What about the title of this issue? It's about the cold war between husband and wife. Good friends, how do you feel when you see the cold war? How do you understand the cold war? In fact, the cold war didn't just happen in our intimate relationship. Intimacy, of course, is more prominent and common. In fact, it also exists in parent-child relationship. What about parent-child relationship? This is not just about us and our children. We are with our parents, parents-in-law and parents-in-law. For example, son-in-law and mother-in-law, daughter-in-law and mother-in-law also have the phenomenon of cold war. Sometimes there may be a cold war between our colleagues and friends. Ok, first of all, let's take a literal look. First of all, talk about this cold. what do you think of it ? The cold reaction is that the temperature is very low, so occupation means fighting, struggle and war. So, in our home, during the cold war, the air in our home. It is not the actual temperature, so the temperature here is not only the temperature of the atmosphere, but also the temperature of many connections is very low.

? If the cold war between husband and wife, we feel that this cold war is not the kind between each other. If there is no communication, there will be some communication, but the temperature will not be felt during this communication. Then you see many couples. They can also send each other WeChat. However, I don't see that they are related, just talking about things. You pick up the children and I pick up the children, which means talking about things. What happened to them? They seem to be talking and communicating, but there is no temperature between them, so it is also a cold war. In fact, the relationship here is a retrogressive process. We have a process from strangers to acquaintances. What about this process? This is a process from greeting to establishment to conversation, and we feel open. However, when couples in the cold war return to the feeling of strangers talking about events. Of course, the cold war mentioned here is better than indifference, so if this relationship involves indifference, then both sides will feel tired and feel completely like enemies. So whether it's a war between countries or a close relationship, at least, there are two of him, right? So, the other side can go to war with each other.

Therefore, we have seen that in this relationship, in this cold war, there is actually a relationship and a connection. But indifference, in my heart, in the deepest place, has nothing to do with it. Therefore, if the cold war between husband and wife rises to indifference, there will be no connection and no relationship. Then this indifference will turn the home into an ice room, and there is generally no temperature. Therefore, the upgraded version of the Cold War is indifference, which is also a phenomenon that we must prevent.

? So, how did the cold war happen and how did it come into being? In retrospect, there must have been no cold war when we were in love, right? Therefore, under normal circumstances, after our marriage has been honed for a certain period of time, it is easy to have a cold war.

? In fact, in relationships, we find that men are usually rational and think too much, while girls are usually emotional and think too much. Of course, it is not absolute. Then we are talking about a big category, so at this time, it is easy to cause some contradictions, because this person is in the south, and at this level of thinking, he is not easy to connect. Therefore, most of us women will choose to vent our needs with emotions, while men can think more calmly and he will calm down, so when he can't satisfy this emotion, he will choose to escape, pull away and be silent in the Cold War. Go, refuse to communicate with you, refuse to solve problems reasonably, and solve problems objectively.

? Therefore, in the cold war relationship, we found that both husband and wife, whether they choose to pull away, silence or refuse to communicate, are actually internal, without aisle and frankness.

? The cold war was extremely destructive. In our life, psychologists believe that this is the most inappropriate and inappropriate relationship and treatment. In fact, in this relationship, we have seen that there is no such thing as oranges in life. In the relationship between men and women, insincere people will have doubts, choose to escape, dare not face what is happening now, and dare not pay the price for it. Then, in our two-day course on family style construction, we will tell you the dance halls that need to be dealt with in your life, when you learn them. Mike, if you fail many kinds, you can make yourself. Life, career is full of gains, calmly and intelligently solved many problems, so today, let's try to learn. Then we can't. The analysis in Witkey is very thorough, but for us, we still have to see some influence of Chen on our lives. It is difficult for a dishonest person to enter other people's hearts. He is afraid that others will enter him. Because, eager to be understood, but afraid of being misunderstood. Then he will always find a simple way to solve the problem and solve the career he planted before. He doesn't want to face the present and dare not pay for his present. He will complain about others, but he will not reflect on himself. What about insincere people? On the surface, they trust others, maybe a little. If you don't trust others, sincere people will trust others at any time, which will give people a sense of intimacy, affinity and security. Then we also found that insincere people, on the surface, give love, and their eyes are shining, which is actually love in disguise. An insincere person can't see sincerity, because he thinks others are insincere, just as a kind person can meet kindness. Because, when do you have something attractive, what. In the relationship between men and women, insincere people will have doubts and escape.

