All happy marriages are similar, and each unhappy marriage has its own misfortune. In fact, marriages in the divorce stage also have many similar characteristics.
Qin combined with previous award-winning cases, summed up the following points:
1. The contradiction in marriage cannot be handled.
Feelings will not get colder every day, and the relationship between husband and wife will not suddenly become stiff.
Almost all the contradictions that are difficult to deal with in marriage are accumulated a lot of grievances in the process of getting along over time. Many couples, in the face of divorce, think it's just a quarrel before. For example, when quarreling with each other, I said something hurtful, or I didn't care about each other's inner feelings.
But in fact, this is just a straw that crushed the camel, which triggered the idea of divorce. This kind of divorce is because there are many deep-seated and unprocessed contradictions between husband and wife, such as the uncomfortable mode of getting along; One of them feels depressed in marriage, unable to flow emotions and feel love for the other; Don't like the way the other person handles problems, etc.
Second, I am completely disappointed with my marriage.
Divorced people are completely disappointed with their marriage and just want to escape.
One of Qin Song's former visitors was like this. She has been married to her husband for five years, but he has never said love to her once, and he has never cared about her. But intentionally or unintentionally suppress her and dislike her.
Endure year after year, but always can't wait for the other party to change, and finally can't bear it. The visitor desperately asks to leave. Disappointment again and again, loss again and again, so that the party who filed for divorce lost the confidence to continue the marriage and was unwilling to give the other half any chance.
Even if the other half pleads for mercy and says it will change, there is a high probability that it will not give the other party a chance to save it. Because she was completely disappointed and didn't want to try again.
Third, there is no effective communication.
It is easy to happen in interpersonal communication: you say east and I say west, you say the weather is fine, and I say what to eat at noon today. If couples are in a state of ineffective communication for a long time, it is difficult for them to share the same frequency. The husband can't feel his wife's emotions, and the wife can't feel her husband's needs.
Couples who are going to divorce will inevitably go through this stage. The two men quarreled and clashed many times, but they could not communicate effectively all the time, and the contradiction was not handled.
Or in the process of dealing with contradictions, both husband and wife are dealing with them in the wrong way, intensifying contradictions and leading to growing emotional cracks.
Qin Song thinks:
Many people think that apologizing to each other and pleasing each other will save the other half and give up the idea of divorce. But in fact, we must find out the deep-seated reasons that lead to divorce, analyze and deal with them step by step, channel each other's negative emotions in marriage, take positive actions, and fundamentally deal with the problem.