? Then I felt sick. I thought I was going to enter the consulting room soon, which would affect my next job. So I quickly looked through other things, and then gradually recovered calm.
? At this moment, I silently decided to write something down. Not for mourning, nor for anything else, but for simple fear-fear that the only short moment related to him in memory will eventually be completely buried by time.
? The news of his death was actually yesterday morning (20 18.438+00.24). Then I saw friends and psychological groups, and the news about his death was overwhelming. I was reading the treatment materials about borderline personality. At the moment when the news popped up, I was so calm that I was not even surprised. Kidney transplantation more than ten years ago, periodic rest over the years, and tumor treatment two years ago, these intermittent news about him have given me a bad feeling. I think I should calm down.
? I read the study materials all morning and had lunch. During the break, I looked through Weibo, who had already stopped working, and then involuntarily opened the photo album of past training in the computer hard disk, looking for bits and pieces of memories in the photos. Then, the sad mood began to swell up gradually ... in fact, I am used to it, and it has always been like this. All emotions related to sadness are often lagging behind, and the pace of response is always slow.
? But I don't really know him very well. I first learned that he was on CCTV's Psychological Interview program in 2005 and 2006. At that time, the domestic psychological counseling industry had just started, and the formal psychological counseling related institutions were extremely rare. Most ordinary people don't know how to ask for help when they encounter psychological problems, but I have been groping for a semester and I am confused about the image of a real clinical psychologist. Until one day, I happened to see him talking on TV. His gentle, wise and professional terms are explained by him in plain and common language, which makes people feel trusted and close. So now it's like having a reference template, and the original vague ideal in my heart becomes clear.
? After that, his close contact was during his continuous training in family therapy and parent-child relationship therapy in 2008 and 2009. Psychology is an industry that needs lifelong continuous learning. At that time, I had just started my internship, and the first teacher who chose systematic follow-up learning was Li Zixun.
? So I saw him in reality. The gentleness and wit on TV have not changed, but the real version of him is a little more bookish. He is not an expert who is popular all over the country, but more like a simple scholar who has just left the university. The usual dress is cotton plaid shirt, with light casual pants, a CK belt and sometimes a light blue wristband. According to him, every time he comes out to give a lecture, he will put a small stone in his pocket. He said that this is a pebble that he has been playing with for many years. It seems to have some spirituality. Whenever he feels anxious, he will touch it and will soon calm down. Listening to him say that, it is inevitable to be curious. However, until the end of the training, I didn't have a chance to see what the philosopher's stone really looked like.
? He should be an anxious person. At the beginning of the first day of training, I heard him half joking and half spitting, saying that his hotel was a little far from the training classroom. In the morning, I saw that the class time was coming, and the person contacted by the organizer had not come yet. He was always punctual and began to be anxious. After listening to this, I feel a little like laughing. Such a big coffee is afraid of being a few minutes late. Besides, it's none of his business even if it's late. It was the organizer who was in a hurry and then secretly admired his persistence.
? He is rich in knowledge and should have the habit of reading a lot. It is estimated that there is too much information in the brain and the way of thinking is divergent, so the content of the handout often drifts during the lecture. Sometimes, when I come to my senses, he will quip that you can understand the conceptual content by reading the handout. I want to bring you something you can't find in books ... Now that I think about it, it's his charming personal trait.
? Sometimes he will casually complain that he has always supported domestic products. As a result, melamine was found in the milk powder that his children drank a while ago, which made the whole family very anxious, and he also blamed himself very much for it. I am deeply touched by this. I just became a mother at that time. Imagine how anxious I would be if this happened to me. Sometimes I really wonder why people with good intentions should suffer these unfair treatments.
? I remember that there was a part in the course where students introduced themselves. I said, "I am a lazy person …" Somehow, a female student reacted very strongly to this sentence and immediately stood up and said, "How can you be lazy and waste time at a young age? Education from childhood is hard work. If you don't work hard, you will ... "She eagerly expressed her views and even felt a little indignant. I froze there for a while and didn't know what to do. When I was embarrassed, Li Zixun came to my desk, reached out and patted me on the shoulder, and then said to the girl with his gentle and elegant Puchuan accent (I actually like his unique Sichuan dialect pronunciation, but he himself said that he always cared about his accent), "Xiao Li didn't make you angry, did he? Oh, look who you were trying to say just now? " Then the girl suddenly realized that she had a son in middle school. He is clever, but he has a bad attitude towards learning. Every time I see him lazy, he is so angry that he subconsciously scolds me as if I were his own child. I can't remember what I learned in the course that day, but the warm tone of "Xiao Li didn't offend you" will always remain in my memory.
