Last week, Xie Nan asked me on WeChat: "I watched my child fall asleep, and I began to worry: How can I educate her? There is no ink in my stomach. I don't want my children to be like me, without quality and culture. Watching other people's children start learning English, early education and the like, I am dying. "

I was reading a book and simply answered: pay more attention to the present and live the present well. If possible, study with children.

In fact, I still have something to say, that is, as a mother, I am no less anxious than her. However, all our anxieties will not disappear with the growth of children, but will increase. Anxiety comes not only from parents, but also from legal, medical and educational institutions. The whole society is utilitarian and anxious.

It seems that we are never satisfied and always so anxious. Although I know it's not good, I can't control my inner feelings. Especially when facing children, I always want to give them my best.

Adults in China seem to be like this, and I used to think so. I didn't think about it until I saw Erika Christakis's "Give Children the Best Growth" recently. The idea I decided before may not be what I thought. It seems that I can answer Iola's question better.

Erika Christakis, an outstanding graduate of Harvard University, has successively obtained a master's degree in public health from Johns Hopkins University, a master's degree in communication from the University of Pennsylvania, and a master's degree in early childhood education from Leslie University.

He once taught in the Children's Research Center of Yale University, teaching university courses related to children's development and education policy. She combined her parenting and practical work experience to write this book. The core of this book is that our relationship with children is the most important learning tool, because in children's minds, love and learning are two complementary concepts.

1.

Let the world remember China Kung Fu's Bruce Lee once said about the philosophy of water: "Empty your mind, unformed, unformed, like water. Now you put water into a cup, and it becomes a cup. You put water in a bottle and it becomes a bottle. You put it in a teapot and it becomes a teapot. Now, water can flow or collapse. Make water, my friend! " Bruce Lee) The mind is free from distractions, intangible and ever-changing, just like water. A cup is a cup. Into the bottle, it is the bottle. Into the pot, it is the pot. Quiet, if flowing; If you move, the waves will be terrible. Like water, my friend. -Bruce Lee)

Children have all the elements needed for growth in their own brains. If we are willing to observe them carefully, they will tell us the way forward. We don't have to be afraid that he or she will eventually become a cup, a bottle or a kettle. Everything has a destiny.

If parents and teachers can find ways to deepen contact with their children, it is very important. Our relationship with children is the most important learning tool. Because in children's minds, learning and love are two complementary concepts.

In addition to spending more time with children, we should communicate with them more, understand what they say, and communicate with them with a childlike heart.

The environment in which children live is the classroom. We should pay attention to all environments that can provide children with learning opportunities, not just those restricted by schools. In fact, children can and always can learn from all environments. It cannot be ignored that every child has a basis for learning in his brain.

Don't think that children don't know that their parents are quarreling or fighting, let alone ignore their emotions. Several times before going to bed, my husband and I had a loud argument about a certain problem in the bedroom. Bean bags lie between us. She is only a little over two years old. She suddenly said, mom, stop it. At that time, I realized that maybe we were talking too loudly and made her fall asleep. Recently, several times, my mother and I had a particularly fierce argument because of a certain problem. Bean bag suddenly said, Mom, stop it. Then look at me with a smile.

I realized that she could feel that we were in a bad mood. Think of those children who often quarrel and fight. Do they really don't know what adults say? Maybe they don't know what you said and what you mean, but they must know that you are in a bad mood and have made them feel bad.

Bean bags will let us know, but don't many children know without saying it? What shall we do? Observe them more carefully. Children's concrete thinking in images and most whimsy are obviously different from adults' thinking, but the scope and intensity of their feelings (such as pride, happiness, jealousy, fear, etc.). ) strikingly similar to adults.

Don't deliberately avoid children's real anger and needs. Let the focus move away from the exciting point of contradiction and return to the child's feelings. That's the point. Understand that conflict is a natural part of life, and emotional outbursts are destructive, but it is better to break out than to hold back. It is absolutely wrong to suppress children's inner emotions, because as we have seen, emotional state is closely related to learning.

Children are born with the ability to learn from the interaction between people. Most children can get good training. It is simple and reasonable: children need knowledge and understanding. To this end, they need a learning habitat, so that they can establish contact with people who really understand them.

2.

Picasso reminded us: "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to ensure that he remains an artist when he grows up."

The game seems to give us more answers. But what can adults do to help children develop their resilience in games? "Give your child the best growth" gives the following suggestions:

1. Change the subject moderately. If you encounter negative things in the game, try to divert their attention.

2. If the child reports that someone speaks ill of him, give him energy in a relaxed tone: "But we all know that you are not that kind of child! I think it's stupid to say so. "

3. Redirect makes a general conclusion. Be careful not to belittle their observations or force them to play happily with every child.

Remind our children that everyone who plays games has their own difficulties to overcome.

5. Avoid using the word "bullying" to describe a four-or five-year-old child who has been unfriendly once or even many times.

