Self-control is the ability to control oneself, which refers to the ability to completely and consciously control one's emotions and dominate one's actions. People with poor self-control are usually difficult to resist all kinds of temptations and have a bad influence on their own production. Who can teach how to improve self-control and resist all kinds of temptations? Self-control is manifested in two aspects: first, it is good at forcing yourself to carry out the decided decision; Second, he is good at restraining desires and actions that are contrary to his own purposes. In other words, force yourself to do what you should do, even what you don't like. For example, if you plan to get up early and run today, can you get up without hesitation? In order to save money to buy a house, you have decided not to take a taxi. Can you insist on waiting for the bus in the cold night every day? A beautiful woman of yours is interested in marrying you. Did you reject her for the sake of family happiness, or did you resist the temptation and give in? You plan to remember a certain number of words every day Will you postpone the task until tomorrow because of playing ball games or games? These are all tests of your self-control: whether you force yourself to make the right decision, and whether you can restrain useless desires and behaviors. Abstinence, prudence, patience, meditation, perseverance and so on all belong to the category of self-control. And "indulgence", "doing what you like", "seeking happiness" and "pursuing complete freedom" are all manifestations of poor self-control. Sometimes their behavior will be supervised by external forces, such as parents' discipline; Otherwise, it will affect your own survival and safety. For example, if you don't go to work, you will be deducted from your salary or even fired from your job. Dad will spank you if you don't get good grades. What people have to do under the supervision of external forces is not self-control, because it is not conscious. We are talking about the ability to control actions completely by ourselves without obvious external influence. This is the real self-control. The composition of self-control is a contradiction, one is emotion and the other is reason. If you let your feelings dominate your actions, you will become a slave to your feelings, which is a sign of lack of self-control. How does self-control affect success? The level of emotional intelligence plays a vital role in a person's success. As an important factor of emotional intelligence, self-control has extraordinary significance. Look at two examples first: Napoleon? Hill (a famous scholar of success) once made a survey of 6,543,800+6,000 adult prisoners in American prisons, and found that 90% of these unfortunate male and female prisoners were imprisoned because of his lack of necessary self-control. Weak self-control not only brings harm to others and society, but also punishes oneself and is sanctioned by law. Xiao Zhang is a post-2000 China student in a normal college in Tianhe. Since he bought a computer, he has been addicted to computer games. Due to the long-term lack of communication with classmates, I feel that I can't integrate into the group, so I am more and more addicted to the internet and don't go to class all day. The teacher doesn't even know that there is this student in the class. After a semester, he made up five of the seven courses. According to the school regulations, "you can't take three courses at the same time in one semester, or you will fail." He failed, but it was too late to regret it. Xiao Zhang's poor self-control led to his academic failure. These two examples are typical manifestations of poor self-control. Negative emotions refer to: jealousy, hatred, anger, fear, depression, anxiety, depression, sadness, pain, tension, mania, doubt, sadness, cowardice and other negative emotions. Too many negative emotions will make us lose our correct cognition, judgment and reaction to things. People who are jealous will put their time, experience and life on malicious harm, instead of concentrating on doing their own things and giving full play to their strengths; Angry people often lose the reason to think; Depressed people have no energy to do things; Fear makes people hesitate; Depression can make people too busy to take care of fleeting opportunities; Suspicion is a corrosive agent of interpersonal relationships ... how can you succeed if you don't do your own thing, don't think and miss opportunities? The more negative a person's mood is, the harder it is for him to succeed, don't you think? Of course, it is not that any negative emotions are wrong, and it is not normal to have no negative emotions at all. We are talking about moderation, and we can't let negative emotions swell at will. If we control the negative emotions, we won't have the above adverse consequences. On the contrary, a certain degree of sadness will inspire people to struggle; A certain degree of tension can make people serious; A certain degree of pain can make people strong ... If negative emotions are like stumbling blocks on the road to success, and temptation is the banshee of Sai Ren on the road to success (a banshee who lives on an island in the sea in the legend of ancient Silas, confuses navigators with songs and destroys them on the rocks. )。 