Special-because it is a "personalized process", it is necessary to face and solve childhood conflicts, learn to control aggression, and effectively get rid of parents. At this stage, children's personal consciousness awakens. They pray for independence and are eager to go out and see the world and form their own set of values.
The key-because it is still the "period when the reorganization process begins", it is a turning point in life. At this stage, children develop rapidly in all aspects, which is a period of forgetting, reorganization and re-learning, such as cognitive updating and the establishment of three views. It is also the expected socialization period of adult's role status, and these reorganization processes will continue into adulthood, involving learning new professional roles, marriage roles, retirement and old age, laying the foundation for thinking patterns, emotional patterns and behavior patterns in future life.
A person who is completely differentiated in adolescence will grow into a mature and independent individual with self-awareness and self-will.
First, it is not psychotherapy for problem children, but a compulsory course for adolescent children.
Many people think that adolescent education must be accepted by problem children, or it is a kind of psychotherapy, but it is not-
Every adolescent child has his own confusion, and every family has adolescent children's parents who are also facing their own pain. In this process, whether you are good or bad, whether you are currently facing pain or not, if you can receive adolescent education and have a good understanding of such a special process of adolescence, it will play a very good role in boosting your growth and the growth of your parents.
What is more critical? What is the so-called "problem" and what is "normal"! Just relatively speaking. For example: self-confidence, your child's self-confidence is 70 points, and you may feel very good. However, for the parents of a child with 90 points, do you think he has a problem ... have you found it? Different cognition, different modes and different judgment standards. So it can be said that all children have problems (there is no perfect person), and it can also be said that all children are excellent (relatively speaking).
If everyone treats a teenager as a problem child, all the problems will only get worse. But if we know that this process is a necessary stage in the process of children's growth, then the educational problems of adolescent children can be solved, at least we can face it with a more relaxed attitude. No problem, only features; This is not a problem, but a difficulty.
Second, instead of helping children make decisions from the perspective of adults, we use our past life experience to help children discover more possibilities in life.
In the past, many people reported that children were disobedient and shouldn't do that, but they had to do that ... In fact, adolescent children are a process of self-discovery and self-exploration. In this process, what mom and dad have to do is not stand on our own point of view, replace the children's experience with our own experience, and explore for the children with some of our past explorations, but on the basis of our own life experience. Help our children avoid many unsafe places, avoid places that endanger their lives, help our children explore more possibilities in their lives under safe conditions, and explore what kind of person they are in the process of life, what kind of things they want to do and what kind of things they can do for the world!
Third, it is not dogmatic preaching, but real experience.
Today's children are facing a society full of information. They can receive a lot of information, and even their cognition has far exceeded our own cognition. However, just because a child has cognition does not mean that he can really engrave all this cognition in his heart, so that he can understand and make good use of it.
Just like many children understand truth, he always says: I have heard it, I "know" ... but in fact he doesn't "understand"-he knows the meaning of every word of a truth, but in fact he doesn't understand the meaning and feeling behind this cognition, that is to say, he doesn't really understand it at all. What is the reason? It is very simple, because there is no experience and experience, preaching can transmit less than 5% of personal experience.
In this case, a child's experience in the process of growing up is essential. Therefore, this is why, from the perspective of adults, adolescent education is not a substitute for children's growth, but a very important reason for children to explore more possibilities in their own lives. Only when a child has experienced it personally can he really know what such a thing means to him, otherwise everything will always stay at the level of the brain without really entering his own heart.
The above is the difference between our adolescent education and other education, and it is also the characteristic of adolescent education.
What should adolescent education do? Maybe you have listened to many educational lectures, read many educational books, and learned many methods ........................................................................................................................................................... These five mental methods are the core guide to help you with your adolescent education, and truly make your child's adolescence a "transition period" for a positive and excellent life. They are:
1. Energy is greater than capacity.
Many times, when we encounter children's educational problems and difficulties, we often focus on solving the problems, and few people will think about solving the children's energy problems or solving the parents' energy problems.
