Adults encourage me to pretend to be a gentleman, and I have no ability and habit to play, and because I really like reading, I have never enjoyed the life of children's games in my life. Every autumn, my grandmother and I will go to the field to "supervise the cutting". The best fields have no worries about drought and flood, and the harvest is the best. Each tenant asked the landlord to supervise the cutting and spreading of millet, and the two families shared it equally. I always sit under a small tree and read novels. When you are eleven or twelve, be lively. I actually organized a drama class with a group of classmates, made some wooden knives and bamboo guns, borrowed some fake beards and acted in the village farm. I often do literary works such as Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei; Only once did I imitate Shi Wengong and was shot down from my chair by an arrow from Huarong Road. This is my most lively thing.
In these nine years (1895- 1904), I only learned two things: reading and writing. In terms of writing and thinking (see the next chapter), we should lay a little foundation. But there are no opportunities for development in other areas. On one occasion, the "Dangpeng" in our village (all five villages are called "Five Friends", and each village takes turns to be the Prince's Club every year, called "Dangpeng") prepares the Prince's Club. Someone suggested that I should be sent to the Kunqu Opera team in my former village to learn blowing sheng or play the flute. The elders in the clan objected that I was too young to follow the five friends around the prince. So I lost my only chance to learn music. For 30 years, I have never played an instrument and know nothing about music. I still don't know if I have the talent to learn music. As for learning painting, it is even more impossible. I often cover the lithographs of novel books with bamboo paper to copy the beauty of heroes in the books. One day, Mr. Wang saw it and got a scolding. All the photos in the drawer were found and torn up. So I lost the opportunity to learn to be a painter.
But these nine years of life, in addition to reading, also gave me a little life training. At this point, my teacher is my loving mother.
Every day at dawn, my mother wakes me up and tells me to get dressed and sit up. I don't know how long she sat awake. When she saw me awake, she told me what I did wrong yesterday, and let me admit my mistake and study hard. Sometimes she will tell me all the benefits of her father. She said, "You must always follow in your father's footsteps. I have only known this complete person all my life. You should learn from him and don't lose his shares. Losing shares means losing face and making a fool of yourself. When she talks about sadness, she often tears. It was not until dawn that she dressed me and urged me to go to early education. The key to the school gate is at Mr. Wang's house; I looked at the school gate first, then ran to my husband's house and knocked at the door. Sir, someone at home handed out the key from the door. I took it and ran back, opened the door and sat down to read. I was the first to open the school gate for eight or nine days out of ten days. I didn't go home for breakfast until my husband came.
My mother is the most strict with me. She is a loving mother and a strict father. But she never scolds me or hits me in front of others. I did something wrong. She just looked at me, and when I saw her stern eyes, I was frightened. She didn't teach me a lesson until I woke up the next morning. The crime is enormous. She waited until the dead of night, closed the door, scolded me first, and then punished me, or knelt down or ground my flesh. No matter how heavy the punishment is, I won't cry. She didn't punish her son for going out to invite others to dinner.
One early autumn evening, I had dinner and played at the door, wearing only a vest. At that time, my mother's sister, Aunt Yu Ying, lived in my house. Afraid that I was cold, she took out a small shirt for me to put on. I refuse to wear it. She said, "put it on, it's cold." I casually replied: "Niang (cool) what! I am not even an old man. " As soon as I said this, I looked up and saw my mother coming out of the house. I put on my shirt quickly. But she heard this frivolous remark. In the dead of night, she made me kneel and gave me a heavy punishment. She said, "How proud you are to lose my father! So you can say "mouth"! She sat there trembling with anger and wouldn't let me sleep. I cried on my knees and wiped my tears with my hands. I don't know what microorganisms I have rubbed in, but I have been suffering from eye diseases for more than a year. Doctors come and go, but they can't be cured. My mother is both regretful and anxious. I heard that her eyes can be licked off with her tongue. One night, she woke me up and she really licked my sick eyes with her tongue. This is my strict teacher and my loving mother.
