Because his condition is this: 1. Appearance and figure are online; 2. The monthly income is 2 1 1 education is higher than 1 ten thousand yuan; The only child in Jiangsu and Zhejiang after 3.90; 4. Take care of your family.
The opinions of netizens in Weibo are mainly divided into two factions. Some people think that in the case of marriage, it is acceptable to "clearly mark the price" on personal conditions (or corresponding economic conditions) to some extent. Many of them still think that the annual salary of 6.5438+0.7 million is a very attractive condition.
The other part thinks that the qualified women are not actually pursuing the marriage life of "singing with the husband and following the woman" at all. To put it simply, this social problem presents the views of both sides of the money debate in love-one side thinks that, unlike those who have been poor together, it is the ultimate goal of marriage and love for both husband and wife to maintain a good economic situation and not to worry about food and clothing; On the other hand, money is not the highest standard for choosing a partner. In contrast, understanding, respect and companionship in feelings are the most important.
In other words, the reason why the two schools of thought in Weibo are incompatible is that it is difficult for couples with different answers to adapt to the long-term life together. During the long vacation, a friend of mine voluntarily ended her relationship with her boyfriend for less than 2 months for similar reasons. This friend told me that the most unbearable thing about the other person is that she haggles over every ounce.
I "accused" her of some small details of "destroying the three views": I took her to a roadside stall and sucked noodle soup for a week; Buy a bottle of water at a convenience store, choose the right one, and be afraid of spending more money; The most outrageous thing is that when the money is calculated near the end of the trip, because it is a trip abroad, the other party actually converts every expense according to the real-time exchange rate of the day, and then strictly AA. This series of behaviors disgusted her.
I asked her, this contradiction is really too serious to be solved. Do we have to break up? She replied categorically, "I can't get along with him at this point, let alone expect to get along with him in other ways." This is a disagreement. " In intimate relationships, quarreling about money is the hardest thing to tell outsiders, but it is actually very common. Personality, personality, self-esteem, desire, etc. The most primitive things in human nature are magnified by the refraction of money.
We did a survey for ky fans. In 976 valid questionnaires, men accounted for 15. 16% and women accounted for 84.73%. 86.88% are adults aged 18-30. 48.56% are currently in intimate relationship (in love, married).
The survey results further show that 19.20% of intimate relationship participants often have differences with their partners because of money problems, of which 58.24% are due to different consumption concepts, especially in daily expenses, shopping and travel modes. Moreover, TAs say that these differences do have a great influence on feelings. If given another chance to choose, 73.63% people will choose the other half who is not far from themselves in terms of money.
Nearly 70% of the participants in intimate relationships believe that these differences can be gradually eliminated with the mutual influence of consumption concepts in the process of getting along.
Among the people who have little differences with their partners on money issues, more than half of the participants believe that the matching of consumption concepts, lifestyle and adequate communication and exchange are the main reasons for reducing differences. (That is to say, it may be more important than finding a suitable person, finding a person with similar consumption concepts, and then discussing the issue of money with ta more often. Only half of people think that boys should bear more economic responsibilities than girls. This is good news, because half of people no longer think so!
The survey also found that almost most people think that the concept of money is as important and inseparable as these three concepts. If your partner and yourself can't agree on the concept of money, it will greatly affect the intimacy of this relationship.
A relatively common problem is that nearly half of the participants admit that once it comes to money-related matters, it is always difficult to talk about it, fearing that talking about money will hurt feelings. With curiosity, I found some friends who have a clear view on money in their intimate relationship. The following are the experiences they shared with me. 0 1:
Different views on money may be right or wrong, but it will consume love.
Mr. You, 23 years old, broke up shortly.
First of all, I don't think boys have the established responsibility and obligation to bear more expenses in intimate relationships, but the social default rules and economic development model seem to "give" us a natural mission.
Fall in love with my ex next semester. We met in a training class for civil servants. She is five years older than me and has worked for two years. Her family is well-off, but her earning ability is not strong. Almost all my disposable "income" at that time came from the living expenses at home.
But I take the initiative to bear the cost of our date every month, because in my heart, it is very important to take the initiative to pay, not to mention to express an attitude and a heart to the person I like. Anyway, I am willing and happy.
