Nowadays, if you can't see your lover in the university campus, it's more surprising than not seeing sand grains in the desert and water droplets in the sea. Whether in hidden gardens, Woods, public playgrounds or roadsides, lovers can be seen kissing and hugging each other. Love has become a dazzling landscape in the university campus. This paper will focus on the psychological problems of college students and boys in love.

First, the psychological state and characteristics of college boys in love

1, the motives are complex and diverse. Although most college students think that love is only an elective course, reliable data shows that 78.9% of college students have been in love or are in love. According to our sample survey of several universities, only 4.35% of college boys disapprove of college students' love, and 8.7% of boys say they will not fall in love in college. So, what makes love so popular in universities? In other words, what is the motivation of college students to fall in love? After investigation and analysis, according to subjective reasons, we divide the motives of college boys in love into the following five categories:

(1) Involuntary college students are adults or about to become adults. As their bodies mature, they gradually show a desire to approach the opposite sex. Some people call this phenomenon "heterosexual attraction period". At this time, if you meet a girl you like, boys will launch an "attack" to satisfy their uncontrollable emotional impulses. This kind of person, in getting along with his lover, often shows single-minded feelings, fully respects each other and is willing to share the hardships for each other. In our survey, boys who fall in love because of this move account for more than 44%, which is the largest proportion.

(2) The criteria for some boys in pragmatic colleges to choose girlfriends are: having the same ideals, the same beliefs and the same career foundation. The purpose of their love is to find a like-minded person, go to the marriage hall with her in the future, and walk through the ups and downs of this life hand in hand. This kind of person can generally study hard in love, encourage each other and make progress together with his lover. This kind of people accounted for nearly 40% in our survey.

(3) Compensatory college students get rid of the high-pressure, busy and depressed life in high school. When I came to the university, the teachers were no longer inseparable from me, but my parents were separated from Qianshan by thousands of waters. Free life and free time were relaxed at once. But because of this, college students often go their separate ways, especially freshmen, who are strangers, and the time for class reunion is obviously reduced. Therefore, although college students live in a group, they often feel lonely and appear empty and bored. At this time, the first thing that often comes to mind is to find a girlfriend and fill the emptiness of life with love. About 10% of people fall in love for this purpose.

(4) Vanity type Many people will feel humiliated and even ashamed when they see that everyone around them is married and they are still single. In their minds, it is a great honor to win the hearts of "department flowers" or "school flowers". This kind of person falls in love solely for cosmetic purposes and vanity. This accounts for about 5%.

(5) Curious. Now many people have tried the taste of love in high school or even junior high school. Coupled with the propaganda of modern internet and other media, for most people, love is no longer mysterious. However, under the close monitoring of parents and teachers, a small number of them have not set foot in this restricted area. They are full of curiosity about this mysterious field. Strong curiosity made them fall in love. This accounts for about 1%.

2. Passion like fire Once a boy decides to fall in love with a girl, all the space in his own mind will often be occupied by her, and he will miss her so much that one day he will not see the feeling of being separated from Sanqiu. For love, they can give everything generously. Nothing makes people willing to pay for money like love. Materially, they can spend a lot of money or even lose everything, and they can save a year's money for a piece of jewelry for their girlfriend. Mentally, you can give up your studies, let dating, dancing and watching movies occupy all your time and energy, and become full-time lovers. Xu Zhimo, who fell madly in love with Lu Xiaoman, wrote in his diary: "Yesterday morning, you didn't call me. From 9: 30 to 1 1, I was as painful as being branded, and my heart was beating very hard. I don't know why. " "Would you like to cut my chest with your own knife and dig out my bloody heart? This is my last gift to you. " This probably reflects the voice of all boys in love.

3, possessive, demanding to pay, only to gain. Men in love are willing to give everything, but they also demand everything. They ask their girlfriends to be 100% their own, just as their hands are absolutely their own. According to our survey, nearly 20% of the boys hope that their girlfriends will not accept other dates of the opposite sex, 75% of the boys require their girlfriends to discuss with themselves before agreeing to date other men, only 5% of the boys can accept that their girlfriends can date other men without asking for their own opinions, 12% of the boys said that if they find that their girlfriends are dating other men, they will break up. Almost all boys don't want their girlfriends to lie to themselves. They think, I give you all my love, a group of passionate true feelings, all to you, and I hope you will give me all the complete love. What they want is absolutely everything, because what they give is absolutely everything. If a woman in a pair of lovers says to a man, "I don't think you are because you are by my side, why think again?" Then this boy must be willing to die immediately, so as to occupy the happiness of his girlfriend's spiritual space.

