Some parents will say that there is no problem that "bamboo whip fried shredded pork" can't solve. If not, then two meals.
Some parents are also very helpless about this. They can't do anything about their children's intense emotions, and even they are out of control by their children's emotional contagion. Finally, they were furious and regretted it.
Parents whose emotions are not free can't raise children with sound personality.
Parents respond to their children's emotions with emotions, which is completely incompetent.
Teacher Fan Deng once told a story:
On the street of Xiamen, he saw a mother throw her child out of the car. As soon as she stepped on the accelerator in the car, she threatened to leave with a bang.
The child shouted desperately outside the car: "Mom, don't leave me, I was wrong."
Teacher Fan Deng came forward to persuade, and her mother said, "Who told him not to listen!"
The phrase "Mom, don't leave me" is not a child's obedience, but a fear and anxiety that goes deep into the bone marrow.
Child psychologists say:
Just in September, a boy was slapped twice by his mother in public. After two minutes of silence and despair, he jumped from the fifth floor and died.
Can two slaps make a teenager die decisively?
Obviously not, behind that leap, there must be a backlog of mother's countless abuse and blame.
How many parents are using their emotions to control their children:
It is said that parents are the lowest threshold occupation in the world.
Really! Incompetence stems from ignorance.
Many times, parents become the biggest uncertainty of children. Give a candy when you are happy, and slap when you are unhappy.
It is said that "the face of a child in June", in fact, parents often change their faces faster than their children.
I have read a heartfelt statement: if you are always emotional about your child, he will not stop loving you, but will stop loving himself!
For children, parents' stable mood is the best gift in their lives.
Dr. Scholler, a developmental psychologist, said:
How lucky children whose emotions can be seen and appeased by their parents in time!
Stephen Glenn is a famous scientist with important medical achievements. He once shared a childhood experience:
One day, he took out a bottle of milk from the refrigerator. Just a few steps later, he fell and spilled milk all over the floor.
Glen burst into tears because she didn't drink milk for fear that her mother would blame her!
Mother heard the sound and crouched down and hugged him. When he stopped crying, she comforted him and said, "Well, it's already spilled on the ground. Do you want to play for a while before cleaning up? " I think it might be fun to play with milk. "
He dried his tears and really played with milk.
From this experience, Glenn learned from his mother to accept mistakes and failures frankly!
In his later scientific career, he was never discouraged by the mistakes in the experiment, always calmly faced and calmly analyzed, and finally reached the peak of science.
Good parents, like the sea, accept the choppy emotions of their children; A good education can exert a subtle influence on children's behavior.
It is said that parents are originals and children are copies!
Really! Parents' expressions, words and actions when dealing with emotions will be absorbed by children and internalized into their own handling methods.
Hu Shi wrote in My Mother: If I learn a little good temper, if I learn a little kindness to others, if I can forgive and understand, I have to thank my mother.
Wise parents not only teach their children how to deal with emotions, but also bring them a sense of security and happiness, cultivate their sunny mentality, warm themselves and warm the world.
Many parents will say that I also know that I should stabilize my emotions first, and then guide my children's emotions well. But when the children's emotions come, I am like an ant on hot bricks, and I have no idea how to guide them to deal with them!
The book How to Tell Children to Listen gives a simple and easy operation method. If you are troubled by your child's emotions, try:
First, listen attentively.
Tetsuko Kuroyanagi, a famous Japanese writer, was expelled from school for being naughty when he was a child. His mother took him to the Eighth Academy of Primary School founded by Japanese educator Sousaku Kobayashi. When Tetsuko Kuroyanagi first met Sousaku Kobayashi, he thought the headmaster would ask a lot of questions. Unexpectedly, the principal just pulled up a chair and sat opposite her and said, "Well, tell the teacher! Say anything. "
Tetsuko Kuroyanagi was very happy. She talked for four hours, but the headmaster never interrupted her. She just listened and laughed, leaned forward, listened intently, and occasionally said, "What happened?"
This experience made Tetsuko Kuroyanagi feel very relaxed and warm.
When we put down our preconceptions, listen wholeheartedly and empathize with our children, they will feel full of trust, have strong emotional connection and open the door to communication.
Second, tell the child's feelings.
For children, emotion is an abstract concept. Telling children how they feel is to let them have a more specific and vivid understanding of their emotions.
The child said, "I don't want to play with my brother anymore!" " "
You said, "Baby, you seem very angry."
So he knows that the current mood is called anger.
The child said, "My brother invited me out to play. I want to read a book."
You said, "Well, you're a little hesitant."
So he knows that "hesitation" means vacillating between two choices.
For children, every emotional reaction is an opportunity for him to perceive emotions. If we help the child define every emotion in time, he can develop a keen emotional perception.
Imagine that one child is losing his temper and throwing things, while another child says, "I'm so angry!" " I need to calm down! "
Which child do you think is more acceptable and supportive?
Third, fantasize about reality.
Children's emotions often come from needs that cannot be met in time. For example, before going to bed at night, children want candy. What would you do?
Perhaps many parents will ignore or suppress their children's needs, but this will inevitably lead to a crying.
If we say, "Oh! I wish I were a magician! So I can conjure up a big bowl of sugar that won't make your teeth decay. " The effect is different.
The essence of fantasy reality is to respect and accept children's needs. When we let go of our judgment on children and choose to understand, children will feel that their inner needs have been seen, and they will accept the reality and return to rationality.
Writer Ma Boyong once wrote a passage:
The inheritance of antiques is tangible, and the inheritance of emotions and temperament is intangible, but it will be immersed in every drop of blood of children and become a part of character and destiny.
Parents' good emotions, such as spring breeze and drizzle, sneak into children's hearts with the wind and immerse themselves in the background of life;
Parents' bad emotions, such as storms, make children fall into the swamp of pain and imprison the energy of life.
Every bit of life is affecting the growth of children. Over time, the difference is a lifetime.