But soon I was faced with an embarrassing situation. She likes to buy designer bags. She swiped her credit card when I couldn't pay it back, and I never interfered. Once we had dinner together, she complained to me that she couldn't get a credit card. I was speechless and didn't respond in time. Actually, my heart is quite empty.
I know that with me, her living standard has dropped a lot, and compared with the suitors around me, my economic conditions are not a little worse. Then one week, I noticed that she was not very happy. I don't know if it's my psychological function, but I asked my parents for money to help her pay back her credit card, and she accepted it gladly.
But afterwards, I felt a bad seed sprouted in my heart and between us. I began to feel strongly that it is difficult for us to establish a sense of intimacy of mutual trust and dependence in this relationship, especially in many small situations in daily life. It's hard for me to be insensitive to money-related things, and I'm increasingly resisting this embarrassment.
So I confessed my feelings to her, and the response was that she also said that she couldn't accept the huge consumption gap when she was with me, and the saddest thing was that even though I had achieved economic independence at that time, I was afraid that we couldn't cross the gap in consumption view in terms of material needs.
This is a very serious problem. I think it's hard for two people with very different ideas about money to get together. There may be no right or wrong, but it is easy to consume love. 02:
Only when we can face the problem of money calmly can we "mix" together calmly.
Brownie bear, 27 years old, engaged.
My boyfriend and I plan to get married next year. Some time ago, we often quarreled over the bride price. He thinks my family has a lot of manners. I think he is stingy and loves money, and wants to marry a wife for nothing. But quarreling is quarreling, and we all know that we will still get married or hold the wedding as scheduled.
Because we have always pursued, talking about money does not hurt feelings.
When I have no money, I will naturally tell him that I am poor recently; When he is short of money, I will also offer him money. Of course, the premise is that we all know each other has the ability to earn money independently.
For example, I just bought a car recently, but since I am not a local hukou, the car will be written in his name. At that time, I said to my face that I was very unhappy and reluctant to give him my property. He won't be angry after listening to it, saying it's very good and true, and expressing my true feelings, so that there will be no bad feelings in each other's hearts.
The closer the wedding day is, the more he pays attention to where my money is spent. He often reminds me that some things seem unnecessary, or I bought something better recently, suggesting that I can reconsider. At this time, I will explain to him why I want to buy it first, and express my wishes honestly, instead of sticking to my own opinions or distorting his intentions too much. Because we happen to realize one thing, that is, everyone spends an average amount of money. In the future, we will not live alone, but together.
Whether couples can go on together and live in harmony is difficult to get rid of material money. I think the difference between the two people's views on money also reflects the difference of the three views to some extent. But just like there are no perfect matching three views in the world, the consistency of money view also needs a running-in period. Only by facing this running-in calmly can we "mix" together calmly. 03:
The contradiction between money and money is necessary, which just reflects the respect for each other's independent personality.
Tutu with big ears, 30 years old, is in love.
According to my professional habit (lawyer), I may classify the concept of money according to the proportion of income and expenditure. But in intimate relationships, I don't advocate this practice.
My boyfriend is an ordinary engineer with a salary level similar to mine. He pays for all the food, oil and salt, but I have a habit. When he pays 1000, I will find an opportunity to make up 1000 or even 2000. Once and for all, we are used to seeking psychological balance. Practice has proved that the maintenance of this balanced state can replace the necessity of establishing a consistent view of money.
Actually, my boyfriend and I have completely different views on consumption. I belong to people who buy what they like within their ability, even if it is expensive. He's different. He has always been steady, practical and able to do what he can. It is difficult to reconcile these two concepts in a short time. He usually thinks what I buy is too expensive, and I often diss him, but we will never interfere with each other too much, and we will never quarrel about it.
Later, we found that my consumption concept can indirectly improve his living standard, and his consumption behavior also makes me feel at ease in an unstable life. Even, we feel that the existence of this contradiction is very necessary, which is precisely the embodiment of our respect for each other's independent personality and lifestyle, and sometimes it can supplement our own conceptual deficiencies.
So, is the concept of money still a matter of principle? I don't think so. 04:
We all firmly believe that wealth and love mean giving.
Everyday dad, 37 years old, housewife.