? We find that if the husband and wife are not sincere enough, then this insincerity will also be learned by the children in our parent-child relationship. As for children, he can learn, and he behaves differently, one on the surface, one behind his back, one at home and one at school. At the same time, a dishonest person will not have a good career, because it is difficult for him to meet sincere people in his career, because he can't find those sincere people. Because she can't find a sincere person, abnormal people are always dealing with problems with skills, while sincere people will deal with problems with wisdom, so if people want to live easily, they must first learn to be sincere. Then we know that most of the cold war is because we have not passed this level. Then let's see what the cold war has to do with it. How can we stand? Sometimes it may be unintentional.

? That is to say, under normal circumstances, the other side didn't mean it, but wanted to attack others with the cold war. Another situation may be that it was unintentional at first. Uh-huh, so Wuxi, that is to say, some people are in a bad mood. Wow, his habit pattern is that he likes to lock himself up. Another situation is that sometimes, he also wants to interact with each other, but he just can't say it. So sometimes, let's just say that this woman has menopause, joking that men also have menopause. What about some men? He still has his period. It seems that there are always a few days every month. Is he too talkative? What about this situation? Perhaps, because of work or some kind of pressure, he chose not to talk much. Before that, my husband and I spent some time together, and he didn't talk to me much. Personally, I just stay in the study and watch the computer, play with my mobile phone and read books. Anyway, I just ignore you. Then I felt very angry, very angry with him, and felt that I was not taken seriously. I really couldn't understand him at that time. There are many complaints and dissatisfaction, and there are also many emotions. Then later, we also talked about this matter. He told me that he didn't mean it, because the pressure was really great during that time, and he felt that he needed to digest it by himself. And he felt that if he married me this pressure now, it would increase my sense of pressure, so he chose to face it alone. In other words, sometimes, it's not that you don't love each other, it's not that you don't value each other, maybe the other person really needs to be quiet.

? What about the third one? The cold war may be a helpless choice. There is another kind, sometimes it may be out of helplessness. Then why say helpless? In fact, in the relationship, sometimes there are some conflicts and contradictions between each other. But the other person explained it to you, but he explained it to you. What about each other, or are you avoiding others? He still doesn't really understand, accept him and tolerate him. So this problem can't be solved and we can't go on. What shall we do? We will find that one party has made a helpless choice. Oh, forget it, I will ignore you and make such a helpless choice. What about the cold war between husband and wife? Another possibility is that it may be related to their own growth environment. So, for example, this person, who grew up in a small environment, is somewhat introverted, or in a family, he just hasn't learned how to deal with this relationship yet, because he just avoids seeing this contradiction between them at home. It seems that mom and dad haven't spoken for a long time, so this is the way to deal with it. Here, I mentioned a student I once met. He said he didn't know a family could be like that until he went to someone else's house. He said, teacher, you know, our family is like that. I asked him how other people's homes were and how yours were. He said, I thought everyone's home would be like me. There was no communication between mom and dad, but they were all cold. Only when I went to my classmate's house did I find the original family. This interaction can be very beautiful, very beautiful.

? So, you see, it was in our primitive family that some of us learned this way of dealing with relationships. Then he felt that his parents had been treated coldly. Then he also chose this way to deal with his partners in the cold war. Because he is afraid of conflict, because he doesn't know how to deal with this kind of conflict, let's have a cold war. During the cold war, no one should pay attention to anyone. If there is a problem, it can't be solved anyway. Then, if you don't want to quarrel or conflict, everyone can handle it by themselves. You see, this is actually Chen's family background, and his parents know nothing about life. If you don't pass this test, the child can't learn. How about a two-day family style building class? We will teach you how to make children learn to be sincere. Because when a child has sincerity, his life will be different. Studying here? I believe everyone knows something. The cold war is also a way of communication, but it is not the most appropriate and constructive for the relationship. What needs did he want to express in the cold war? Maybe it means that I can't bow my head to satisfy our face. If I bow my head, I will come back. Then if I pay, I will try to be passive. After that, you should look at me clearly. This can't be done. There seems to be something screaming there. What's more, that is to say, in fact, we have long been dissatisfied with each other. Well, just one thing, I just used the topic to play and I started the cold war. Then, I tried to make the other side pay more attention to myself through the cold war.

