I have been in Toronto for the third year, and all my friends around me are about to leave the ivory tower and fight for survival. And I, too, unconsciously stepped into this ranks. Facing the real problem: whether to apply for graduate students? Do you work directly after graduation? Working in Canada or at home? Faced with wave after wave of practical problems, I am a little confused.
When I don't need to write a paper for review, I often fantasize about what to write on my resume and what to say during the interview if I want to apply. What skills do I have? I don't seem to have any special skills. How am I different? It doesn't seem to be much better than others. To sum up: I seem to know a little about everything, but when I think about it carefully, I seem to know nothing.
I study politics, Canadian politics, Southeast Asian politics, international relations and political philosophy. I seem to have learned a lot, but I don't seem to have learned much in every lesson.
I like to pay attention to current events. The first thing I do when I get up every morning is to watch the micro-world to grasp the real-time dynamics. I watch Zhihu on my mobile phone in my spare time and in the toilet. My feedly is full of all kinds of news: Hong Kong, mainland China, the United States, Canada and the Middle East. Every time someone raises a different topic, I can know a lot, but only a lot; Again, not much.
I like reading. When I was in primary school, I focused on foreign classics. When I was in junior high school, I fell in love with Xi Murong, Bi Shumin, Nanpai Uncle and Sanmao. When I was in high school, I fell into modern China literature: a family of gold powder, living, and the clouds in Beijing. I liked to read the poems of Li Qingzhao and Nalan Xingde for a while. However, four years later, I can't remember an original poem or the scene that made me cry.
As a result of studying in liberal arts, English writing is better than that of ordinary students in China, but it is not up to the level of English teachers in New Oriental. I once studied in China, and my Chinese writing was one of the best in my class. However, after four or five years of immersion in the English world, Chinese writing has deteriorated infinitely. Those fresh words with souls flowing from my pen are no longer from my hands. Now I can only envy.
Therefore, in my 2 1 year life, I really want to experience a little bit of everything, know a little bit of everything, and try a little bit of everything, but it has never been profound. The price of pursuing breadth is to give up depth. Perhaps this characteristic explains why Weibo and WeChat, media carriers that can only spread a few words of information, can spread wildly all over the world: Maybe many people, like me, pursue breadth excessively and forget profundity. Profound needs time to discover, to think, to consider, and then to write it down. And breadth can easily bring out the shallowest information you need to know in a short time. The consequences of getting used to this model are: the amount of information received only stays at the shallowest level; Reading the research report is also limited to understanding its abstracts, papers and conclusions; ; Turn a blind eye to the discussion of the most essential part; The quality of a job or industry is limited to "I heard …" rather than "I found …"; The way to make friends is limited to drinking tea and eating gossip, but there are no nights of toasting and talking: talking about life and feelings; 7, 8 hours of discussion; Even for feelings, it is limited to the triviality of daily necessities. I believe that these are not only changes in human habits, but also criticisms brought by today's highly developed technology; It brings people the most convenient and quick way to master the latest world dynamics; And this kind of speed and convenience brought me only show off the capital, not increase my "depth" precipitation. So in this case, I became such a person: whenever the breaking news alarm sounded, my first reaction was that I had to share the news/moment on my social media. Before I make this news public, I must find out the truth, which is a terrible behavior pattern. It seems that my life depends entirely on how many praises and surprises others give me, and I forget the value and significance brought by these news, social commentary and chicken soup for the soul-"You seem to know everything, but in fact you don't know anything."
I have spent decades of my life in this way of thinking and behavior. I wonder if I can gradually get rid of the problems of these decades after I am conscious and willing to confess my own problems. Yes, I don't know if I can change, but I must. The days of relying on my parents to participate in my decision, be my financial backing and provide me with a way out have passed; No one can guide me in the future, no one can provide me with funds, and there is no retreat in pursuit. Once you make up your mind and decide the future direction, it is to burn your bridges and move forward all the way.
I hope that next time, when my parents ask me these questions:
Do you want to go to graduate school after graduation? /work?
Where do you want to go to graduate school after graduation? /work?
What are the requirements for applying for the postgraduate/job you want to go to?
How is the employment development in your chosen field?
Do you have enough confidence and ability to cope with future choices?
I can give a positive, thoughtful and investigated answer. Instead of just saying "because I'm interested".
? The next road will continue to be confused and uneasy, but I don't want to be the same as before, because I will always leave a way out for myself and Mao Mao will make a decision, then go back on his word and fantasize: It doesn't matter, this road won't work, there is another road. However, there is no turning back. If you go further, it may be too late to turn back: you may miss many chances of success because of your age, timing and wrong choice. I am too unstable on this road, and there are too many uncertainties; Coupled with the fear and worry of life outside the comfort zone in my bones, this embarrassing situation today will be caused: I know a little about everything, I have tried a little about everything, but I don't know anything. Because I didn't think about my employment direction carefully at first, 20 credits were used in different courses; Because he is not sure what kind of life he likes, Handan imitates the life track of this person or that person as a toddler; Because I saw others' achievements in a certain field, looked at others' aura, blindly followed the trend without careful consideration, and finally found that I was not suitable for this field at all.
Now, when I put down all the review materials and seriously think about and reflect on my bad habits along the way, I hope to set my further development direction in the next summer vacation: I specialize in a certain field in senior three, instead of taking all classes; To apply for graduate students, you should know what kind of skills you want and what kind of reputation you want; They should introduce what kind of tutors and classmates they want to meet, rather than just looking at rankings and rewards; The scope of internship activities is not limited to my desk, but through observation, chat and participation, I can really understand the operation, history and development of the industry I am interested in.
There are too many detours along the way, and the fundamental reason is his impetuousness and quick success. Slow down my pace, think, dig and find what you are really interested in, not just interested. ?
? I believe that profound changes in life will be revolutionary. Next time, when I look at myself again, maybe I will tell you: "I don't seem familiar with those fields, but I have studied them deeply." Let's talk. "
Tang lei
April 12, 20 15. Toronto