On New Year's Day, I took my daughter Meng Meng to a wedding reception. During the dinner, my daughter ate skillfully with chopsticks, and I didn't have to worry about it. Next to us sat a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law and grandson. It is understood that the little guy is as big as my daughter, and the mother-in-law puts the child in the middle. You take a bite, I take a bite, and the children don't eat this or that. In the cold weather, the little boy was still wearing trousers and asked why. His mother said, "children don't take off their pants." If we can't take care of them, we will wet our pants. " When my daughter was less than two years old, she stopped wearing open-backed pants. At first, she couldn't undress herself, but she gradually learned.
From the standpoint of protecting the rights of minors, in the process of children's growth, parents do too much for their children, which covers up the deprivation of their development rights. In the subconscious of some parents, parents and children are one. They take care of everything that should be done by their children voluntarily, and regard their efforts as part of their children's growth, rather than creating conditions for their own growth. Children have no or few opportunities to do things at home, which limits their right to fully develop their physical fitness, intelligence and social participation in life practice. Children start from the lack of independent opportunities in the family, and gradually develop into the lack of internal motivation and courage for independent growth, which weakens their ability to survive and develop in the real society, and even fails to become a complete and independent person-this is the biggest failure of family education.
The second question: parents' "role dislocation" and biased performance of their duties.
Parents' primary responsibility for their children is to protect their right to exist and raise their children to grow up healthily. In reality, there may be no parents who don't think that health is the most important thing for their children. However, when we pay attention to children's quality of life and their health, we really feel that some parents are indifferent to their children's lives. Some parents are always worried that their children will "lose at the starting line" and force their young children to attend various classes, which greatly limits their independent leisure; Some parents worry that the school's "burden reduction" will affect their children's entrance examination scores and will "increase the burden" on their children. The family has become the "second classroom" for the school to "catch the exam" ... Under the heavy pressure of study, children's dribs and drabs of bad living habits have begun to form and threaten their health unconsciously. In the end, it will affect learning efficiency and even delay children's studies because of physical decline and lack of energy.
Some parents explain "family education" as "family study", and educating children mainly focuses on children's study. In a national survey, we know that some parents put their children's learning in school education at the top of their responsibilities. For example, 52.5% of parents "arrange after-school learning content for their children"; 34.6% parents "accompany their children to do homework"; In the family, 93.4% of the topics parents talk to their children are their "learning"; 73% is "school stuff". Children's learning has become the central content of interaction between parents and children. Parents define their roles as "crutches for children to learn" and "teaching assistants" for school teachers, while the most basic responsibilities of parents, such as caring for children's health and educating people, are largely ignored, which is the "dislocation" of parents' roles.
The newly revised Law on the Protection of Minors stipulates that parents should cooperate with the school to "ensure the sleep, entertainment and physical exercise time of underage students and not increase their learning burden." The result of "dislocation" of parents' roles is that although they have paid a lot for their children, they are often too focused to get to the point because they don't understand the teaching rules, teaching contents and teaching methods, and they feel more and more overwhelmed, which has become the so-called "self-improvement". Although some people have tasted the "sweetness" from the temporary phenomenon of children's academic performance improvement, they have left hidden dangers for their healthy growth and all-round development. There are also many children who are quite disgusted with their parents' unprofessional "learning guidance" and all kinds of practices that blindly grasp learning and bind their children's hands and feet, which greatly affects the harmony of parent-child relationship, which is also the crux of parents' complaint that they are "unwilling to please".
The third question: "I am the master of your affairs", lacking respect for children's right to participate.
Cong Cong is a child of a big class I teach. She is so clever that everyone likes her. She told me that she hated her mother because she kept her practicing the piano. Xiaoyu said that he wished he could be as busy as the Monkey King. When his mother asks him to do exercises, he can be the one who does homework, while real people go out to play with friends.
Children are the subject of life. Parents should first respect their children's right to choose. Only what children are interested in can become the future development direction of children. On the road of children's growth, parents should be navigators, who can give their children advice and inspiration, help them in time when they are in danger, give them more opportunities to try and be less bossy. Only by giving them democracy and respect can they really make their own decisions and choose what they like when they grow up.
The basic spirit of the Law on the Protection of Minors is to recognize children as the subject of a right. When adults make relevant decisions, children have the right to express their wishes and choose, which is the right of participation given to minors by law. This law clearly stipulates: "Parents or other guardians should inform minors themselves and listen to their opinions when making decisions involving their rights and interests according to their age and intellectual development." In other words, parents should treat their children as independent people, and they should not ignore their children's needs because of their likes and dislikes and decide their children's affairs against their wishes.
Question 4: Beating and scolding catalyze children's bad psychology and behavior.
I have always been very strict with my daughter, and I will fight if I don't listen. Turns out she was afraid of you before she was four. Now she is five years old. If you try again, she will run away and act unconvinced. I became someone she didn't like! Therefore, it is really necessary to change the way of educating children. The idea and practice of "filial son under the stick" has existed since ancient times.
Many parents often beat and scold their children in the face of their unsatisfactory words and deeds, perhaps subjectively for their children's sake, but objectively it is not only physical pain, but also mental trauma and behavioral distortion.
Parents should first fully realize that minors are human beings, independent people, developing people and active subjects of rights. Their development process is not only a process of passively accepting influence and education, but also a process of actively participating in and influencing themselves. Respecting and protecting the rights of minors is the basis of family protection and the key to the success of family education.
In short, parents should learn to protect their children's self-esteem and respect their rights in education, so that family education can be successful.