It turned out that Xiao Ming's mother had read an article which listed the famous "marshmallow experiment". She also wants to educate Xiao Ming into a child with strong self-control through training.
So she trained Xiao Ming in her daily life. When Xiao Ming wanted to play football in the football field, she asked Xiao Ming to recite the text first, and then it rained. Xiao Ming wanted to buy extra-curricular books. She asked Xiao Ming to get 99 points first, and finally Xiao Ming got 99 points, but she didn't buy any books. After school in the evening, she wants to watch cartoons. She asked Xiao Ming to finish his homework first, recite the text of the day and copy the wrong questions in the exam again. As a result, it was time to go to bed late, and Xiao Ming didn't watch cartoons either. Over time, Xiao Ming's temper became very strange.
Many people may not know that there are actually two related experiments in the "marshmallow experiment".
The earliest "marshmallow" experiment was like this.
"In the 1960s and 1970s, Walter Mischel, a psychologist at Stanford University, recruited hundreds of 4-year-old children to participate in the experiment. The researchers took them into the room, where there was a marshmallow. The researcher told the child that he had something to leave for a while. If the child doesn't eat marshmallows when he comes back, he will get an extra marshmallow as a reward. If he does, there will be no reward. As a result, two-thirds of the children ate marshmallows. 14 years later, the staff found13 children who didn't eat cotton candy in the experiment for follow-up investigation. They found that those children who could resist the temptation of marshmallows performed better in concentration and reasoning ability than other children. "
After the "marshmallow" experiment, Celeste Kidd, a professor at the University of Rochester, did it again. Before the "marshmallow" experiment, divide the children into two groups, A and B, and let them draw with crayons and colleagues.
At the same time, tell the child, "There are two choices, use the old crayons now, or wait for her to get some new and more beautiful crayons." A few minutes later, a group of colleagues came back with new crayons; Colleagues in Group B came back empty-handed and apologized to the children, explaining that there were no new crayons.
Then, I repeated the experiment, this time promising a new sticker. Similarly, children in group A got new stickers, and children in group B got an apology again. After these two apologies, Kidd introduced the "marshmallow" experiment. The result is very shocking. The proportion of children who passed the test in group A was four times higher than that in group B. ..
The educational environment is like soil, and the nutrients in the soil will also have a great impact on the educational achievements.
It can be seen that "cultivating self-control through delaying gratification" is one of the cores of the two experiments, but don't ignore one point-whether the delay behavior is due to the child's willingness or the will imposed by the parents, which is also the main reason why Xiao Ming's temper is becoming more and more strange.
First of all, because Xiao Ming's mother didn't fulfill her promise, Xiao Ming didn't directly feel the happiness of delaying satisfaction-the only reason he was willing to delay satisfaction. Over time, in Xiao Ming's subconscious, he felt that the request for an extension was a scam and didn't get the reward he deserved.
Finally, when asked to delay enjoyment, Xiao Ming will be unconsciously agitated, will have rebellious psychology, and will have doubts about why he should do it when he knows it is true or false.
This is the cake I drew for you. You will fight for this cake, but I won't tell you why. It's just superficial. In the end, this cake is just an illusion. Do you think children can have good self-control in this situation?
The educational process is like the relationship between an actor and a director. Parents are directors and children are actors. To think of a good play, can the actors show their true feelings if they don't blend in with the scene? And this requires the director to tell and direct the play.
This is to guide children to know their own interests and make their own choices, instead of being arrogant and just drawing a pie.
Tao Xingzhi, a famous educator, once said that real education is an activity of mutual affinity, and only from the heart can we touch the depths of the soul.
Yes, education should start with love, put yourself in the other's shoes, not "you should" and "I've been there before, which is the best."
It is indispensable to guide children to think independently and let them stand in front of multiple-choice questions and choose for themselves. Parents' choice is not absolutely correct, and independent thinking is the treasure for children to settle down in the future.
The child will grow up, he will always have his own way to go, and his parents can't accompany him for a lifetime. If you just impose your wishes on your child, even if it is out of kindness, the child will only be numb and will not know the knowledge of measurement. Just like some students just memorize the answer to this question, they don't know how to solve it if they ask it in another way. This is a real test. Can they find the optimal solution?
There are many forks in the overall situation of life. When parents are not around, children inherit their parents' past experience and make choices with their parents' answers. But the society has changed a lot now. Is the past experience suitable for this society?
Not necessarily. For example, the previous concept was to find an iron rice bowl job, but now the competition is fierce and artificial intelligence is gradually emerging. Even if there is an iron rice bowl, there is no guarantee for the stability of children. At this time, the importance of independent thinking and independent choice is even more prominent.
Therefore, even if parents are eager to impart virtues, they should be more patient and not fall into the trap of "encouraging children to think independently". Life is a child's own. We should not kidnap him in the name of "love", but involve kites like kite strings.
"I guide you to think, but the rudder of life is in your hands."