All kinds of secret "snooping"
Nanjing: Buy a miniature camera to monitor naughty children.
A few days ago, the author came to an electronic city in Renmin Road, Nanjing, and found that miniature cameras sold very well because of the patronage of some parents.
A man who is buying a camera said, "The child doesn't study hard. I stole this camera in his room. I can monitor his actions at any time in my room. This is also a helpless move. "
A counter owner said: "Now children are difficult to manage, so parents have to use this method. However, they are still quite guilty, and most of them don't know, because even they don't know whether it is illegal to do so. "
Coincidentally, the owner of a detective supplies store in Chicago estimates that 20% of his video surveillance equipment is sold to his parents, some of which are used by parents to monitor children who are not at home.
Xi 'an: The absurd mother.
Insert an "informant" in her daughter's dormitory
Xiao Zhao, 20, was admitted to a famous university in Xi last year. She wanted to live a free life without her mother, but she never imagined that her mother would spend money to hire a "spy" in the class to track and monitor her every move.
Xiao Zhao said that my mother was always strict with me. She is not allowed to have any private space. When I was in junior high school, my mother often peeked at her diary, and even took advantage of her work to eavesdrop on Xiao Zhao's phone. Xiao Zhao was so angry that she burst into tears, but there was nothing she could do. Last September, after Xiao Zhao was admitted to the university, her mother secretly established contact with a girl in Xiao Zhao dormitory, and paid her to report Xiao Zhao to herself at any time. Since then, Xiao Zhao has lived in the eyes of this ubiquitous girl. She was eavesdropped on the phone chat in the dormitory, followed when she went out for a walk, her belongings were rummaged many times, and even the diary in her schoolbag was rummaged all over. Xiao Zhao fell in love with her classmate, but she didn't escape the girl's surveillance.
Mother was very angry about Xiao Zhao's affair. She gave Xiao Zhao a beating and said that everything she did was for her own good. Xiao Zhao was exhausted and scolded the girl for her shameful behavior, but the girl still didn't stop monitoring her behavior. She also advised her mother not to do this, but her mother just wouldn't listen.
Qingdao: Parents learn to surf the Internet.
Is to "deal with" children.
"Hurry to teach us how to know the content of children online. After the holiday, we can' monitor' the child's online. " As soon as the weekend online training course for parents organized by Qingdao Youth League Committee started, it attracted great attention from parents. However, some parents are not concerned about online knowledge, but want to learn how to "deal with" their children's online skills. When the teacher wants to teach some basic knowledge of the Internet, some parents ask to teach some methods to quickly check online records.
In the classroom, parents often ask how to monitor their children's online activities. A child's mother said that since the computer at home was connected to the Internet, the children in Grade Two have been hiding in their rooms and surfing the Internet. When he entered the room, he quickly clicked the mouse and changed the content, but he didn't know how to surf the Internet, so he had to worry.
Should parents spy on their children?
Nowadays, children are surrounded by a lot of social information, and their physiological and psychological needs and curiosity make them suck all the information around them like sponges. Faced with the surging social information, parents are at a loss. They usually take negative measures to solve it, such as restricting children's social interaction, checking children's reading materials, eavesdropping on telephone calls, peeking at diaries and so on.
Parents spy on whether their children are right or wrong. Parents have both supporting and opposing views.
One kind of parents think that the protection of teenagers should be higher than the respect for privacy. Jin Mei, whose son has just entered the second day of junior high school, said: "Children are not born trustworthy. Parents' trust in them is earned by their own practical actions. In the process of children's growth, it is absolutely unrealistic for parents not to monitor their children's behavior at all and let themselves go completely. In order to make children grow up healthily, parents have to secretly monitor their behavior. "She also admitted that children have independent personalities and should be respected. But at the same time, she believes that after entering middle school, negative factors from all sides will have a serious negative impact on their growth. Therefore, parents have to take various measures to protect them. " If the motive is correct, all means are justified and there is nothing improper. "
When Ms. Chen's daughter was in junior high school, she got along well with a group of little girls. At a parent-teacher meeting, these girls were criticized for skipping classes and listening to music, and several parents realized that the situation was serious. Several families held a special parent-teacher meeting for this purpose, and finally decided to hire one of the newly laid-off mothers to follow the children at the expense of all parents. The laid-off mother follows her children to school like a spy every day, spying on them. I've been watching it for months, and I haven't been found by the children. Ms. Chen sighed: "We are also helpless! If only there were a panacea that would keep children from cheating! "
As a parent, Cai Yang believes that people should keep a proper distance from each other, and parents can't ask for meticulous care of their children. Otherwise, children have no behavioral and psychological space, which is easy to stimulate rebellious psychology and cause their dissatisfaction and disgust. He has a friend who is very strict with his 4-year-old daughter, watching her closely and asking questions carefully. The relationship between mother and daughter is getting more and more tense. The child put a note on the desk in his room: It is immoral to read the things on the desk without my permission. There is a lock in the drawer, and the diary is also bought with a lock. The mother was very angry and scolded her daughter for preventing her family from being thieves. But it is this mother who does everything possible to monitor her daughter's behavior, peek at her daughter's diary, open her daughter's letters privately and eavesdrop on her phone. In order to be angry with her mother, my daughter always says she is a male classmate when she answers the phone. Mother then asked what the relationship was and what to talk about. Of course, the result was a big fight. After all, a child's life still depends on himself. Children who are respected and trusted by their parents are more likely to become self-respecting and confident people, and their relationship with their parents can develop harmoniously.