? Perhaps, we are experiencing the cold war, trying to conquer each other, forcing each other to compromise, and so on, regardless of the needs expressed below. In fact, in the end, we all have some deep desires in this process and in the process of being capable. What we long for is to be valued, understood, accepted, tolerated, recognized and respected. Therefore, during the cold war, we actually had deep and deep desires. Let's look at these desires more and see what we need to be aware of.

? Of course, the cold war is not blindly good, nor is it blindly bad. Some people may have good results. Then in this cold war, if one party compromises, it will be satisfied. We are loved, valued and accepted. Then we will have a sense of joy, happiness and satisfaction, so some couples, that is, we are often angry and don't talk to him for three days, he will please me and be nice to me. Of course, this method may work sometimes, but if it is used for a long time. If I trust each other, I will feel bored, and the other person will feel exhausted. In addition, I want to remind everyone here that the cold war must pay attention to timeliness, that is, you can probably take up one or two days, two or three days, which is the limit. If it is too long, some of them have even been in the cold war for several years, then this time will be too long, and it will be difficult to heal and have a deep connection with each other. So, pay attention at this time. That is to say, in the relationship, you have to make a choice. During the cold war, remember that the time is not too long, so how can we end the cold war? First of all, we should put down our self-esteem, thinking that whoever speaks first will lose, and whoever takes the initiative to show good will lose. Then let go of these thoughts, like this, will be held by the other side, not as good as the other side. Actually, it's not like this. In fact, if it is in this relationship, one party can take the initiative to break the cold war, which is not a disgrace, but a kind of. The presentation of high self-esteem, why do you say that? Because you have the most courage, you have the most courage, or you have the most courage to accept it.

You are the most receptive person, and you may be rejected. In this case, you have the courage to try to solve the problem with each other instead of being stuck there. Therefore, this is a manifestation of high self-esteem, and at the same time, it is also a manifestation of abundance. At the same time, we should also let go of the expectation of seeking the other party's active reconciliation. Then you expect him to take the initiative, he is not in a hurry, he does not take the initiative, and then we have been entangled here. Then the expectation here is actually a negative emotion, and it is also the entanglement of negative energy, which will also consume a lot of our energy, so we don't entangle who is right or wrong. In fact, there is no right or wrong relationship, but we have different views. Home is not a place to reason, but a place to love. In addition, the high self-esteem in the relationship is also manifested in me, thinking that I am the most important. Then what can I do for this relationship? What can I do for myself? I want to talk to you, because I am very important and I am responsible for myself.

You see, if we feel this way, it is easy for us to take that step, that is, to talk to each other bravely. It's not that you come to talk to me when you think I'm important. Well, at this time, we are actually giving ourselves to others. If I am important, I will give it to others. Then when we feel that we are very important, everyone should give this initiative to ourselves. So, let's talk about how to improve the intimate relationship after the cold war. There is a saying that water is a waterfall in despair, and people are turning back in despair. Although the cold war is nothing, this. Yes, but I think we can take advantage of the cold war. The appearance of this relationship can enhance our intimate relationship.

? What about after the cold war? We need to improve our intimate relationship. However, some people do not agree with this. He thought, well, anyway, this matter is over, and everyone will make up after talking. That's it. In fact, this is not constructive for our relationship, because there are still many emotions stuck in our hearts, which may not really end, and will form a sense of oppression with the accumulation of time. Therefore, after the cold war, how to improve our intimate relationship is very important. So here, I want to provide you with two words, that is, communication, communication is the most important thing in our relationship. Therefore, after the cold war, we need to re-establish close relations and communicate well. At this time, we should choose a better time. In other words, we often suggest that we can make an appointment and say where we will be after work tomorrow. It's best to find an environment to chat, a good place. You will find that if we turn this exchange into a date, then we will feel very much for each other. Attach great importance to this matter. Moreover, we will take special time to pay attention to where it is, because we will discuss it. However, in this communication process, never have such a dialogue, just say, what's wrong with you? What have you been doing? You don't talk, you talk, why don't you say it? What are you doing? You see, this kind of communication will actually make the other party more angry and silent, because she thinks you don't understand him and accept him. Therefore, when we go on a date, such words should never appear.