4, the ability to withstand setbacks is not strong, easy to go to extremes. For various reasons, it is doomed that the love of most college students will not be smooth sailing, and it is often bumpy and tortuous all the way. It is inevitable to bear the test of lovelorn. Many people don't want to face the fact that their hard-working love will disappear, and many people go to extremes. Some people, after falling in love, are immersed in pain and give up on themselves. Since then, they have frozen their hearts and vowed not to set foot on love again. "Look at each other coldly and bow their heads and be single." Some people, after being lovelorn, no longer believe in the purity of love, so they are bohemian and play with their feelings, willing to be the dregs of love.

5. Immature sex. Today's society is no longer an era that emphasizes the ambiguity between men and women. Especially since the reform and opening up, China people's sexual concept has undergone earth-shaking changes. Some people say that this era is an era of "sex" interest. In this surging sexual concept reform, although college students can't be said to have played the role of the main force, they are at least a dynamic new force. The data shows that among college boys, 39.5% have kissed, 25.6% have caressed and 10.9% have had sexual intercourse. Our survey also shows that only 5.8% of college boys said that they would not ask their girlfriends for sex during college. Physically, college students are mature, but the corresponding sexual mind is not mature enough. First, college students can't bear the relevant responsibilities. No college student has a stable source of income or the ability to stand on his own feet completely. Unable to accept the related pressure brought by sexual behavior. Some people just eat the forbidden fruit on impulse, and they have to bear great pressure mentally and materially. Some people even run when they are in trouble, which is even more irresponsible and shameful. Second, the personality and values of college students have not yet been fully stereotyped and are easily changed by external influences. Under the bad influence of society, many people become immoral in sex. They fell in love for sex, had a "one-night stand" and even went to the red light district to play "escort" This has brought harm to others and to oneself, and has caused adverse effects to society.

Second, the psychological characteristics of female college students in love

1, with strong autonomy

On the issue of love, female college students have outstanding personality, emotional impulse and are not limited by traditional customs. They generally don't ask their parents' opinions before or even after the relationship is established.

2. The motivation of love is simplified.

Many college students don't think about their future marriage in love, and they don't consciously realize that they should choose a lifelong partner. They fall in love only because they need to love and be loved.

3. Self-control and frustration resistance are weak.

Once in love, female college students are not always good at controlling their emotions, letting them indulge at will, lacking rational control ability, relying too much on the object of love, and suffering a little twists and turns. Once love is frustrated, it will be out of control and unable to extricate itself, which will have a serious impact on learning.

4. Immature and unstable

At present, college students' love is younger and the number is on the rise. People begin to fall in love in the first grade, which is not an isolated phenomenon. Some students even fall in love as soon as they enter school. These junior students, because of their shallow social experience and simple thoughts, many students don't have a clear concept of their life goals and needs, which leads to their simplicity, naivety and immaturity in treating love. In terms of mate selection criteria, appearance is often emphasized, while internal factors are ignored. In the way of love, the form is often emphasized, while the content is ignored. In love behavior, the process is often emphasized and the result is ignored; Value pleasure over responsibility. This kind of immaturity in love, coupled with their economic independence during school, changeable feelings and ideas in the process of love, and lack of ability to properly handle emotional entanglements in love, can easily lead to periodic interruption of love, or uncertain choice of love objects, and the success rate of love is very low.

Make every effort to create a healthy love psychology for college students.

The formation of college students' good love psychology requires efforts from all sides and a multi-pronged approach. Schools should strengthen education and publicity in related fields, parents should provide timely and beneficial guidance, and society needs to strengthen the construction of spiritual civilization, standardize the cultural market and form a good social atmosphere. But it is more important for college students to strengthen their self-cultivation and be a noble person who is strict with themselves.

1, correct love motives. True love comes from mutual appreciation between two people. She is noble, great and sacred. The only reason to love someone is that I like her in my heart, and I hope she can accompany me for a lifetime. I hope she can accompany her to meet every sunrise and send away every sunset. Because I love her, I love her, and loneliness can never be the reason for love. We can stop being lonely because of love, but love is definitely not the product of loneliness. Not only that, the more lonely we are, the more we should be careful about love, because when we are lonely, we often regard what is not love as love, and a wrong love will make us sad. Love is not vanity. From a certain point of view, love is only between two people and has nothing to do with others. It's a great blessing for you to find an excellent girlfriend. You should cherish it, but it's definitely not the capital you show off. It's no shame that you are still lonely when everyone else has won the beauty. If it is for the sake of so-called face, casually finding a girlfriend to fall in love with her will bring endless pain and infinite regret. There is a song that goes like this, "Because love, love and affection don't need generosity." . Indeed, in front of love, you might as well be stingy. We don't have to give our love to others, just wait until the person who is really worth everything comes, and then pay that enthusiasm. "There are flowers that need to be folded."

