Because my mother said I have no self-control, so I have no self-control, broken pots and broken falls. My mother said that someone would watch me do my homework, so I did it.
Many children are in the first grade, and parents are very anxious. What should they do in the first grade? Children can't do their own homework. First grade is very important. Why? Because we need to develop good study habits ~ How to develop good study habits? Parents said, look after him ~ just look after him, and let him form a habit ~ ~ completely amateur ideas. If you stare at his homework from the first grade, you should at least stare at the third grade. And as long as you don't stare, he won't learn. The reason is that this child doesn't learn to do his homework, but learns to be stared at, which is normal. So as long as you don't stare at him, he will play, maybe with a pen for half a day, but he won't take the initiative to do his homework ~ because his self-esteem level has been destroyed by you. What really changes a child effectively is to improve his self-esteem and make him feel that he has the ability to handle these problems well.
By his own admission, Fan Deng never had to stare at his homework when he was in the sixth grade. Every time the teacher sends a list to remind parents of what they need to prepare, he will give it directly to his son, who says, I am all ready. I did well in the exam myself. The core reason is to help him learn what is "self-discipline", "initiative", "deliberate practice" and "studious" through emotional guidance. He has learned these words one by one, and he is slowly improving his self-esteem.
Why do some mothers yell at their children like fighting in the morning? Some mother said that I was helping him to develop good time habits. I don't know that it is impossible to form a good time habit, but only children will form the habit of "using their mother as an alarm clock". So what does it depend on whether the child gets up in the morning or not? Look at mom. Well, mom is not "crazy" enough. Just play for a while and wait until she is really crazy. Therefore, when mothers ask their children to go out, they will become more and more crazy. You must be stronger and stronger, because children are constantly immune. Therefore, this child will not arrange his own time to go out to school and observe the habit of time when he reaches the third year of high school.
How does Fan Deng teach his son not to be late? When I was in kindergarten, one day, my son said, Dad, don't be late. Where are you going? Attend a classmate's birthday party. When children do the right thing, it is an opportunity to educate them. Dad squatted down at the elevator, took his son's hand and said to him, Dudu, you have advantages, and dad appreciates it. The son said, what? Dad says you have one advantage, and you don't like being late. Do you know what it means not to like being late? The son replied, I don't know. Dad said that not liking being late means respecting others. Each of us lives in this world and likes to deal with people who respect ourselves, so your habit will be very popular and dad will be very happy. Just this once, the whole family talked about whether the children should be late or not. From now on, my son will never be late for anything. Once Fan Deng took his son to the company, and the little guy chatted with other colleagues and said, you know, I am a person who doesn't like being late. Let's analyze it. When squatting in the elevator to communicate with him, we achieved several goals. First, he knows why he shouldn't be late, and he understands. Second, did he improve his self-esteem? Has his sense of value improved? Yes, he knows that he doesn't like being late. Third, does he feel that his father loves and appreciates him? Yes So a very simple conversation can achieve these three very important goals. If you use the right method, you will find it very easy to educate your children. Fan Deng and the founder of positive discipline said the same thing at a forum in Beijing. If you feel that educating children is very annoying, then you must have the wrong method. Children are a complex life system, not a simple "car system". The wrong way for a child, he can grow up and return to his family after 30, but there may be a little psychological shadow. He will grow up by himself and become a person. Even if parents or teachers use the wrong method, the child can still grow back, because he will love himself and be responsible for himself. This is the secret of life. For parents, as long as it will not be destroyed too much, if they can give him love and a sense of value, he can find his own direction in life faster and gain motivation faster. At this time, you will find that children with a sense of value are willing to make plans for themselves, to restrain their behavior, to learn new things and to change step by step.
This is the second pillar of children's education, values. Don't add "but" after praising children, because parents are too anxious. Just say you did well this time, but if you do better next time. As long as you say such a thing, it becomes "criticism". We just appreciate children from the heart. As long as you can find the "right point" and tell the reason, children will be very happy, their self-esteem will be improved and they will know more right things to do. Many children are at a loss when they see their parents. Why? Children know countless wrong ways in front of you, but they have no idea what the right way is. The reason is that no one speaks when doing the right thing, and no one speaks when doing the right thing. Children don't know what is right and their sense of value is frustrated.
The third pillar is the mentality of lifelong growth. (To be continued)