As parents, the education of children should start from their own psychological preparation, and then with the growth of children's age, teach them in accordance with their aptitude, guide them according to the situation and change with the times. Parents' educational psychology is an important basis for educational methods. Therefore, I mainly discuss from the perspective of psychology:

First, we should have the mentality of making friends with children.

With children's psychological closeness, you can understand children's psychological changes in different growth periods and different situations, and you can solve their problems and difficulties with children.

There was once a cartoon describing the psychological analysis of a fourth-grade student: a fourth-grade child was sitting on the ground crying, and his parents were hitting him on the head. Parents said, "We gave you all our thoughts. What else do you want from us? " . But the child said, "Why didn't you give birth to me with instructions?" Yes, there are instructions for household appliances and everything. If you don't follow the instructions, something will go wrong. But our child has no instructions, so we need to know his personality characteristics carefully. Different education methods should be adopted for different children, otherwise there will be problems. Simply beating and cursing is definitely not a good idea, and it will do more harm to children. When children enter middle school, their thoughts change from simple to complex, which means that they think more things and start to have their own intentions and plans, which means that some parents are saying, "Our children are very strong and don't listen to their parents." But their discrimination is very weak. We don't know the right and wrong in society, and we don't fully understand what we can and can't do. This requires parents to give their children some instructions and warnings, often remind him of what to do and what not to do, and give him a clear direction. It should be noted that the "tune" of adults must be consistent. I don't want my father to say that and my mother to say that, so that the child can't speak clearly.

Second, parents should pay attention to the following aspects in their usual education.

1. Really care about children

(1) Leave some time for the children.

Spend a certain amount of time communicating with children every day and spare some time to accompany them. The length of time is not important, but take some time to sit down every day, ask your children about their studies, and exchange ideas and feelings with them. Some parents may say that students are at school all day and have no time to talk to them. This is not right. Time is like water in a sponge, squeezed out. After going home every week, you can watch TV less and use the computer last time, and adjust the time for drinking tea with friends to the time for children to go to school. Talk to them and ask them about their study at school.

② Go out with the children.

Take your children outdoors for a walk, go shopping and work in the fields on holidays, and take them out for a trip and visit if possible. Broaden children's horizons and cultivate their temperament.

3 read books and watch TV with children.

Accompany children to watch some books and TV programs that are beneficial to their physical and mental health, and have the opportunity to exchange feedback and cultivate their appreciation ability.

(2) Give your love to your children.

Our parents in China like to use the most advanced index finger, and always point it at their children and scold them: "Why are you so disobedient! How can you be so stupid! What will you do in the future if you do this again? Can you make a difference? ? "Children grow up in fear, where can they gain self-confidence? What can you do well without confidence? Some parents told me: "My child, I said he was in the top ten, and he didn't listen at all." In fact, animals are in a state of battle when threatened, not to mention people, who are advanced animals, and no exception. If you scold your child and he is in a state of tension, he will have a natural self-protection mentality. It is normal to contradict him. At this time, it is difficult for him to accept other people's preaching. Change the "index finger" to "thumb" and praise your child often. You often praise your child for this and that, and you will find that he has really improved. If you scold your child every day, the child will get worse and worse. Don't be afraid to praise the child, he will be proud. If he doesn't reach the first place, how can he be proud? What is he proud of? Not only will he not be proud, but he will only keep improving. Everyone wants applause and praise, especially children. In fact, if we are appreciated by our boss, colleagues and peers at work or in the shopping mall, each of our parents will be more enthusiastic about their work.

I remember a famous educator once said: "If you don't know a child, don't know his intellectual development, thinking, interests, hobbies, talents, and tendencies, you can't talk about education."

Every child has the desire to be a good child, so family education should let children find the feeling of "I am a good child". When the child succeeds, give him your hug and encouragement, which will be the best reward for him. When a child encounters setbacks, giving him a hug will be the best encouragement. Give your child your caress generously, without too many words, and the child will feel that he has enjoyed endless love and care, which will be the greatest motivation for his life and study.

