Cultivate a sensible, good at learning, independent, confident, positive, happy and emotional child; And make friends with him.
One: Cultivate sensible children.
People in China always regard obedience as a necessary condition for a good child. But I hope our children are not only obedient children, but also sensible and reasonable children. An obedient child may only blindly follow others, but he may not know why he does it. A reasonable child is good at analyzing the reasons behind everything. What parents say makes sense. They will 100% obey. If what parents say is not completely correct, they will take the initiative to discuss and communicate with their parents. Such children are good children who respect their parents and stick to principles.
Cultivate children who are good at learning
In today's "exam-oriented education" learning environment, it is difficult for us to completely ignore children's academic performance. However, children are under great pressure in such an environment. We need to be considerate of them, don't always impose unrealistic goals on them, and don't have "our unfulfilled ideals must be realized in children, whether they are willing or not, whether they have talent or not." Too high a goal or unreasonable expectations will only put too much pressure on children and make them feel sorry for their parents. Therefore, parents should not take their children's academic performance too seriously, as long as they try their best; You don't always have to ask your child to be the first in the exam, as long as today is better than yesterday. In fact, for children, laying a good foundation and truly mastering learning methods is far more important than academic performance.
Parents should try their best to rationalize their expectations. You can ask your child to do better every time than last time, so that the child can make progress slowly. Children may give up early if they see unreasonable or unrealistic goals.
Parents should try to turn their demands on their children into suggestions for their children. Of course, this does not mean that children should be allowed to break in by themselves, nor should they give up their parents' binding rights, but should be guided as correctly as possible.
Parents should not compare their children with other people's children. This will only cultivate children's one-sided competitive psychology, which will be a great obstacle to the teamwork they must participate in after entering the society.
Cultivate independent children
In China, parents take great care of their children for fear that they will be hurt a little. Therefore, they have more protection for their children, but they dare not let go of their hands and feet and let them experience their own growth. This practice will make children very dependent. Some parents always like to help their children design their life plans, but this usually makes them ignore their real hobbies and lose their right to make choices.
Second, cultivate confident and positive children.
Self-confidence is a magnifying glass of children's potential. As Vanderbilt said: "A confident person always has a smooth career, while a person without self-confidence may never step into the threshold of his career."
Children who grow up in an environment with high expectations and only criticism without praise can hardly gain self-confidence. Relatively speaking, an environment of positive praise and positive feedback will stimulate children's self-confidence. When I first came to America, my teacher always called me a "mathematical genius" because I had a good ability to recite mathematical formulas. Although I know in my heart that I am not a math genius, I just moved out what I have memorized before, but the power of self-confidence is endless. Driven by self-confidence, I began to study English and math hard, and really won the championship in the statewide math competition.
Third, cultivate happy and emotional children.
A student asked me, "Do you want to train your children to be your own successors?" This question surprised me. My answer is: "I just want my children to be happy and develop their potential."
Everyone is different. Only by finding your own interests and exerting your potential can you become the "best self". Tang, who did not achieve outstanding results but eventually entered Harvard, said: "Don't believe in the formula of success, because we are wild plants, not garden plants. Everyone's unique advantage is the source of confidence. " Go and help your child discover his unique advantages!
For classes that are not interested in children, we only ask children to try their best to prepare and study, and there is no special requirement for grades.
Four: Make friends with children.
Although many of my ways of treating people come from my father, he didn't spend much time with me when he was alive. After his death, I can only learn his thoughts or behaviors from my mother, brothers and sisters. I think this is a common father-son relationship in China. Because of this regret, I try to spend more time with my children and try to be a father who can tell them the truth.
In your mind, your children may never grow up, but many children are willing to treat themselves as adults when they are 15 years old or earlier. At this time, parents can discuss problems with their children in an adult way, instead of being completely paternalistic.