The more you push the child, the more unconscious you are, because you have built this "safety barrier" for him.

Wen | Xiaohu

"This child is too worrying. Getting up every morning and doing homework at night is just like fighting a war, which makes you angry. He is still in no hurry, muddling along, and has no consciousness at all. Too irritating! "

How many parents and friends have issued or are issuing such sighs?

You may fall into such confusion:

This kid's here for a debt, right? The wretched woman said so many things, but why didn't she understand? I've tried both hard and soft. Why doesn't it work?

Don't sigh, don't be confused!

There is no other reason for children's procrastination and unconsciousness, that is, you are urged.

For example, why can we go to work voluntarily, not be late for no reason, and finish the work in time?

It is not forced by life, nor because we are adults, but we have to pay the price unconsciously and automatically: we will be criticized lightly, our wages will be deducted, and even we will be dismissed.

If someone can ensure that we are not late and finish the work through various means, will we still be so conscious and automatic with this "safety barrier" blessing?

The same is true for children to get up and do their homework, because your urging has built a "safety barrier" for them.

What do children think of this?

If the child is in this state, his consciousness is abnormal.

The harm goes far beyond this.

Without the supervision of parents and teachers, many children never take the initiative to study. It is not that children are not self-motivated, but that adults urge them to form a wrong understanding of the meaning of learning, regard learning as a task they have to do in order to cope with adults, and completely forget the meaning of learning.

People have different jobs and responsibilities at different stages. Children's main job is to learn and do housework as much as they can, and to manage their own belongings. Everything is cultivating a sense of responsibility and responsibility.

Under the endless urging of adults, children are deprived of the opportunity to bear the consequences, downplaying the concept of consequences and losing their sense of control.

Just like eating, in the process of children never attending meetings, there are bound to be times when they can't do well. At first, they will cook meals everywhere, but this is the process of children's experience and learning, and they will soon be able to eat very skillfully. Some parents, especially the elderly, are afraid of trouble and take it to feed their children, depriving them of the opportunity to exercise and encouraging inertia. Every day, someone promises to eat well, and you don't have to do it yourself. Why not a child?

I know the mother of a third-grade child. Her daughter Niu Niu is a typical "other people's child" from life to study.

From the first grade, getting up, dressing, combing hair, washing, making the bed, reading books, finishing homework after school, and packing bags are basically puzzles. Since the second grade, I can cook several kinds of breakfasts and complete daily housework independently.

Mom and dad do this, coach:

Before Niu Niu was born, they reached an agreement on her education.

The ability to work was basically cultivated when she was in kindergarten. Niu Niu will fully support all kinds of behaviors that are conducive to physical and mental development and are not dangerous. When Niu Niu asks questions, no matter how busy she is, she will not be perfunctory. Even if you can't answer immediately, you will tell her, "honey, mom is in an emergency now." Can I study with you as soon as possible? "

Life has also become a classroom where Niu Niu walks, and her interest in learning and excellent potential have been stimulated.

Before entering primary school, they made clear the basic principles for Niu Niu.

"Baby, in a period of time you will become a pupil. You will learn more knowledge, work harder every day than before, but you will be happy when you study. We believe that you will be a good boy that teachers and classmates like.

When you enter primary school, you have grown up and do your own thing.

Don't be late for school every day Finishing homework on time is the minimum requirement. We won't rush you or help you pack your schoolbag. At best, we will remind you occasionally. Whether you are praised for doing well or punished for not doing well is your own business, and you have to bear the consequences.

Test scores can show your learning situation, and getting high marks is the result of your efforts; If you don't do well in the exam, even if you get 0, it means that you haven't worked hard enough and need to strengthen.

We can help you if you have problems with your study, but your study is your own business. You can solve the problem in many ways, and the decision is up to you. If you don't think so, just come to us and ask for the answer. We have to refuse. "

Because mom and dad insist on being a coach instead of a nanny, Niu Niu has a good learning attitude, academic performance and self-care ability.

Along the way, I also experienced two lessons.

One Monday morning in Grade One, Niu Niu stayed up late last night. She turned off the alarm clock the next morning and then lay down and fell asleep. Her mother went to call her, but she couldn't turn over, so she simply covered her with a quilt and went to sleep. Finally, I was late for a whole class and was punished for standing for a class.

After that, Niu Niu never dared to stay up late. If she comes home more often, she begins to do her homework. If not, she might take a break before doing it. I often wake up before the alarm clock rings in the morning, and my parents are sometimes woken up by her. No matter the cold or the heat, I have never been late again.

Because everyone packed their schoolbags by themselves, one night after the first grade started, they forgot to put them in their schoolbags after finishing their homework. The next day, after the first class, they hurriedly called their mother to call them. My mother said to her, "If you didn't wrap it yourself yesterday, you will bear the consequences.". If I send them to you, it will cover up your mistakes. You know neither my father nor I would do that. "

Finally, the teacher punished him for his unfinished homework. Since then, I have packed my schoolbag every day and checked it at least twice. I have never forgotten anything.

The practice of Niu Niu's parents is a good example. What children should do by themselves is decided by themselves. At most, they should be reminded appropriately, and never let urging become an inert "booster".

In addition to parents setting an example, the most powerful role in promoting children's growth is the consequences and costs of making mistakes, which is better than 10 thousand sermons. Depriving children of the opportunity to bear the consequences is tantamount to cutting off their growth path, trying to be their "guide" and never being a "circuit breaker".

(The picture in the article comes from the Internet)