American psychologist Desi and Ryan put forward the famous theory of "self-determination" about human motivation: human beings are active and autonomous organisms, with innate psychological growth tendency and potential, and will strive to cope with persistent challenges in the environment. Three needs: ability demand, independent demand and belonging demand. In education, ability needs-ability sense; The need for autonomy-a sense of autonomy; The need of belonging-caring.
? Care: Be able to establish good relations with others and gain their recognition. For example, in daily life, when children do something wrong, parents give them warm hugs and caring eyes. This practical feeling will let the children know that their parents love TA, and they will not be judged by their parents for doing something wrong, nor will they worry that their parents will refuse because they are not doing well.
Sense of autonomy: When children think I want to do something or I think it is valuable, the level of autonomy will be very high. Whether children or adults, when they feel that they are controlled by others and that this thing is something I have to do or I should do, their inner feelings will be very unhappy. Only when behavior is self-determined, can it promote internal motivation.
Give children more life choices. For example, when making a decision, you can ask your child more. What do you think, baby? Let the children make their own choices, and let TA feel that they can make their own decisions and be responsible for their own results.
There is a story in Harvard Family Instructions: Three bored young people often take pleasure in kicking trash cans in the community. Residents can't bear it, and it's useless to dissuade them many times. The more people say, the harder they kick. Later, an old man moved to the community and said to them, "I like to hear the sound of the trash can being kicked." If you do this every day, I'll give you a dollar a day. " Several young people were very happy and kicked harder.
? A few days later, the old man said to them, "I am short of money recently and can't give you so much." I can only give you fifty cents a day. " The three young people were dissatisfied, so they stopped playing so hard.
A few days later, the old man said to them, "I haven't received a pension check recently, so I can only give you ten cents a day." Please forgive me. " "Ten cents? Do you think we will waste time for just ten cents? " One young man said loudly, and the other two young men also said, "Too few. I quit. " So they walked away and stopped kicking the trash can.
? These three young people all played for themselves at first, which is an act full of autonomy. When the reward of the elderly is accepted and the reward is getting less and less, the sense of autonomy decreases and becomes a task, and naturally there is no interest.
Sense of competence: help children accumulate their own successful experiences and give them experiences and attempts. The sense of ability is not to make children succeed in everything, but to make children believe that they have the ability and dare to try. This sense of ability can make children feel confident and self-worth, feel their importance and respect, thus generating the internal motivation of behavior.
For example, when my boss does his math homework, he sometimes encounters a difficult problem, and if he sits at his desk for a long time, he will feel afraid of difficulties. He said it was too difficult, too difficult. If I couldn't do it, I wouldn't do it. Then I turned the pen to the desk. If he still doesn't do it after a while, I will go to him and ask his previous questions. However, after the baby insisted on trying various methods and thinking constantly, he finally overcame this "puzzle" with his efforts. Most of the time, he would say, "OK, I'll think about it." He always makes it by himself. At this time, I made a positive statement in time: Look, am I right? I told you you could, and you did it! Then give him a big hug. As for the child, he has a sense of accomplishment himself, and he is really happy that I can do it! Of course, if he really doesn't want to do it, I won't force him to take a break before doing it.
In daily life, parents should play a supportive role and add points to their children's "three senses". Zhao Yukun, a professor of psychology in Tsinghua University, once said in his Positive Psychology that when each of us can satisfy our sense of self-ability, caring and autonomy, we can constantly improve ourselves.