The founder of positive discipline is Ms. Nelson, a doctor of education in the United States, based on the psychology of two psychologists, Adler and Drake, the founders of individual psychology. Combining pedagogy with psychology can make people better understand children's behavior and psychology and enter their inner world.
Some people wonder why there are so many "bears". Sweden has taught many "Xiong Haizi". In fact, "Xiong Haizi" is a label that adults put on their children. In the eyes of adults, some naughty children are called "Xiong Haizi", but it is not because these children are bad. First of all, we should distinguish between children's "bear behavior" and school-age behavior.
Many bad behaviors of children are nothing more than behaviors that lack knowledge (or consciousness), behaviors that lack effective skills, and behaviors that develop appropriate behaviors and are caused by disappointment.
What they do is age-appropriate behavior, also known as age-appropriate behavior, rather than bad behavior.
What is school-age behavior?
Many behaviors of children aged 2-6 are school-age behaviors. For example, a 2-year-old child likes to climb high and low because of the needs of sports development and does not want to be restricted by his parents. They like treading water in the rain. Because of the sensitive period of children's hands, children like to eat their hands, tear something, tear something apart and dig something to satisfy their curiosity. Many behaviors of children are destructive behaviors in the eyes of parents, but they are actually the needs of children's action development.
There are also some children who do have some bad behaviors. They will destroy public property and influence others. We still don't approve of other bad behaviors of corporal punishment of children. This kind of corporal punishment includes beating children and insulting them. It will make children have no self-esteem. Corporal punishment and punishment of children will have short-term effects, but will not have long-term educational effects.
Punishing children will lead to four R's:
1. Resentment-"It's not fair, I can't trust adults!"
2. Revenge-"They won this time, but I will get it back!"
3. Rebellion-"I want to do the opposite and prove that I don't have to do what they ask."
4. Retreat-
Sneaking around-"Don't let him catch me next time."
Inferiority-"I am a bad boy."
The consequence of punishing or corporal punishment on children is resentment, and psychological imbalance will lead to children's revenge. Other parents will say that my child is rebellious, which is also caused by punishing the child. The last act is to retreat. When parents always beat their children, children are afraid of being beaten and may do something secretly to cheat you. Otherwise, you will become very inferior. All the above four situations exist.
If you don't punish or physically punish children, how can you educate them well? Will not let the child become "Xiong Haizi"?
In positive discipline, we advocate a kind and firm educational concept. For children, there is both kindness and firmness. Sweden's "zero corporal punishment" is only good for children but not firm, so it will teach a lot of "Xiong Haizi".
Parents should respect their children when educating them and don't insult their personality. Personally, I think this is not wrong. But respecting children does not mean not educating children.
Our parents are eager to correct their children's behavior, but they don't know to contact them before correcting them. All educational methods are means. If parents only aim at educating their children and lack love and respect for them, the children will not cooperate with their parents and will not listen to you.
When a child has problems, parents should not only see the child's behavior, which is only a small part of the iceberg. And a large number of parents didn't see it under the iceberg. This includes children's sense of belonging, values, feelings and so on.
Let me give you an example: I have worked in kindergarten for many years and taught many children. Some children are really naughty. They love to fight, bully others, interrupt in class, and don't obey classroom discipline and rules of the game. I know these children very well. Many of them are divorced. Even if there is no divorce, parents basically ignore their children and the elderly will take care of them. In such a family, children lack the love of their parents, which is a sense of belonging. So they want to get a sense of belonging and value in kindergarten or school.
Once, a child got into a fight again. I didn't scold him, and I didn't ask him to stand up and accept punishment. Because I know that when children are in an emotional state, there is no way to solve problems with others. The first thing I did was wait for him to calm down. Then I started to contact him. I squatted down to communicate with my child and asked him with heuristic questions:
"Do you think about it, is there any way to solve this problem? I believe you can think of it. "
Later, the child didn't lose his temper, but was thinking about my problem.
I think this child has a strong personality, and later I made him a team leader, a duty student and a teacher's little helper. The child is also very happy and willing to tell me everything. Listen to me. Although the child occasionally makes some mistakes, his bad behavior has been significantly reduced. The child is well developed. Because he gained a sense of belonging and value.
Adults should focus on how to solve problems, not how to punish children. If the child can't solve the problem, parents can brainstorm with the child to solve it. When children do something wrong, we can make them bear the natural and logical consequences.
When educating children, adults should see long-term effects, not just short-term effects. Hitting children is only temporary. After the fight, there is only one chicken feather left, which will bring long-term negative effects to children. These influences will be hidden in children's subconscious and affect their lives.
Corporal punishment is not an end. How to turn the challenges brought by children into the excellent qualities of children is a great homework for parents. In Positive Discipline, you can find the answer!