2, grasp the discretion, don't face love aggressively, not seriously, or even pay. However, Shakespeare once said, "Love is like carbon. Once burned, it cannot be cooled. If it burns at will, it will scorch your heart. " Love needs to master the temperature and be careful of getting burned, especially for college students. If you neglect your studies in order to harvest love, you will undoubtedly lose your watermelon and pick up sesame seeds. At the very least, you should put them in the same important position and strive for a win-win situation for love and career. Besides, college students don't. It is unwise to pay for your love with your parents' hard-earned money just to win a beautiful smile, regardless of your actual situation. At the same time, you should also pay attention to each other's feelings, don't be aggressive, and leave some space for them.

Giving is more important than taking. The happiness of the other person is his greatest satisfaction. People in love should not be too possessive. Because they love her, they pay. Pay is not for return, but for the happiness of the other party. What can be happier than making the person you love happy? You and your girlfriend are two independent individuals, and she can't belong to you completely. She should have her own free space, and you need this measure. Love is not a market transaction and does not follow the principle of fair trade. In front of a lover, what is needed is understanding and tolerance. Appropriate distance can produce infinite beauty. Love is the perfect combination of independent personality, which is both integrated and independent.

4, lovelorn, when you decide to fall in love, you also choose the possibility of lovelorn. Behind the lovelorn is pain and irritability. Whether we can adjust ourselves and regain confidence from setbacks must be considered. Otherwise, wait until you are mature and strong before falling in love. Love is a kind of ability, and enduring lovelorn is also a kind of ability to develop love. Breaking up is not terrible. Because it can't deprive you of your ability to love. You should be grateful for your love, at least it makes you understand what love is, how to love and how to get it. You can't kill love with hate. After all, you have given and been happy. "Breaking up is destiny takes a hand", but the pain is inevitable, but there is no need to be painful in the face of lovelorn with a normal heart. The earth will not stop turning because I am lovelorn, nor will the hour hand stop moving because I am lovelorn.

It is an inevitable topic that the affection between lovers develops to a certain extent. It is the highest form of mutual expression between the opposite sex, which is serious and sacred, not casual and indecent. College students are in a special stage of mature physical development but immature psychological development. Strong curiosity makes many college students rashly try sex, which often leads to serious or even tragic consequences. As a college student, I have brought endless troubles to others and myself.

(1), Pay attention to sexual safety With the wave of sexual liberation, a large number of sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS also hit people like storm surges. Nowadays, premarital sex has been acquiesced and accepted, especially for young college students. College students who grow up in this environment should lead an honest and clean life, be strict with themselves and ensure the health of others and themselves.

(2) Establish a sense of sexual responsibility. A college student should understand that as a person with behavioral awareness and advanced wisdom, sex should never be simply understood as a kind of enjoyment. When the body touches, sex is the fusion of two hearts and two souls. College students, especially boys, should treat sexual behavior rationally. They must consider the consequences of sexual behavior and their own ability to bear the consequences, and must be responsible for each other and their own actions.

College students are in a vibrant and sunny season, and it is also the golden season of love. When you meet someone who makes your heart beat, tell her your heart. But remember, only by watering the seeds of love with a healthy and positive heart can love blossom into beautiful flowers.

Third, the problems of college students' love.

1, unrequited love and love illusion

Unrequited love refers to the unilateral "love" that one party in a heterosexual relationship falls in love with the other party, but can't get a return from the other party.

The illusion of love means that in the contact relationship of the opposite sex, one party mistakenly thinks that the other party is "interesting" to himself.

Or mistake the normal communication and friendship between the two sides for the coming of love.

Love illusion is another form of unrequited love, which often makes daydreaming, the party concerned, romantic.

Secret love and illusion of love are both cognitive and emotional errors in love psychology. Unrequited love makes some students fall into a painful situation, in emptiness, trouble and even despair. Improper handling will have a negative impact on future love and marriage life. Therefore, college students who fall into unrequited love should stop as soon as possible and choose again. In order to overcome the secret love and illusion of love, it is important to correctly understand the profound meaning of love, and at the same time control emotions with reason, respect each other's choices, and not be emotional.

