It is said that family is a child's first school and parents are a child's first teacher. Then, the problems in family education are the problems of parents and children. People are complicated and the problems are not simple. Different parents and children face their own unique problems and try to find the answers.
Most of the problems in family education lie with parents.
Parents' own problems are different, which leads to various family education problems. Roughly speaking, just a few.
A kind of parents, who spend their whole lives to heal the pain of childhood and bring their children a lifetime of pain. Many Korean films adapted from real events reflect this problem. They can't control themselves and impose their misfortunes on their children. Family problems caused by such parents are children's nightmares. Living in such a family, children will develop an extreme personality, either obedient and bullied, or perfectly inherit domestic violence and become a rude and cruel person, which is the last thing we want to see. The newborn child is a flawless piece of paper, and parents have left them with stains that are difficult to clean.
A kind of parents, the inferiority of human nature is all on them. Lazy and selfish, with no concept of family and no idea of family education. They believe that if there is no good education and good behavior as an example, children will die. Young children are miserable, have not been properly taught, and can only grow on their own, just like the sapling that has never been conditioned by knives and scissors and has not absorbed rain and dew. It is difficult for children to grow up in such a family. These children are also with us. Now many parents are separated for various reasons. None of them want to take care of their children, and no one wants to pay too much for them. Children can only be taken care of by the elderly, what's more, they can live by themselves and entrust their neighbors to take care of the Buddha from time to time.
Most parents love their children and educate them. However, our only most important and untrained identity is our parents. Seeing them soft and warm in our arms, we are determined to be good parents and take good care of them. Unfortunately, no one told us how to do it, and no school has a certificate of qualified parents. In the face of children's various problems, we are helpless. Even after listening to several parenting classes and reading many educational monographs, we still can't handle our own Xiong Haizi. Most parents belong to this type, and they are struggling on the road of family education, full of enthusiasm, and their children are constantly having problems.
We love our children and attach great importance to family education. The child is still rebellious and unruly, the parent-child relationship is tense, the child is sensitive and selfish, does not pay attention to the feelings of others, and cannot understand his parents.
Faced with these family problems, what should we do as parents?
First of all, all parents are for love and for fulfilling their own lives. Please don't impose the hardships and helplessness of parenting on children. Parents welcome their children in order to enrich their lives so that they will not regret when they are old. Therefore, we should have such awareness and treat parent-child relationship with a more objective attitude. Don't think about paying back the money first, don't just reach out and be afraid of not paying it back. Let go of love, ask for nothing, and let children grow up freely without pressure.
Second, admit your independence. Independent and complete people, respect their small emotions and personality differences. Parents often have too much life experience to teach their children, too much useless but forced. Don't hold the child firmly in the palm of your hand, let go boldly, teach him how to choose, and then give appropriate guidance. Don't plan your child's life. They have their own times, and their own wonderful lives are more dazzling than ours. Don't be afraid of children falling, encourage them to go out, and then parents just need to stand behind and watch.
Thirdly, the correct values can make children walk steadily and go far. Teach them love, tolerance and compassion. Love everything in the world, love your own strengths and weaknesses, joys and sorrows. A person with love in his heart, no matter where he goes, no matter what kind of situation he goes in life, he can always laugh on sunny days and walk on cloudy days. Tolerance, there is a saying called "forgive everything before going to bed, and wake up another day." Tolerance is a kind of wisdom. With this wisdom, children's roads will be smoother. The highest state of love is compassion.
There is also endeavor. No matter what stage of your life you are in, only endeavor will not make people fall into ignorance and greed. In the reading stage, strive for progress and achieve goals. Parents make rules for their children, so that they can understand that "no rules are Fiona Fang". Every time a child is lazy, his study will decline. The fundamental function of family education is to help them overcome laziness, playfulness and mistakes. Young, contact with many things, the bustling world is the easiest to get lost. The leading role of family education has become how to avoid life risks, face up to your own strength and choose a career that suits you. When they have their own small family and a forward career, parents should always be alert not to lose themselves, and responsibility is more important than anything else. There is no end to family education.
In the face of all kinds of family education problems, we should learn from the experience of others' blood and tears and choose the education method suitable for ourselves and our children. While moving forward in education, I am confused while moving forward. Only when every parent manages his own life carefully, sets a good example for his children, and teaches them how to live, how to love themselves and the world, can children grow up carefree, and there will be fewer and fewer problems in family education.
Before answering this question, the author needs to sort out his mental journey over the years. In short, he experienced seven stages: fear, learning, complacency, hesitation, indifference, learning and habit. Now he is in the habit stage. Let's take a look at them one by one for your reference.
First, fear. When I first became a father, I was just over 30 years old. From the bottom of my heart, I felt that I had little knowledge and no fixed number. How to guide my young son? The joy of being a new father has been replaced by the fear of how to guide children to grow up. I am more worried about the lack of self-study. How to do a good job in inheriting family style, not seeking wealth, but at least being an ordinary person who abides by the law, inherits family style, and is honest and innocent.
Second, study. If you don't know enough, you will have motivation. During pregnancy, my wife has already begun to prepare. She has read many classic works of well-known parenting experts at home and abroad, such as Spencer, Karl, Montessori, Sun Ruixue, Yin Jianli, etc. She has also seen many parenting-related videos, including various parenting push-pull videos. After nearly a year of knowledge storage, she thought she had gained a little, so she gradually became complacent.