6. Teach children to get rid of the status quo when they feel used.

7. Children are usually strong and will not be knocked down by an occasional bad game.

Give children twice as much time, take them or let them play outdoors and explore nature freely. Nature will relax children and make them feel good. To be precise, real games need to walk more or touch the ground more. Before finding the right answer, we should try to minimize the interference to children and let them discover how the world works.

Look at Peggy, the pig in the bean bag. Look at the mud pit inside. She likes it very much, or imitation is human nature. Once after it rained, I allowed her to jump into the mud pit in the depression of the community. After playing for more than ten minutes, her clothes, shoes and socks were dirty. Then go home and take a bath. During this period, her father always opposed me to do this, saying that she would definitely go in when she saw the puddle in the future, and the puddle was dirty and prone to skin diseases.

Sure enough, from then on, as long as I go out and see any small puddle, I will rush in directly, and the speed of adults can hardly keep up. But I don't think anything can compare her happiness at that time.

3.

Clinical randomized controlled trial: two groups of infants, one group eats nuts, the other group does not eat nuts. The results are very obvious: 14% babies who don't eat peanuts have allergies at 60 months, while only 1% babies who eat peanuts have allergies at the same time. This study shows that prevention has become a poison.

Ironically, our original intention is to protect children, but it may damage their health.

More often, we should abandon too much noise outside and pay more attention to the hearts of some children. The secret revealed by the fox in The Little Prince: "The real thing is invisible to the eyes."

The advertisements about all kinds of electronic products and so-called educational toys, which swept through TV and Internet, are the most obvious proof of materialism. Compared with middle-class families, children from poor families watch more TV. Not only that, their parents may also feel the pressure from the outside world and try to buy various electronic products that are conducive to improving their skills. But since it is a commodity and profitable, it is of course happy as a manufacturer.

However, technology changes every day, but the law of children's development will not change.

Some giants in new fields of scientific and technological innovation know how to choose better than their product buyers. He and Steve Jobs, CEO of many other technology companies, strictly limit the time when children touch the screen. It is better to support people or other biotechnology, which can narrow the distance between children and people they don't often contact.

Simplifying the material environment is a strategy to attract children after time polishing. Proactive and original, as all children should have.

The natural environment conveys a kind of care and tranquility. Although words such as "simplicity" and "truth" are usually synonymous with "the concept of physical and mental health of the rich", we can create conditions for young children to benefit from their material environment to the greatest extent. But I want to pay attention to the quality of interpersonal communication, not the material itself. Highlight the core of this book, our relationship with children is the most important learning tool.

Listen to your child's voice, simplify the complex, and have more contact with your child. The connection between you will certainly strengthen.

4.

Educator Jim Trelease warned us that we must be vigilant. He proposed that "the primary goal of a 4-year-old child is to enjoy the process of being a 4-year-old child; The second is to prepare for the age of 5. "

It is important for every child to grow up at his own pace, because not everyone can sequence human genes or invent iPhone when they grow up. Although most people live in obscurity, we can all live a meaningful life full of emotional connections and good deeds.

And a good childhood can almost guarantee the realization of this goal.

Just like building a sand castle, it takes a long time to build walls, fortresses, moats and fences when the tide suddenly hits. It's a long process, but children like it.

But now, there are various models of sandcastles in the shops. Put the sand in the model and pour it out. Biubiubiu, a sandcastle, has no design, no thinking and no work. There is also that kind of "plastic indoor sand", which is easy and clean for children to build sand castles without chaos. But it deprives all ideas in the process of building sand castles.

Sandcastles are born short-lived, which makes them more gorgeous in a sense. Establishing and appreciating them will make us realize the familiar proverb again: what matters is the process, not the result.

Children are important because they have the ability to learn anytime, anywhere. Parents and teachers are also important, because they also have an early learning environment that surpasses all other learning environments: the relationship with growing children.

In children's eyes, love and learning are two complementary concepts. If you don't get along well with them, how can you show your love for them? Making money, making more money is also for living, in order to provide better things for children, but material is not the most important thing. What matters is the relationship with growing children. Do you know them? Do you know what they are thinking? Do they want to play with you?

Even two-year-old Doubao will say to his father who has to work overtime on Sunday, "Dad, don't go to work, go out and play with Doudou." To tell the truth, we have never taught her these words. Don't ignore children's real thoughts. They are actually more real, sensitive and smarter than us.

Know how to choose, and you will eventually know what is the most important thing in life. Giving your child the best growth ability will make you know how to love your child and give him what he really wants.

Big Twitter:

It makes sense that tofu brain loves grandma best. Because grandma plays with her patiently, she is seldom angry with her. If tofu brain cheats, grandma seldom yells at her or tells her to do what adults want to do at once, but diverts her attention or changes her acceptable way. Therefore, tofu brain is friendly, cheerful and loving.

What is worth learning from Dou's father is not to be spoiled blindly, nor to be helpless in front of bean curd!