Temptation is another enemy of success, and it is also the most difficult trap for reason to escape. Everyone has worldly desires. When you want something, it will tempt you. This thing may be an entity or a feeling. It may be a beautiful dress, a game machine, a concert ticket, an expensive stereo; Maybe play games, football, cards and shopping for a while; Maybe it's sleeping in, watching movies, reading novels and listening to music; It may be drinking, singing, surfing the internet and chatting; It may be dancing with friends, being accompanied by excellent opposite sex, being welcomed by some people in class, and so on. People's plans and ideals are often destroyed in the face of strong temptation. A primary school student with poor self-control may also plan to finish his homework before watching TV on the way to school, but when he comes home, he can't help but watch it first, so he doesn't know how long it will take. A college student with poor self-control may have just promised his parents to study hard, and after a few days, he can't help skipping classes and playing computer games. I used to be a person with weak self-control. For example, I am addicted to playing basketball and games. For a while, I planned to write on the computer. As a result, I started the game almost every time, and I didn't know how long it would last once. Even when I was tired of playing, I simply stopped writing this chapter. Playing basketball is also my hobby, almost a hobby. This hobby has been with me from the beginning, until recently I have self-control. In fact, playing basketball will bring me great trouble. Every time I play basketball, I am exhausted and seldom stop like others. Moreover, I am very tired after playing the ball, and I have to take a shower and wash clothes; As a result, I can't do anything else from that day on until night, and I have to deal with the aftermath of playing basketball completely, which will inevitably affect my normal study. I just can't help it. Every time I pass the basketball court, I can't help but go in and watch and play ... This situation has been bothering me for a long time. In fact, I really want to be able to control my study and entertainment flexibly like others, but I can't. This weakness is doomed to be a fast knot of success. On the contrary, if a person has strong self-control, then he will concentrate on one point, with high efficiency, and naturally he will succeed in completing one thing; The success of a small matter will accumulate great success. Resist temptation. So what can be done to improve self-control and resist temptation? One way to resist temptation: result comparison method. Imitate the way of thinking of those successful people, let's calm down and take some time to analyze: the failure of the result is caused by cause and effect; If we put our mind into our study and work, that is, resist the temptation, what results will we get; If we focus on other aspects, that is, we can't resist the temptation, what will happen. In this way, we can make a list, on which we can fill in what happiness we will get in the future if we suffer now; If you long for happiness now, what pain will you suffer in the future. For example, now I study hard, miss some good-looking programs, give up fun games, quit my favorite basketball, insist on long-distance running every night, use the time of sleeping in to exercise, save money to buy sweet drinks, and don't get together with my colleagues to gossip ... After I am bitter, I will live in a cold and narrow house, work hard but earn less, and I will feel inferior and weak after passing by the entrance of a high-end hotel. I dare not talk about dreams, such as impulsiveness, anger and selfishness. Nothing will happen until I get old, and I will be lonely and sad for the rest of my life ... In the future, Dell will have a superior job, live in a luxurious villa, drive a good car to travel, and my parents and relatives will be very happy. I will live a happy life with the people I really like, have a healthy body and strong physique, and have the ability to protect myself and my relatives from harm and spend the rest of my life happily ... Watching movies, pleasing girls, listening to music, sleeping in after work, looking for excitement, spending money on luxury goods, chatting casually, not cherishing staying up late to drink, and showing off the skills of playing in front of classmates to "earn face" ... We fill out this form, print it out, post it where we can see it when we get up, and watch it every morning and evening. When reading vertically, you will find it worthwhile to eat small pains and have fun; Horizontal comparison, you will find that the present little pains and pleasures are insignificant. Every loser, when he is old, will regret that he didn't bear that little pain and get that great happiness, because they found that they were stupid at the beginning, and what we have to do now is to compare. Read this form every morning or evening to strengthen your way of thinking; Whenever you are about to lose self-control, compare the little happiness in front of you with the great happiness you will lose in the future, and compare the little pain you have escaped with the great pain in the future. Over time, like those successful people, they will be able to think intelligently and make the right choice in the face of temptation. Method 2 to resist temptation: strong stimulation. This method requires you to choose a few people who you think are very successful, such as Bill. Gatsdale. Carnegie, Kōnosuke Matsushita, Li Ka-shing, Li Zhengdao ... In short, they are people you admire. Learn how they work hard and how they manage their skills. Then choose a few "quasi-successful people" who are familiar with you in the same group or industry and have achieved impressive results envied by their peers, and review or observe how they did it. Now you have two kinds of behavior samples. The first is the person who has succeeded-you may become, and the second is the stronger person-you may have to compete. Enumerating their behaviors can help you measure what you should do: you should do what the first kind of people do, because they do it for success, and you should do it if you want to succeed; The second kind of people do at least more than they do, because you can't succeed without them. You also need to count these results, write them on paper, hang them on the wall, strengthen your awareness every day and stimulate yourself to do the right thing. In the long run, when you are having fun or ready to have fun, you will think about what those people are doing, and you can consciously choose. Method 3: Don't associate with idle people. The reason is self-evident, so who should you associate with? Associate with those people above, with successful people, or with competitors who are better than you. This effect is more effective than listing their actions on the wall, because while interacting with them, you are watching these people show themselves, which not only encourages you