What a child looks like is the expression of parents' education methods.
Too many parents only give their children food and clothing, regardless of mental poverty; I am deeply afraid of my child's pride, and I keep hitting my child with the experience of "coming over"; The child is naughty, and if he doesn't listen, he will be killed, hoping to make the child yield with his fist.
1, doting on education: it is enough to make children "incompetent" and spoil them blindly.
It is often said that young people with hands and feet will never starve to death anywhere. Needless to say, some people really starved themselves to death when they were young, and that is Suo Yang, the "first lazy person in China".
In life, I was afraid that doing housework and farm work would tire my child, so I didn't let him move anything. This situation continued until my father died and my mother continued to spoil my children.
In study, Suo Yang thinks he is too tired to study, so he eats and sleeps at home all day. Mother who breaks down from overwork should take care of Suo Yang even if she is unwell, otherwise she will be beaten and scolded. This life lasted until Suo Yang 18 years old, and her mother died of overwork.
Because of laziness, Yang Suoning would rather beg than work. The villagers couldn't stand it anymore. They gave him food and meat, but he would rather be broken than cook, and even went out to beg for a bite when he was really hungry. This situation lasted for five years until 23-year-old Suo Yang starved to death at home.
Suo Yang was very clever when he was a child, but his parents' doting made his children lazy and gradually lost the ability to live independently.
This 360-degree doting by parents is actually depriving children of the right to participate in the gradual growth of this society. Children who lose the ability to live independently will eventually pay the price of their lives.
Drowning a child is like killing a child. If you really love a child, you should think about it for a long time. I believe that it is better to rely on yourself than on whom, and it is better to teach people to fish than to teach them to fish. Only by teaching children real skills, once parents get old early, they don't have to worry about how their children will live next. Because of the technology, I really have food everywhere I go.
Every doting of parents is adding a stain to their children's future. When there are too many stains to clean up, it is time to ruin the child. Mature parents know how to let go properly and let their children face life directly.
The extreme opposite of doting on education is to constantly suppress children. No matter what children do, it is not good enough in the eyes of parents.
2, repressive education: it is enough to raise a child and break his wings.
Repressive education is another disaster for children, and it is a mental delay for children.
This kind of verbal violence seems harmless, and it will cultivate children's self-confidence and inferiority over time. In the end, the child becomes a "paper" person who has no opinion and dare not face the social storm. If he pinches in the face of difficulties, he will be crushed.
It turns out that Fan's parents like to attack her and even verbally insult her. From small to large, no matter what you do or what you achieve, it is all kinds of blows and sarcastic remarks, and there is never a little support or encouragement.
In the long run, Fan is becoming less and less confident, afraid to go out, afraid to talk to people, and even afraid to go out and look for a job. He had a nervous breakdown. Behind every abandoned child, there are a pair of parents who firmly believe in suppressing education.
Sadly, looking at the daughter who lost courage in front of the society, parents still look wronged: how to cultivate such children with heart. It's completely boring. My own desperate suppression and satire ruined my daughter's future.
Such examples abound in life. You often hear:
"Mom and Dad, I got 99 points." "99 points have nothing to be proud of? Didn't you watch others 100? "
"Mom and Dad, I have made progress this time." "It's that simple. My toes are better than yours. What is there to show off? "
"I won the first prize in this school handicraft competition." "Give me 100 if you have the ability. What's the use of making a gadget? "
"You like reading stories and writing, and expect to be a writer." "You want to be a writer. If you just read something and paint, you can be with a fool in the street."
……
Are these words familiar? They are full of our daily life. In the eyes of many parents, in a few words, the ability to resist pressure is so poor. In fact, many children have poor resistance to stress, but their parents ignore the influence of words on their children. Malicious and destructive language is "soft knife", it is this soft knife that broke the child's wings.
I once saw a sentence in The Little Prince:
"Never underestimate the power of language, especially when talking to children. Because you can't predict the consequences of what you said to your child. "
Every taunt of parents has destroyed children's confidence and courage in the face of wind and rain. Only when parents give their children enough trust and encouragement can children fly bravely despite the storms of society.
3, stick violence education: children continue to be violent, it is enough to raise their fists.
In family education, in addition to the first two common education methods, there is also a stick education that believes in "filial son is born under the stick" and "if you don't fight, you will lose the weapon".
A psychological counselor once told a true story: a junior high school boy grew up under his father's whip. For children's education, as long as they make mistakes, they are all served by a whip. When the child 15 years old, there will be more than a dozen broken whips.
In line with the idea of having a dutiful son without hitting a stick, parents don't think there is anything wrong with it. But parents will ignore the problem that children will grow up and they will get old.
15 years old, a strong child taller than his parents suddenly became a "furious beast". First, he grabbed his mother by the neck and threatened to let her see her dead grandmother if he beat him again. Then he texted his father and said, "If you dare to go home, I will kill you."
Later, parents realized the education problem and took their children to do psychological counseling. The authoritative diagnosis is early schizophrenia. Parents regret that they didn't take out the dutiful son and talents under the whip, but they hit a schizophrenic child.
Parents who can educate their children with sticks just want their children to be afraid of you, obey you, and hope their children will obey, but children, as an independent individual, have independent consciousness and ideas, not unconscious marionettes.
Parents think that the pressure of sticks can establish their authority and better discipline their children, but they don't know that sticks breed violence. In fact, violence can't solve the problem, but it will create new problems. Children under the stick, or to Nuo Nuo only Nuo Nuo, everyone can be bullied; Otherwise, it will become the other extreme-fighting violence with violence, forming a continuation of violence.
Jenny alimu said: "it is not terrible that children have shortcomings." What is terrible is that parents, as the leaders of their children's lives, lack correct parenting concepts and methods. "
Raising a child at the age of one hundred often worries about ninety-nine. Raising a child never happens overnight, but it takes a lifetime of hard work. Treating children requires careful watering and patience.
True love is caring to a certain extent; True love is to let go when it is time to let go; True love is giving respect. May we grow up with our children from their perspective.