? Many opportunities in life are really wonderful. In the course of life, we will meet many people, some of whom are very close to us. They live in our hearts most of the time and can affect our emotional ups and downs anytime and anywhere. And some people mean a lot to us. You and I may not be familiar with them, or even they are not in our relationship circle, but they happen to have a great impact on your life trajectory. For me, Li Zixun is the latter. In addition to getting technical help, through his karma, I got to know Antonie (a regional agent), and then I got to know Dr. T through the recommendation of Antonie, and then I got to know Dr. M through the recommendation of Dr. T, and then there were Jeffrey, blakeman and Arnold behind me ... which basically positioned my academic direction and practical development direction in the past ten years. And all this happened without any presupposition and expectation. The original source was just a casual glance in front of the TV.
? Looking at the peaceful face in the photo ten years ago, my thoughts are a little trance. I remember when I took a group photo downstairs in the women's and children's building after the training, I just wanted to gossip about how you were willing to change your hair style, which was different from what you saw on TV, and then I wanted to secretly tease you. I found that you seemed to have a mole on your face ... but in the end I didn't say anything.
? Time is such a mysterious thing. When your life is smooth and happy, you won't feel this way. Everything around you seems eternal, time seems static, and everything you have seems to exist for granted forever. Until one day, some people are gone forever and some things are gone forever. When you look back, you find that time has never stopped its galloping pace. Change and distance always happen unconsciously.
? The gentle doctor left; The person who pursued perfection and perfection all his life has gone; He tried his best to fulfill his promise and bring psychology to the general public, which finally promoted the development of the whole psychology industry in China. In this beautiful autumn, he left.
? When I left, I saw the photo, and the white sheet was still the familiar plaid shirt. His hand holds his lover's hand, and one palm is next to the other. I think at that moment, he was safe. Leave with the warmth of hands and heart-to-heart love. You are not alone!
? You are tired, it's time to have a good rest.
? Born in autumn, not in autumn.
? An era is over.
Lin Xia? Written on1October 25th, 20 18 18.
Attachment: What Li Zixun said-
1, words have a kind of energy, and children will become what you say they are.
Parents should be curious and interested in their children. No matter what the child does, make him think that you are interested in him.
3. The more determined the mother is to educate, the less likely the child will grow up; On the contrary, with a relaxed family atmosphere and proper guidance, children will spread their wings like birds and fly bravely.
Actually, making mistakes is a psychological need. Children make some mistakes when they are young. By understanding the relationship between the outside world and others through mistakes, we can gain "immunity" to mistakes. Human children, like mammals when they were young, had to rehearse attack and defense, cruelty and kindness, capture and escape in order to gain the ability to survive.
The child who makes mistakes is smarter than the child who doesn't make mistakes, because he has the power to take risks and try. We should completely change the concept of children's growth, make them more comfortable, and grow up in his own way, not in the way of education.
6. Husband and wife are over-independent, lacking the necessary emotional communication and intimate dependence, even unfamiliar strange bedfellows, alienated from each other, full of hostile competition, desperately trying to get loyalty and closeness from their children. In such a family relationship, balance is achieved by children's courage of "self-sacrifice".
7. In China culture, parents' dissatisfaction with their children likes to be hidden in a kind of seemingly caring for their children. As my father said, "I did it because I love you!" " "And the child knows that the next may be a catastrophe. This will lead to conflicts in the child's heart and it is difficult to adapt. ?
8. Direct, sincere and true, there is nothing wrong. If you think that only you have mastered these things, you are naive. Children are always straightforward and believe that what they see and feel is true, but they don't know the same thing, which will be very different for different people.
9. Everyone's views on things are revealing themselves. Not bad people can't see the bad of others, and bad people can't feel the good of others. Man is the heart of the living world with his own heart.
10, objectively speaking, is a rationalization with good intentions. If your behavior makes people feel uncomfortable, even unintentionally, it is also a kind of "bad". Psychology does not look at motivation, only at results.
1 1. It should be the law of men in marriage not to associate privately with women who have had intimate relationships but still like themselves. At this point, don't trust morality and conscience, they have no ability to restrain this relationship.
12, it is important to keep some social activities and personal hobbies, because it is unfair for that man to bear it when you are in a bad mood. If you can't control yourself, who can?
13 Sometimes, it's not our work that depresses us, but our expectation of it. It's like choosing an Ivy League, hoping that it will produce gorgeous roses.
14, we see that good people always don't live that long, because good people often don't care so much about themselves. When body language tells us that we are overworked, we need to lie down and rest, and we need the care of others, but rationality requires us to persist, fearing that our family members are uncomfortable, our colleagues are too tired, that no one will attend students' classes, and that …
15. Although death took away our lives, it left behind energy, traces and thoughts.