If I can be together, I choose to be with the sunshine. If I have to leave, the moon bends down to express my heart. On windy days, I laughed and watched the fallen flowers together. In the snow dance season, I raise my glass to the moon. We walked this road together.

Friday 2065438+August 1 1, 07? very good

Yesterday, once again, I had no choice but to send my little daughter to my grandmother's house in the country.

Kindergarten holiday, to go to work, to work in neighboring counties, the daily round-trip time of nearly two hours, but also to send the son who is about to be promoted to the fifth grade to practice piano.

In the morning, I left my son at home to do his homework, and I went to work. In the afternoon, I took time to send my son to practice the piano and train him.

I have no time to take care of my three-year-old daughter.

After careful consideration, it is best to send children to grandma in the country, and there is no choice.

Grandma's home is nearly 400 miles from the city where I live, and it takes three hours to go one way.

Sometimes I think crazily that I must go back to visit once a week. Actually, I can't do it at all. My husband often works overtime on weekends, and I have to send my son to Peiyou to practice the piano.

The girl was mainly brought up by her grandparents. When she was five months old, I went to work in a neighboring county, and she was taken care of by her grandparents.

At that time, my grandparents lived with us. In the middle, I went back with my grandparents because of my hometown, and there were several short separations.

Every time I want to leave, I have to feel uncomfortable for a few days in advance. Afraid of children's acclimatization, fear of children's illness and suffering, fear of this and that, secretly shed tears. I'm nervous. A little thing expands, and mood swings are fierce. I feel that what I said is unreasonable, and then I slowly adjust myself and comfort myself. This goes on and on until the daughter returns to her side.

Last night, I tried to say to my three-year-old daughter, "Mom and my brother will go back to Linfen tomorrow, so stay with your grandparents. My brother will come back in half a month."

The daughter immediately said, "No, I will miss my mother, and I will cry."

Looking at my daughter's anxiety, I didn't continue this topic and prevaricated.

It was very hot and I moved to another place. My daughter fell asleep very late and murmured to her mother not to go. I didn't sleep for almost a night, and I shed tears several times.

At night, people are really fragile. They feel nothing during the day, but they are very emotional at night.

Now think about her daughter's expression and worry, her nose is still sour, her throat will be blocked and she will choke.

After the girl went to kindergarten, her in-laws went back to the countryside to take care of her husband's 95-year-old grandmother.

One son and one daughter, one heart.

The most unforgettable and painful thing is that my son got sick because of his negligence when he was a child.

My son is 1 1 years old this year. When I was 8 months old, I was placed next to my grandmother. When I was 3 weeks old, I was sent to kindergarten. The distance between the two places is lovesick.

Being a first-time mother, I love my children instinctively, and I am stumbling on the matter of parenting. There is always happiness, but also a lot of regrets. The guilt is that when children need company, I always have two places.

In 2008, my husband's work was transferred back to the city, and I went to work after maternity leave. In August 2009, I applied for secondment to the same level department in the city. In order to join the ranks as soon as possible, I went all out and worked overtime. At that time, it was the 60th anniversary of the founding of People's Republic of China (PRC), and all departments in China were paying close attention to safety work for fear of making some mistakes.

I was seconded to the position in charge of equipment safety. I went to the countryside day and night to inspect, and I set off at the command. I often make surprise inspections. Leaders call this 5+2, white plus black, and safety work is not the best, only better. In short, we must ensure the safety of the equipment, ensure that no one dies, no explosions and no accidents. Then go to the province for safety training on weekends. Just arrived at the new unit, dare not and don't want to ask for leave, for fear of leaving a bad influence on the leaders.

I was so stupid that I didn't go back to see my son for a whole month.

In the meantime, I called back, and my mother-in-law only asked me, "Are you busy ...? "There seems to be something in it, but I didn't think deeply.

After my sincere mother-in-law knew that I was busy, she hid her child's illness in order to let me work with peace of mind.

In the end, my son's cold was not treated in time, and he suffered from pneumonia and had to be hospitalized.

They didn't tell their husbands until they saw that the child had been ill for a long time.

