In life, our self-feeling will actually have an inseparable impact on our society. Self-feeling often deviates from the actual situation, such as spotlight effect and transparent illusion. Because we are always self-centered and more sensitive to our emotional feelings. Therefore, we often overestimate the attention of others and overestimate the exposure of our inner state. In fact, many times, people will not notice that you have changed the pattern of your clothes or obviously find you nervous, so you don't have to worry about your social mistakes.
Similarly, there is the influence of social environment on self-awareness (when you go to other provinces, you may feel more strongly that you are from Guangdong); Social judgment with self-service color (quarreling with her husband is her husband's problem, but the relationship is not bad because of her own efforts); Social behavior inspired by self-care (caring about appearance makes us make a lot of efforts); Social relations help us define ourselves (in front of our lover, we are relaxed, gentle and considerate, but in front of our subordinates, we are strict).
Our thoughts and feelings will affect our interpretation and memory of events and our reaction to others.
So how do we know ourselves? How accurately do we know ourselves?
"What we are" and "What we will be" (possible selves) constitute the self-concept and the special beliefs that define ourselves. These are our self-schemas.
Schema is the psychological template for us to organize our own world.
Self-schema can help us classify and extract experiences. For example, being a psychiatrist is part of my self-schema, so I will pay more attention to other people's psychology.
Both genes and social experience have great influence on our self-concept, among which social experience includes social roles, social comparison, evaluation of others and surrounding culture.
We often say that life is like a stage, and everyone plays a different role. Yes, we will play students, children, partners, parents, leaders and so on. In our life, every character will begin to have self-awareness when we play. How we look at and evaluate these roles will gradually make some behaviors to verify our words, and the roles will become facts.
"If you want to be sad, compare with others", although comparison will bring trouble. But most of our lives do revolve around social comparison, which actually helps us understand ourselves and causes us to think about why we are different. When we judge others, we are comparing ourselves with others. At the same time, we will know ourselves (mirror ourselves) according to what we think others think of us. And the surrounding culture will also have a great impact on our self-concept, because in addition to personal characteristics (I am tall), our self-concept also has social identity (I am a producer of * * *).
Socrates said "know yourself", and I have been trying to see myself clearly. Many people may scoff at this. Who are we and what do we want? Don't we know ourselves?
But many times, we think we know, but our inner information is often wrong. When the reasons are slightly subtle, our self-explanation is often wrong. We will ignore some important factors and exaggerate some irrelevant factors.
For example, how many people admit that media advertisements have an impact on themselves; For example, sometimes we feel that the mood will be worse on Monday, but it is not.
In fact, I don't know why I am so sad-merchant of Venice, Shakespeare.
Similarly, we often make mistakes in predicting our behavior. Do you always miscalculate the time when you have to finish something (planning fallacy)? Do you always feel that you can keep fit?
Maybe you will find that behavior is sometimes difficult to control. So how do we feel? In fact, we often make mistakes in predicting our feelings. For example, do we feel a disaster? We are more saddened by the death of 65,438+0,000 people than by the death of 40 people. However, the fact is almost the same. On the contrary, when we see the photos of those victims, we feel even sadder.
We often overestimate the lasting impact of emotional events, especially after negative events. That's because we often ignore the speed and intensity of our psychological immune system (immune neglect phenomenon). We are actually very resilient. For example, after breaking up for a while, do we feel that we can't live any longer? However, after a while, your world didn't stop because of who was missing.
These are all interesting flaws in our self-knowledge.
Next, let's look at self-esteem.
Self-esteem is children's overall cognition of self-worth, which affects how we evaluate our own characteristics and abilities.
The motivation of self-esteem will also affect our cognitive process. Generally speaking, high self-esteem is better than low self-esteem, but once threatened by social exclusion, it may be very aggressive, so many social destroyers are people with high self-esteem.
Due to the deviation of self-service (individuals tend to feel themselves in a way that is beneficial to them), people always complain when they fail and enjoy the honor when they succeed. Attribution of self-service is one of people's biggest prejudices.
As mentioned in the first example, in the relationship between husband and wife, we often feel that we have done too much. This is the ubiquitous self-help deviation. "The total evaluation of members' contributions to the same work always exceeds 100%.
There is also blind optimism, such as luck, and I always believe that I can survive without taking adequate protective measures.
There was a saying in the online buzzword before, "I just turned over the mistakes made by men all over the world." In fact, this is a false universal effect. In contrast, this is a false and unique effect, which often happens when we do very well.
It sounds like self-help deviation is a bad thing, but we will blame others for not getting what we got and feel cheated. Actually, it's not all. Self-help deviation can help us reduce depression and relieve stress. This is its adaptability.