Many parents, like me, can't help losing their temper and even yelling at their children when they make mistakes. In fact, when we think about it, we yell at our children angrily, and there are only two results: first, the children are frightened and full of fear, and they have no mind to think about why they are wrong, just hoping that their parents will end their reprimands quickly; Second, the child was angered and shouted back at us, without considering what was wrong, just thinking about how to confront his parents.
However, when parents talk to their children in a low voice, calm tone and serious tone, we will become "angry and arrogant" in the eyes of children, and children will not have so much fear and resistance to us. At this time, it will be much better to reason with children and argue about right and wrong. I am deeply touched by this. Every time the child makes trouble without reason, I just talk to grapefruit in a gentle and peaceful tone. The child may not get better immediately, but after each time, he will remember what I told him and what I said. For example, once grapefruit went to buy a toy, but there were already two identical toys at home. I didn't buy it for him at that time, and I kindly told my child that I already had toys at home and couldn't buy any more. You can choose one that you don't have at home, you can only buy one at a time, and you can't look at everything. As a result, from then on, every time I buy something, I will only choose a grapefruit without saying anything. If it is a toy he already has, I won't buy it again. It can be seen that talking well and educating in a low voice are far more powerful than yelling loudly.
Many parents always think that yelling at their children will make them listen to you, and the result is often counterproductive. Adults reprimanded the children loudly, and the children responded with a higher volume. Finally, parents and children are more and more excited, adults are full of anger, and children will not be convinced because parents shout loudly and realize their mistakes. A large part of this is due to human nature. Because people will instinctively show strong resistance, attack and defense when facing the loud roar and orders from the outside world. At this time, it is difficult for them to keep a rational state to reflect and think, and then change their behavior. Therefore, we often see that children who are severely criticized or accused will show stronger resistance or simply be scared to say nothing. They rarely can rationally reflect on what they have done wrong, let alone improve their behavior. Therefore, when children do something wrong or make trouble without reason, as parents, we should seriously consider switching to "low voice" education.
I hope our parents can teach their children when they talk to them and educate them:
Urgent, speak slowly; Major events, clearly stated; Small things, said humorously; If you are not sure, be cautious; Don't talk nonsense about things that didn't happen; Don't talk nonsense about what you can't do; Hurtful words can't be said; Hate things, right things are not people; Happy things, depending on the occasion.
Educating children quietly is the opposite of educating children loudly. Parents of babies aged 3-7 often don't know how to discipline their children. Whether you persuade them endlessly or shout and give orders, the children completely ignore them. If children who do something wrong are often reprimanded loudly, it will not only have no effect, but will have a negative impact on their character growth and mental health. At this time, we should consider switching to low-key education.
Parents keep their voices down, so that children will not be rebellious or even willing to confront their parents directly. At the same time, children can focus on the matter itself, don't put their emotions on arguing with their parents, reflect on their own problems more, and gradually master the ability of independent thinking.
Psychologists have studied what should be expressed in what tone, and found that different tones will produce different effects when dealing with the same thing. Adults criticize children, and it is more acceptable for children to keep their voices down. This is because:
1. A deep voice can make people more rational and calm, and can also relax children's psychological defense against rebellion and rebellion, which is conducive to communication.
2. Criticizing children in a low voice can not only concentrate their hearing, but also preempt children to use high notes. In life, we often see adults scolding children loudly, and the voice of children's resistance is not low. The two sides became more and more excited, and finally the adults became angry and the children were not convinced.
3. A deep voice can drive away anger. Parents are the teachers who have taught for the longest time in their children's lives. Adults' words and deeds have the greatest influence on children. Being grumpy, not calm, and scolding children's parents loudly will definitely have a subtle influence on children's character.
1. Criticize the child for lowering his voice.
When criticizing children, learn to lower your voice and use a gentle tone. Because criticizing a child in a low voice can not only make the other person pay attention to the lecture, but also pre-empt the child from using high notes. If we criticize the child in a gentle tone, the child may listen to what you say, otherwise he will focus on the anger and excitement of his parents, not what their parents say.
2. Use the correct tone and wording.
When criticizing children, it is very effective to use appropriate tone and wording. For example, "Mom loves you very much, but I can't accept what you just did." At first, the child may not respond, but after a while, the child will naturally understand what you mean and accept the criticism from his parents.
3. Explain to your children what you expect them to do.
For example, take your child to the supermarket, tell him not to tamper with the goods, and warn him of the consequences if he violates them. From the beginning, we told our children what we wanted in a low voice and a calm tone, and carried it out from beginning to end without threatening loudly.
4. Don't use language that hurts children's self-esteem, and try to minimize criticism of children.
When criticizing children, tell the truth, don't vent your feelings for children at will, don't use language that hurts children's self-esteem, minimize criticism of children, and get along with children with encouragement and equal communication.
Children are children, and their body and mind have yet to grow. If you stand in the position of an adult, it is difficult to understand the joys and sorrows of a child. When getting along with children, parents should put down their "parents" attitude, look at the world from the child's point of view, master the hearing, vision and understanding characteristics of children, and respect and understand children equally. I hope that every parent can adopt whispering education in the process of educating their children, which can not only avoid hurting their children, but also make them feel respected, so that they are more willing to listen to us and cooperate with us. I hope all parents in the world can give their children more care and less criticism and blame on the road of parenting.
Today's interactive topic: When was the last time you yelled at your child?
I graduated with a master's degree and have been engaged in the education industry for many years. I am the executive editor of Educator Teahouse. I firmly believe that self-discipline can change life, share educational knowledge through words, feel the beauty of the world and make friends with literature.