Optimize the family environment
1, the role of parents as role models
Some people say: family is the first class in life, and parents are the first teachers in life. Others say: family is the flag of children, and parents are the mirror of children. In short, parents are the people who have the earliest and deepest influence on children, and they are the earliest and most imitated images of children. Everything parents say and do has a subtle influence on their children.
Children grow up in the arms of their parents from birth. Parents not only give their children the inheritance of physiological genetic advantages, but also shape their character. From children in the early days of chaos to adults who learn to see the world with their own eyes, this growth process is inseparable from parents' words and deeds. Parents must start from what they say and do in their daily lives in order to educate their children well.
A friend once told me a conversation with his son as a joke. The friend said, "Son, you are always playing video games these days. Can't you control yourself and concentrate on your studies?" The son replied, "You still say me. Grandpa often tells you not to play mahjong outside. Why do you always play all night? " The friend was speechless at once. It can be seen that children often compare their behaviors with their parents, and even some improper behaviors of parents often become "excuses" for some children to excuse their mistakes. In daily life, parents should pay great attention to their words and deeds, often remind each other, communicate with each other, and strive to establish a good image, which will have a positive impact on children's health and a beneficial impact on children in small matters. For example, parents should be dedicated and self-motivated at work; Treat people warmly, generously and sincerely; We should treat each other equally and match our words with our deeds. In addition, parents should pay attention to put an end to all kinds of "inappropriate" behaviors in front of their children. For example, don't talk too much about money in front of children to avoid some negative effects.
Some people say that children are the refracting mirrors of their parents. Children can embody their parents' philosophy of life and principles of dealing with others. Indeed, it is difficult for selfish parents to cultivate dedicated children, and it is also difficult for narrow-minded parents to cultivate generous children. Parents' demonstration of their children should be reflected in every place and point in daily life.
Tolstoy famously said, "All education, or 99.9% education, is attributed to example, and to parents' own correction and perfection. "This is to educate people first and then educate themselves. Every parent should keep this in mind, which plays a vital role in the improvement of children's personality.
2. Education should start with the transformation of mother.
From ancient times to the present, the education of mothers in our society is more important than that of fathers. It is believed that mothers are responsible for "nurturing" and fathers are responsible for "teaching". Judging from the Three Character Classics, it is enough to show that "the father did not teach".
All people were born by their mothers and grew up under their care. So the fate of mankind is in the hands of the mother. The great educator Froebel once said, "The fate of the people is in the hands of their mothers rather than those in power. Therefore, we must try our best to inspire our mothers, human educators. "
An optimistic mother has a positive and beautiful influence on her children, while a depressed mother has a negative influence on her children.
What is certain is that every successful child has a perfect education from an excellent mother. Mother's education cannot be replaced by any education. If we neglect our mother's education, all our education will become rootless.
Therefore, mothers should take their fate into their own hands, strive for self-improvement and improve their quality in an all-round way. Even if they can't achieve impressive results in their careers, a positive attitude towards life itself is an education and encouragement for children.
Wuhan Women's Federation and news organizations made a special survey to select unpopular mothers. The following are the children's evaluation results:
Mother who loves playing mahjong; A sloppy mother; A quarrelsome and beating mother; The sick mother of the child is not at home; A nagging mother who cares about everything; A mother who can't cook; A penniless mother; An ignorant mother; Don't ask right and wrong, blame the mother; Mother who said the wrong thing in front of the teacher; A mother who often stares at her children; A mother who doesn't care about the world; A mother who sow discord between relatives; A mother who smokes and drinks; A mother who has a lover outside; A mother who is unfilial to her grandparents.
3. Treat children's centrifugal tendency correctly.
As children enter adolescence, as their physiology gradually matures, their horizons gradually broaden, their sense of autonomy gradually forms, and their sense of obedience in childhood no longer exists. At this time, children begin to form their own cognition of life and society, and the value of "self" in the world outlook is born, which often collides with parents' subjective assumptions and traditional tutoring. If parents don't pay attention to the formation of their children's independent personality and the new changes in their children's transition to adulthood, and still ask them according to their childhood habits, the children will be very uncomfortable and even have a strong rebellious mentality.
