, it is better to give the child a "vaccination" in advance to improve the child's "immunity" and let the child take fewer detours and make fewer mistakes.
Twenty-four, training frugality-help children overcome arrogance. Nowadays, children are all "little emperors" and "little princesses" at home, and they get wind and rain. Some children have developed the habit of being extravagant, spending money lavishly and not caring for things, which is extremely unfavorable to their healthy growth. Therefore, parents should confidently educate their children to be frugal and help them develop the habit of frugality. This is the true love for their children.
Twenty-five, peer lesson plans-teach children well through participation. If parents can participate in their children's lives, spending more time with their children can not only enhance the parent-child relationship, but also inspire them. At the same time, parents can learn more about their children, which is very important to develop their potential and cultivate their talents.
Twenty-six, prevent micro-duration-don't let children's small problems become big problems. In life, children sometimes have some minor problems, such as bullying, rudeness and laziness. Parents should pay attention at this time. Although the problem is small, it should be strictly controlled to prevent small problems from delaying big problems, otherwise these small problems will become big problems, and it will not be so easy for parents to let their children correct them. Don't tolerate children's small mistakes. Strict management is also a sign of love.
Twenty-seven, persuasion and reconciliation-let children and teachers tolerate each other. There will also be some friction and misunderstanding between teachers and students. At this time, parents should play the role of "peacemakers" to help both sides eliminate contradictions and misunderstandings and understand and tolerate each other. Let the children still respect the teacher, and the teacher will continue to care for the children.
Twenty-eight, set rules-let children learn self-control with reasonable rules. Children's self-control ability is poor, and parents' preaching of "don't do this" and "don't do that" is easy to cause children's boredom, so parents can establish a set of effective behavior rules for their children as the basis for their children to judge their own behavior, thus restraining their own behavior.
Twenty-nine, reduce the burden-don't put too much pressure on your child. In life, there are more and more children with psychological barriers. Child psychologists point out that excessive pressure is an important reason for children's psychological problems, and it is imperative to reduce the burden on children. In order to make children grow up healthily, parents should not put too much pressure on their children.
Thirty, incentive plan-let children love learning in a child's way. Teach children to find the right way. When persuasion and preaching are ineffective, parents may wish to try this incentive plan. Take advantage of children's aggressive, rebellious and even jealous psychology, deliberately * * * children, so that children never love learning to become active learning.
31. Accept the plan-let children like and accept themselves. If children can't fully understand themselves and see their strengths, there will be many problems. Such as inferiority complex, jealousy and so on. Therefore, parents should let their children see their own advantages, let them like themselves, and let them face life with confidence.
32. Be patient-gently correct the child's "out of line" behavior. Children often make some "outrageous" behaviors that parents can't tolerate, and "hasty" education will only make children go to extremes. Therefore, parents can only "no haste, be patient", suppress their anger, understand and tolerate their children more, and guide them on this basis, so as to lead their children in the right direction.
Thirty-three, inspirational plan-cultivate children's brave personality of bold exploration. In life, it is often those who dare to explore and be fearless that can achieve outstanding achievements and happiness. Therefore, for the sake of their children's future, parents should not always overprotect their children or overemphasize the cultivation of "obedient" children, but should give them more opportunities to exercise and encourage them to be brave children.
Thirty-four, influence-touch the child's heart with true feelings. Educating children can't just preach, scold and persuade, sometimes they must have feelings, so as to shake their hearts and achieve the best effect of education. However, to influence children, we must be sincere, otherwise the effect will be greatly reduced.
Thirty-five, equality plan-cultivate an open-minded child. Today's children are mostly only children, all of whom are "little suns". They are used to being self-centered, but this character is extremely unfavorable to interpersonal communication. Therefore, in life, parents should pay attention not to give their children special status, cultivate their spirit of sharing and cooperation, and gradually cultivate an open-minded child.
Thirty-six, bitter grinding plan-cultivate children's will and perseverance. Today's children are facing a competitive society, and many children often lack the courage to overcome difficulties because their lives are too comfortable. Therefore, smart parents should let their children go through some hardships and cultivate their indomitable will and perseverance, so as to win in the future competition.
What should boys pay attention to when they enter adolescence? Don't look at bad things ... pay attention to the frequency of his nocturnal emission ... change more * * *
How adolescent education teaches children to enter adolescence may be the most difficult time for parents. The previous educational methods are not only ineffective at this time, but also cause children's resentment. To this end, this edition has compiled a set of words, so let's listen to the voices of experts and parents.
get off one's high horse
Communicate with children equally.
Zhang Yuguang
Nowadays, the topic of adolescent education has attracted more and more attention from parents. It is embarrassing that although too many parents understand that they should give more care to adolescent children, they can't communicate with them normally. The scene described in Ms. Wang's letter is believed to be repeated in many families. But there are indeed many parents who do well, and there is no similar situation. So, what is their successful experience? Let's analyze the poor communication between Ms. Wang and her son and summarize the positive and effective experience.