to control yourself, but also teaches you how to control yourself. He can make you learn good habits, and you won't show bad habits in front of them; And you will find that you can learn a lot and master a lot of information when you get along with them, and you will be very happy. After a period of time, your shortcomings have been removed, but your advantages have increased a lot, and the whole person has made progress. When I was in college, there was such a kind of person who sat with those who studied well in class, sat with those who studied well at dinner, and sat with those who studied well during self-study ... Facts have proved that it is natural that these people are smart or not, and their academic performance is not bad. But we shouldn't give up our friends easily. We can help each other and make progress together. This not only helps friends, deepens friendship, but also urges others to be the best supervisor for themselves. Method 4 to resist temptation: behavioral inertia method. When I was a child, I saw the sketch Police and Thieves by Peisi Chen and Zhu Shimao. It's about a thief who wears a police uniform and pretends to be a policeman. He envied the police since he was a child, so when he pretended to be a policeman, he helped others like a real policeman. As a result, he finally forgot that he was actually a thief and helped the police catch his accomplices. When we continue to do the right thing, our thoughts will be subtly influenced; If we often do things that require self-control, our self-control will naturally improve. This is like a behavioral inertia, so apply this principle to the cultivation of self-control. For example, we set ourselves a relatively easy-to-get fixed time and stipulate what we can only do in this fixed time. For example, drinking a glass of milk at eleven o'clock every night (before going to bed) is easy to do, because it was originally a beautiful thing, but when you imagine it as a beautiful task to be strictly carried out, your mind will gradually become willing to carry out the task. Then, it is more difficult to modify that relatively fixed timetable. For example, after that goal lasts for a week, you start to stipulate to yourself that memorizing words from 7: 00 to 7: 30 every night will also be well implemented. So step by step, you will eventually become willing to do it, overcome all difficulties and thoroughly implement any plan you have. However, we should not be too radical. We should frame most of the day with a timetable, which is too poor in maneuverability and will hit self-control. This is a way to use behavioral inertia through a fixed timetable. We can also do more things that require self-control when we are positive (if you have it), in order to make you adapt to the feeling of restraining desire. Just as a boxer's muscles become numb after being hit in defense training, our patience with desire will be strengthened through such tempering, so that you can stand the test even if you are not so active. For example, you just failed the exam. At this time, your mentality is very radical. Seize this opportunity and test your hobbies one by one. Turn on the TV, open the novel and walk past the basketball court ... If you have a little minimum determination, you will understand that you should study at this time, because your mind is very positive at this time. As a result, the next time you turn on the TV, open the novel and walk through the basketball court, similar conditioned reflex will remind you of your thoughts when you failed in the exam, and finally convince yourself to do what you should do. This is a method of one-time use of behavioral inertia in a short time. You can also use it yourself, but you must pay attention to the feasibility. Method 5: Get rid of a bad habit and develop a good habit. A person with weak self-control will have many irresistible temptations, which are manifested in many bad habits. At this time, we can adopt Franklin's method. Franklin put forward this method in his autobiography: he first listed the 13 virtues that he needed most. He believes that if you want to acquire these virtues, you can't try them all at once, but you should concentrate on mastering one of them within a period of time (such as a week). When we master that virtue, we will begin to pay attention to the other, and within a certain period of time, we will also pay attention to the application of the learning achievements of the first two virtues, and so on until 13 is mastered. At the same time, because some virtues acquired first can facilitate the cultivation of other virtues, he arranged 13 virtues in the following order: (1) Temperance. Can't eat him; Don't get drunk when drinking. (2) Silence. Words will benefit people and benefit themselves. Avoid useless chatting. (3) Life order. Everything should have a place to put it. There should be some time to do things every day. (4) determination. What you must do, what you are determined to do, you must persevere. (5) frugality. Spending money must be beneficial to others or yourself, in other words, avoid wasting. (6) Diligence. Don't waste time; Always do something useful and give up all unnecessary actions. (7) Sincerity. Don't lie; Thought should be pure and fair, so should speech. (8) Justice. Don't do things that harm others and benefit yourself, and don't forget to fulfill your obligations that are beneficial to others. (9) Moderate. Avoid going to extremes. If someone gives you the punishment you deserve, you should tolerate it. (10) cleaning. Try to keep your body, clothes and residence clean. (1 1) Calm down. Don't panic over trifles or ordinary inevitable things. (12) chastity. Except for health and fertility. Don't have frequent sexual intercourse and avoid excessive sexual intercourse, which will damage your health or the peace or reputation of yourself or others. (13) Modesty. Imitate Jesus and Socrates. Franklin checks his progress every day. He made a pamphlet and wrote every virtue on one page. Each page is divided into seven columns in red ink, that is, seven days a week. Then he divided each page into 13 lines, which is 13 Germany. When you check every day, if you find two or three