First of all, we should summarize the narrative around the argument to prevent the narrative process from being lengthy.
The materials in reality are often complicated and scattered, and the factual arguments in argumentative papers should be summarized around the arguments, so as to get rid of clutter and prevent verbosity.
The following is a short clip with the argument of "persistence in achieving success", pointing out some shortcomings in narrative cases.
Example 1. There is a little boy, whose grades from primary school to high school are very poor, and he doesn't listen to lectures very much. At school, he was not good at any subject, and the teacher didn't like it. He is often punished by the teacher for not finishing his homework. Even his mother began to wonder if her precious son was a little silly and gave up hope. But such a person still has something to console himself with-painting. But it is this skill that he is proud of, but it is not recognized by people, so that all the works he provided to the publishing house were returned without exception. But he just won't give up, and he still works hard with his persistent brush, which is bound to achieve something. So decades passed, and this once "desperate" child finally succeeded. For decades, his cartoon image has swept the world, and he is like charles schulz, Snoopy's father. (Narrating a story) He has no extraordinary wisdom and mind, nor rich knowledge and experience. His success depends on the spirit of persistence, which makes him never stop after failure, makes him turn a blind eye to ridicule and contempt, and it is persistence that turns him from an outcast of fate to a proud son of the times. -the fragment of "persistence"
Analysis: The viewpoint is "persistence". Therefore, when telling the story of Charles, we should highlight the rise and persistence again and again after the failure in painting. As for the academic performance of all subjects from primary school to high school, don't write it.
Review: Example 2: Just as my thoughts were flying, a little boy obsessed with his desk caught my attention. Obsessed with painting, he sent his beloved paintings to the publishing house again and again, but they were returned again and again, so that many people and even his parents thought that he had no talent for painting at all. But he just won't give up, and he still works hard with his persistent brush, which is bound to achieve something. So decades passed, and this once "desperate" child finally succeeded. The cartoon image he created has been popular all over the world for decades. He is like Snoopy's father Charles (delete the story about studying at school).
Second, we should always stick to the theme and prevent the concept from being stolen and digressing.
This phenomenon often happens when students use materials. When quoting at the beginning, the material can also focus on the topic and stick to the argument. However, in the process of quoting, the concept of stealing appeared unconsciously, which drifted away from the argument and even digressed from Wan Li.
Read the following paragraph, point out its argument, analyze the reasons why the examples can't closely follow the argument, and make corrections.
Example 3: Persistence is victory. Remember that Su Wu who herded sheep in Beihai? In the face of the temptation of Xiongnu wealth, he was not tempted; Facing the exile of Xiongnu, he was not afraid; He firmly adhered to his belief: pledging allegiance to the Han Dynasty. Although the environment in Beihai is bad, he is never afraid, although he often can't eat. Without food, he ate grass roots-nineteen years later, he finally returned to Chang 'an. Imagine how many times you can give up in the long 19 years. If Su Wu really gives up, I wonder how much the whole history of the big fellow will be inferior.
Analysis: The argument in the article is "persistence is victory", but in the process of describing examples, it is said that in the face of inducements, this is actually a firm position, not persistence; Not afraid in the face of exile, this is courage, nor persistence; The article directly pointed out that "we firmly believe in ourselves" and did not talk about persistence; Give up twice in the end, but don't talk about persistence. It can be seen that when citing Su Wu's example, the author did not distinguish between persistence and persistence, changed the concept, went further and further, and finally led to digression.
Revision: Example 4 Persistence is victory. On the desolate and bitter shore of the North Sea, Su Wu did not waver at all. After eating the food, he ate the felt. When the felt is ready, he eats grass roots. Counting the return date day by day, he grew old year by year, but he always stuck to the festival and turned his heart to his hometown. Nineteen years later, I finally fulfilled my mission and returned to the big man to shine in the future. Imagine, how many times can you give up opportunities in the long 19 years? If Su Wu no longer insists, I don't know how much the whole big fellow history will be inferior.
Third, we should analyze the arguments in depth to prevent literal repetition and labeling.