(3) Give trust to children.

According to the age of children, let them take part in labor appropriately, and they will help you. All children like to be close to adults and "do adult things". Getting him involved is undoubtedly the greatest trust in him. He will take this matter more important than anything else.

2. Really care about children's learning

When it comes to caring about children's study, many parents say "we are all concerned", and some parents even ask their children if they have done their homework every day. Did you do well in school? Is this a real problem? How should parents counsel their children?

The first is enthusiastic support.

Parents support their children's learning in many ways, such as creating a good learning environment for their children at home. When watching TV, try to control the volume so as not to interfere with children's study; Stationery and books for children's study should be added to them at any time. At the same time, pay attention to children's food, clothing, housing and transportation in life, so that children can always feel the care of their parents.

The second is to earnestly urge.

Due to the poor self-control ability of children, the necessary supervision of parents can not be ignored. When children throw away their schoolbags to play after school, or do homework while listening to a tape recorder and watching TV, parents should persuade their children and guide them to pay attention to their studies.

The third is to check carefully.

Not all parents can understand their children's homework, but they should also carefully check their children's homework books. Because homework can reflect a child's learning situation, if it is found that the homework is sloppy, scribbled or even unfinished, parents should ask the reason in time and ask the child to do it again. Only in this way can we gradually cultivate children's serious and rigorous learning attitude and good habits.

The fourth is to actively cooperate.

Some parents think that they don't understand and should be taught by schools. This attitude is wrong. The correct attitude should be to take the initiative, often contact the teacher, understand the child's learning situation, listen to the teacher's opinions, tell the teacher about the child's learning situation at home, and take corresponding measures according to the child's characteristics and shortcomings to help the child study hard.

The fifth is to pay attention to children's learning process.

Test scores are only an indicator to measure students' learning, not the only indicator. To some extent, some characteristics of the learning process are more important than scores. Some students' interest in learning is not high enough, their initiative is not high enough, their independent thinking is not enough, and they have not developed the habit of communicating with their classmates, so their learning potential will be limited. Treat children's grades correctly.

3. Be kind to children mentally. Parents often take care of their children materially. The following practices are very unfavorable to children's spiritual development.

(1) indifference-the deprivation of love deeply hurts the child's heart.

Some parents don't lack food and clothing for their children, but they ignore them, don't hug them and don't play with them, and throw them to grandparents as a burden. Children who grow up under such conditions feel that life is meaningless, lacking trust and indifference, and have a strong desire to destroy people. It is easy to mix with other children with similar experiences and form criminal gangs. It is also easy to be dragged down by the so-called concern of other adult criminals. A child who lacks food and clothing and does heavy work will not be mentally unhealthy if he has a warm family, but if the situation is the opposite, the child's personality development is likely to have problems. For a child's young mind, having milk is not necessarily a mother.

(2) Isolation-it is bad for children's growth and behavior.

Some parents may have heard of the isolation of wolf children. This is true. After a child was born, he was killed by a wolf. The wolf didn't eat him, but raised him. 10 years later, people found this child. When he was rescued, this 10-year-old child was only two years old. He can't talk, he can only scream. This shows that parents.

(3) Neglect-it will make children lose the motivation for progress.

Ignore the child's progress. In the child's view, every little progress deserves his happiness. Some parents don't know how to look at the problem from their children's point of view, or worry that their children will be proud after hearing praise, so they always criticize their children and don't take their progress seriously. Over time, their children will feel really useless and lose the motivation to make progress.

(4) Self-esteem-hurting children's self-esteem will make them feel insecure and prone to behavioral problems.