Parents must fully understand their children's "sense of distance" and "centrifugal" tendency, and actively "coordinate" and guide them correctly. We should respect children's sense of independence, fully trust them to master their own behavior, and create a good atmosphere to communicate with them, so that they can consciously reveal their secrets in a harmonious atmosphere. In particular, mothers should take on more obligations and take the initiative to communicate with their children. When you encounter something, you must have a cool head and allow your child to have his own living space. We should pay attention to the psychological changes of children at this stage and take correct measures to make the family always filled with a relaxed and democratic atmosphere.
Husband and wife should be consistent in family education.
At present, the phenomenon of "one head sinking" in family education is becoming more and more serious, which is very unfavorable to children. Some children's personality defects are directly related to this. Therefore, both parents should enhance their sense of responsibility and jointly undertake the obligation of educating their children.
In family education, mothers play a very special and important role, but we must not put all the responsibility of educating children on mothers. Children also need fathers, and fathers play a decisive role in the family.
After in-depth research and discussion, psychologists believe that fathers generate a sense of majesty in their children's subconscious, restraining and supervising children who are not familiar with the world so that they dare not deviate from the norms of social behavior. In fact, in the process of growing up, children always like to follow their father's example and imitate it consciously or unconsciously. This is a natural instinct.
In addition, there are some differences between men and women in ideological structure. Men tend to be good at abstract thinking, have a higher ability to locate space, and pay attention to things themselves in their thinking. Women are good at thinking in images, and their language expression ability is generally better than that of men. When analyzing problems, they pay more attention to interpersonal relationships. They are sensitive and considerate. From the father, children can learn to be strong, confident and secure; From the mother, children learn kindness and experience more affection. Therefore, only when parents cooperate with each other and learn from each other's strengths can children get a complete family education.
In the education of children, both husband and wife should maintain a high degree of consistency in understanding and action. Husband and wife should communicate in time and reach a consensus on the ideas and specific practices of cultivating children; When criticizing children, both sides should have the same attitude. One side should not stress principles and discipline strictly, while the other side indulges and dotes. In undertaking the obligation and responsibility of educating children, the two sides should not shirk each other, but try their best to give the children the greatest help. There is no question of who is the supplement. Both husband and wife should also pay great attention to avoid quarreling in front of children, especially about the right and wrong of children. Because the inconsistency between parents often exists, children have no clear standard of right and wrong. If it becomes a habit, it is very likely that children will develop bad habits such as hypocrisy, and sometimes it will lead to hatred and opposition to one parent, laying a curse for the happiness of the family.
Therefore, both parents should enhance their sense of responsibility in educating their children, jointly undertake the task of educating their children, take the initiative to enter their lives, and let their children grow up healthily under the dual education of their parents.
5. Let children grow up in happiness.
This problem mainly refers to single-parent families. Family education in divorced families is undoubtedly more difficult than that in normal families, because the breakdown of families often brings different degrees of impact and even harm to children's immature hearts. It is unfortunate that the family is broken, but it is even more unfortunate to destroy the children. In family disputes, young innocent children are the most vulnerable. Some unfortunate parents will take their children as scapegoats and spill too much "anger" on them; Some will regard children as the only sustenance and give them too much love, both of which will make children psychologically abnormal.
Single-parent families have the defect of love, which can only be made up by the wisdom and fraternity of single parents. The mother solved the problem of family education so perfectly. Beauty lies in mother's generosity, wisdom, fraternity, affection, skill, personality and example. It is the beauty of the mother that makes the child so open-minded, studious, strong, considerate and sensible. Life in a single-parent family is hard and bitter. For the sake of children, innocent people and the seedlings of victims, parents should use the power of example to drive their children to cheer up together, tide over the difficulties together, and actively communicate, understand, support and care with their children. Only in this way can they save their children from trauma, gain comfort from difficulties, gain tenacity from misfortune and gain new life.
Second, the correct teaching
"Even ordinary children, if handled properly, will become extraordinary people"-helvetius.
1, pay attention to cultivating children's comprehensive quality and let children develop physically and mentally healthily.
In the past, we paid attention to imparting knowledge, and then we improved our ability. At present, quality education is emphasized, and a trinity training mode of knowledge, ability and quality is constructed. This is a deepening of our understanding of educational thought, a great perfection of the educational system and a great change that touches the essence of education. The age from 7 to 14 is another peak of children's intellectual development. Ignoring the development and education of their comprehensive quality will lose another "golden period" of quality education. During this period, parents should pay attention to cultivating their children's comprehensive quality.