Unless there is obvious evidence that the child is in danger of going astray, the above-mentioned behavior of parents may destroy the original intimate relationship between parents and children, because espionage is a matter between the enemy and ourselves. But even so, be careful and try to reduce the number of times. Because children can understand your worry about him, but they can't forgive your espionage. Once this kind of behavior is detected by children, it will cause children to resist and make them rebellious, and there will be more problems. This in turn makes parents more worried about their children's actions and spy activities will be more frequent. This seems to have entered an inextricable cycle.
The statistical results of a psychological counseling station in a school in Nanjing show that among the visiting students, the most common thing is that parents peek at their diaries. In the communication with the students, the students wrote: I can't accept her caring way. I 17 years old, an adult. I can have my own privacy and the legal right to make friends. Mom, I don't want to be a prisoner you imprisoned under the pretext of "caring". Let me go! Because I'm innocent.
"My parents love me very much, but the way of love is hard for me to accept. Everything I say and do is under their control and supervision, and I have to report to them no matter what I do. Since junior high school, I haven't read any extracurricular books at home, nor have I read them in the prison library, even the prisoners are inferior. My parents were all smiles when chatting, but as soon as I appeared beside them, they immediately became serious. How I want to see them smile and say something to me that has nothing to do with study, even if it's just one sentence at a time. " -Chen Xiao (Senior 2)
"Whenever I go out with my classmates, my mother always looks at me at the window. I gave her advice, but she said why there is no ghost in your heart. Even my own mother doesn't believe me, let alone others ... "-Nana (a third-grade student)
Professor Congzhong, Ph.D. in Mental Health, Peking University Institute of Mental Health, explained: Although children are psychologically immature, they always want their parents to treat them as adults, and they want to have their own independent personality, time and space, and privacy. No child likes his parents always appearing in his life. Parents can't put themselves in the supreme position because of their different identities, let alone impose their will on their children.
Fran Stott, director of academic programs at the Eriksson Institute, which specializes in child development research, warned: "It is not good to monitor children." She explained that this is likely to destroy the foundation of mutual trust between parents and children, and parents need to build this trust with their children. Loving and firm confrontation is a better way than spying. Stott said that if parents find that the problem is serious, "then seek professional help. Your purpose is not to vent your anger, but to help your children. "
Secrets are the nourishment of growth.
Foucault, a Frenchman, expressed this meaning when commenting on a book called Ring Prison: Surveillance is a kind of power, and power means inequality. He can see you, but you can't see him This is not inequality. What is it? Foucault said that under the pressure of ubiquitous monitoring eyes, people will eventually become their own monitors. Under the surveillance that people can't get rid of, they will get used to monitoring themselves and controlling themselves with the eyes or values of the monitors. However, besides the criminals in prison, who should be able to tolerate this ubiquitous look? What kind of next generation can this ubiquitous monitoring cultivate?
Family is the cell of society. Mr. Cai Yuanpei once said: Family is the first school in life. Life-long character, the so-called ever-changing person who never gives up, probably germinates in the family. To establish good parent-child interaction in the family, it is more important that parents "love children" and children "trust parents".
Nowadays, many parents are often in an awkward position: on the one hand, they want their children to be as independent as foreign children, on the other hand, they want to know their little secrets, for fear that their children will become runaway wild horses if they leave supervision. Researcher Sun Yunxiao, deputy director of China Youth Research Center, told these parents.
Advice: Secrets are the nourishment of growth.
He pointed out that independence is the basic feature of modern people, and having personal secrets and properly handling them are the elements of independence. For individuals, secrets are often closely related to responsibilities, and they should bear the responsibilities independently. In this sense, a "crystal man" without secrets will never grow up, and far-sighted parents should allow their children to have their own secrets.
Contemporary parents should learn to respect their children's secrets, let them have their own "wasteland" and give them free room to grow up. Knowing children does not mean knowing all the secrets of children, but knowing the characteristics and laws of children's work. Otherwise, children will have a feeling of being distrusted and will have resistance to education.
Experts also remind teenagers that being good at asking for help is also a modern skill. Personal secrets are multifaceted. When you realize that you are not safe, when you realize that you can't face complicated situations, you should ask your parents for help in time. You should believe that parents are the people who can give you the most practical help.