Damage children's self-esteem in front of others. Some parents criticize their children mercilessly in front of their peers, expose their shortcomings, make them feel ashamed, and easily make them the object of ridicule by friends. There is a term in social psychology called label effect, which means that people's opinions are like a label, so that their future behavior conforms to this label. When parents say that their children are naughty and disobedient in public, they label them naughty and disobedient. Even if their children have changed in the future, it is still difficult for others to change their views on their children. (5) Take it out on your child. Sometimes we will inevitably have disappointments in our work or life. I can't help getting angry and scolding my children when I see them disobedient. Children won't understand where they are wrong. Such children are insecure and prone to behavioral problems. Very sensitive psychologically.

(5) the treasure chest to protect children

Destroy what children love. Children usually have a treasure chest full of their favorite things. In addition, children's love and closeness to small animals is a nature. When parents look at these things, they often think they are just a pile of rubbish. Some parents not only do it themselves, but sometimes force their children to throw away and destroy these things themselves. Nowadays, children have many only children, and these toys and pets sometimes play the role of children's friends. Children take good care of their pets and take good care of their dolls. In fact, they are practicing how to take care of them. Many parents complain that when their children grow up, they don't know how to love and understand others, but they don't think about it. Did their parents consciously guide them how to care when they were young?

4. Learn to communicate with children.

The usual way of communication is to talk. Through investigation, it is found that children dislike the following ways of speaking most: nagging, transfer, arraignment and exposing ugliness. "Parents are impatient with the problem and just want to live in a small room alone." The affection between many students and their families has faded. They never take the initiative to talk to their families, or only talk to their families occasionally. Parents feel that there is a "distance" and a "gap" between themselves and their children, and sometimes they can't even communicate. Modern parents are eager to make friends with their children, but the fact is not desirable. Why can't we be friends with children? What is the best way for you to make friends with your children?

(1) Now I am close to my children with my heart, and I have a little independent spirit. I don't rely on my parents as I did when I was a child, and sometimes I will show rebellious attitude towards my parents' words. At this time, parents can still make friends with their children as long as they are friendly, equal and close to them. I think it is important to respect children's independent personality. Think about it carefully, children are not obedient, but it is good to have independent judgment. Only by guiding their personality development can they surpass us. I let them make their own study plans, give them "power" in many things and cultivate their sense of responsibility. To make friends with children, we should think more from the child's standpoint and understand the mentality of children under age, so as to communicate with children wholeheartedly. Problems such as speaking in class should be analyzed from their perspective. Persuasion can only be effective if we stand on the same side.

(2) It is not difficult to give children more voice and maintain good spiritual communication with children. The most important thing is to see if you treat your children as friends. In our country, bound by traditional ideas, many parents have serious patriarchal thoughts in their subjective consciousness. How can you always say things like "adults don't mind children's business" and "adults talk, children don't interrupt" without creating a generation gap? How can you let your child speak freely with you? Children, as their friends, must be given the right to speak whether their arguments are correct or not. Cultivate communication habits from an early age and eliminate the barriers between them. If you don't communicate with your child when you are young, I think it is impossible for your child to be his friend when he grows up, especially at the sensitive age of high school.

5. Strengthening mental health education At present, due to the increasing expectations of parents for their children, four kinds of abnormal psychology are prone to occur, which has a great impact on the healthy growth of children.

(1) Comparative Psychology. Some parents compare their children with other people's children, fail to see the advantages of their children, and tend to criticize their children, hoping that their children are better than other people's children everywhere. In doing so, it is easy for children to feel inferior and jealous, and gradually lose self-confidence.

(2) Psychological compensation. Many parents feel very sorry because they didn't have a good reading environment when they were young, so they often pin their unfinished wishes on their children without considering their specific conditions, which leads to their rebellion; Some parents give their children meticulous care and "high standard" living treatment because of their poor living conditions as children, which makes them feel dependent and lack independent living ability.

(3) indulgence. Some parents often turn a blind eye to their children's conduct, hobbies, interests and social interaction, but indulge and spoil them blindly. Spoiling often happens to children's grandparents, who will support them when they encounter any problems. In the long run, children have developed some bad habits.