? So how do we talk? Then tell me why we quarreled at that time. How do you feel when you are angry? How do I feel when you say that? Then why did we choose the cold war to solve the problem? See if there is a better way to negotiate. In addition, we have to pull each other to see our current situation clearly. We should clearly see that our relationship needs to be managed, established and maintained, that is, to communicate with each other. Then we are now faced with difficulties and dare not face them. We dare not pay for the present result. So, the two of us started the cold war. How can we overcome this difficulty and what should we do? So, should we study together and grow together? Shall we sign up for the family style construction class together? Anyway, you, the topics we discussed before, are all constructive and have further promoted our relationship. In addition, in the process of communication, don't be in your own grievances now, but also be considerate, understanding and accepting each other. What about communication at this time? Let's not argue about right and wrong. The other day you said I was wrong. What, what, what about these? Let's not talk about it. It doesn't seem to be an effective way to make the other party agree with themselves and obey themselves again. That is effective communication, that is, through our cold war, let's communicate and see where the buttons of each other's emotions are. So, how do we take care of this button and what we value each other? In addition, we should make use of the very good atmosphere of dating communication to make some small rules, which are all made in advance. For example, the next time we have a cold war, I will try it with you first, and I will take the initiative to find you first. Then next time, you should be nice to me first, that is, there will be a mutual flow between us. Go, take the initiative, take the initiative in turn. How about these? Small rules can be made in the process of discussion, or a small rule is being made. If we quarrel and you want to hug me, then I won't quarrel. If you come and hug me, I will stop arguing.

In addition, some punishment rules can be formulated. For example, if you don't keep these promises, buy me a small gift, or take your children and family to play. Anyway, we are all in that high mood and in a very peaceful state. Let's make some rules in advance in dating and communication scenarios. In addition, it is important that we should never leave home during the cold war. This is the bottom line to adhere to. Then, try not to separate beds. Therefore, there are many blessings. After the station, he will choose to go to the crib to sleep. Then this is very inappropriate. No matter what the cold war is, you can't sleep in separate beds. In addition, it is the intimate relationship between husband and wife, or the parent-child relationship. Physical contact is very important for us. Then let's go back to our relationship. In our relationship, we hope to avoid the cold war. In fact, we should first see the existence of the person and the opposite person, not just this matter, or what he said, or what kind of views he has and what kind of truth he has. That's why she really wants to meet this person, because everyone has their own growth experience, and then, it also has our inherent family, and the family of descent brought it. But it doesn't mean that this person is wrong. Then when we don't judge a person by right or wrong, we only see ourselves and others. Or I'm not like him. And we are all expressing ourselves in time, and we will have different views and ideas, but if we don't judge, it is that you don't love me, and if you love me, it is that you are wrong. And we women always let that man guess. If you can't guess or guess wrong, you think the other person doesn't love me or thinks I'm not good. Therefore, as a woman, if you have any requirements, we will tell each other directly, for example, I am very tired today, I don't want to cook, I don't want to wash dishes, and many people, he doesn't say anything, let the other party guess. As a result, he will complain if the other party doesn't follow his ideas. You are irresponsible, incomprehensible and inconsiderate. This is you. You always have been. Then you will find that this will hurt our relationship very much. So, in our relationship, we'd better be true. Be able to truly express your needs, don't beat around the bush, and let the other person be talented. Well, about the cold war, I'll share this with you today. Then I also hope that there will be less cold war in every family, because home is a place that carries love, and what we feel here should be warmth and joy. The harmony of husband and wife's feelings is the key to maintaining family relations. Home is the smallest country, there are thousands of countries. Only when every small family is stable and harmonious can the country develop steadily.