Third, self-satisfaction. As the saying goes, a bottle of water does not shake half a bottle, just at this stage. I thought I had read a few books, didn't know my little place, and talked about parenting everywhere. I am quite a scholar in Wei and Jin Dynasties, but I forgot to talk about the fault of the state, learn from the past to serve the present, and be complacent without wind.
Fourth, I am embarrassed. It's true that self-satisfied people trip easily. In reality, children over one year old soon give adults a good lesson. What is the gap between reality and ideal? This is simply to let people see the difference between heaven and hell. In the ideal, there are always suitable parenting methods, but the reality tells you that every child is unique. Parents should first observe carefully and make adjustments at any time, which is energy, intelligence and physical strength for parents.
Fifth, indifference. Because of child-rearing, various family affairs have gradually increased, or contradictions have increased. After a long time, people are naturally forced to give up part of their energy. Occasionally, they will find that they are really willing to plant flowers, but have no intention of planting flowers. In fact, they have learned and summarized the experience of raising children. Shure actually found another way to get along with each other with ease and effort.
Sixth, study. In reality, in order to solve my doubts, I once again devoted myself to books and various parenting articles, and through continuous reading, I answered all my doubts, which can also be said to be a brand-new promotion. At this stage, I am not only studying for the sake of studying, but also seeking theoretical answers with questions and practical troubles. At this time, I have already given up my complacent mentality and gradually became silent. I no longer talk about parenting easily, but more.
Seven, habits. Accompanying children to grow up is not an opportunity for children to grow up. In the company day after day, I gradually get used to recording children's lives, analyzing aspects worthy of affirmation and guidance, continuing to read all kinds of parenting articles, and trying to ease my mood. The whole parenting atmosphere has gradually become indifferent and ordinary, instead of being too anxious about a certain aspect of the child's growth, or getting angry with the child's occasional deviant behavior, everything has gradually become dull. It's a habit, or so to speak.
The purpose of parenting is to let go. As children grow up, parents need to adjust themselves more. How to better gradually withdraw from the children's world at the right time, so that children can deeply know that she has her own new world, but there is always an old warm world waiting for her. Parents can give their children not only material security, but also spiritual satisfaction, which is energy and time. It is said that I have exhausted my efforts and planted buttonwood trees.
The road to parenting is long and short, and time is fleeting. Parents have the responsibility to do their best, there is nothing else to say, that's all!
In family education, common problems are as follows:
1. Adults like to use their own experience to educate their children what should and should not be, which makes children dependent on adults and thus lack thinking ability.
2. I often hear parents say that children's good words don't count. In fact, it's not that my children don't count, but that adults don't make reasonable rules. Sometimes parents casually say it, and children take it seriously. As a result, the parents did not implement it, and the child felt that "I took everything you said seriously. How can I trust you in the future? " Children will naturally break their promises in the future, so family rules are very important, which directly shows the weight of parents in their children's hearts. But family rules can't be set casually, so we should discuss them with our children.
3. Many parents are not used to praising their children, moreover, praising their children only stays on the surface and doesn't go deep, which makes them feel fake. True praise comes from the heart, sincere and concrete.
4. Parents like to talk about it or not. The correct way is to be a listener, let children express their voices more, and parents should learn to shut up. Doing well is to guide children with actions and demonstrations, and words and deeds are greater than words and deeds.
I think it should be a question of how to educate children and make them listen. In fact, the knowledge and energy of adults are limited, and it is impossible to be meticulous. If you really want to be meticulous, it won't work. If you don't get it, you will be annoyed by children. We just need to grasp the mainstream direction of children and try not to mention the word education. Don't be condescending If you don't export easily, the child will resist first. We emphasize that you just tell him when and what a person will do and what a child will do when he is a child. Learn lessons and abide by the good morality of adults. Adults should do what adults do, work to make money and take care of their children's lives. This is often a warning that it will be effective over time. Don't say too many trivial truths, just tell children a very useful truth of growing up: do things that make adults worry, and do things that make children worry when they grow up. In fact, it is to ask children to do different duties in different periods of life. This educational method seems simple, but it has been said all.
In fact, the biggest problem is that parents require their children to be "perfect", but children are not perfect everywhere. This will certainly cause many contradictions.
We all know that no one is perfect, but the child is in front of us, so we put this sentence behind us. If adults always preach to children with a lot of demands, children will always feel irritable and rebellious when they are young, and even have irreparable consequences.
So don't worry too much. It is to set an example in all aspects of life and moisten things silently. Subtle teaching is the key.
Preach, pretend to be parents, suppress and so on.
What we should do is:
1. Think about how to make progress and silently influence children.
Set a good example
3. Do the right thing at the right time
I don't have patience and ability, but I still don't admit it. Only children are to blame.
Education for children is like "planting trees". When the sapling is still very young, we should always pay attention to its growth quality and let it grow healthily. So are children. We should give him or her rules from an early age. "Without rules, Fiona Fang cannot be achieved"! After a long period of "stereotypes", children will develop good living and study habits, and as a parent, you will also benefit a lot from it!
Basically, children are measured by their own standards, and children will certainly understand what they think they can understand!
Basically, parents love their children, but some parents can't love their children properly, which hurts their good nature step by step and affects their children. As an example for children to learn and imitate, parents' behavior can affect their children's life!