In order to make good use of the factual materials in argumentative writing, we must carefully analyze the argument and have a comprehensive and in-depth understanding of the connotation of the argument, so as to process and refine the original factual materials in a targeted manner and make the factual materials serve the argument better. But this phenomenon often appears in composition training. Because the students did not carefully analyze the arguments and could not fully understand the connotation of factual arguments, they failed to organically integrate arguments and arguments when describing examples, but only marked and repeated arguments word by word.
It is also an argumentative paper, and the argument is that "persistence is victory". Read this article, analyze the mistakes in citing examples and correct them.
Example 5: Persistence is victory. Because of persistence, 90-year-old Yugong can finally touch the world; Because of persistence, Gou Jian eventually became immortal; Because of persistence, Wang Xizhi eventually became a generation of famous artists; Because of persistence, the Red Army can span 25,000 miles and usher in the dawn of victory. It can be seen that they succeeded because they firmly grasped the stepping stone to success and insisted on letting them succeed in the end.
Analysis: The argument is "persistence is victory", so the author gives three examples about persistence: Yugong, Gou Jian and the Red Army. However, when quoting three examples, the author just appeared blindly because he insisted on the ultimately successful tagged language, and did not describe how they finally succeeded through persistence, so that the relationship between arguments and arguments was oily from beginning to end.
Review: Example 6: Persistence is victory. Because of persistence, 90-year-old Gong Yu vowed to dig mountains with her children and grandchildren every day, and finally touched the world, and there was no monopoly in Nanhanyin, Hebei; Gou Jian, the King of Yue, was born together for ten years, educated together for ten years and worked hard for twenty years, and finally destroyed Wu. Because of his persistence, Wang Xizhi began to practice calligraphy without interruption, so that the pond where he washed his pen turned black and a generation of famous artists was born. Because of persistence, the Red Army soldiers climbed the snow-capped mountains and crossed the grassland and never rested. You went behind my back and I helped you. They crossed 25 thousand Li step by step and ushered in the dawn of victory. It can be seen that they succeeded because they firmly grasped the stepping stone to success and insisted on letting them succeed in the end.
Follow-up exercises: Modesty is not only a personal quality, but also a national spirit, which will make the country prosperous and determine the height of the country in the history of world civilization. Take this as an argument, choose appropriate materials and write an argumentative essay of 200 to 300 words.
Special note: when describing the facts, we should fully embody the "three essentials and three defenses", so as to closely follow the argument, briefly describe it and put an end to labeling.
Modesty is not only a personal quality, but also a national spirit, which will make the country prosperous and determine the height of the country in the history of world civilization. The Great Qing Dynasty was not modest, but only knew how to strengthen internal rule, blindly suppress ordinary people and set up literary inquisitions. In this way, the people's enthusiasm for developing production has been greatly damaged, but the ruling class still claims to be rich and strong. However, at this time, the industrial revolution in the western world is in full swing, and it has jumped to the forefront of the world, and we are behind the times. (Unsuccessful student exercises)
Analysis: Daxing Literary Prison only illustrates the strengthening of centralization, but does not reflect that rulers are proud of what they have done, while the industrial revolution in the western world is in full swing, which only describes a state of development and does not mention how to be modest.
Correct answer: Modesty is not only a personal quality, but also a national spirit, which will make the country prosperous and determine the height of the country in the history of world civilization. The Qing dynasty, which was proud of its prosperous times, turned to 17 and 18 centuries, and even arrogantly and naively thought that all the land in the world, Britain and France, were wild places; China is a big country, with men plowing and women weaving, rich in things and rich in people, so there is no need to trade with barbarians; Contrary to the absurd arrogance and intoxication of the Great Qing Dynasty, an open-minded and practical wind blew up from top to bottom in the western world. Peter I disguised himself three times and went to a shipyard in western Europe to learn new technology. Napoleon invited the winemaker to the palace to listen to the invention and production process of new wine with other ministers. So the poor oriental giant was squeezed down from the tower of world civilization by the rapidly growing western powers before he opened his eyes. Since then, I have never recovered, only looking at the lofty western culture and sighing.