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Hello, everyone. I wrote these words with great pain and pain. I hope you can give me some advice and help.

I am a doctoral student and entered the school in April 2004. It stands to reason that I should graduate soon now, at least I should have written my thesis and prepared to submit it. But now I think about dropping out of school all day, and I have no confidence and courage to stick to it. In fact, since the end of last year, my heart has been shaken, and I want to give up my studies, but I dare not make up my mind. It can be said that I have lived in torment and pain for a long time. Especially since April this year, my psychology and living conditions are very bad. I feel anxious and uneasy, and I can't study with peace of mind. I sleep very little every day, basically only five hours. I feel that I have no confidence and ability to continue reading, but I feel uncertain about finding a job and dare not give up easily. I really feel that the sky is falling and I feel that I have no future, not only for myself, but also for my family. Therefore, when I think about these consequences, I am particularly nervous and anxious. Even thought about suicide, very desperate and helpless.

In the eyes of my family and relatives, I have always been a good student. I went to college, got a master's degree and a doctor's degree. In fact, I know very well in my heart that I have been in school for so many years, escaping from life and society, but I have not really learned any real skills and mastered excellent technology. Although I know it in my heart, I have never made up my mind to repent, study hard and cherish time. Undergraduate and master's degrees are mixed, and doctors can't be mixed. It is easy to study for a doctorate, but difficult to graduate. I want to do projects, innovate and publish papers. Now that I have reached this point, I know that the main responsibility is still on myself, although there are other objective factors. I used to take my poor health as an excuse, afraid to enter the society and face the reality. After graduating from master's degree in April 2004, on the one hand, I found a unit because of physical reasons, because Xiao Sanyang was rejected. On the other hand, I feel that I didn't learn anything during my master's degree, so if I want to study hard during my doctorate, I may have more chances to get a doctorate, but I didn't carefully consider my actual situation, so I applied for a doctorate without taking the exam. My tutor actually knew that I didn't do anything during my master's degree, but I guess I didn't refuse because of face, so I agreed to my application and got my doctorate. However, after entering the doctoral study, due to various reasons, the subject has not been determined. In the first year, I spent a lot of time reading literature, looking for directions, and discussing and communicating with my tutor, but I never decided. Later, I didn't study hard and worked as a part-time teacher outside. In the second half of 2006, I participated in the campus recruitment of HW and spent a lot of energy and time. After five rounds of interviews, I finally got the offer, but it backfired, because I was rejected for physical reasons (in fact, I had been checked twice in a well-known hospital before I went to report, except for Xiao Sanyang, all the other tests were good, HBV-DNA was negative, and I didn't do any antivirus myself). The doctor told me that I was only infected with the virus, but my own resistance had suppressed the virus. It should be said that I am lucky, just pay attention to rest, don't be too tired, don't drink). However, after reporting for duty, the examination results at the hospital designated by HW showed that my DNA content exceeded the standard, reaching 13000, which did not meet the company regulations, so I lost another job opportunity. This incident hit me hard. Sometimes I often think of my misfortune. I can't face this ending. I've been in a bad mood and under great pressure.

Actually, I just know now. In the final analysis, it's still my ability. If I really have the skills and ability, it doesn't matter if I don't have a doctorate, I can still find a job. Even for physical reasons, I can start my own business. However, now that I understand these truths, I feel powerless. There is no way to change them, but I am anxious. The more anxious you are, the less you have the heart to study, which leads to a vicious circle. My major is mechanical and electronic engineering, and my research directions during my master's and doctoral degrees are reverse engineering and computer-aided design. But specifically, it is not oriented to practical engineering applications. To put it bluntly, it is programming to realize some algorithms. I did some work during my master's degree. During my three years as a doctor, I took some courses, read some documents and worked as a part-time teacher for half a year in order to find the direction of the project. In the second half of last year and early this year, I spent a lot of time looking for a job. Therefore, now objectively evaluating my ability, I know that I really can't do anything, and neither can mechanical design. I studied engineering drawing in college, but I was not good at mechanical design. Now I can't read drawings, design and model, and have no actual design experience. Computer programming ability is not good either. Besides reading many documents, I am not fluent in spoken English and listening. In a word, I really don't think I have any special skills. So I have been afraid to go out and look for a job. I don't know what job to look for and what job I can do. To put it bluntly, I am a person with high education and low ability. Besides, I feel this situation is very embarrassing. It sounds like a high degree, but I am incompetent, inexperienced, old (I was born in 1979) and in poor health, so I don't think any unit is willing to use me. What's more, I studied for more than three years but didn't graduate. How should I explain to the unit?

I feel that the person who is most sorry now is my wife. We met in 2002. In fact, when we were dating, her family opposed it, but she stayed with me without hesitation and insisted on getting a marriage certificate with me last year. She is very kind to me and has always supported and encouraged me. She went to work in Shanghai after graduating from college in July 2004. Originally, we have been looking forward to a happy life in Shanghai. However, now all these hopes and ideals will be dashed. In fact, I know in my heart that no matter what the reason is, I should seize every opportunity now, seize all the time to study hard, work hard, work hard, love my wife and family, and never give up in order to encourage my relatives and friends. However, during this time, I want to work hard and write my thesis well, but when I really face it, I really feel that I can't do it. I feel that I don't have this ability and confidence now. This is of course related to the papers and topics I am writing now, but the most important thing is that I have no confidence now. I live in a daze all day, wake up after 5 o'clock every day, start thinking in my mind, can't sleep anymore, go to the lab, and make no progress at the end of the day.

I know that the current stress and pain are caused by myself. I'm afraid that if this continues, my body and mind will really collapse. Now I am really confused, in poor health, unable to graduate, unable to find a job, and not confident. I really don't know what to do. Everybody help me? Give some advice! It's a mess Please forgive me.