Calm down and summarize the benefits of hitting children, including but not limited to the following:
1, we said, try not to be awkward if you can. For an immature baby, if it was useful to reason, we would have lived a good life long ago.
2. Language does more harm to body and mind than to body. It is better to make a quick decision than to shout loudly.
3. Children who are occasionally beaten have quick reaction ability and know that they should avoid and run when they are beaten. They won't just stand there crying. Later, they entered the campus and ran while playing. If you want to hit others, learn to be hit first.
4. Physical endurance, let Ta know that mistakes are punished from an early age. If he grows up, he will make those mistakes that are useless. In terms of probability, a child who has never been beaten may be beaten by outsiders in the future, and there may be two extremes: unbearable or enjoying being abused (such as Princess Channing type).
5、………
As for how to fight, it is definitely a science. It is also rare to see or hear experts say that "children are going to fight ...". They are afraid of being branded with violence, of being complained by animal protection organizations and of being criticized by women's organizations all over the world. And how to fight, where to fight, and to what extent,120,000 words are not clear, only "correct nonsense", without any risk!
This incident reminds me of many voices in society against corporal punishment of students. Many of these voices come from people outside education, who actually know nothing about education. It is irresponsible to judge whether to mention it simply by appearances.
According to the law of the development of our society, if a person makes a mistake or commits a crime, he will be punished by law, and if he makes a serious mistake, he will also be severely punished by the school rules and regulations. This is a wake-up call to a person and a stop to his behavior.
Simply one-sided emphasis on human nature needs care, and children need to preach or demonstrate in class, which is not enough to deter the evil in children's hearts.
If there is no punishment in the whole education system, no disciplinary measures, and no one is willing to punish and dare to punish students, it will have a great impact on society in the process of students' growth.
The emergence of Xiong Haizi in large numbers will set an example and take the lead, allowing more children to choose to release their inner nature and evil, which will bring serious adverse effects to others and society.
As a teacher, I am also a parent, and I especially agree to punish and educate children who are particularly stubborn after repeated education. Sometimes, without coercive measures or strong measures, these children have nothing to fear, which will not only have a serious impact on classroom order and discipline, but even hurt the interests of other students.
Think about our current school bullying problem. Many Xiong Haizi have become campus bullies. They bully the weak and bring serious disasters to the whole society.
This question is puzzling. When did Sweden have "many" bears?
In fact, the Swedish tradition is a Viking country and later a military country. The national quality has never been high in European and American countries. At that time, don't say that Xiong Haizi was everywhere.
The real prohibition of corporal punishment education was after World War II. Time is not long, but today, who has the face to say that Swedish nationals are of low quality? Therefore, the tradition of prohibiting corporal punishment is at least one of the necessary conditions.
China people like to talk about "a dutiful son is born under a stick", and many people criticize this as authoritarian education, but it is actually taken out of context. Whether you can have a dutiful son depends on the person who holds the stick, not the stick. A stick is just a tool. For a person who has no clear concept of right and wrong, it is impossible to teach a dutiful son with or without a stick. For a person with strong cognitive ability, there is a measure whether to hit someone or not, not for venting anger, but for education.
Some people equate punishment with corporal punishment, which is obviously wrong. When children make mistakes, punishment is necessary, and it is a necessary means for children to develop good behavior habits of obeying rules and taking responsibility bravely. It is also necessary to correct mistakes, reprimand, detention, parents coming to school, and even appropriate corporal punishment methods such as penalty station and ruler. In this regard, we can refer to the United States, where the punishment for students forms a written standard document, especially corporal punishment, which requires records and allows students and parents to complain. The key is to have rules to follow.
Call and talk. If you just say that the child is long, the child will not be afraid of you and will not listen to you. Beating people is just a means of education. The latest purpose is to educate children to distinguish right from wrong, not to fight to the death, so that children are hit hard physically and mentally. That's not educating children, but abusing them. This degree needs to be grasped by parents themselves. If I have to have a choice, I'd rather my children be afraid, and I'd also like to hear some truth, instead of being fearless and regretting for life.
This is the logic and statement of westerners. Listen to whoever likes to learn! Except for a few insane people, we China people should educate ourselves well, and the punishment should be punished, and the award should be painful! Westerners do not do everything!
Steal needles when you are young and gold when you are old. Bad behavior, regardless of adults and children, should be corrected through education. Especially children, if they don't correct themselves as children, or even have a correct understanding of TA, they will "physically punish society" in the future. This kind of "zero corporal punishment" in the west is a pseudo-civilization, which is backward compared with China's profound educational thought and is not worth learning at all.
In this way, corporal punishment is only a means.
Those who treat children as punching bags in the name of punishment are either stupid or bad.