related virtues have problems, please draw a black dot in the corresponding blank. Its most outstanding advantage is simplicity. The method of deducting points is much easier than writing a summary every day, so it is easy to stick to it for a long time; The intuitive table allows us to estimate the score, and it will be simple to sum it up after one week. This method is wonderful! We can also find that 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 1 1 and 12 among the thirteen virtues are all virtues of self-control, which shows that Franklin also thinks that self-control is the first to improve emotional intelligence, and it should take a large proportion. We can also list the virtues that we think are the most important, and then see which virtue our bad habits violate. We should pay attention to getting rid of that bad habit while learning good habits in a targeted way. However, I suggest you list the most important ones at least ten times. You can study five times a year, and then learn those relatively unimportant ones one year later to further improve yourself. This is also in line with the methodology of grasping the key points. In fact, this method, to be exact, is a way to monitor and examine yourself, because it is impossible to achieve the best results without knowing whether you are making progress or regressing. In this way, we need the support of other methods to improve self-control, because it is not easy for a person with weak self-control to adhere to a virtue in a week. So I list this method as the last of the above methods to improve my ability to resist temptation psychologically. The following is what we should do to resist the temptation we will or have encountered. Method 6 to resist temptation: fully predict the difficulties and be prepared. There is a saying that "if you are not ready, you are preparing for failure", and preparing for difficulties is an important part of preparation. As we said before, success includes both success in life and success in doing something extraordinary. No matter what kind of success, you need some necessary qualities, such as concentration, courage, hard work and so on, but in the process of doing it towards this goal, many difficulties will follow. These difficulties are not only obstructed by external forces, but also tempted by external forces, which are not easy to overcome. If you are unprepared at the beginning of doing something, such a raid can easily break your will. Therefore, before doing anything, we should fully predict the obstacles and temptations we may encounter, make preparations and think of ways to deal with them. For example, self-study, we have to study for two hours continuously. What obstacles will we encounter at this time? There is a phone call, thirsty to buy water, pen without water, notebook without pages, unable to recognize the words in the dictionary, wanting to listen to music, and wanting to go out for a walk when encountering problems ... Once self-study stops, these obstacles often give us an excuse, which may lead to more obstacles and long-term interruption of self-study. Then let's get ready: temporarily turn off the mobile phone, bring water, draw water with a pen, check the refill of a ballpoint pen, check the notebook, take a dictionary without a walkman, delete the music in mp3, be mentally prepared (for example, write it on a piece of paper and put it aside), never walk away even if you encounter problems, change the topic or turn to recite words, and think about the structure of the paper in advance to avoid getting stuck in the middle ... Anyone who is doing something (different from what he hasn't done yet) At this time, people often find an excuse for themselves, and this excuse is to help self-control overcome temptation. Method 7 to resist temptation: think globally. Usually, when we want to do something unnecessary to seek happiness, in order to make ourselves feel at ease, we will find some excuses for ourselves, such as being depressed and not in the mood to study, being a little tired at work, feeling uncomfortable, the football match comes once in a blue moon, and we should relax after studying for a day without watching concerts (in fact, we have studied for a day). What we should do at this time is to stop making excuses. Most of these excuses overemphasize immediacy, such as "I am very tired now, so my study efficiency is very low now", "There is only one concert" and "There is only one TV series", and I will come back to study after I finish, but those things can only be done now ... In fact, we consciously exaggerate these seemingly urgent but meaningless things. At this time, we can smile and ask ourselves: "Is it an excuse?" Then we consider the overall situation: are we pursuing lofty goals and long-term happiness? Is our goal in life to watch more wonderful programs? How can these instant things really help us? Compared with learning, if you covet the small happiness in front of you, you will lose the great happiness in the distance. Is it worth it? One way to deal with things is to divide things into four categories: important and urgent, important but not urgent, unimportant and urgent, unimportant and not urgent. We should do the first two first, and don't be distracted by unimportant but seemingly urgent things. Method 8 to resist temptation: self-suggestion. The core of success is consciousness and self-control. In order to improve self-control, you can also use consciousness to choose a favorable situation to hint at yourself. For example, when you feel restless after studying for a period of time, close your eyes, adjust your breath, and then consciously forget the boredom after studying for a period of time, suggesting that you are actually about to study, and then start studying with a struggling expression. For another example, if you can't control yourself when your friends drag you to play games or go to bars, imagine yourself as a person who is allergic to computer games and drinking. It seems a bit like hypnosis. Some people have strong self-suggestion ability. In this way, they will even gradually think that they are allergic to drinking, so they should use it moderately.