Although Douma usually pays close attention to Mr. Cui Yutao, after all, people are lovely!
However, Dou Ma has a lofty learning attitude towards Professor Yin Jianli and Professor Li Meijin!
This time, the two parenting big coffees "smashed the shelf" and had a great influence in the parenting world. After all, most parents have heard of their educational theory. Who should parents listen to when this matter comes out? How to line up? May be very confused!
Don't worry, let's analyze it slowly!
Yin Jianli VS Li Meijin: the passionate collision between Gong Gong and Zhu Rong.
Yin Jianli, a master of education in Beijing Normal University, engaged in front-line Chinese education 12 years and founded "Yin Jianli Parent School". The book "A good mother is better than a good teacher" has sold more than 7 million copies.
Yin Jianli's mainstream education view: give children full love and freedom.
Li Meijin is a professor of criminal psychology and a postgraduate tutor at People's Public Security University of China. He has been engaged in the research of criminal psychology and adolescent psychological problems for a long time, and puts forward that crime prevention should start with the education of minors, and he has written "Invisible Human Nature".
Li Meijin's mainstream education view: family education prevention.
In fact, there are three differences between Yin Jianli's parenting theory and Professor Li Meijin's parenting theory. These three points are like "Water God is United" and "Fire God Zhu Rong".
(Image from network, deleted)
1. Yin Jianli advocates love and freedom, while Li Meijin advocates strict control and good temptation.
0~3 years old is a critical period for children to establish a sense of security. At this time, parents need to take care of them wholeheartedly.
At this time, the differences came!
Professor Li Meijin thinks:
Children before the age of 3 need attachment, and parents should meet their physiological needs in time;
Children aged 23 ~ 12 need rules, and parents should firmly say "no" to them;
Adolescent children need the right to choose, and parents should be patient with them as friends.
It is not difficult to see that Professor Li Meijin's educational method is positive and powerful, emphasizing parents' subjective education!
However, Yin Jianli experts believe that:
Parents' starting point is love, children need a sense of security, and parents have the responsibility to meet unconditionally!
In fact, Yin Jianli experts' educational views are biased towards westernization. She advocates "empathy". If the child has a problem, parents should first reflect on their mistakes.
At this point, Douma thinks it is feasible to receive education in Yin Jianli.
As we often see such a case:
Children go to restaurants with their parents, and when they are bored, they "spit" on the hot pot at the next table. Ma Bao is weak and will only say: "The child is still young, don't worry."
At this time, we not only saw the children's impoliteness, but also saw Ma Bao's doting and neglect of supervision.
According to experts in Yin Jianli, we can't blame children. We should learn to put ourselves in others' shoes. What role does Ma Bao play in family education?
"Children are the mirror of parents", and children's behavior reflects their parents' character!
However, the problem comes again. Now that we have seen that parents' education methods are wrong, how can we correct them?
2. Yin Jianli advocates "stocking" and Li Meijin advocates "intervention"
Experts in Yin Jianli believe that parents should "reserve" their children, that is, raise them naturally.
In short, if children don't like to eat, it may be that parents feed too much and care too much; Children like to play games, let him play, and finally he doesn't want to play!
In Tetsuko Kuroyanagi's novel "Little Doudou by the Window", Mr. Kobayashi, the president of Ba Xueyuan, applied this method to Xiao Doudou.
Xiao Doudou likes to talk. On the first day of entering the park, she talked with President Kobayashi for four hours. She didn't leave the office until she had nothing to say at last. ...
It can be seen that the method of natural parenting is really effective for children.
But! We might as well use another case to push back.
Seeing this moving picture, will your parents be worried? If we follow the natural breeding methods of experts in Yin Jianli at this time, I'm afraid "Death" doesn't know how to "die"!
Therefore, Professor Li Meijin's "intervention" method is very useful!
As a professor of criminal psychology, Li Meijin pays attention to intervening in children's bad tendencies from an early age, and timely intervening in possible wrong behaviors to prevent them from developing into bigger problems in the future.
As we said before, Yin Jianli's education mode is westernized, advocating love and freedom.
Li Meijin's educational method is biased towards the traditional concept of child-rearing. Of course, it is not a "bonzi culture", but a clear boundary between the age groups that emphasize education.
In short, Professor Li Meijin stressed that it is necessary to "establish rules" with children as soon as possible, so that children can have awe of their parents.