My husband told me again that I got on the train with tears in my eyes.

I saw my two-year-old son hanging bottles in the hospital. The children are in good spirits, and most of them have recovered from my illness.

At that time, there was not much self-blame and self-blame, because it was the first time that my son was sick after birth. Before, my son was always healthy. So, I think it should get better soon.

As a result, after a week in hospital, the child still did not fully recover. At that time, the seven-day Mid-Autumn National Day holiday was coming to an end, and my husband had to go back to work. So, I discussed taking the child back for treatment. I thought my new home had just been renovated and it smelled terrible. I don't want to take him back, but I'm really worried about leaving it for the elderly. I especially want to leave my children with me, but I have no choice but to bring them back to my new home.

That night, the child had a high fever of 40 degrees and was hospitalized again. Children lose nights every day and spend nearly twenty days together, which is miserable.

The carelessness of adults is a great sin for children. Those days, I was at a loss. After beginning of autumn, there was a great temperature difference between morning and evening. I'm holding the baby's clothes in my hand, thinking about whether to put them on. I struggled for a long time.

During the physical examination organized by the unit, I actually had slight hyperplasia on both sides of my breasts. God really loves to joke. You won't give what you want easily, and everything you don't want will come.

The illness lasted for a month before and after, and the child was seriously injured. As long as the wind blows, you catch a cold, and before you know it, you get bronchitis and pneumonia.

The sentence "I am familiar with diseases" has been greatly verified by my son. Children between the ages of three and six, because of pneumonia and bronchitis, have to have infusion and infusion bottles every year, and as long as they are sick, bronchitis and pneumonia, they feel cursed and can't get rid of it.

Frequent infusion for children makes me very anxious, so I want to learn massage for children and massage to cool down. But when the child was really ill, he dared not delay for a moment and was rushed to the hospital. I can't wait for immediate results.

I feel that the children have hardly grown up in these three years. Self-reproach, inexplicable, neurotic, and I don't know what the problem is. Self-doubt and self-denial. Look at the weather forecast every day and measure how many clothes to wear to be lukewarm.

When children are sick, they often find reasons, reflect, blame themselves and struggle, which is often incomprehensible.

These three years are particularly long and difficult in my mind.

At work, I am a secondee, eager to become a full member, want to leave a good impression on the whole unit, and don't want to take time off.

However, children are sickly and often have to take time off. The heart is always tangled, and the emotional internal friction is great. Always have the best of both worlds, always pay attention to one thing and lose the other. Tortured, covered with dust and oil pox, I dozed off on my bike.

In the chaos and mediocrity, my son went to primary school, and miraculously got better, gradually getting fat and growing taller. I am not lower than children of my age, and my heart is slowly letting go. Anxiety has also eased.

Man is really a strange species. He forgot to be spicy after eating onions. As soon as my son was freed, I was greedy for other people's children. Think about my age and look at my job. I have been on loan for four years. At the same time, I also found a leader by my own contacts, hoping to join this ranks as soon as possible. However, the reality is difficult and the news is far away.

In indecision, I got pregnant with my daughter. This little guy started dancing and activities three months after he was born. I always thought it was a boy. It turned out to be a girl. Coke ruined me.

God saw that my children were jealous of me. Twenty days after I gave birth to my daughter, the system reform that the unit has been clamoring for for three years has reached a critical juncture. In the job competition with more wolves and less meat, there is no background and the relationship is not hard. Coupled with the short handle of the newborn second child (the second child policy was not liberalized at that time, which was a violation of family planning), I was accused of being black in front of the leaders, which made me lose the battle without any suspense, and the opportunity to join this ranks was completely ruined. By the way, my daughter was born on 201165438+1October 30th, and the second child policy was officially implemented on 201365438+February 28th.

Of course, at first I didn't know I was being replaced. Black-box operation within the system is a common occurrence. I am too immature and full of unwillingness. Before the full moon, I went to the leader again and again against the cold wind in winter, and Sister Xianglin told me my wish again and again. But all this is just a pipe dream for me. The leader can't stand the pressure from his superiors and has sold his position, but the news is blocked and no one knows.