Ms. Wang said, "I am a really failed mother, and even the most basic communication between mother and child is a problem", which can be regarded as "telling the truth". Where is the root of the problem? I think it mainly lies in:
Parents should be aware of adolescence.
Many parents are suddenly unprepared for the changes in their children's adolescence, let alone have the idea of intervening in advance and adjusting their education methods. Because these parents have no adolescent consciousness, they know nothing about their children's psychological development and see their children's different performances. They only emphasize children's "misconduct" and "rebellion", and their emotions will be agitated, which will directly affect the frequency, scope and way of unwarranted interference with children and cause strong dissatisfaction among children entering the second accelerated development period of their lives.
Adolescence is a very important age stage in the process of individual growth. Although it came quietly, it gradually entered, with obvious physical development characteristics (secondary sexual characteristics) and external manifestations of psychological changes. If parents are aware of adolescence, they can invest more time, energy and feelings in family education, and they will catch all kinds of changes in time, meet their children's adolescence, calmly face the weakening of their attachment to their parents and correct their "previous education methods". I believe that such parents will naturally and smoothly communicate with adolescent children.
Realize two transformations.
Adolescence is a very wonderful, strange and brilliant period in the journey of life. Children who enter adolescence are happily experiencing the awakening of self-awareness and sexual awareness and their own growth. They "have ideas" because they grow up consciously, and the adult mentality expands rapidly in their hearts. Facing them, parents must gradually realize the transformation from their parents' mentality to adults' mentality. Like Ms. Wang, she still holds the child's "parental mentality" and communicates with the child condescendingly, expecting the child to be as good as before; An opening is always an "educational" tone, and the child will not open his heart to you.
The second change that must be realized is the education of children, from the influence of authority to objective analysis and guidance. This is closely related to the first point. For teenagers who have grown up consciously, the authority of their parents is gradually losing. Nowadays, because of the rapid development of society, parents who don't pay attention to learning often look like amateurs when they open their mouths, and the loss of authority is really "plummeting". Like Ms. Wang, she is also wishful thinking to adopt mandatory and critical "education", and junior high school students who understand the truth will certainly not buy it. After encountering difficulties, problems and setbacks, parents need objective analysis and guidance. Moreover, such analysis and guidance should be friendly and put yourself in the shoes.
Communication should not only talk about learning.
The above two transitions are the premise for parents and adolescent children to achieve good communication, but there are other reasons that make Ms. Wang and her son "sad": 1, and their communication skills need to be studied and improved. There is no need to talk endlessly about dry truth; Don't speak in an aggressive tone; Learn to listen to your children. This skill will be passed on to children: mom and dad know that you have grown up, and of course we should respect you. Her ego has been completely transferred to her son. "I gave up my job in a state-owned enterprise, tried not to participate in any social activities and spent all my time taking care of my children. I take him to and from school regardless of wind and rain, and take him to various remedial classes. " Her maternal love made the audience sad. This kind of "love", because it pays too much, naturally raises the requirements for children, and dissatisfaction is often more lasting and intense; Because of "all-round care", the child's psychological maturity will be dragged down by this "care", which will aggravate the negative relationship between him and his parents; Parents who move down by themselves will lose a lot of luster in the eyes of their children. 3. Pay too much attention to study. I remember a survey published in qianjiang evening news in 2007, and the conclusion was: "On the issue of communication with children, parents guide their children to learn, which is the crux of the problem." Children's success should be all-round, and only paying attention to children's learning is likely to have a negative "butterfly effect" on their all-round development. These are all things that children of any age should avoid in the process of family education.
Pay attention to the details in the specific operation.
Family education cultivates children imperceptibly. In view of the psychological development characteristics of adolescent children, especially considering their ubiquitous adolescent restlessness and emotional instability, parents should pay special attention to details in communication to prevent the following behaviors:
1, lack of democratic atmosphere, parents keep their word, and the dialogue with their children is either imperative or questioning. If you don't know the truth of the matter, you will make arbitrary conclusions. Don't let children participate in adult affairs, but interfere in everything of children. 4. Forcibly open children's letters and diaries. 5. Look at children's contact with the opposite sex with different eyes. 6. Always compare your lifestyle in middle school with your children and criticize them. 7, words and deeds are different, ask the children to do one set, and do another set yourself. 8. Children want to solve problems by themselves and don't want adults to intervene and be stubborn. 9. If you are wrong, don't admit it; if you are wrong, the child will bite. 10, impatient, rude, swearing, hitting people. 1 1, I don't understand the hardships of children's study, but only focus on exams. 12, often turning over old accounts in front of children. 13, lack of knowledge, don't understand education, don't like learning, always speak layman's words.
