Hello, Haiyingcao answers for you ~ The above question is a good one. It is a difficult point in communication. Communication exists in all aspects around us. We communicate every day in our work, family and life, but few people can make criticism more acceptable and minimize communication conflicts.
From this, I can't help but think of an unforgettable experience.
A few years ago, as a new human resources employee, I was invited to give training to employees in a department. In order to better show and improve the training effect, I have done a lot of homework and added some interactive links to the training courseware they provided. After the training, I felt good about myself and the staff responded enthusiastically. An hour after the training, I got a call from the director of this department. The following is our conversation:
Did everyone see it? The director doesn't think I must be wrong. She just saw this phenomenon, told me her worries and the possible impact on me in the future, and then discussed with me and asked me what to do. Finally, the communication problem was properly solved.
As a "new employee", the director gave me negative feedback on my training, but I didn't resist or refuse, because from her words, I could feel that she was thinking of me and helping me succeed. Later, we became very good friends, so I took it out and asked her about it. Why does her negative feedback make people feel less unacceptable and even think that what she said is right?
Later, I gradually came into contact with some leadership tools, and I knew that she used a very useful negative feedback tool: BIC.
So what is BIC?
Bic (behavior has influence and causes concern) refers to what influence one of our actions has had and what consequences it has caused.
Its structure is: b behavior +I influence +C consequence, which is specifically expressed as:
behaviour
When you want to tell the wrong behavior of the other party, you should tell the facts, not the opinions.
For example, the fact is this: "Xiao Zhang, I looked at the attendance record, and you were late for three times last week." "We still have 20% sales performance last month." Instead of saying, "Xiao Zhang, why are you late every day?" Or "I didn't complete so many sales last month."
I: influence
Impact refers to short-term negative results. For example, "You were late for class this morning 10 minutes. This will affect the order of our class and distract the teacher's attention, and you will listen much less. "
Consequences refer to long-term negative results, which should be linked to long-term interests. For example, "You were late for class this morning 10 minutes. In this way, I am worried that the atmosphere of our class will gradually disintegrate, which is not conducive to the effect of our training and is not conducive to your image in everyone's mind. "
A complete BIC said, "You were late for class this morning 10 minutes. This will affect our class order, distract the teacher's attention, and you will miss a lot of content. In this way, I am worried that the atmosphere in our class will gradually disintegrate, which is not conducive to the effect of our training and your image in our class. "
Give another example from life. The scene is that children are at home on holiday and play mobile phones all day. BIC can be expressed as:
"Son, I saw that you started playing with your mobile phone after breakfast at 8: 30 this morning. By 5 pm, you have been playing with your mobile phone for more than 8 hours. If you don't stop using your mobile phone for so long, your eyes will be particularly tired; Keep a body posture for a long time, and your cervical spine and limbs will also feel tired. If this goes on, I'm worried that it will have a bad influence on your physical development and your eyesight will soon decline. Wearing high myopia glasses at an early age will also make you dependent on your mobile phone, and you will not be able to study hard after school, resulting in a decline in your grades and failure to achieve the goal of entering the top 20 of the department. "
Well, the above is a small tool for negative communication, which is very simple and easy to use. As long as you practice more according to this structure, I believe you can become an expert in communication and easily point out his shortcomings without hurting others. Have you learned?
It doesn't matter, then Doha hahahahahaha, just say it.
It's best not to comment on other people's shortcomings easily without asking your advice.
1, in case he wins the lottery.
2. When he is drunk
Praise her first, then kill her.
Learn to show him his shortcomings, and when his dissatisfaction is raised, you can say who your master is.
Hello, I'm Sister Yaya. I'm glad to answer your question. When I get along with my mother-in-law, I will share with you a solution to this problem. It is also very practical. Let's take a look at [comparing the heart].
1. Praise others before criticizing them. Try to point out each other's problems when there are only two people, and give them full understanding and respect when there are many people.
2. Affirm first and then "deny". Proceed from each other's advantages and let them know that they understand him. Not just denying it. When it is put forward, it should be justified, and you can add your own understanding and suggestions for improvement when appropriate.
Don't take it personally or attack others. These problems are exposed in the process of dealing with something, not that the other party is "such a person." Any communication involves human feelings, even if the other party does something wrong again, we must stand up and defend it. Let communication become disorderly and chaotic.