What is energy? Many people will say that energy is a very abstract thing. How should I pay attention to and solve the situation about energy?
In fact, "energy" can be indirectly expressed by a very popular word, which is "state". For example, if a child is in good condition, we will say that the child has enough energy.
It is said that "energy is more important than ability", or "state is more important than ability". We found that when solving a problem, you need to have the ability, but if you have the ability, you have no state, and this ability can't be exerted at all.
For example, a child with an examination ability of only 60 points may be able to play this 60-point ability to 80 points if his examination status is good, but if his energy is low and his status is not good enough, his ability of 100 may only play 70 points.
The same is true in the face of adolescent education. If we can give each other energy, if we can have the energy to face these problems ourselves, it is more important than we think of many ways to solve them.
2. Mind is more important than skill.
In a word, "if you don't open your heart, don't do it." If a child's heart is not open to you, or your heart is not really as open as a child's, then all the skills are not available to you, just staying on the surface. You have a hundred ways, and children have a hundred ways to deal with it. The so-called "enemy will block, water will cover up" is the truth.
If we only focus on what methods I use to "deal with" children, then we will definitely face a situation-"there are policies at the top and countermeasures at the bottom". The final result is that parents and children will always be a process of fighting each other. Without real intimacy and love between parents and children, this will become a very big obstacle for children to communicate and grow up!
3. Experience is greater than preaching
In fact, our present society is an experience society. For example, if we buy a mobile phone and then stay in a hotel, there will be all kinds of things you can experience first. For example, there are hotel sleepers, restaurant tasters, and even experience stores where we buy mobile phones. These are all about giving us an experience, not simply telling you how good it is. The same applies to every child.
We have to solve the difficulties of adolescent education, which is actually a process of experience. For example, if you want your child to experience the difficulties of his parents, you should not only tell him how difficult you are, how much you have paid for him, but also let him have such an experience. Only after experiencing him can he really understand what kind of person he is as a parent.
The reason why you want to experience is because, as I said before, language and words can't convey all the information, and at the same time, they convey much less information than experience. Only what you have experienced is your own thing. The process of experience is also a process to help you find a solution to the problem, and it is also a process to gain new wisdom. If you experience it properly, if you really put your heart into it, I believe it will bring you more beautiful feelings and more wisdom. Therefore, the experience mentioned here is greater than preaching, which encourages our parents to give each other more experiences and opportunities to explore, rather than just saying it in words.
Relationship is more important than anything else.
There is a saying that "because it is important, it is not important, because it is not important, it is important". Do you know what this sentence is about?
In other words, if you get along well with your child, no matter what happens, it won't be a problem, because the child can feel that love. Even if there are some quarrels and some disputes, he still believes that this love exists, this relationship exists, and as long as the relationship exists, all problems can be solved. And if there is no relationship between two people, then all the problems that occur are related, even a small problem may cause a world war. So this relationship determines whether the problems between parents and children can be solved, including the state of children and your state, so this relationship is very important to everyone.
5. Order is greater than selection
What does order mean? In fact, the above relationship is greater than everything, energy is greater than problems, heart is greater than surgery, and experience is greater than preaching. Actually, it's all about order. If your order is correct, it may be very simple in your problem solving process. On the other hand, if the order is wrong, you put the relationship behind, put your energy behind, and open your child's heart and your own heart behind, then the difficult things will come. Because you put it in the wrong order, because you put the cart before the horse. Just like you take the wrong key to unlock the lock, even if you twist the key, you will never be able to unlock it.
So this order refers to a choice. What path do you choose, who do you choose to be with, what state do you choose to face, what circle do you choose, and so on. In fact, it determines what kind of results you will present in the process of solving problems.
These are the core contents and methods of adolescent education. The so-called method is actually not a practical technology, but a psychological method, which is biased towards the "Tao" level. Although it is invisible, it is very important. Only by mastering the Tao can we truly "control the art with the Tao" and truly spend adolescence with our children!