Once, we saw a video of a boy about 10 years old who kicked his mother six times in just a few seconds, and his grandmother couldn't stop him.
This is a typical child's lack of respect for his parents. Is it absurd for us to continue to implement the education policy of love and freedom for our children at this time?
In the parent-child variety "Incredible Mom", actor Ada Choi mentioned his own parenting point of view:
"I personally disapprove of being friends with children. You can be her good listener, identify with her and comfort her. Because you must let your child know the difference between seniority and let her know how to respect the elderly, teachers and bosses in the future. "
Whether parents want to be friends with their children or not, what Ada Choi wants to express is to cultivate children's awe and remain humble forever.
Yin Jianli is loved by children and Li Meijin is respected by parents.
Speaking of it, this is also a reasonable thing.
Yin Jianli's parenting philosophy is advocating love and freedom, and thinking from the child's point of view will be more popular with children;
Li Meijin's concept of parenting is more rational and rigorous, and he often gives various parenting suggestions, which is more practical than chicken soup.
Therefore, parents can learn more practical ways to change their children's behaviors by listening to Professor Li Meijin's lectures, which is one of the reasons why Professor Li Meijin has become a new leader in parenting in recent years.
Of course, Professor Li Meijin's parenting method only tends to solve the problems that are about to appear or have already appeared. As for the root of the problem, the problems existing in family education methods and their correction, Professor Li Meijin didn't cover them too much in his lecture, which also made Yin Jianli experts grasp the handle of Professor Li Meijin.
A few days ago, an expert from Yin Jianli published an original article "Professor Li Meijin's parenting classics are very popular, but I don't recommend you to listen to them any more", which triggered a discussion among readers on two parenting concepts. Bean mother might as well grab one of them and share it with you.
Is delaying gratification to avoid greed or to create a sense of deprivation for children?
In the article "Professor Li Meijin's parenting classics are very popular, but I don't recommend you to listen to them any more", Yin Jianli experts questioned Professor Li Meijin's theory of delayed gratification.
What is delayed gratification?
For example!
A three-year-old boy took a fancy to a toy and didn't buy it for him for the first time. He lied to him that his mother didn't have enough money, so he knew that her mother worked hard to support her family.
This is delayed gratification.
However, experts in Yin Jianli believe that delaying gratification is to create a sense of deprivation for children and psychological beggars.
So, ladies and dads, do you think delaying gratification is to avoid greed or to create a sense of scarcity for children? I'd better leave this question to you for discussion!
However, Douma thinks that if the economic conditions are just enough for children, isn't this a sign of love?
There are thousands of parenting theories, and only one is suitable for children.
Although we call the dispute between Yin Jianli experts and Professor Li Meijin's view of parenting "the capital PK", up to now, Professor Li Meijin has not responded to Yin Jianli experts, and Yin Jianli experts have been calling Professor Li Meijin from a distance.
Speaking of it, this is not the first time that Yin Jianli experts have questioned the big coffee of parenting.
As early as 20 17, Yin Jianli once published an article on Sina Weibo, tearing up the parenting parent-child program "Super Parenting Teacher", aiming at the blue ocean of parenting teachers.
Who is the blue ocean? He is currently the chairman of Shanglin Education and holds three master's degrees in sociology, psychology and education. He used to be a "super parenting teacher" of CCTV, and his book "Reading Children Together".
Blue Ocean's educational philosophy is different from that of Professor Li Meijin and Yin Jianli experts. She argues that the best growth education is for caregivers to grow up with their children.
There is a saying in "Devil Economics", "In recent decades, there have been various parenting experts, and the concept of parenting seems to be changing rapidly. Sometimes different experts can't reach an agreement, and sometimes the experts with the highest exposure suddenly announce in unison that the old ideas are wrong. "
Is this a good thing or a bad thing?
The answer is naturally the former.
Whether it is the "contention of a hundred schools of thought" among intellectuals in China during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, or the contention of schools in modern psychology, it shows that this kind of debate itself has promoted the field.
In fact, whether it is Professor Li Meijin's "strictly controlling seduction" or Yin Jianli experts' "love and freedom", as long as it is suitable for children, it is the best education.
A netizen once left a message: "Teaching students in accordance with their aptitude, different people use different methods. My daughter once said that my successful education does not mean that my method is suitable for everyone. "
Therefore, the focus of parents' "eating melons" is not who is right or wrong, but through these two parenting concepts, "take the essence and discard the dross" to find an educational path suitable for children.