I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
At that time, I was still young Although I care, I listened to the guidance of various parenting books and didn't force my children. But now she is six years old. When she arrived at school in the morning, the health teacher, uncle security and the principal all said to her happily, "Good morning."
She just smiled, which was almost negligible under the mask. I still insist that I don't mind, it's fake.
The children I raised, I know, Dajuan is not a rude child. She will say "please" and "thank you" when she needs help, and be called "uncle" and "aunt" when chatting with people. Even if she said hello, she never finished it smoothly.
People are always socializing and always live in a social evaluation system. Not everyone has a chance to get along with you more deeply, so the first impression is very important.
Jiang Mumu, Dajuan's good friend, the day we first met, I took Dajuan to the yard to play with the bubble machine, and he wanted to join us. He rode the balance car directly to me, and then the balance car ran over my toe. I said, little friend, you are crushing me. Can you step back a little?
He glanced at me, turned his head and rode away quickly.
A few minutes later, he came up again, this time very close, and he stepped on my toe again. It hurts. My hint may be a little big. His father heard it two meters away. His father shouted, "Jiang Mumu, go home!" " ! You have had enough fun!
I was shocked and blamed myself for a while. Later, I have always had a bad impression on this family, but after knowing each other for a long time, I found that their family is loud and impatient, and other aspects are ok.
But you don't always have a chance to reverse your first impression. In order to better deal with the problem of large volumes, I looked up a lot of books, which is not a simple polite question. Then, I learned a word called avoidance.
Avoidance refers to children's first reaction to new people and things, and their attitude is "acceptance" or "withdrawal"; If you accept it, you tend to "approach", and if you back down, you tend to "back down".
Not only children are avoidant, but adults also have their own tendencies.
Some people feel confident and comfortable in the face of strange situations, while others feel scared and at a loss. Take myself for example. On the surface, I can be very comfortable, but in fact, I need to do a lot of psychological construction in advance, and I am more afraid of society. So Dajuan will be more or less influenced by us.
In the past, we used introversion and extroversion to express this situation, and avoidance is a more accurate and professional statement.
Approaching children will be curious about all new things; On the other hand, an escaped child is just the opposite. Anything new is strange to him and needs to be observed for a while before he can accept it.
As soon as a child is born, he begins to face a series of new things and has a strong feeling for everything. For example, the first time I eat puree, go out for the first time, take the elevator for the first time, go to the park for the first time, see a doctor for the first time …
For children, these are the first contact. Life is a series of wonderful and strong feelings. For active and curious children, this process is full of happiness and joy; Every new experience is a threat and challenge for shy and shrinking children.
Teachers in Dajuan often say that "children have no shortcomings, only characteristics". Our parents should hold this view to guide their children to improve their coping ability and behavior etiquette, which is absolutely beneficial to their personality development.
What are the characteristics of being close to children?
? Bold, like to join in the fun.
This kind of child's anxiety about separation in kindergarten is very short-lived, because his curiosity about new things has completely attracted his attention.
? I like to try and take risks. The more forbidden I am, the more I want to try.
If you find this characteristic of your child, you might as well take your child to do something that is strongly forbidden to satisfy his curiosity and then point out the hidden dangers. On the one hand, his curiosity is satisfied, on the other hand, he can learn what is the right way and how to avoid danger. Prevention is impossible, and prevention is better than total prohibition.
? It is easy to "like the new and hate the old".
For this kind of children, we might as well put away half of the toys and change them once every three months, which not only satisfies the freshness of the children, but also does not waste them.
? Extremely destructive.
The so-called destructiveness is also a collection of creativity, imagination and practical ability. Don't rush to blame or even punish children. If children are encouraged to develop their creativity, they must provide more ways to support their curiosity and creativity. Of course, you can also adopt some methods that do not affect their lives.
For example, let children dismantle some broken electrical appliances and be more tolerant of their "experiments". Maybe a future inventor will be born.
So how can we guide the escaping children? Shy children often choose to escape or hesitate when facing new experiences. It's not that they don't want to participate, but they are more cautious.
Once a shopping mall organized a treasure hunt. They set up a set similar to a tropical rain forest. The child went into the rainforest, and a three-person fake dinosaur chased the child. Children should avoid dinosaurs, then find the seal, successfully put the seal in the corresponding position, and come out to exchange gifts.
I asked Du Wan if she wanted to play, but she said yes, but as the queue got shorter and shorter and the dinosaurs got closer, she lost her temper, shouted that I had to pee, and refused to enter.
Later, I pulled her aside and couldn't bear to leave. She lay on the second floor and watched the set for a whole hour. She confirmed that the dinosaur was fake and there was only one uncle in it. She also determined where the seal was, and then she asked to go again …
At that time, she was only four years old. I didn't expect her to be so meticulous. Besides, she is only over one year old. When meeting strangers, she always chooses to hide behind us and secretly observe each other. The same is true of a strange environment. Be sure to show her around and let her know what she knows before she can rest assured of the game.
This situation will be repeated in every new experience of the child, so he will always be half a beat slower than others. Even sometimes, he warms up for too long and is ready to start, but others have already finished the activity. Therefore, he didn't have a chance to try and felt depressed.
For example, in the dinosaur expedition, when she was fully prepared, people had packed their things and were ready to go home.
Therefore, it is very important for adults to help children warm up early, get familiar with them early and make preparations in advance, so that children can start to act with other children before entering unfamiliar situations.
For this cautious child, give her a second chance to try. For example, yesterday, Dajuan recently unlocked her cycling skills and was willing to practice and try. Her new car seat is higher than before, and she fell on her elbow on the first day of riding. She wants to give up and get her old car back.
At this time, encourage her to try again, or have a demonstration by children of the same age, so that she will know what she can do and the expected effect, and she will be willing to imitate other children to complete the goals and tasks.
Repeat that sentence, children have no shortcomings but only characteristics. Dajuan, for example, is calm, observant and accomplished by her teachers.
As for greeting, I discussed it with the teacher. The teacher thinks not to correct too much first, lest she refuse.
Secondly, you can tell her more coping styles, such as just saying "hello" and "good morning", and don't insist on calling, because children of this age are more inclined to talk on an equal footing, and even start with waving their hands.
In short, children's growth is like learning to walk, patiently accompanying children and waiting for the germination of their inner strength. The more you accept and trust your child, the more he will give you unexpected growth surprises.