This is the difference in parenting concepts between the two generations. To tell the truth, there is really no good way. Can you talk about your child's education with your husband, try to reach a consensus with your husband first, and then let your husband come forward to communicate with your mother-in-law, so that her mother-in-law can know that educating children can't be a red face. If my mother-in-law really can't accept it, can you find a suitable reason for her to go back to her hometown? In the long run, the education of her children is still very important.
It is very common that overindulgence of children leads to bad habits, which can not be ignored.
I have encountered this problem, and it is estimated that many people will encounter it. In fact, you should be glad that the old man loves his grandson so much, and his grandparents are not much better, but the way of love is not appropriate.
When encountering such a problem, first of all, you can't tell the old people what you think and take care of them after the children make mistakes. Of course they won't agree. All old people in the world are the same. It is in the case of peaceful coexistence that children are exposed to the story of harmful consequences caused by doting, and let them know that this is not love, but harm to children, and doting like killing children. It would be much better to really understand this truth.
The second is when educating children. So our family is the same. Old people protect their grandchildren and criticize their children. Old people are angry with us. Later, when I was in charge of my children, I kept them in a room for education, so that the elderly could not see them. I also told them that if I told my grandparents afterwards, the punishment would be heavier. Only when you correct your mistake can your parents forgive you.
Third, children must be made to understand that the purpose of education is to help them grow up. I often say, son, you are like that thriving little tree now, but too many branches means too many mistakes. Mom must get rid of your mistakes, so that you can grow taller and bigger. It is wrong for children to realize that their parents educate you only for your own good. It is their best way not to ask grandparents for protection in the future.
Only children and old people can solve this problem. Don't blame the old people, first affirm their love, just tell them that the way is wrong.
You cannot underestimate this problem. There is a gap between the two generations in educating their children, so we must communicate well.
Old people educate their grandchildren according to their old ideas, but some old people's ideas are really behind the times.
As a child's mother, we must educate our children according to the concept of modern people. There is naturally a generation gap between the two generations.
As a daughter-in-law, you can't argue with your mother-in-law in front of your son. You have to explain to your mother-in-law that when you teach your child, you can't let her go out and stop it, otherwise the child won't listen in the future.
My mother-in-law has lived for decades and still can't understand your daughter-in-law's mind.
But if you don't communicate with your mother-in-law and confront her directly, it will not only make her angry, but also make her son misunderstand that you don't like her.
Some grandmothers brought up their children and disliked their mothers since childhood. The reason is that some old people don't like their daughters-in-law, and speak ill of their mothers behind their daughters' backs in front of their grandchildren. Everyone who has been there knows this.
Children don't understand. With grandma's eyes and ears, the child gradually distanced himself from his mother.
Therefore, if you want to educate your children well, you must first have a good relationship with your mother-in-law. The golden key to getting along with mother-in-law is communication.
Only when mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are United can we keep pace with each other in educating children.
When the children are not at home, take your husband, talk with your parents-in-law, and tell them that educating their children must be consistent with the attitude of the whole family. Even if you were really wrong, don't support your child. Tell your parents-in-law clearly that this is your bottom line, because it concerns your son's life, so you won't give in again.
If your parents-in-law jump out to protect you when you are disciplining your children, you will be furious in front of the children, and then tell your husband that if your parents-in-law must pay attention to it, you and your children can't have parents-in-law in this family! If he can't get even with his parents, you can ask him to take them out to rent a house.
I have seen such an unreasonable old man. Children who grow up in such a family will become a nuisance if they are not well off. Therefore, you can't back down on key issues, otherwise good children will be cheated by the elderly. It's no use complaining about children when they are old. At this time, what responsibility can they bear? So communicate with your in-laws and let them know that this is not about loving children, but about harming them. I believe that if you are serious, they should be restrained. They are afraid that your own attitude is not clear, so as long as your children's grandparents come up to protect you, you will mainly be convinced!