How many times I cried silently, and I stayed up all night. I don't want to accept the fact that I have to start all over again in four years, but I have no ability to change it. This is the root of my pain.

Later, the personnel of the city bureau was adjusted and a big cat was changed. The new leader is the deputy who has been in charge of safety. I have contacted him several times because of my work affiliation. He is an energetic leader and has a good impression on me. I feel a little hope again, and there is a little light shining in the darkness.

I went to his office and asked him for help. First, I congratulate him on his promotion. On the other hand, he congratulated me on winning the second treasure, which was particularly touching that I didn't expect. Because the previous leader denied my work with my children, which is the last thing I want to hear. As a leader, I can't help my subordinates who have contributed and sweated for their work, so forget it, and then blame my children for their incompetence. This is the place where I despise him the most.

The new leader also has the pressure of superiors and personnel relations, but he dares to stick to his initial intention in personnel adjustment and gives me a chance to be promoted. First, he unexpectedly supported me to compete for a deputy position in the original county-level work unit and take the leadership position.

But I can't help the wall because there is mud. It has been four years since I was seconded, and the voting difference is 1. I didn't want to be promoted, and the blow was not great. Really a daughter with long hair and short vision. I only have two months in my heart. I just want to make up for my daughter because I didn't take good care of my son.

I want to transfer back to the city and go back to my children and husband. I went to the leader again, and the leader only said: Don't run, I'll try my best to win it for you. Because the compilation of the high-voltage red line could not be touched, he went to the province to coordinate and fight for it many times, and I was transferred to the county town 35 kilometers away from the urban area. If you are a good driver, you can get close to the city in half an hour.

He is really a humane leader, and he is also a great man who has stepped up from the grassroots. After he took office, he made proper arrangements for every subordinate who had demands, and the following general response was very good. I also revealed to my acquaintances the regret of putting me in place.

It's very touching to think about it now. Life is like this. Some people admire you, others hurt you. Just be yourself, live hard, 70% work hard, 30% give it to God, and some things depend on fate.

At that time, my mood was very bleak, and I dare not think about it now. My daughter, my son who just went to grade one, and the workplace 70 miles away, I didn't think and weigh as an adult to respond. It's that I feel wronged and pay so much reality or beat me back to my original shape. Cry, cry, cry or want to cry. I feel that I can't get out of my heart, but I can't get out. My husband's persuasion and comfort can also help me find words. At this time, my three-month-old daughter is my secret comfort. Looking at the children, I feel that I can't be so depressed. Being in a bad mood and depressed, milk is poisonous. Being a mother is strong. God gave me his daughter and son, so I will show them a sad face every day and gradually become less fragile.

Fortunately, I got my driver's license two months before giving birth to my daughter. Finally, the result of family discussion was to drive to work and go back the same day. As long as I can breastfeed my daughter on time and go home to see my son every day, I can overcome any difficulties.

When my daughter was five months old, I reported to my new unit. Although I got the driving book, it was the first time that I really went on my own, and it was an unfamiliar route. Finally, with the help of navigation, it took 1.5 hours to touch the unit within 35 kilometers.

I made a mistake when I stopped the car. The city is creating a national health and civilized city. The front of the car is all outward and must stop in the designated white line. Parking spaces are on the steps above the road, and cars are next to cars. When I am nervous, I feel dizzy. The car was plugged in several times, but the white line could not be plugged in, so the fire was turned off. It also caused small gambling cars, motorcycles and bicycles to ring.

Just when I was in a hurry, the traffic police came. Before he could speak, I jumped out of the car and said, novice, help me back. Take care. The two young traffic policemen exchanged glances with each other with their eyes wide open, and at the same time gave me a severe contempt in their hearts. One of them hesitated, speechless, took the key I handed him and got on the bus.

I adjusted my mood and adjusted my clothes. I looked up easily, knocked at the door and answered, and entered the office of the big leader. After a brief greeting, the big leader made a phone call, and the director in charge of the office came and took me around the offices. Then I'm new here to report.

