In fact, I met a kind of parents who didn't have this kind of heartfelt caution. Even in my old age, even if I can't take care of myself, I still have a tough attitude. I gave birth to you and raised you, and you can only be good to me unconditionally. Put on airs in front of your parents. The only idea they instilled in their children since childhood is that I gave birth to you and you must be filial to me. And keep asking children for it in order to get a return.
No matter what the relationship is, people's feelings are mutual. If we use the concept of rationality to force sensibility, the warmth will probably decrease a lot.
This kind of parents, who want to ask for it, will be kind to filial children, but at the same time of filial piety, it will only make the children's hearts cool down day by day. Such parents' children are undoubtedly sad. If you meet unfilial offspring, the consequences may be unimaginable.
Parents who are self-aware and cautious will also be treated differently because of their children's different personalities.
As the saying goes, kindness and filial piety. Let affection connect parents and children. May all the children in the world be treated well, and may all the old people in the world feel safe.
Let affection fill the space that every parent and child accompany. Children don't have to make their parents cautious because of their old age, and parents don't have to be cautious in exchange for filial piety.
There is a neighbor upstairs in my house. The man surnamed Ma was a car driver before he retired. We all call him Master Ma. Master Ma has a son, whom we call Xiaoma, who lives in the building opposite us.
Master Ma's grandson was brought up by an old couple. As soon as the pony daughter-in-law disciplined the children, the grandson complained to his grandfather. So in the middle of the night, we often hear Master Ma standing on his balcony and swearing at his son's window: "You two are shameless …". The son and daughter-in-law dare not speak.
As long as I heard the pony's son crying upstairs, within a few minutes, Master Ma's scolding voice pierced the night sky.
Once I saw two people crying in the corridor with Master Ma's wife in their arms. Later, I learned that it was the old woman who beat her daughter-in-law. As a result, she was sent back in anger.
This was ten years ago, when Master Ma was in his sixties.
Master Ma asked his son to return his pension last month. Cary has more than ten thousand dollars. He asked his son to withdraw 5 thousand. Pony went to the ATM to get it, and the card was swallowed. Pony contacted the bank and the bank staff asked him to pick it up in a few days. After getting the card, the pony took 5000 yuan, leaving only a few dollars on the card.
Master Ma thinks it's wrong. With 5000, there should be more than 5000. He was afraid to ask his son, so he went to the bank with his old friend. They went to the bank to ask, and people hoped that all parties would come together. He had no choice but to bite the bullet and tell his son about it Later, the pony and the old horse went to the bank together and the problem was solved.
Master Ma, who used to scold his son easily, is now careful in front of his son. Why? When you get old, everything depends on your son and his face. This is the sorrow of the elderly.
This, I have a deep understanding!
My mother used to be a teacher. No matter where she is, she is strong!
I have a sister in the world and a younger brother in the world. In the sixties, at that time, every family was short of sons. I am five years older than my brother, and he basically grew up on my back! This seems understandable!
But my sister never needs to do any housework. Her most important task is to go to school! My strong mother, the only pet! Almost all the housework of the whole family falls on me! Not only do you have to do housework, but you are often beaten and scolded, so that you starve to death! Although I graduated from normal school,/kloc-joined the work at the age of 0/8, got married at the age of 20, gave birth to a daughter, divorced before the age of 22, and went to work in other places! But I met the best man in my life, my husband. He spoiled me as a queen and let me live a carefree life!
Talking about my unfortunate childhood, I really don't want to be nice to my mother anymore! But my husband often enlighten me: "What is the most precious person? This is life! Since she gave you the most precious life, she is the greatest person! We should respect her! " Therefore, although we live separately from our mother, we always go back to visit her, buy her things she likes and buy her money she likes!
And my sister, her favorite daughter, has never been married. When I was young, I traveled abroad every year. When I was about to retire, under the supervision and funding of my mother and I, I bought a house of more than 20 square meters near a small county in Chengdu. The money is running out! She has a bad temper and often loses her temper with her. She never dares to refute, but only complains to me! My brother has divorced, remarried and remarried several times in his life. Life is always very bad, and he often loses his temper with her, which makes her very sad!
Her father, who had been in a bad temper and let her make things difficult, suddenly fell ill and died more than ten years ago!
Now, my mother, an 80-year-old man, has become cautious in front of everyone! She seems to live in fear every day. ...
But in front of the children, the mother, who had never used her head to talk before, also learned to observe words and deeds and became cautious, as if she was worried that she would offend these children.
A few days ago, third brother took his mother to the hospital to take a CT picture of his knees. The results showed that the mother's left knee was "synovitis with effusion", and in addition, both knees degenerated.