This year is the third year for me to be a full-time husband and the third year for my baby son to be born. My main job in these three years is to take care of children at home. All the economic income in the family comes from my wife. Many relatives and friends around us will be curious about how we accept this division of labor, and it is inevitable to question our satisfaction in this marriage relationship that is contrary to the mainstream of society.
I want to talk about two aspects. On the one hand, we always put the interests of the family before our own, which is a priority. Family interests include many things, especially after having children. In a relatively special period, at least one spouse needs to make more personal sacrifices and spare more time and energy from work to take care of the family. Take me for example, I voluntarily take this responsibility, because my earning power is not as strong as my wife's, but I think I have great potential in housekeeping.
On the other hand, we don't think that the ability to make money is the most important proof of considering self-worth in intimate relationships. In the past three years, I advised my wife to go abroad for further study, so I made an annual salary of several hundred thousand to several million. She often drinks when she socializes, and I will take her home safely; I wash clothes and cook on weekdays. But this does not affect my right to speak in the economy at all. On the contrary, she respects my opinion very much. She once publicly expressed her feelings at her company's annual meeting, thanking me for my unconditional support for her career and dedication to her family.
Then my sense of sureness comes from the fact that I clearly know that I don't have the ability to make money, but instead of gaining self-esteem and self-identity from the ability to make money, we should try our best to run a happy family, which makes me more satisfied.
My wife and I firmly believe that both wealth and love mean giving. 05:
I hope we can make money and save money.
Peanut who loves durian, 26 years old, married for 2 years.
When we were in love and didn't live together, according to his complex of male chauvinism and straight male cancer, he went out to spend money and resolutely refused to spend my money. After living together, he offered to give me his salary card, so I was in charge of the money most of the time.
In terms of consumption concept, we all agree that the same economic ability matches the same consumption concept, so it is rare for one of them to spend a lot of money. But in this case, he is always willing to give up on me, but he is particularly critical of himself and never spends money on himself easily, always before and after marriage.
But after six months of marriage, one day he came home and told me that he wanted to change jobs. The reason is that he feels that his current job salary is a bit low. I was quite puzzled at the time. I said that we usually don't spend much, and life is not bad. You obviously like this job, and you are very happy. Why not stick to it?
He told me that it takes a long learning process to get a high salary in this favorite field of work. If he insists on studying, we will have a hard time these days. I was reluctant to endure hardships before, and I may have to add a child in the future.
I feel very distressed after listening to it. In fact, I always knew that he was under great pressure to make money, and a large part of it was not brought to him at the beginning of our marriage. My father gambled when I was young, and my mother earned money to support my family. This experience made him bear the pressure of money prematurely. So later he insisted on going to a well-paid and hard-working post.
But from then on, I insisted that he not give me the salary, because I didn't want him to live timidly at this age, and it was difficult for him to get a sense of accomplishment and happiness from making money. I want to try to change him, starting with the minimum economic freedom. I hope he has disposable property to do what he wants, even if it is to buy a pair of basketball shoes he likes.
Because the concept of money will directly affect a person's pattern, and in intimate relationships, I think we will all love each other's supercilious appearance. In fact, before doing this micro-interview, I have been thinking about a question, that is, why should we discuss intimacy and money, and what kind of results do we hope to explore from harmonious or contradictory cases?
Later, from everyone's stories, I gradually understood that the particularity of money to the concept of intimacy lies in that compared with other social relations, the most calculated side of everyone's human nature is more easily exposed in intimacy, which in turn brings more or less harm to feelings.
On the premise that we love each other and want to go further, we will be eager to seek a unified view of money and minimize the harm.
But this thing, it's too difficult. Because for adults, the concept of money is formed under the joint action of many complicated factors, which is deeply embedded in our growing experience and condenses our sense of self-morality, life attitude and life value orientation.
Then, in the face of the irreconcilable differences in money concepts that vary from person to person in intimate relationships, what should we stick to? At the end of the interview, my strongest feeling is that it is most worth promoting to constantly strengthen the belief of "like-minded" in intimate relationships.
It doesn't really matter whether talking about money hurts feelings. More importantly, when talking about money, do we ask ourselves to respect and understand each other?
As the interviewer mentioned, money, like love, means giving.
Above.