For example, help him make up his mind from an early age, and let him gradually develop a spirit of being unwilling to lag behind and strive for progress. We should pay attention to let him develop good study habits, and ask the children to listen attentively in class, finish their homework on time and write neatly. In view of the fact that children are easy to be careless in their studies, we require children to study hard from an early age, so as to be calm, sit steady, read carefully, and be clear and accurate. Let children learn to survive, learn to learn, learn to create, learn to care, learn to cooperate, learn to cooperate, and learn to distinguish right from wrong.
We should also pay attention to cultivating children's good ideology and morality, support children to participate in classes, schools and various activities, enhance the sense of collective honor, and encourage her to add luster to classes and schools in activities.
Such family education and guidance can cultivate students' comprehensive quality and lay a very solid foundation for future study and development. Therefore, as parents, we should remember Mr. Tao Xingzhi's famous saying that "ten thousand teachers in Qian Qian should teach people to seek truth, and ten thousand students in Qian Qian should learn to be human". In the education of children, we should do a good job in quality education step by step, and take a road of teaching students in accordance with their aptitude and taking advantage of the situation.
2. Educate children with incentives.
How can there be parents who don't love their children How can there be parents in the world who do not expect their children to succeed? This kind of deep love is exactly what children expect. So some parents often hate iron not to produce. Once children make mistakes in their homework, especially when their test scores are poor, some parents will use some harsh words to satirize and ridicule their children. "You are so stupid, you are so stupid." "You are really not a piece of reading material. When you grow up, you can only collect junk." "Look at your dead wooden head, it will drive people crazy" and so on. How can a child's poor self-confidence stand such destruction? In fact, self-confidence is the driving force for children's development. Generally speaking, children who are confident and firm will fully develop their intelligence. Once a child loses confidence in himself, all aspects of development will be affected. Therefore, parents should carefully consider even a few words, even a look, never say anything that hurts their children's self-confidence, never give them a look when they encounter setbacks, and carefully care for their self-confidence.
Einstein's childhood story shows how important it is to care for children's self-confidence. Einstein, the scientific giant of the 20th century, was not outstanding in intelligence when he was young. At the age of 3, he couldn't speak. At the age of six, he was considered a "poor fool" at school. What the teacher gave him was "mental retardation, unclear speech and unsuccessful". However, Einstein's parents don't think so about his children. They trust them and try to protect their self-confidence. In order to develop their son's career, they often take their son out happily. Once, his father gave him a compass. Unexpectedly, he raised twenty or thirty questions about the compass. His parents affirmed his spirit of exploration and strengthened his self-confidence. In this way, the potential in Einstein's mind has been fully exerted. If Einstein's parents call him "stupid" and "slow" every day, even a great genius like Einstein will probably lose all his self-confidence and strangle the genius in the cradle.
Water is not excited or jumping, and people are not excited or excited. Parents can take incentive measures to educate their children according to their competitive psychological characteristics, which generally include the following:
(1) Target Incentive Method: Encourage children to set up lofty ideals, think small, be ambitious, and encourage children to move towards the established goals step by step.
(2) Example Incentive Method: First of all, parents should always tell their children stories about how scientists at all times and all over the world worked hard to tackle key problems, set an example for their children to learn, and help them correctly understand the dialectical relationship between difficulty and easy, hard work and no effort, and success and failure. Second, parents should use their good behavior to influence, infect and drive their children. For example, they should abide by social morality in public places, pay attention to morality at home, have professional ethics at work, let their children receive direct education, and don't always indulge in playing mahjong, watching TV and making wine. , will bring bad influence to children.
(3) Incentive method: When children make progress in thinking and learning, they are rated as "three good students" or "excellent class cadres", commended by the school, and sometimes do good deeds for neighbors or classmates, and praised by classmates. Parents should not only give verbal praise and encouragement, but also hang up or store their children's certificates to show their glory and treasure, thus promoting their children to maintain strong upward motivation.
Some people say that this incentive method is "smooth hair", which has a good effect, but it should also be "smooth hair". When a child makes a mistake, parents should point it out in time, avoid killing him with a stick and completely deny it. Parents should help their children analyze why he made this mistake, how to correct it, how to avoid it in the future, and help him not to make it again.