During this time, my mother said that my knee hurts badly, and sometimes I can't sleep because of the pain. Moreover, I have used many drugs, both for internal and external use, but the effect is not good.
In fact, although my mother has had a better life than the people in the same village in recent years, she has various pains in her body.
Often say that chest tightness, dizziness, taking a lot of drugs are palliative, not permanent. Later, the second brother took his mother to have a general examination, and the results showed that blood sugar was high.
Doctors suggest eating as little sugar and foods with high sugar content as possible. But maybe there were too many bitter days in the past, and my mother was crazy about candy and especially liked it.
I don't know why, my mother's weight has also increased rapidly in recent years. It seems that every time I see her, I get fatter. Now the clothes she wears, the four "+"can't fit her figure.
In fact, we also know that my mother is so lonely that she can kill time at ordinary times, except for dancing in the square dance occasionally, that is, watching TV dramas.
When a person watches TV alone, he often kills time while eating snacks.
I remember last Spring Festival, we agreed to go back, but we didn't go back because of the epidemic. Mom called and asked, you're not coming back, are you?
Her mother was obviously disappointed and lonely when she heard that we couldn't go back, but she comforted us that whether we could come back or not would still have an impact on the epidemic.
I can hear that her heart is eager for us to go back, but no matter what excuses we make, she will go along with us and never want to force us to go back.
Just say that her knee hurts this time. When she found that some medicines were effective, but there was no such medicine in her hometown, she called us and asked us to buy it for her.
On the phone, she seemed afraid that we would refuse, so she explained it first, listed all the effects she heard, and told us that it would be effective if someone used it.
Finally, don't forget to ask us if this medicine is expensive. Don't buy it if it's too expensive.
Mother's salary card is not as high as the pension of formal retired workers, which is about 2560 yuan per month. Besides, the salary card is also in the hands of the third brother, and the mother should not have much money.
Mom usually buys some food and rice, and some human relations are inevitable. So although my mother has a salary card, she has no money.
This time my knee hurts, I bought a lot of medicine and looked at many remedies, and spent all my mother's only money.
My mother called me last night and my parents talked a lot. If I hadn't said I would hang up, she might have kept talking, and finally she was embarrassed to say the main purpose.
Mother asked on the phone: Sister, do you have any money? Give me 200 yuan.
At that moment, I felt very sad. She sent three children to college, and now she is embarrassed for 200 yuan. I know she doesn't want to talk to me. Besides knowing that my mother-in-law has cancer, we have been paying off debts for another reason: my mother is ashamed of my eldest daughter.
Because, among our five brothers and sisters, my mother sent my eldest brother, second brother and sister to college; Later, I raised funds to pay the down payment to my third brother and also paid the mortgage to my third brother.
Only I, in this family, get the least resources. However, I don't know if it is because of special fate. Only in front of me, my mother won't have so much pressure.
Therefore, when I heard my mother humbly beg me to give me 200 yuan, I was sad and suddenly felt satisfied with being needed.
Although I don't have much money on me, I have enough living expenses for the three of us every month, and the rest have been paid off. But I still took out 500 yuan from my living expenses and transferred it to her.
When my mother heard that I transferred 500 yuan to her, she was surprised and happy. However, she asked me with a little concern: you transferred so much money to me, don't you have to eat?
I said: I work outside, anyway, I will have some friends, so I can't be hungry.
Because of her personality, all her relatives don't think highly of her, including her uncles and aunts. Not to mention the relationship with grandma, it can be said that it is incompatible.
In fact, as children, we shouldn't say anything about our parents, but to be honest, we don't like our mothers either.
When I was a child, because my family was poor and tired of doing farm work, my mother would vent all these things that she could not change on us through abuse.
As long as there is something she doesn't like, she can give us a big scolding, and moreover, she is a name-calling person who turns over old scores. Even if we break a bowl, it's all wet in her eyes.
Therefore, we all grew up listening to mom's scolding. Of course, my mother is very harsh on our children, and even more rude to my father. I can hear her criticizing my father every three days.
To tell the truth, the person I admire most is my father. No matter how his mother scolded him, he silently endured it, and often taught us to respect our mother and said that her life was too hard before taking it out on us.
I remember once, I quarreled with my mother and made her cry. My mother complained to her father and asked him to take care of us.
When my father found out, he pulled me out of the room, loudly questioned why I contradicted my mother, and asked me to apologize to her, otherwise, he would beat me up.
This is the first time my parents have been so angry with me. Until now, I still remember my father scratching my hand.