(4) Strict psychological requirements. Some parents interpret strict requirements as constant criticism and reprimand, and even force their children to spend their daily rest and entertainment time studying. In this way, children live in panic and tension all day, and their interest in learning and memory generally declines.

6. If parents can overcome the above four psychological misunderstandings, prescribe the right medicine for their children and educate them, their children will grow up healthily.

Parents to overcome these psychological misunderstandings, I think we can try from the following aspects:

(1) Look at children with a peaceful mind and see their "other half".

You can't completely deny a child just because he failed in the exam once or twice. In fact, we should be more tolerant and appreciative of children with shortcomings, look at them from a developmental perspective, help children analyze the reasons for backwardness, and put forward coping strategies. Appropriate praise and encouragement are "additives" to promote children's healthy growth. Only by educating children well can we truly love them and have a good psychological foundation to communicate with them.

(2) Give children the opportunity to exercise. Teach everything by hand and don't give him a chance to exercise. In the future, without parents and teachers, he will accomplish nothing.

First, parents should not do everything for their children, just like an old hen protecting a chicken, they always protect their children under their own wings and are reluctant to let them do what they can. Other parents are eager to see their children succeed and completely limit their children's activities to their own sight. In some places, they directly or even completely control children's behavior, restrain children's will and actions with various rules and regulations, and endlessly correct accusations for fear that children will cross the line. Excessive protection will seriously interfere with the normal development of children's body and mind, resulting in extremely bad consequences.

Second, the child's ability to live independently is poor, his movements are clumsy, his behavior is childish, and he can't take care of himself at the very least;

Third, social difficulties, low social skills, unable to communicate and get along with others.

Fourth, indecision, lack of self-confidence, shyness and inferiority;

Fifth, it is easy to produce negative emotions and fall into a state of persistent anxiety, depression and depression.

Sixth, it is the behavior of lack of moral feelings, indifference to responsibility, heavy revenge and even blind attack;

Seventh, sexual psychology is immature, relying too much on parents, fixing love on parents and not loving anyone else.

The above performance is worrying. Japanese teach children "don't give others trouble". Japanese parents instill an idea in their children when they are very young: "Don't disturb others." And pay attention to cultivating children's self-care ability and self-improvement spirit in daily life. When the whole family goes out to travel, no matter how young the children are, they will always carry a small backpack on their backs. Parents said: "This is their own business, and they should carry it themselves." Work-study program is very common among college students, even children from wealthy families are no exception. They earn their tuition by serving dishes and washing dishes in restaurants, selling goods in shops, taking care of the elderly and being tutors.

(3) Establish a correct sense of competition. Today's society is a competitive society and a law of the jungle society. No one will sympathize with the weak and have personal experience. The richer a person is, the more people will give him gifts, and the poorer a person will give others gifts. Therefore, in today's society, you can only eat on your own, and no one will give you even a penny. Only when people compete in society can they have a foothold. Let children find their own goals, such as what they want to do when they grow up, let children work hard for their ideals and find their own competitors in their studies. He got 90 points, I want to get 95 points, and I want to surpass him. Instead of speaking ill of others in front of children, there is no self-motivation. Seeing that others have made progress, their psychology is unbalanced, and what we call "pink eye" appears. With a correct sense of competition, children will find ways to solve difficulties instead of doing dangerous things by improper means.

(4) Give them some setbacks appropriately. There are setbacks everywhere in life. Nowadays, children don't suffer much, can't bear setbacks, retreat when they encounter difficulties, and even commit suicide, which brings huge losses to their families. Teach them that life is beautiful, and as long as they work hard, they will live well in the future. There is no best in the world, only better, as long as there is progress every day. Sometimes we can deliberately give them some setbacks, and then help them find ways to make them realize that there is always a solution to the problem, not just waiting for death. Edison finally became a great inventor, that is, a man who was not afraid of setbacks. Every time he does something, he is not afraid to do it well. As long as he works hard, he will always do well.