1. More contact and more communication.
There is a reason why children are bullied by others outside and always want their parents to help them fight. When children see other children wearing new clothes, they will also think about asking their parents to buy one for themselves. However, all this is difficult to come true because parents are not around. Therefore, parents who live together without children should understand and appreciate their children's desires and hopes, keep in constant contact with their children, and let them fully and truly feel their parents' love and affection.
2. Be good at listening.
First, be good at listening. Listening is the premise of communication. Only by listening to children's hearts and understanding their thoughts and needs can we give them targeted care and help, and it will also make future communication easier. When a child tells you something happy, you should say * * *. If the child tells you that he was praised by the teacher in kindergarten, you can praise him and say, "Oh, great, you will do better next time"; When a child tells you unhappy things, you should let him vent freely and show sympathy. For example, when a child tells you that his child pushed him and he is angry, you can say, "You are angry and even want to hit him, aren't you?" But you can't do this, you can tell the teacher and ask the teacher for help "; When a child tells you a topic that you are not interested in, you should listen patiently to show that you care about his conversation. You can use words like "hmm", "oh", "really" and "wait a minute" to show that you are listening carefully and encourage your child to continue talking. In this way, not only will children be more willing to talk to you, but also their language skills can be improved.
3. Think more.
In the process of interacting with children, parents should not only listen, but also be good at thinking, and pay attention to finding the bright spot of children in conversation. For example, when you find that children can tell short stories independently, you should praise them in time: "You speak so well!" " "When a child can stick to his point of view for the first time, he should praise him:" You are so opinionated, just like an orator. "We should pay attention to cultivating and protecting children's self-esteem, instead of preaching and accusing blindly. We should say which pot first, so that children are not only willing to communicate with you often, but also improve the quality of communication.
4. communicate with its teacher.
Ask the child's teacher about the situation and call once a month. Children lack the care of their parents and spend a lot of time at school after school. It is a direct way to know the situation from the teacher.
In addition, it is also a feasible way to communicate with children through letters. Compared with modern communication tools, letters not only have the advantages of being tangible, easy to save and quiet to read, but also can effectively improve children's writing ability.
Need to pay attention to several places:
1. Use criticism with caution. Criticism is an indispensable means to educate children, but improper use will also affect parent-child communication and stifle children's spirituality. Psychological research shows that children who make mistakes are most worried about losing their parents' love, so parents' criticism should start with conversation, so we should pay attention to the way of criticizing left-behind children, whether by phone or in person.
2. Give consideration to both ability and political integrity, with virtue in the front and virtue in the back. When communicating with children, don't just pay attention to their academic achievements and ignore their moral education. Every child has different talents and will show different learning differences in a short time. This is normal. Don't lose confidence in their dedicated training because of their poor academic performance, but focus on their ideological and moral growth. If he is an honest, confident and filial child, this is not bad.
I think girls should be spiritually rich and materially poor.
In China, there is such a group: their parents go out to work to earn a living, earn family income through hard work, and contribute to economic development and social stability, but they stay at home in the countryside and spend little time with their parents, including mainland cities, and some parents go out to work in busy cities. These children, who should be the apple of their parents' eye, have become a special group-left-behind children.
left-behind?children
I. Social issues
According to the data of the fifth population census in 2000, there are nearly 20 million left-behind children in rural areas of China. Some experts have calculated that there are at least 43.9 million left-behind children under the age of 14 in recent years. In some rural labor exporting provinces, the proportion of left-behind children in the total number of local children is as high as 18%-22%. The situation that both parents move out and their children can't live with their parents exceeds half of all left-behind children, accounting for 56.438+07%. The problem of left-behind children in rural areas caused by population mobility has become a social problem that cannot be ignored;
1, poor monitoring
According to statistics, more than 80% of left-behind children are under the guardianship of grandparents and the temporary guardianship of relatives and friends. The guardians of grandparents who are older and less educated are basically unable to coach and supervise their children's learning. Rural schools are limited and restricted by school conditions, teachers and teaching concepts, and provide insufficient special and effective education and care for the needs of left-behind children, and there is a lack of communication between schools and families. Poor family and school supervision has led to a considerable number of left-behind children being tired of learning, playing truant and dropping out of school. Left-behind children's academic performance and enrollment rate in junior high school education are lower than those in normal families. According to the research of Population and Development Research Center of China Renmin University, after entering junior high school, the enrollment rate of left-behind children dropped significantly, and the enrollment rate of left-behind children aged 14 was only 88%.