In this way, I gradually began to live in two cities. Every day, I calmly responded to the unit surface and silently adapted to the time consumption in different places. My heart was always fluttering like a duck's underwater feet, otherwise it would not be calm. Working in a city and living in b city, nothing can be changed, only accept it completely.

As time goes by, the driving level is also improving, and the time spent on the way to and from work is also less.

However, the distance is real, and I accept this fact, but it is inevitable that my mood will fluctuate, I will doubt myself and torture myself. Sometimes I imagine with great ambition that one day I will achieve great success. When I meet the sycophant leader who has kept me busy feeding the dog for four years, I will make him feel ashamed. Sometimes, enjoying each other crying, his inner game is impermanent.

Time is really amazing. Whether you like it or not, it will take you forward rapidly. Frustration and adversity are accelerators for everyone's growth. After a series of hardships, I found myself mature and calm.

Now I cherish my time every day. I listen to the spoken English or exquisite prose on my mobile phone by car, and I come to the unit unconsciously, without losing money or time. Going to work is no longer a horrible thing, and it's a long way. I have overcome my cowardice and unwillingness.

I no longer think about whether it is fair to live on me. There are no easy words in adult life. As I grow older, I realize more and more that no one is more relaxed than anyone else. Everyone will have bad luck in a long life. Why do I want everything to go well and everything to go well?

I've figured it out. I don't blame myself, I don't walk into a dead end, and my life is much easier.

The only regret is that my daughter went to work for a long distance more than five months later, and there was less milk and complementary food didn't keep up. The child is thin and thin. Looking at the thin little face in the photo, my heart is full of apologies.

It is really difficult for a woman to raise a child in China. Maternity leave is so short that so many people have lost their jobs because of taking care of their children. All of China owes its children a warm embrace, and now some provinces have extended maternity leave, which is gratifying.

Give birth to a second child, work to mobilize life, there are joys and sorrows. I laughed and cried, crying and laughing all the way. When I was depressed, the innocence of two children made me see the beauty of life.

My two children died, and God gave me two precious gifts. They cured me.

They are both my weakness and my armor. Brother and sister are very close. Four months later, my sister followed my brother with her eyes. It's been a long time. I am often fascinated by their brotherly love.

My sister's cunning and lovely, and my brother's tenderness and delicacy often make me forget the troubles in the world. I clearly remember that when I was most frustrated, I sat in front of my bed and looked at my sleeping daughter in a daze. My nine-year-old son came quietly.

I pretended to be relaxed and asked, "Tintin (my son's real name), is my mother ugly?"

The son smiled mischievously: "Always ugly, Yue Yue (daughter's real name) certainly doesn't want an old and ugly mother."

Wake up the dreamer in one word.

I am not walking alone, staring at my back, especially my daughter, who needs her mother as her spiritual leader.

Patting my sensible son, I immediately got up, put on light makeup after washing, and put on simple but elegant household clothes. Looking in the mirror, my heart brightened a lot.

Today, although I am not greasy at home occasionally, the decoration at home is neat and warm, clean and not messy. When you are in a bad mood and the flames are running around, take the trash can upstairs and empty it. ...

Originally, I read more books to do more psychological counseling and control my anxious temper, but I actually improved my thinking, broadened my horizons and jumped out of my own sadness, too small to miss. I even picked up the pen that had been in the corner for many years, combed my mood from time to time, tapped the keyboard and wrote down ordinary days.

Originally, I didn't want to be transferred from my hometown because I was worried that I would stay with my children day and night. I don't think my child will always be a baby under three years old. They will grow up and need a sunny mother to lead them happily. You don't need a nanny to accompany you all the time and impatient nagging.

Life is a journey. Husband and wife, father and son, mother and child, mother and daughter, father and daughter, colleagues and friends are all close partners on the journey. When walking, someone has to go to another appointment to complete a unique mission ... so, son, some things can only be done by one person. Some customs can only be passed down and broken by ourselves. You went to kindergarten and haven't seen your mother all day. You played this trick. Holding you for vaccination, you cry, you make trouble, you are afraid, but no one can replace you. The more you grow up, the more limited your company will be, and you will eventually understand, although it is cruel.

It was never my choice to keep you.