In 2004, Wenzhou Women's Federation investigated the standard of "qualified parents" in the form of public solicitation. When I counted the results, I found that "being good friends with children and communicating more" is the first standard; Primary and secondary school students regard "actively communicating with children as friends" as the fourth criterion. It can be seen that children also want to communicate well with their parents. It is hoped that parents will bear in mind their children's requirements of "actively communicating with their children as friends on an equal footing" and effectively realize two changes to help their children pass through adolescence smoothly.
My nephew's first adolescence.
My nephew is a very good boy, and now he is in the second grade in a boarding school.
However, at the weekend, my mother called and said that he was depressed and didn't go home from the Internet cafe all day. After a while, my sister, who was not at home, also called to say that last night, he blew up Grandpa's mobile phone-not only did 80 yuan run out of phone bills, but he also owed 160 yuan.
Although I have been preparing to cope with my nephew's adolescence, I never expected that his changes would be so sudden and huge that people were caught off guard.
After dinner, I invited him to take a walk in the field. I'm joking first. It's a good thing I didn't save the money in your mobile phone. Then I mentioned the phone bill to him. After I speculated for a long time about "who to call", he said that he was not calling, but downloading games on Monternet.
I don't think my conversation is very closed, so I'll say bluntly that you spend so much money on your mobile phone and surf the Internet all day. I thought you were puppy love. My nephew said, no, surfing the internet is not chatting, but playing online games of "Dragon Eight Branches".
It turned out that it was not puppy love, but an obsession with "online games."
Just some time ago, I also "played online games". I can talk to him and ask, is online games fun? He said, not really, playing for a long time is very tired.
It seems that he is not deeply fascinated, but "giving up" is also true, and he doesn't know what to do at once.
My nephew suddenly said, I know that online games are not good, but I can't help it. I am most afraid of you (my nephew has been with me for many years, but he is still very strict with him at ordinary times). Why not "press" me? My nephew is not a confident man. If you put pressure on him again, I'm afraid he will be even less confident in the future. Moreover, adolescent children are the most rebellious. Even if he volunteered at the moment, "pressure" would only be counterproductive, so I refused without hesitation.
I just realized that for adolescence, it may be ok to talk on paper occasionally, but there is nothing I can do about my nephew's practical problems. So, I had to "discuss" with him the dangers of online games and minors going to Internet cafes, while thinking about countermeasures.
At night, I let him sleep with me. Lying in bed, I first discussed adolescence with him, and then asked him about his dreams. Although he said this tired, that tired, a look of fear of hardships and difficulties makes people angry, but I still calmly guided him to start from his own interests and expand his learning scope. Then, I asked him, should "online games" be solved? He said: Yes, but I can't help it if I don't play. Then come back for two and a half days and four hours every month, which is equivalent to one hour every day.
I fully accept this plan, because I privately think that "online games" are the topic of my peers, and not playing at all will make him fall behind? But I don't want him to feel too easy, so I pretend to say, as usual, do you want to bargain? ……
In such a relaxed atmosphere, I think my nephew's first adolescent incident has been solved quite satisfactorily.
Diary of my son and me.
Yu Qin Xiao
I am a Chinese teacher. I can't help losing my temper when I see my son sometimes doesn't do his homework seriously and is picky about food. The son began to keep silent, and then shouted in an aggressive tone. Seeing my son's impatient and angry expression, I realized that my attitude angered my son and would have an impact on his character health. I usually like to let students read some articles to nourish their hearts. Now if I communicate with my son in words and calm his heart, it should be helpful to him. So, I carefully selected a notebook and wrote on the title page: "My whisper with my son."
I started talking to my son. It turns out that when I ask my son to get up, he can't afford to stay in bed sometimes, and I will get impatient if I linger for more than ten minutes. Now, I set the alarm clock and put a diary on his pillow: "son, read aloud and emotionally after getting up, and make reading a habit." Sure enough, my son gets up quickly every day and reads articles loudly on the balcony.
One day after school, I went to pick up my son. The children are holding test papers. My son taunted a child with poor grades with rude language. I didn't scold him to his face. When I got home, I wrote in my diary: "Do you know, son? Every child is an angel. You are an excellent child in the eyes of your mother, and so are your classmates who are laughed at. There is something shining on you. Remember this sentence: above others, treat others as human beings; Under people, treat yourself as a person. " The son wrote a sentence below: "Mom, I was wrong."
Since I have such a diary, my son and I have had a lot of emotional communication. The first thing my son does when he comes home from school is to read this diary. I found my son began to talk in his diary, too. In the mid-term exam, my son's math score was not satisfactory, so I was afraid that I would criticize him. As soon as I got home, my son gave me this diary, which said, "Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't do well in the math exam because of carelessness. Don't worry, I will strive for good results next time. "
What should boys pay attention to during adolescence? This is acne, a symbol of youth. Don't break the acne, or you may get pockmarked all over your face. In addition, pay attention to changing clothes frequently and keep clothes clean, especially underwear.
What should parents pay attention to when their son reaches puberty? Don't beat and scold at will.