2. Lack of comfort
According to a survey in a county in the western labor exporting province, 70% of parents go home less than three times a year, and some even go home every few years 1 time; Nearly 30% left-behind children talk and communicate with their parents less than 1 time per month. Due to the long-term absence of parents, the emotional needs of left-behind children can not be met, and their psychological problems can not be properly channeled, which greatly affects their physical and mental health, forming a hidden danger of personality distortion, leading to some children's bad behavior habits, which is easy to produce psychological imbalance, moral anomie, behavior out of control and even criminal tendencies. A survey in a southern coastal province shows that 19.6% of left-behind children feel inferior to others, 1 1.4% feel discriminated against and 9.5% feel abandoned. A survey in a northern province shows that the proportion of left-behind children in juvenile delinquency has reached as high as 20%.
3. Neglect of care
Guardianship responsibility is not implemented, guardians lack awareness of prevention, and children's protection ability is weak. Left-behind children in rural areas are vulnerable to accidental injuries and even become targets of criminals. Statistics from the public security department show that the first group of trafficked children is migrant children, and the second group is left-behind children.
Second, psychological problems.
Psychological problems are the most noteworthy problems for left-behind children in rural areas. Long-term single-parent guardianship or intergenerational guardianship, even others' guardianship and unsupervised guardianship, make left-behind children unable to get the care of their parents like other children, and parents can't always understand and grasp their children's psychological and ideological changes. This lack of affection makes children become withdrawn, depressed and even feel abandoned, which seriously affects the healthy development of children's psychology.
1, cowardly and introverted
Left-behind children leave their parents at a young age, and their parents are seriously lacking in care. Although some of them are supervised by grandparents or relatives and friends, they are different from their parents after all. When they encounter difficulties, they will feel weak and helpless, and over time they will become unwilling to communicate with others and introverted.
2, inferiority complex.
Most children have the psychology of keeping up with the joneses and a strong sense of pride. Without their parents, they seem to have lost their strong dependence and protection. Therefore, compared with some children with parents around them, they are prone to psychological barriers of inferiority, and some even give up on themselves, lose confidence and fail to make progress in their studies.
3. Loneliness and helplessness
Parents' going out makes their children feel empty and lonely at home, which leads to mental turmoil and depression.
4. Have the psychology of hating parents
A few children don't understand their parents, think that their families are poor and their parents are incapable, so they go out to work, which leads to resentment. Some children say that their parents are estranged from their parents after returning home, which leads to estrangement from their parents and even resentment towards their parents.
Types of left-behind children in cities
1, material satisfaction type
Try to satisfy the left-behind children economically and materially, and pay little attention to their spiritual needs. There are not a few parents who have such ideas and practices, especially parents whose children are self-monitoring. While giving money to children, it ignores their psychological needs, which is not good for their growth. Many left-behind children show poor self-restraint, selfishness, willfulness and ignorance, which are closely related to their parents' poor education methods.
2. I don't care.
Parents are not at home, probably because they are too busy with work or business to take care of their children at home or pay attention to contact and communication with them, which not only makes children feel their parents' love, indifference to their parents and lack confidence in themselves, but also has a negative impact on how children get along with others in society in the future.
3, care and love.
Parents who go out often call their children to communicate, encourage them to make progress, tell them what is going on outside, and take them out to travel in winter and summer vacations. Obviously, this kind of family education pays attention to children's material needs as well as their spiritual needs. We found that parents with higher education, better jobs and stable income usually pay more attention to the education of left-behind children, so that they can grow up healthily. But this kind of family education is still a minority.
Causes of Left-behind Children in Cities
1, parents go to school
In cities, some intellectual families have to leave their children temporarily because one of the husband and wife has gone to another city or country for further study.
2. Parents are attached to the countryside.
Some parents work in state organs and units, and because of work needs, they have to go to the countryside to work in grassroots units, ranging from half a year to two or three years.
3. Parents set up companies in different places or are sent to different companies.
These parents are more like nomadic tribes. They eat grass where there are aquatic plants and are unable to take care of their children at all. Some children have long been used to living without their parents.
4. Parents are busy at work
Most of these children were left behind. Because these parents have a lot of social activities, children can only see them coming back to sleep, mostly children of senior figures or leaders of the company. These children are on the verge of staying behind. What is happier than the left-behind children in cities in a strict sense is that once the children have something to do, their parents can quickly come and deal with it.
5. Children studying in different places
Parents want their children to receive better education and let them study in different places. These children are often fostered with relatives or live in different places by themselves. This is also a new form of staying behind. These parents have high expectations for their children.
6. Parents don't care enough about their children, only care about their own entertainment or work, and neglect their children. You don't accompany him, you don't pay attention to him, he doesn't feel your love, he feels as if he has been forgotten by you, staying alone in a small corner and feeling the loneliness in the world. In fact, such behavior of parents is a kind of cruel domestic violence. Although it doesn't work on the body, it works on the mind. Physical damage can be repaired, but mental damage is hard to make up. Compared with staying behind physically, this is actually a kind of spiritual staying behind.