Many parents are confused about sex education, because they simply think that the content of sex education is the content and skills of husband and wife's sexual life, which is a wrong concept. For objects of different ages, the specific content of sex education is also different. Sex education for young children is mainly the identification education of gender roles and the formation of health science concepts.
A single mother's family refers to a family composed of a mother and a son alone due to divorce, widowhood or other reasons. In such a family, the lack of father image and his education make it difficult for single mothers to properly educate their sons. In a normal family with both parents, the son has his own gender role identification object since childhood, that is, male parents, and lays the foundation for future interpersonal relationships in the relationship with heterosexual parents, and gradually forms an appropriate gender role in a subtle way. Such as: how to undertake family responsibilities, how to get along with the opposite sex, how to solve the conflict between social needs and family needs, and so on. However, if the mother does not attach importance to her son who lacks the father image in his early life, the result will be that the child will have difficulties and confusion in confirming the gender role, show a tendency of "feminization of men", and show sensitivity, suspicion, inferiority, timidity, narrow-mindedness and strong dependence in personality, which will have a negative impact on his personality shaping and future social and family life. In order to make children's sexual psychology develop healthily, single mothers should pay attention to the following points in the education of boys.
First, pay attention to the cultivation of son's male character.
When some mothers educate their sons, they first treat him as their own child, then treat him as an independent person, or even never treat him as an independent person. Excessive control and protection of children, content with their son's obedience, dependence, cowardice and carefulness, is extremely unfavorable to the formation of children's healthy personality. For example, a boy is always naughty and fearless, but his mother asks him to be hygienic, don't get his clothes dirty, don't run around, don't do this, don't do that, and as a result, the child becomes cautious and timid everywhere. As an adult, a mother's personality towards her son is of course "hating iron and not producing steel", but I don't know that this is mainly the result of her own education.
Parents are children's first teachers and role models for imitation. If we want children to be decisive, confident, bold and open-minded, we should consciously adopt a boy's education method, and the education content should conform to the personality characteristics of men, instead of cultivating "powder gas".
Second, create a suitable communication environment for children.
Because there is no father at home, the son naturally has a lot of time with his mother. Some mothers think that playing with girls is safe, civilized and hygienic, and playing with boys is prone to problems. In fact, this will make children have obstacles in interpersonal communication when they are adults. They only have a sense of security for some people, but they are timid, timid and sensitive to others. Therefore, mothers should arrange more interactions between their children and their grandfathers, uncles and male colleagues. Make up for the gap of same-sex communication caused by the lack of father. In addition, in the process of such communication, they will unconsciously imitate the behavior of other men, which their mothers do not have.
Third, give children a moderate maternal love.
Single mothers often regard their sons as the only sustenance of their lives and pour all their love and feelings into their children. For example, some mothers improperly extend breastfeeding time; Allow your son to sleep with him all the time; Too much care and care for his son, etc. , resulting in children's "Oedipus complex", accustomed to relying on their mothers rather than independence, and even abnormal psychology and behavior.
Psychologists' research shows that it is best for a son to rest in separate rooms with his parents after he is 7 years old, and at least sleep in separate beds if family conditions do not permit. In foreign countries, children are separated from their parents at birth. Due to conditions and traditions, families in China have not created an environment for their children to live alone. However, due to the overindulgence of single mothers to their children, some people can't tell the boundary between maternal love and love under certain conditions, and they don't understand the consequences that this will bring to their children, resulting in their sons never being "weaned" psychologically.
Fourth, mothers should have their own living arrangements.
Children are naturally possessive. They suck their mother's nutrition, hold her arms and eyes, and become the center of her life. As the child grows up, the mother should slowly take her attention away from the child. However, many single mothers give all their time to their children and have no private life, which is actually unfavorable to their son's sexual and psychological development. Mothers should regularly arrange time for themselves to deal with private affairs, including contact with the opposite sex, so that children can understand that mothers love them, but they can't occupy all their emotional space. Otherwise, the child will become bohemian, or give orders to his mother and selfishly oppose her remarriage. While the mother gives herself time, she also gives her child a chance to mature.
Fifth, let children accept a sound view of marriage and sexual attitude.
Some single mothers have been traumatized in their previous marriage life or sexual experience, which makes them have certain prejudice against marriage and the opposite sex and instills this prejudice in their children. For example, tell children that their father left them, that men are bad, and how unfortunate they are. Let children have hostility and distrust, and at the same time feel insecure and abandoned. Other mothers like to say to their children over and over again, "I have worked so hard for you, and I will be much better without you." They think that if they say this, the child will not forget the mother's nurturing grace, but in fact, it will cause the child's depression, sentimentality, inferiority and self-blame, which will cast a heavy shadow on the child's later life. Some adult men suffer from psychogenic impotence because of abnormal mother-child relationship. They always have the subconscious mind that "women are miserable and they are guilty", so they can't feel equality and sharing in sexual life. Therefore, it leads to sexual dysfunction.
Sixth, remarriage is beneficial to son's sex education.
In many cases, single mothers choose not to remarry because their children are not in pain, which is very unfavorable to their sexual and psychological development. Due to the lack of male images in the family, the concrete implementation of many details in sex education is limited. Even with the help of other male relatives, it is difficult to make up for the influence of fatherly love on children. And the handling of the relationship between children and stepfathers, as well as the handling skills of mothers in life. And remarriage is also beneficial to the emotional and physical needs of single mothers. If the mother's emotions and desires are suppressed, it will also affect the child's emotional and personality development. Of course, whether a mother remarries is her personal choice, but if it is for the growth of her children, she should change the traditional concept.
In a word, the sex role education of single mothers to their sons is a complex subject, which is different from the content and methods of sex education in the general sense and needs further research and exploration. With the constant changes of social and economic life, the phenomenon of divorce is more and more understood by the public, but we hope that children will be less and less adversely affected.