It is the common wish of every parent to expect their children to succeed, which is not only human nature, but also one of the driving forces for their growth. Moderate expectations can make children develop in a healthy direction. The famous pygmalion effect explained the expected function.
However, in real life, some parents just keep asking their children, ignoring the encouragement they deserve. Encouragement is the "gas station" for children to move forward. The motivation that causes their children to move forward is insufficient. Over time, their children will lose confidence in themselves, leading to stagnation or even development in the opposite direction.
Some parents impose their unfulfilled dreams on their children. Parents' dream period is waiting for their children to realize it. Children shoulder their own and their parents' hopes for the future, and move forward with heavy burdens, which makes many children have no confidence in the future and no expectation for life.
Expectation should be moderate, and expectation and encouragement can play a good role.
2. Alternative mentality
Many parents feel that they have taken many detours and suffered a lot in the process of growing up, and naturally they have an alternative mentality in their hearts. They always keep telling their children that they can't do this or that. Only doing what I say is the best way. From the short-term effect, this method is the best, omitting some setbacks in the exploration process. However, from the perspective of children's growth, this kind of thinking and choice for children is contrary to the original intention of parents' education. Among all kinds of knowledge that children need to grow up, some can be taught and some must be experienced by children. Just like learning to ride a bike, children will never know what it feels like to ride a bike. The wisdom of growth is formed through constant reflection, not born, nor taught by anyone.
Children who grow up under the education of alternative mentality will often become an obedient machine, a person who has no personal thoughts, rather than a wise man of life. .
3, impatient mentality
Children's growth is a tortuous process, and problems in growth may be necessary in growth, such as adolescence psychology. Only when children go through this stage will the corresponding growth problems get better. In the process of growing up, some problems will be accumulated, such as lack of confidence, lying, internet addiction, inattention in class, poor personality performance or poor grades. It is the responsibility of both children and parents, so the improvement of these problems is not overnight, but a long process. Parents should be fully prepared to grow up with their children. Any impatience and impatience can only bring resistance to the growth of children.
In addition, there are helpless mentality, laissez-faire mentality and irresponsible mentality, which have some adverse effects on the effect of educating children to some extent.
A German couple once wrote a book entitled "Children are guests who come to our house to ask for directions". In the book, the relationship between parents and children is described as the relationship between the guest and the host, which is more exciting than the relationship between friends. Since the child is a guest, the guest will be on his way sooner or later. The most important duty as a host is to make the guests enjoy their stay in your home. A guest always wants to go to his destination, which is his way home in life, not someone else's goal. This attitude towards children is respect. Parents' respect for their children is not simply manifested in speaking politely to their children, not beating and cursing, or letting their children make their own choices, and parents do not interfere. , but in respect of a life. Rogers has a saying that best describes this feeling of being respected. "When watching the sunset, we don't want to control the sunset. We don't order the sky to the right of the sun to be orange, and we don't order the clouds to be pink. We can only wait and see with awe. " Children have great growth potential and their own development rules and directions. As parents, only with this growing power can children give full play to their potential.
This respectful attitude is one of the manifestations of parents' love for their children. When it comes to parents' love for their children, every parent feels that their love is 100%, but many children don't feel this kind of love. Reflecting on the reasons, there are too many conditions for parents' love, such as being obedient, doing well in exams, not fighting, being polite to teachers and so on. This kind of love has become the shackles of children's behavior. No wonder children can't understand this kind of love. Parents love their children unconditionally. They don't spoil them to satisfy their own selfish desires, because they can't see the pain of others and their children being controlled, so they don't care about their children, and they can't strictly discipline their children in order to realize their ideals. Whether the discipline is strict or loose, it is not based on the will of parents, but on the needs of children's growth and the cooperation of children's growth laws. This kind of love can play a win-win effect.
Scientific educational mentality is the embodiment of parents' educational wisdom, which can only be achieved by continuous reflection in educational practice. (Author: University of Electronic Science and Technology of China Professor, Doctor Li Yuan)