Since then, in order to avoid being beaten, I really dare not talk back to my mother. When we grow up, although we learn to understand our mother, the shadow left by our childhood prevents us from getting close to our mother.
On the contrary, for our father, we are both afraid and respectful, hiding a feeling of wanting to get close to him but not daring to get close to him.
In fact, we also know that my mother is a good mother who is hardworking and knows how to keep a house. She just doesn't know how to express herself and how to love her children.
It can be said that she is wrong to treat people around her, as well as to treat her own children. The result became: I was miserable all my life, but I was defeated in the mouth and separated from my children.
Therefore, when I saw my mother paying the mortgage for my third brother with her salary card when she was old, the purpose was to prove that she was still useful. If her son needs himself, he will be kicked out by his son.
Because, although the mother has three sons, the eldest son and the second son have settled in other provinces, and only this third son is around.
Mother is a traditional old man. Even if she has money, she doesn't want to go to a nursing home. She wants to watch her son and her grandchildren go through this life.
Therefore, she put herself very low and humble. Sometimes, she doesn't even dare to speak loudly for fear of accidentally offending her son and daughter-in-law.
Now, because of my knee pain, my mother is more cautious than before, and even dare not call her brother.
Now, seeing the mother's change, this sentence: "The biggest sorrow of parents: when they get old, they become cautious in front of their children" is as real as it is tailored for their mothers.
At the same time, we also see that as children, we are negligent and unfilial to our mothers. It was we who caused psychological pressure on mother and made her lose herself.
The reason why I wrote down my feelings today is to arouse more people's introspection and let us all encourage and love your parents!
I think parents are cautious in front of their children for several reasons.
First, parents' thoughts are behind the times, and what they say has fallen behind the trend of the times. They are worried that their children will laugh at him, so they speak carefully.
I often see such a scene. During the Spring Festival, children talk loudly there, while parents huddle in the corner, watching their children, or quietly cleaning up the housework.
Second, parents' reaction has declined. When their children communicate with him, he is sometimes afraid that he can't keep up with the trip, and the children are in a hurry, so he speaks very carefully. Some parents deliberately say something fashionable to please their children, but the result is self-defeating.
Third, parents can't walk well. They need their children's help in many small things, but they don't want to give them any trouble.
My mother is. She has a bad stomach and can't eat cold food. Sometimes, she cooks for her. Maybe we don't have anything to eat, but it's colder when she eats, but she's too embarrassed to bother us to heat it for her again. After eating, her stomach felt sick. I have told her several times that we are too lazy to give her heat when it is cold, just don't want to disturb us.
Fourth, the elderly have the habit of thrift. Some old people's frugal habits are really out of date now, and they do it secretly for fear of being stopped by their children.
My mother-in-law did it once. She picked up some waste glass and put it in the hut. Once, when she was looking for something, she accidentally cut her aorta with glass, and blood gushed out immediately. Later, she went to the hospital for emergency treatment and was safe and sound.
In addition, some children are inconsiderate of their parents, and even worse. Don't let your parents talk. When we say filial piety, we should not only give them food, clothing, shelter and transportation, but also care for them and make them happy in their old age.
The above is the reason why parents are cautious in front of their children. Dear readers, do you have anything to add?
I don't know why. My parents really feel very cautious in front of me. Once I remember to send my parents to the railway station. I had an appointment with my parents to go out at five o'clock in the evening. I was busy at work at that time, so I left a little late. I arrived at my parents' house at 5: 20. My father and my mother were waiting for me by the roadside for a long time. I told my parents that it's already late winter when you've been out for such a long time. It's so cold, why don't you wait for me in the house? Mom and dad said carefully, it's not that I'm afraid you're busy at work. I'll wait for you on the side of the road, and you didn't call. After listening to my parents' words, I felt bitter and a little far away from my parents. Yes, when I was a child, I didn't get up, and my parents spanked me gently. When I was a child, I was naughty and got into trouble, and my parents spanked me. But now my parents and I really respect each other and treat me as an outsider. What I want to say in my heart is mom and dad. Although I have grown up, I am still your child, and I am still me when I was a child. So there is no need to have the fear of disturbing children.
I am particularly sad to see this problem. This phenomenon does exist and is everywhere around me. Not to mention those elderly people who have no income, even parents who have retirement wages may have this situation when they are old.
Let's start with my grandfather. After he retired, his salary was about 20 thousand, which was not bad in our fourth-tier cities, but every time he went back to his grandmother's house, he saw his grandfather's face.