In fact, disciplining children is not beating chickens and flying dogs every day, but teaching them to obey the rules and make plans for them. If a child makes a mistake, he will be punished according to the regulations, either standing as a penalty station or not touching electronic products for a few days. In this way, the child can understand why he was punished, and his in-laws will not always see you beating and scolding the child. Educating children is a great event. Of course, you can't imitate others according to the script, but it varies from person to person. Your in-laws are sure to protect children, but I believe there may be something wrong with your educational methods. The family should sit down and talk it over and try not to make things stiff. After all, a harmonious family is the most important thing for children's growth.
When disciplining children, if the in-laws are there, take the children to the room and lock the door, and no one can knock. Tell your child clearly that if someone pulls or you complain, you will be fined twice. What is wrong is wrong. You must pay for your mistakes. No one can cover up your mistakes. At the same time, tell your parents-in-law seriously that it is good to have strict education and control over your children. If you let yourself go, you will only harm the children in the end. Please ask them not to protect your children in the future, or they will aggravate the punishment for your children ... as long as they can do it once, the children and the elderly will be much better in the future. But you have to remember, you have to have a degree when you hit your child, and you have to grasp your own discretion.
Many families will encounter this problem. In the long run, it will be very unfavorable to children's education, and parents will not be able to establish prestige. First of all, we should communicate well with the elderly. Don't interfere with the education of children. Can your child not love? But love doesn't mean doting. The discipline should be disciplined. If there is something missing in education, family members can point it out afterwards and make progress together. Or when you are educating your children, or even when you start working, don't go to a separate room in front of the old people, so you will be more calm. Communication, there is no problem that cannot be solved.
You are strict with your children because you love your son. Mother-in-law's doting on her children also stems from her love for her grandchildren.
There is nothing wrong with loving someone from your own standpoint. But your love is on opposite sides because of different directions. If you are forced to sacrifice one person's love to satisfy another person's love, then who is willing to sacrifice his own love? No one is willing, even under some pressure, to finally compromise, then there will be many contradictions between you.
Children, naive and naughty, are natural. Excessive discipline will make children lose their authenticity. Don't you just want your child to be obedient and be a sensible little adult? At this time, you may want your child to be naive and naughty.
Don't be too strict with children, and don't spoil them too much. What children need most is gentleness in sternness and sternness in gentleness. Strictness is restraint, gentleness is embrace and love. If you abuse and reason too much, you may have an obedient son, but you are bound to push him further and further. Overindulgence will make children not know how to cherish and become a realistic baiwenhang.
I don't think either ending is what you want to see.
So if you want your son to grow up healthily.
You and your mother-in-law should learn to optimize love. First of all, you should communicate with your mother-in-law and honestly know her love for her grandson, but expect her not to interfere when teaching her children. This will only make the son who is not sensible doubt whether what he is doing is right or wrong. If it's too much for me to handle it myself, I hope my mother-in-law will point out privately that she will definitely change in the future. After all, she will have shortcomings in teaching children and can't be right.
Educating children, only if the family members agree, will be more conducive to children to distinguish right from wrong, otherwise children will never understand right from wrong, which will have an unchangeable impact on children's life.
What family relations lack most is understanding and inclusive communication. The most common thing is to say I love you from our own standpoint, which means that our love will not be reciprocated. On the contrary, it will push the people we love farther and farther, make conflicts and make noise, and finally turn our love into a straw that overwhelms our happy life!
This problem exists in many families, especially in it runs in the family. You can talk it over with your husband. Next time, dad will teach him what he can and can't do from the perspective of being a man. You can close the door if you discipline him again. The more children grow up, the smarter they become. They will listen to themselves and trust their babies. If your in-laws still intervene at this time or force the baby to buy things for compensation afterwards, you and your wife should have a good talk with their parents while the child is away. If they can listen, they can get along well and raise their children together, and they can't go back to their hometown to support the elderly. It's good to go home often.
This question is very difficult, so we can only mobilize our husband and convince his parents. If you don't accept it, slowly reason with your child and demonstrate yourself. When the child is older, he will have his own judgment.