My mother became a widow at the age of 23. She is the stepmother in charge. I can't write one tenth of the pain of this life with my stupid pen. The family's economy is not well-off, and in Shanghai, it depends entirely on the second brother to operate and dispatch. Big brother has been a loser since he was a child. He smoked opium and gambled. When he got the money, he ran out. Go home and make suggestions when you are finished. When he saw the incense burner, he sold it and took out the tin teapot. My mother invited our elders several times and set a monthly fee for him. But he is always short of money, owes money to cigarettes everywhere and gambles everywhere. Every New Year's Eve, there is always a large group of debt collectors in my family, each holding a lantern and refusing to leave in the hall. Eldest brother has avoided going out. Two rows of chairs in the hall are full of lanterns and creditors. My mother goes in and out, making New Year's Eve dinner, thanking the kitchen god and giving lucky money, as if she had never seen this group of people before. In the middle of the night, the door was about to close and my mother went out the back door. A neighbor came to my house and each debtor developed a little money. Those who do good and evil, this group of debt collectors went out one by one with lanterns. After a while, big brother knocked at the door and came back. My mother never scolded him. And because it was New Year's Day, her face never showed any anger. I have spent six or seven Chinese New Year holidays like this.
My sister-in-law is the most incompetent and ignorant person, and her sister-in-law is the most capable and narrow-minded person. They often quarrel, but because of my mother's good example, they never publicly scold each other. When they are angry, they just don't talk, don't answer, and pull their faces down, which is ugly; When yisow is angry, her face turns blue and she is even more afraid of people. It's the same when they're angry with my mother. I didn't know this at first, but I gradually learned to read people's faces. I gradually understand that the most disgusting thing in the world is an angry face; The dirtiest thing in the world is to show your angry face to others This is worse than beating and cursing.
My mother is generous, good-tempered, and because she is a stepmother, she is more attentive and tolerant to everything. Eldest brother's daughter is only one year younger than me, and she always eats and dresses like me. I had a little argument with her, and it was always painful. My mother always blames me and makes me do everything. Later, both the eldest sister-in-law and the second sister-in-law gave birth to sons. When they are angry, they beat their children and scold them to vent their anger. While hitting, scold others with sharp words. My mother just pretended not to hear. Sometimes, she can't help but quietly walk out the door, or go to the neighbor's sister-in-law's house to sit for a while, or go to the neighbor's house to chat through the back door. She never quarrels with her two sisters-in-law.
When every sister-in-law is angry, she often goes in and out every day for ten and a half months without rest, with a straight face, biting her mouth and scolding her children to vent her anger. My mother only endured until the last day. She had her own way. At the dawn of this day, she didn't get up and cried gently. She didn't scold anyone, but cried for her husband and herself, and she couldn't keep her husband to take care of her. The first time she cried, her voice was very low and she began to cry. I woke up and advised her that she wouldn't live. At this time, I can always hear the door open in the front hall (the second sister-in-law lives in the east room of the front hall) or the back hall (the eldest sister-in-law lives in the west room of the back hall), and a eldest sister-in-law walks out of the room to go to the kitchen. Before long, my sister-in-law knocked on our door. I opened the door, and she came in, carrying a bowl of hot tea, and sent it to my mother's bed to persuade her not to cry and invite her to drink some hot tea. My mother stopped crying slowly and reached for the tea bowl. Sister-in-law stood and advised for a while before quitting. There is not a word about anyone, and there is not a word about that angry face in the past ten and a half months. Then everyone knows that the sister-in-law who makes tea will always be the one who has been angry for ten and a half months. Strangely, after this cry, there was at least a month or two of calm and tranquility.
My mother is the kindest and gentlest to others and has never said anything that hurts her feelings. But sometimes she is also very strong and won't be insulted. My fifth uncle is a loafer. One day, he complained in a cigarette shop that my mother always asked someone for help when she had something at home, and she was probably always kind to him. This sentence reached my mother's ear, and she burst into tears with anger. She invited several people in her family and called her fifth uncle. She asked him face to face what she had given to others. She didn't stop until Uncle Wu publicly admitted his mistake and made amends.
I lived under my mother's lessons for nine years and was greatly influenced by her. I left her when I was fourteen (in fact, I was only twelve years old and two or three months old). I have been alone in this vast sea of people for more than 20 years, and no one has ever taken care of me. If I learn a little good temper, if I learn a little kindness to others, if I can forgive and understand, I will thank my loving mother.