My aunt is an ordinary worker with no ability to work, but she is extremely tough. My aunt was weak from childhood and became a typical hen-pecked husband after marriage. Grandparents are simple and gentle by nature, and over time, my aunt has become a veritable king in the family. At home all day, grandpa is not only responsible for the family's food, clothing, housing and transportation, but also buys food and cooks. My aunt dances square dance in her spare time, and also gathers people to chat with gossip parents!
On the contrary, my grandmother is illiterate, let alone working. She has been farming in her hometown all her life, and when she is old, she will do nothing, and my uncle will plant it. She * * * has three sons, my father and my second uncle are the best in their industry, but grandma scolds whenever she sees something that is not pleasing to the eye, and goes straight to the broom if she doesn't obey, and all three sons are silent! Say hello with a smile and listen to her reprimand!
I feel that the first thing to look at here is my son's attitude. Of course, my daughter-in-law is good, and my son won't fall into that situation even if he doesn't care about the elderly. There is a saying in our country that raising children to prevent old age. When you get old, you will have fear, and you will be afraid that your children will abandon them. Even if he was once brilliant, there will be a sadness and helplessness when the hero dies. After all, no matter how proud his heart is, his physical condition has to be compromised.
However, most of the elderly at home don't have to look at their children's faces. Most of them are very filial, and they can respect and care for the elderly on weekdays, so that the elderly have enough sense of security. Of course, there are also some old people with good income and domineering personality. They have never been afraid of anyone in their lives! But my grandmother is worse! It belongs to people who have no money but their children are unfilial and would rather starve to death than condescend to look at others' faces. Fortunately, all her children are extremely filial. )
Therefore, children, regardless of whether their parents have income or not, please give them a dignified old age!
Not only carefully, but also look at my face. This is really a sad topic, but it is true that many parents will do the same when they are old.
Some time ago, at my parents' house, my mother took out their newly bought kidney beans, which were full of big particles and bright, obviously picked from coarse to fine.
It is said that I have collected more than 30 kilograms of beans this year, and all my neighbors have sent them. Give the remaining ten kilograms to me and my brother, five kilograms each. My brother and I looked at each other and I said, "Mom, does it take time to make this thing?" You see, we are all in such a hurry at work that we have no time to make this thing. Besides, if you want to cook, you won't cook a little. Nobody eats! I don't want it. Give it away if you can't finish it! "
My old lady obviously hung up a little and said, "Try this hard-planted plant!" " . My brother also insisted not to. Suddenly I saw my father winking at me, and suddenly I understood something. Say it quickly, or I'll get some porridge in the morning.
After listening to my words, she seems to feel much better. Then we moved out all kinds of fruits and vegetables planted in the field and stuffed the trunk full.
In order to farm, my brother and I have quarreled with our parents. Over seventy years old, we still go to serve those fields, fetching water and fertilizing every day, and the conditions at home don't need them to work so hard anymore, just going in one ear and out the other.
With a bag of kidney beans in my hand, I suddenly realized that they went to farm to prove that they were still useful people, rather than sitting at home eating and waiting for the elderly. This is to prove their value.
I don't know since when they can't force me to listen to them and do things I don't like, just like when I was a child. Even being nice to me has become cautious, for fear of upsetting me.
My parents were my pillars when I was young. When I am old, when I go out to the hospital to take the subway, I will call in advance to discuss with me: "Are you free these two days?" Your mother is going to see an electrocardiogram and go to a big hospital. I heard I have to make an appointment. Can you help me? "But this time, I later found out that my parents went to the hospital and never called me again.
Asked my brother privately, he said, "My dad forced me to teach him to register with his mobile phone. He learned it after practicing twice, and now he has done it. " Sister, if you are free, take my parents to take the subway and take the high-speed rail twice, or I won't take it next time! "
Because of this, my father learned to use a smart phone, but my mother can't. When we go out, either my father will accompany us or our brother and sister will take us out. When she went out, she was very careful and followed me step by step, just like when I went out with her when I was a child, clutching her skirts tightly and afraid to let go.
I don't know when it started, when I was a child, my superman parents stopped being omnipotent and began to rely on me, becoming cautious and afraid that I would be unhappy.
When my parents were 65 years old, they insisted on living separately from my brother. My brother was angry for a long time: "This house is not enough for you to live in. Why live separately? " You are my only son. What will my neighbors think of me? "
My parents insisted on separation. I went to do ideological work, and my father said, "We are the work and rest of the elderly. We go to bed at eight in the evening and get up at four in the morning. They all go to bed at eleven or twelve and get up at seven or eight in the morning, which affects each other. Except diet, our food is soft and they don't like it. Also, we have our living habits, and the habit of not littering in the countryside will inevitably make the home very messy and they will be disgusted. "
I told these words to my brother. He pondered for a long time, sighed and said, "Sister, I don't know when I started to blurt out some disgusting words, but I rely on my son and my family. If I talk too much, they won't care about me. It turned out that I had harmed them. "
"I have taught you so many times, why can't you!"
