Mother: (8 pm) Where did you go after school? Now is the second grade of junior high school. If you don't come home after school, your meal will get cold. How can parents feel? The school looked everywhere, and the students inquired one by one. There are many cars and people on the road. You really worry us. Asked hurriedly, Xiao just bowed his head and said nothing. After dinner, Xiao quickly slipped into the bedroom and began to review the model.
Mom: (at night 10: 30), mom cooked fresh milk and knocked on the small door.
Little: Are you bored? I haven't finished my homework!
When I didn't come home on time after school, my parents were very anxious, but when I came home, I was still there. The milk is cooked, and the hot face rubs the cold ass. The mother knows that the rebellious period of the child is "surging". What should I do? As a mother who is also in the front line of teaching, she began to study psychology books. She reads books about how to get along with rebellious children twice a week. Calm down, at the dinner table, talk with Xiao-ah about life, hobbies, his favorite NBA, Kobe Bryant, and their school football team and basketball team, who is good at the game. No more talking about study, no more asking me why I came home too late from school. In a week's time, Xiao seems to be a different person. "Mom, tell you, the other day, I didn't go home until eight o'clock. Guess what I do. There is a basketball match in our school recently. I am the center of our class. The captain disliked me for not running fast, saying that if I didn't lose weight, I would be laid off if I couldn't get up. That day, I followed Brother Xue to the gym, took a bath after fitness, and came home very late. Now, I have changed my method. I use all my spare time to do pull-ups and push-ups on campus every day. Don't give me extra meals at night, for bodybuilding and class honor! " Mother heard Xiao's "true confession", breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.
There is an unfavorable judgment period,
But the rebellious behavior in the rebellious period is not inevitable.
Simply put, it takes two hands to shoot, and communication is a matter for both sides. We should look at children's rebellious behavior from two aspects, instead of just staring at them. Children's rebellious behavior is because they are in a rebellious period. This logic is problematic!
Compared with parents, when children have so-called rebellious behavior, most of us pay attention to children, and few people pay attention to parents.
From the perspective of personality psychology, in parent-child interaction, children's explicit words and deeds are bound to be related to their parents' psychological state. If parents always use the controlled parental psychological state, the child's rebellious psychological state will be activated, which is an interactive psychological state.
Therefore, we don't have to fight with children, as long as parents change their usual psychological state. Change control into permission and criticism into appeasement.
This is my little experience, and I hope it will inspire and help everyone.
Treason doesn't mean being an asshole!
We often simply understand some guilty acts as treason, which is not correct. Everyone has a rebellious period, but not everyone does something unacceptable and intolerable during the rebellious period. Some children's problems are not rebellious, but caused by poor education from childhood, such as disrespect for elders, aggression against others, threats of death and so on. Rebellion may cause some excessive behaviors of teenagers, and it is not absolutely impossible to understand all excessive behaviors as rebellion.
What is treason?
There must be differences in the growth environment and way of thinking between the elders and the younger generation, and there must be a generation gap between parents and children. If these differences and the generation gap are not handled properly, children's rebellion and rebellion will break out. The so-called rebellion is the independent thinking and behavior of teenagers with their physical and psychological maturity, and it is the thinking and behavior of trying to get rid of the existing problems. Rebellion is positive in a certain sense. It is because of the rebellion from generation to generation that people have made progress.
I think:
First, because the rebellious period of children is advanced now, it is already obvious in junior high school, so it is suggested that children should be told what rebellion is from the beginning of primary school, and they should be clearly explained and demonstrated, so that children will have their own psychological preparation. Because physical and psychological changes are beyond children's control, time begins as soon as it arrives. If the front is universal and some ways of thinking have been formed, then some extreme behaviors can be avoided.
Second, don't easily deny the child's rebellion. Some rebellious behaviors should be encouraged. In this way, parents' psychology can draw children's psychology closer and resonate more easily. Parents' psychological intervention in the later period will be smoother. But it must be clear that the rebellion you want to cultivate is to improve your child's ability to think and live independently, not to cultivate some of his bad habits.
Third, children are in a period of strong hormone secretion, so let them participate in some outdoor activities and release excess energy. Cultivate the quality of children's positive efforts, cultivate their tolerant mentality and avoid their obsession.
Fourth, the biggest rebellion we face children is the alienation and opposition from parents' emotions. This requires interaction with children from an early age to enhance the trust between parents and children. Children are willing to tell you about themselves as psychological words. When the child Su Qin confides, he should be as serious and valued as an adult. Communicate with children more, not compulsory.
My child 12 years old. I don't know how old is the peak of a person's life, but I found that my child often refutes his mother with various statements recently, which makes no sense, and he thinks he has a point. Is this a precursor to the sentence? Anyway, that's what I did to him. Every time I encounter such a problem, I will use "provocation" to drum up his arrogance, saying that he has grown up, knows more things, his wings are hard, he will argue with adults, he will bully his mother and so on. Then I will say, don't listen to your mother if you have the ability! And don't ask mom for help! You can cook your own meals, wash your own clothes, make up your own stories, make your own plans, finish your homework and solve your own problems ... The more you talk about it, the more guilty you feel that you can't do anything, and you can't play without adults. His attitude will change at this time, and under my guidance, he will apologize to his mother. Perhaps his "judgment of rebellion" has no certain "foundation", but at least this method is still very effective now. If children of the same age can learn from each other and learn from each other, they can commit treason together. [Laugh and cry] [Laugh and cry] [Laugh and cry]
My son came back from studying in the world and said to me, "mom, a classmate in our class ran away from home and had no place to sleep." He asked me if I could sleep at our house? " So I asked him what he said. The son said, "Mom, I'm afraid you will refuse if you don't agree." I told my son that of course I wouldn't agree.
One day, my son quarreled with me because of his study. When he talked about running away from home, I asked him, "Last time someone ran away from home, was anyone in your class taken in?" Is there anything to eat? If you want to go, go now. I won't leave you. You can go anywhere you want with your bag on your back. "My son immediately became timid and couldn't even push it. His classmates wandered outside for two days and were hungry for two days. No one sympathized with him, and finally they had to follow his parents home.
Both parents, there is no need to let him go. If I took in my son's classmate last time and gave him food, I was not helping him, but hurting him. He will think it's no big deal for him to run away from home, so someone will take him in. Moreover, his departure set a negative example for my son, and he threatened me once he met anything.
Rebellion is every child's experience and every parent's headache!
In short, the rebellious period is that children have their own independent thoughts, but this thought is immature and there is no way to get the approval of their parents! The formation of opposites and the appearance of various phenomena are called rebellious period!
In response to the rebellious period, I think parents should make some concessions and convince their children that people can't make mistakes all their lives! If it is a small mistake, parents can allow their children to make mistakes, and such education can make them more acceptable! If it is a big mistake, it is not allowed! Parents set an example, I respect you, and you should respect me and each other. This is the best way to get through the rebellious period!
Children with intellectual fights? How can it be so easy! Many parents are almost angry with themselves for educating their children. In short, how should I educate my children? First of all, learn more about children's psychological activities and read more books in this field. But knowing it doesn't mean it can be used. Our children's education is still relatively successful, mainly because of their normal mentality. Don't encourage others, and don't expect your children to become talents. Lead by example and teach students in accordance with their aptitude.