2. The love motive is incorrect

The motivation of some college students is not love itself, but to make up for their inner emptiness, loneliness or conformity. This kind of students seldom combine love behavior with marriage when choosing a spouse, and lack a sense of responsibility. There are also a few students who, in order to show their charm, associate with several opposite-sex students at the same time, engage in multi-angle love, and are not even sure about their relationship.

Immoral polyandry can easily lead to disputes, misfortunes and disasters, as well as contradictions and tragedies, which will eventually have adverse consequences for all parties.

3. Emotional entanglements in love

Love triangle, parents' opposition, or criticism from people around, contradictions, misunderstandings and suspicions between lovers.

4. The standard of mate selection is unrealistic, the object of choice is idealized and vanity is strong.

5, lovelorn

Lovelorn refers to the interruption of the love process.

The sadness, pain, despair, melancholy, anxiety, nothingness and other emotions brought about by lovelorn make the parties very hurt. be

One of the most serious psychological setbacks in life. If the negative emotions caused by lovelorn love are not resolved in time, it will lead to physical and mental diseases. Fourthly, cultivate healthy love psychology and behavior.

1, establish a correct view of love

(1) Advocate like-minded love.

The most important conditions in lovers' choice should be like-minded, and their ideological and moral qualities, professional ideals and interests in life are basically the same. It should be an organic combination of ideal, morality, obligation, career and sex.

In general, the development of heterosexual feelings is along the clue of acquaintance-friend-good friend-confidant-lover. When a man becomes an irreplaceable role in a girl's heart, love may come. In the process of sharing weal and woe and growing together, love will come into being and develop.

(2) Correcting the relationship between love and career.

College students should put their career first, handle the relationship between love and career well, and can't spend all their precious time on love and relax their study. Because learning is the main pillar of college students' values. When women's universities regard love as the only thing in life, love is a flower in a greenhouse, delicate and beautiful but can't stand any blow. When love becomes a woman's only existence value, she will lose her independence and charm, and it is easy to lose the reason to be loved.

Talk more about study and work, limit love behavior within social norms, don't deviate, and let love develop along a healthy road.

3. Cultivate the ability and responsibility of love.

(1) The ability to meet love. Including the ability to give love and the ability to receive love. There is love in your heart. After rational analysis, you should dare to express it and be good at expressing it. This is a kind of love ability. People who have no love are selfish people. In the face of others' love, one can judge love in time and accurately, and make the choice of accepting, rejecting or re-observing, which is also a kind of love ability. People who lack this ability either act in a hurry or are not sure. If college students want to have the ability to meet love, they must know what love is, have a healthy view of love, and know what they like, need and suit. You should be sensitive and enthusiastic about yourself, others and everything, and you should take the initiative to care for and love others. When others express their love to you, you can timely and accurately judge the information of love and make a choice calmly. Can bear the psychological troubles caused by refusing to woo or refusing to woo.

(2) the ability to refuse love. Love that you don't want or deserve should have the courage to refuse. When rejecting love, we should pay attention to two aspects: first, when unwanted love comes, we should say "no" decisively and bravely, because love can't be forced and will. If you are indecisive or give in to each other's pursuit, it will be detrimental to the development of both sides. Second, we must master the appropriate way of refusal. Although everyone has the right to refuse love, cherishing every sincere feeling is a kind of respect for others, a kind of self-esteem and a test of one's moral sentiments. It is very inappropriate to treat each other's feelings and self-esteem simply and rashly without considering each other's feelings, and even add harsh words.

(3) Develop the ability of love and cultivate the responsibility of love. Makarenko, a famous educator in the former Soviet Union, said: "The power of love can only exist in the non-sexual quality of human beings. The wider the scope of his non-sex, the nobler his sex life will be. " The ability to develop love is not necessarily specific to the love of a certain opposite sex, but can be a broader love. Our relatives, classmates, friends, motherland and people all deserve our love. Cultivating love ability is to cultivate selfless dedication, cultivate the ability to deal with contradictions, effectively resolve and eliminate contradictions and disputes in love and family life, and be responsible for lovers and society, thus creating a happy marriage.

4. Improve the endurance of love setbacks.

The love of college students is restricted by many factors, so it is inevitable that they will encounter various twists and turns in the process of pursuing love. as before

Self-restraint in love is called "emotional management" abroad, and we should start from three aspects. The first is self-identity: which comes first, love or study? The second is self-design: which is more important, the future or the present? The third is self-discipline: promise yourself love and marriage. After graduation, take the initiative to participate in recreational activities, downplay your nervousness, actively participate in social activities and overcome your loneliness. Only by transferring the psychological energy consumed in love to study can the disordered emotions be balanced and restored.