"Why can't such a small thing be done well?"
"How many times have I told you that you don't know how to change it?"
Some of these words were said by our parents when we were young, but by their age, it seems that everything has been returned.
Two people choose to live alone, probably because they want a small circle to breathe their own air freely.
They are old, but they never forget to love us.
If one day they find themselves looking at their children's faces seriously, they will also look at their demeanor when they speak, and they will become silent when they lose their temper, so please be kind to them.
Be patient, care more, and give them some dependence and help, just like your children.
We will stay with our parents until we die.
PS: After writing these details, I burst into tears.
I feel the same way. My parents are over 50 years old. It seems that all of a sudden, my parents have become different. I feel that a place has collapsed and there is a sense of emptiness. With emotion, I can't help asking myself whether I don't care enough about my parents, whether I don't tolerate them enough, whether I am too harsh and indifferent to my parents sometimes, and make their hearts wander like rootless duckweeds in this lonely world.
The cost of growth is always heavy. People are the most cruel to those who are close, because they are too close to see each other's advantages. —— Professor Chen Guo of Fudan University
When I was young, my father's love was like a mountain, and my mother's love was like the sea, caring for our growth step by step. At that time, my father was a hero and omnipotent in our eyes, while my mother was like a bonfire in the cold winter, warming our lives. At that time, my parents stood up straight and always had a smile on their faces, and they were full of beautiful expectations for the future, for the family and for us.
Silent years, sneaking around in the context of the four seasons, there is always a quiet power. Time has passed and my face is getting old. Unconsciously, my parents are white-haired and stumbling, and their words have lost the sonority of their youth and become soft and soft. Even if my parents have quarrels, I try to suppress my emotions under the same roof as my children, for fear of disturbing everyone's peace.
In fact, everyone knows in their hearts that the more they face their closest relatives, the easier it is to show their fierce and ugly side unscrupulously, because you know that they will tolerate you, and you just regard them as a trash can for your bad mood, and you are not responsible.
I've had moments when I can't control my emotions. I yelled at my parents, complaining. After venting, I deeply blamed myself and couldn't extricate myself. Perhaps everyone has his own shortcomings in personality, and he clearly knows that it is the forbidden area of the soul. The dark savage forest, like the twin brothers of ego and non-ego, will always win and prevail.
I still remember the darkness during that time. After quarreling with my father, we sat at one side of the table and talked openly all afternoon. Speaking of his rough life, my father cried, and speaking of my distress, I also cried. Said a lot, I only remember that the afternoon light was dark and a little cold.
After many quarrels, my father gradually became silent. After all, he has to live with our young people. Secular entanglement made him bend over and become less firm and aloof. And I also blame myself in confession. Why does it always take a while for people to understand? Maybe some regrets can make us grow faster, but the cost of this growth seems too heavy.
Tolerance and care are the best healing drugs. My parents are ordinary people in the vast sea of people, not thinkers or educators, just simple children in their parents' eyes and ordinary parents in their children's eyes. They give us fertile ground for growth in the best way they think, irrigate us diligently, give us care, give us warmth and give us a sense of security, which is the most reliable backbone on our growth path.
Over time, not only their faces, but also their desolate hearts are getting old, just like a tree in heaven, which has experienced wind and rain, leaving only dead branches. Although it is no longer flourishing, it still stands stubbornly between heaven and earth.
They also have spiritual desires, hoping to get our attention, which we always ignore or fail to take seriously. Parents want to be closer to our hearts and not become so distant. They don't want the gap between the two generations. Sometimes parents try their best to fill that gap, but we build a wall on the side and get into our own corner, feeling sad and happy alone.
Parents actually want to know how we really feel in our hearts. We always report good news instead of bad news, telling white lies, but distancing ourselves from our parents.
After all, two generations are two generations, and there are always differences in living habits and three views of life, which is also the root of all contradictions. Think of our rebellious youth when we were young, and our parents also bear the burden of incomprehension in our eyes, which contains all our youth and ignorance. But when they are old, why can't we tolerate them?
It is indeed a sad and sad thing that parents are cautious in front of us. We should let ourselves grow. Maybe we should give them more tolerance and care, more kindness and compassion, less indifference and harshness, light up their hearts with smiles and gratitude, so that they will not be disappointed for the rest of their lives and let us feel that the future is beautiful and worth looking forward to!