4. Respect each other's choices. After fully understanding each other, ask questions about shortcomings and give suggestions to each other in a simple way. Without knowing the situation, it is easy to make the situation worse by blindly pointing out your own shortcomings.
When people are alive, they always like to listen to good words and don't like to listen to criticism. Few people are happy after hearing it. Although good medicine tastes bitter, advice when most unpleasant is good for illness, it sounds uncomfortable when you are unhappy. Who wants to hear it? So pointing out other people's shortcomings is a high-risk action.
So how to point out his shortcomings without hurting people? This is a technical job.
First, pointing out the shortcomings of others without the presence of a third party may reduce the degree of harm to people. People always want to save face. If there is a third person present, he will certainly feel humiliated if you point out other people's shortcomings at this time. If he feels humiliated, of course he will be unhappy. Therefore, it is difficult for people to accept criticism in front of many people. If you give advice to others in public at the meeting, others will be very angry.
Second, you can point out the shortcomings of others when they suffer failures and setbacks because of their own shortcomings, so that others may listen more easily. There is a famous saying that the winner is not to blame. He has won and succeeded, and his whole body is shrouded in aura. It is not appropriate to point out his shortcomings and shortcomings at this time, but to spoil others' fun. On the contrary, if the other party encounters setbacks and failures, it is necessary to reflect and reflect at this time, so help him find out his shortcomings and deficiencies. Of course, he is more receptive. As the saying goes, the authorities are fascinated and the bystanders are clear. Sometimes it is difficult for oneself to understand the reason of failure, while others can see it clearly. At this time, you decisively pointed out its shortcomings. Of course, it is just right to give timely help.
Third, beat about the bush method. Point out other people's shortcomings. If you come straight to the point and tell others frankly, it will certainly hurt others' self-esteem, make others unhappy, and you will become thankless. Therefore, ways and means are very important. The so-called beating about the bush is to point out the shortcomings of others in an indirect way, so that the effect may be better and the harm to others may be effectively avoided. For example, the other person has a problem of arrogance. You should point out this shortcoming of him. You should not directly say that his pride makes people lag behind, but that modesty makes people progress, so that he can understand your intention. For example, the other party has the disadvantage of being afraid of hardship and fatigue. You don't directly say how much he is afraid of hardships and tiredness, but tell the truth that he can succeed through hard work and let him reflect on himself and understand his shortcomings and deficiencies. For another example, if the other person sticks to the rules and doesn't make progress, you can tell him the importance of keeping pace with the times and being ambitious, and you can also wake him up.
Fourth, story metaphor. Using allusions and stories to compare what you want to say is undoubtedly the clearest, most effective and bloodless way of criticism, which makes people understand their own shortcomings and get education. The well-known ancient story of China is "If you don't sing, it will be a blockbuster". According to historical records, Chu Zhuangwang lived in North Korea for three years without issuing any laws or doing anything. Sima Wuju went to see Chu Zhuangwang and said to him, "There is a bird parked on the floating mountain in the south. For three years, it did not spread its wings, did not fly, did not sing and was silent. What bird is it? " Chu Zhuangwang said: "Not spreading wings for three years is to grow wings; Not flying, not singing, is to observe people's attitude. Although it has not yet flown, it will soar when it flies; Although it hasn't rung yet, one is amazing. Don't worry, I know. " After half a year, it began to make great achievements, and finally made Chu dominate the world. For example, if you use Andersen's fairy tale "The Emperor's New Clothes" to convince those ambitious, vain and willing to be cheated, it should be wonderful.
In a word, pointing out the shortcomings of others is a technical job, which should be artistic and skillful.
First of all, you should put yourself in a correct position and be kind. Secondly, make him realize that you are defending him, even protecting him. Here are the methods: straight to the point, straight to the point, inspiring, circuitous, innuendo, humor, naughty, funny, and eighteen martial arts suit the remedy to the case, which should achieve the goal.
In fact, this question is very simple. Don't deliberately explain other people's shortcomings. ① Implicit expressions can be used. (2) Stop at 0: 00. (3) If you are good friends. Can be expressed sincerely. For narrow-minded relatives and friends. It's best not to say anything. Because such people are narrow-minded. No measurement.