How to communicate? Be sure to grasp the core principle: follow the child's motivation and observe where you have to step on the brakes.
1. following motivation means that you should support your child's ideas and allow him to try new things and make new friends.
You can help him organize a small team and expand his contacts.
You can regularly bring your children from relatives and neighbors to watch exhibitions, watch movies and learn to cook at home. This can not only satisfy the child's mentality of "like to communicate with peers, but don't like elders", but also prevent children from meeting bad people outside.
3. Respect children's interests and give them a certain degree of resource support.
I once met a parent whose child was particularly interested in astronomy and astronauts. He put relevant elements in many places in his bedroom and even hung lights.
4. It is particularly important to follow the children: pay attention to what the children say, which you think is a "trivial matter".
Many things that seem small to you are big things in the eyes of children, such as "that classmate deliberately satirizes the child" and "that classmate doesn't say hello when he sees the child".
If the child confides in you, you must listen carefully, and you can't say things like "this kind of thing won't make you so sad" and "we all come here like this".
5. Communication suggestions choose the scene that children like, not according to your standards or your convenience. If your child likes playing ball, you can make an appointment with your child and chat during the break.
You can also ask your child to give you work advice, such as "Dad needs to have an activity at work, so you can help me see where it is suitable." The child will think that you really value his opinion and start a dialogue.
6. Braking refers to reminding or stopping when something endangers the personal safety of children and the safety of people around them, which may violate the moral and legal bottom line. ?
When you should "step on the brakes", don't rudely suppress and blame the children, otherwise it will aggravate the rebellious mentality, which is a typical mistake that parents often make.
7. For example, in a fight, many parents will scold their children first. But in fact, the reasons for fighting can be big or small.
Don't scold at this time, ask the reason for the fight. After listening, you should ask your child "Is there any other solution?" It is better to say "What can I do for you?" .
8. When "stepping on the brakes", be neutral and don't judge the right or wrong of the child. Adolescent children care most about right and wrong.
9. If your child thinks differently from you, don't say "you are wrong" or "you shouldn't think so". The best way is "What would you think if you were him" and "What should you do with the rest 1% if your judgment is 99% correct".
10. Sometimes, children will directly "criticize" you and say "you don't understand", so don't get angry and keep a low profile.
I want to remind you that these words just show that he really needs your help. He just needs you to give him a step. I suggest you say, "Yes, I don't quite understand. Please teach me."
1 1. Children's brain's ability to control emotions is far less than that of adults, so the responsibility for avoiding quarrels should not lie with children, but with parents.
You should be aware of the signs when you are upset or angry, such as rapid heartbeat and fever. Once the signal appears, you should force yourself to stop talking, take a few deep breaths and go to another room for a while.
12. After the quarrel, please admit your mistake and compromise first, instead of waiting for the children to bow their heads first.
You can directly say to your child, "Dad apologizes for your attitude just now" and "Mom was a little anxious just now". You should effectively control your emotions and apologize for your gaffes. If children have conflicts with others in the future, they will learn your methods of managing emotions.