It was not until the second child grew up in a fog that I looked back and found that a child was the same, with different behaviors, personalities and characteristics. So you need to educate him in different ways! No matter how many children there are, they can only grasp the general direction. If you want to blindly follow the principle of "education", you may lose!
What is the general direction and how to grasp it? Before answering the parents' questions! First of all, let's summarize three ways of parent-child interaction in China!
First, control the parent-child relationship. Do you regard children as kites? When he is too close to you, you anxiously pull the line longer and longer, watching the kite fly very high, and you proudly control the flying direction of the kite. Once the kite is "beyond your ability", pick it up. You feel a sense of accomplishment when the kite is back in your hand. However, he ignored the concept of "kite". He wants to fly higher, where there are "white clouds" that he wants to touch. It is easy to understand that this metaphor is used to describe controlling parents.
The characteristics of this kind of parents: because I am an adult, I eat more salt than you; I am my parents, and I love you the most. So, you must listen to me. The direct result of this kind of education is that children are regular, but they have no freedom, independence and self-confidence!
Second, there is no boundary between parents and children. In our traditional concept of China, home is the smallest geometric unit. As the saying goes, "one person gets the word, chickens and dogs ascend to heaven" and "climb the threshold". It is precisely because of these concepts that it is difficult for us to separate children from us. It is even more impossible to "bring" the "egoism" of westerners to use.
Therefore, all kinds of cross-border behaviors, violent education or excessive doting incidents occur from time to time. The characteristics of this kind of parents are: I am a child and the child is me. If there is no private space for each other, my mother will be tied to her children all her life. If you succeed, so will I. If you were an ordinary person, I would be defeated. This kind of education brings up children, which is usually very stressful and harmful.
Third, the authoritative parent-child relationship. In some families, the parent-child relationship is more traditional, with loving mothers and dignified fathers. Moreover, most fathers of such families have successful careers, and mothers can do everything possible to take care of the family. Growing up in such a family, children seem to grow up smoothly.
Its educational feature is that you are your own master, but at the same time you must have rules and responsibilities. This kind of education will affect children's ability to become middle class at least in the future. According to the summary of the above three mainstream education situations, we may have the answer. The general direction of education is the parallel of law and freedom. What if children can do both? Children's sense of right and wrong and self-control become important!
How to cultivate these two abilities of children?
Actively face children's problems.
When a child has a problem, as a parent, don't make a hullabaloo about or let it drift, but face it positively and tell the child the existence of the problem frankly and unfairly. He should not only state his views, but also learn to listen to or induce children's voices. Work with children to make rules that are beneficial to both sides! Of course, once these rules are formulated successfully, there must be a sense of ritual in regulating life, which needs to be firmly and continuously implemented!