3. Teaching should be good at seizing the opportunity.
When discussing children's education, Mr. Lu Xun said: "The world of children is completely different from that of adults. If you don't understand it first and do it blindly, it will seriously affect your child's development. " This tells us that when educating children, we should pay attention to the study of children's psychology, children's wishes and children's emotions, so as to choose the right time and method for proper education. As the saying goes, it is now or never, and the camera will act. These are also very practical for children. For example, in daily life, some parents nag regardless of time and place, criticize indiscriminately, preach regardless of whether it is acceptable or not, and so on. Parents have good intentions, but their children are indifferent. Therefore, I hope parents can try the following educational methods:
First, be good at seizing opportunities when children are prone to special psychological or emotional changes. For example, as mentioned earlier, when children have won honors, achieved achievements and gained certain trust, while parents affirm and bless, they further clarify specific or even higher requirements. When children encounter difficulties or failures, parents should not reprimand them, but encourage them, enhance their confidence, analyze and guide them, so as to lead them out of the "predicament".
The second is the regular opportunities in children's daily life. For example, at the beginning of the new semester, children often have a new learning impulse and freshness. At this time, if we make the best use of the situation, our children will make new progress.
After the exam rankings are published, parents should not be blind, regardless of their children's rankings. They should analyze the reasons for progress or backwardness with their children, so that they can win without arrogance and lose with grace.
When holding a parent-teacher meeting, parents should take the initiative to communicate with the teacher and tell their children their own strengths and weaknesses. It is not appropriate to simply "complain" to the teacher, or to be furious with the child because the teacher criticizes his shortcomings. In the communication with teachers, we should find measures and methods to help children make progress.
Whenever I see that others have made achievements in some aspects, driven by competitiveness, children often make up their minds to make progress and even surpass some students. Parents should seize this opportunity to help their children set appropriate goals and formulate specific measures to turn their determination into action.
In fact, there are many opportunities to educate children in life. The key is that parents should do their duty.
In addition, parents should pay attention to time when criticizing their children:
First, don't scold children when eating; Second, when guests visit, don't expose shortcomings in front of everyone, or use excessive language to accuse children, which is not good for their healthy growth.
Parents can neither "take care" of their children nor blindly "indulge" them.
With the popularity of one-child families, new changes have taken place in the way of education. Because there is only one child, parents are afraid of an accident and should take good care of them. Some of them pay close attention to school and after school, watching their homework, eating, dressing and playing activities ... Some parents are too fond of and conniving at their children, obedient to their children and buy whatever they want.
The education of children should adopt the method of "macro management and micro liberalization", that is, grasp his development as a whole, such as ideological and moral cultivation, learning purpose, sense of responsibility, enterprising spirit and self-control ability. Pay more attention to and guide these, interfere as little as possible, and let yourself control the specific behavior details. In this way, children's awareness of independence, self-reliance and self-improvement is gradually cultivated, and they can continue to mature.
There is an old saying: you can't grow crops without watering, and if you water them too much, they will drown; We must fertilize, but if we fertilize too much, the crops will be burned to death. Also, it is wrong to say that "no matter how hard you suffer, you can't suffer children"; No matter how rich you are, you can't have rich children. This is summed up from many lessons and deserves parents' deep thought.
Therefore, "supervision" and "indulgence" in family education are two completely opposite but extreme educational methods. The correct method should be the combination of width and moderation, strictness and appropriateness, and width and strictness. As parents, we should be both emotional and rational towards our children, and avoid almost heartless "care" and almost unreasonable "connivance".
5. Spend more time with children in bookstores and less time in shops.
Shakespeare, a famous British dramatist, famously said, "Books are the nourishment of the whole world. Life without books is like the earth without sunshine and wisdom without books, just like birds without wings. "
When children come into contact with books, they can not only absorb the nutrition of knowledge from books, develop their intelligence and broaden their horizons, but also gradually cultivate their strong interest in books and form a good habit of loving books and reading.
Now people's living standards have improved, and they are paying more and more attention to food, clothing, housing and transportation. But some parents don't invest enough in their children's intelligence, and it takes a lot of energy to buy food and clothes. They often fail to rank in the number of books they buy, and even lack the awareness of buying books for their children.
You can also buy books selectively. For example: middle school students' periodicals and magazines, popular science books, various masterpieces, and some books on learning methods. Try to control children to read many fashionable idolized books.
In this process, parents should be able to set an example, read and communicate with their children, so that children can distinguish right from wrong in books, become flexible from books, master learning methods from books, and get inspiration from books, thus cultivating children's ability.
There are no children who can't teach well, only parents who can't teach well!